Welcome New Subscribers
Anyone without a sense of humor is at the mercy
of the rest of us. Heaven Help Them
Remember
It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser.

The old west was full of cowboys who were good cow-ordinators. They had
consider-a-bull talent, though sometimes they would stirrup trouble.
Sometimes they took hay to bed in order to feed their night mares. One
cowboy reached for his gun and drew a blank. Eventually they would go
off to a rodeo to try and get a few bucks.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I still think it was a good idea
to do the study, but the results
weren't what I'd hoped: Happy Meals
are a poor substitute for Prozac.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Women in the workplace, we still have big strides. Girlfriend of mine just got a new job. First question the new boss asked her was if she could make a good cup of coffee. She stormed right out of that Starbucks.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The attorney of I B Idot, in California, filed a lawsuit
against the "Sure" deoderant brand yesterday. The lawsuit
alleges that incorrect warning labels and instructions led  
to extreme embarrasment and discomfort on the part of his client.
In an interview with the press, the so called victim said,
"The instructions on their deodorant were very misleading.
I followed the instructions on a stick of deodorant to the letter:
'Take Off Top, Push Up Bottom', and was left semi-naked in some not
inconsiderable pain. And it didn't help my perspiring."

While the manufacturers responded to a letter of apology,
and then attempted to clarify matters, the victim said,
"Now I understand my error, but it's time that the writers of these
instructions take responsibility for the resulting actions.
The slogan on the front  - 'Sure Wont Let You Down', was correct,
I was unable to sit down all morning."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Smiths were dining out when his wife noticed a
familiar face at the bar.
"Honey," she said as she pointed the guy out, "that guy
at the bar has been drinking heavily like that since I
left him seven years ago."
Her husband said,
"That's silly, no one celebrates that much!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A young man was in love with two women and could not decide which of
them to marry. Finally he went to a marriage counselor. When asked to
describe his two loves, he noted that one was a great poet and the other
made delicious pancakes.. "Oh" said the counselor, "I see what the
problem is. You can't decide whether to marry for batter or verse."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
An American tourist in London decides to skip his tour group and explore
the city on his own. He wanders around, seeing the sights, and occasionally
stopping at a quaint pub to soak up the local culture, chat with the lads,
and have a pint of Guinness.
After a while, he finds himself in a very high class neighborhood -
big,stately residences, no pubs, no stores, no restaurants, and worst of
all ...NO PUBLIC TOILETS!
He really, really had to go, after all those Guinnesses. He finally finds
a narrow side street, with high walls surrounding the adjacent
Buildings and decides to use the wall to solve his problem.
As he is unzipping, he is tapped on the shoulder by a London Bobby, who
says, "I say, sir, you simply cannot do that here, you know."
"I'm very sorry, officer," replies the American, "but I really,
really HAVE TO GO, and I just can't find a public toilet."
"Ah, yes," said the Bobbie . "Just follow me". He leads him to a
back "delivery alley", then along a wall to a gate, which he opens."In
there,"points the Bobbie. "Whiz away, sir, anywhere you want."
The fellow enters and finds himself in the most beautiful garden he has
ever seen. Manicured grass lawns, statuary, fountains, sculptured
hedges, and huge beds of gorgeous flowers, all in perfect bloom. Since
he has the cop's blessing, he unburdens himself and is greatly relieved.
As he goes back through the gate, he says to the Bobby, "That was really
decent of you ... is that what you call "British hospitality?"
"No sir," the Bobby replied. "It's what we call 'The French Embassy'."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Paddy was in New York and he was patiently waiting and watching the traffic
cop on a busy street crossing.
The cop stopped the flow of motor traffic and shouted, "Okay pedestrians!"
Then he'd allow the pedestrians to cross the street.  He'd done this several
times, and Paddy still stood there on the sidewalk.
After the cop had shouted 'pedestrians' for the tenth time, Paddy went out
to him and said, "Is it not about time ye let some Catholics across?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
NEW YEARS RESOLUTIONS YOU CAN KEEP

Are you sick of making the same resolutions year after year that you
never keep? Why not promise to do something you can actually accomplish?
Here are some solutions that you can use as a starting point:

~ Gain weight. At least 30 pounds.
~ Stop exercising. Waste of time.
~ Read less. Makes you think.
~ Watch more TV. I've been missing some good stuff.
~ Procrastinate more. Starting tomorrow.
~ Spend more time at work, surfing the web.
~ Take a vacation to someplace important, like to see the world's
largest ball of twine.
~ Don't jump off a cliff just because everyone else did.
~ Stop bringing lunch from home--eat out more.
~ Don't have eight children at once.
~ Get in a whole NEW rut! ~ Start being superstitious.
~ Personal goal: Don't bring back disco.
~ Buy an '83 Eldorado and invest in a really loud stereo system. Get the
windows tinted. Buy some fur for the dash.
~ Speak in a monotone voice and only use monosyllabic words.
~ Only wear jeans that are 2 sizes too small and use a chain or rope for
a  belt.
~ Spend my summer vacation in cyberspace.
~ Don't eat cloned meat.
~ Create loose ends.
~ Get more toys.
~ Get further in debt.
~ Break at least one traffic law.
~ Don't drive a motorized vehicle across thin ice.
~ Don't swim with piranhas or sharks.
~ Spread out priorities beyond the ability to keep track of them.
~ Wait for opportunity to knock.
~ Focus on the faults of others.
~ Mope about your own faults.
~ Never make New Year's resolutions again.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Christine~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"What is that?" my children exclaimed when they went into the garage.
My
husband had bought a piece of foam core board used to insulate
the house
with by nailing to the studs before you put on the siding. I said,
"It's
sheathing." "What??" came the reply from my son, Sam. "It's
SHEEE-THING," I enunciated. Sam looked at his brother and said rather
dismayed, "Oh, it's for girls."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Over the weekend Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger had a little  
motor cycle accident. Luckily he is fine but wound up with  
15 stitches in his lip. You thought he was hard to understand  
before." --Jay Leno   
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Billy had reached school age. His mother managed with a blast of propaganda to make him enthusiastic about the idea. She bought him lots of new clothes, told him of the new friends he'd meet, and so on. When the first day came, Billy eagerly went off and came back home with a lot of glowing reports about school. The next morning when his mother woke him up, he asked, "What for?" She told him it was time to get ready for school. "What?" he asked. "Again?"
 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A Bedouin wandering in the Sahara happened upon an American  
dressed in a bathing suit, flip-flops, a big, over-sized  
t-shirt and sunglasses.  

The Bedouin gazed at him in amazement, "What are you doing  
all the way out here dressed like that!?"  

"I'm going swimming," the tourist explained.  

"But the ocean is five hundred miles away," the Arab informed  
him.  

"five hundred miles!" the American exclaimed with a whistle  
of appreciation. "Boy, what a beach!"  

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**** HEALTH NEWS ****

A slip on the ice can be tough on the ankles  
  
Most people don't often realize, warned Dairman, that  
sprains and fractures often occur at the same time and a  
bad sprain can mask a fracture. "Just because you can walk  
on your ankle or foot after a fall doesn't mean you don't  
have a fracture."  

Dairman advises "anyone who falls and has a great deal of  
swelling, bruising, and difficulty with walking to seek  
medical attention," to prevent further damage that can pro-  
long recovery.  

If that's not possible, it's best to follow the RICE  
strategy -- an acronym for Rest, Ice, Compression, and  
Elevation.  

"Rest it immediately after the injury; apply ice to it,  
20 minutes on 20 minutes off; apply compression, usually  
with an ACE wrap; and elevate it above heart level or at  
least above the hip to reduce swelling," Dairman explained.  

"Sometimes a P is added to it to make it PRICE therapy,  
which is protection in the form of a cast or splint," he  
added.  

Never soak the injured ankle or foot in warm water, Dairman  
stressed. "That's absolutely the wrong thing to do because  
that will increase the swelling, increase the pain, and pro-  
long the injury," he said.  

According to the ACFAS website -- FootPhysicians.com --  
symptoms of ankle sprains and fractures overlap, but, in  
contrast to sprains, fractures are associated with pain at  
the site of the fracture that can extend from the foot to  
the knee. Also fractures often involve significant swelling,  
blisters over the fracture site, and bruising soon after  
the injury.  

A fracture is obvious if bone protrudes through the skin,  
which is a sign of a compound fracture. This requires  
immediate attention.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   

Acrylamide not seen to affect colon cancer risk  

NEW YORK  - The media gave a lot of space last year to the  
possible cancer risk posed by high levels of acrylamide in  
cooked and especially fried snacks like potato chips,  
pretzels and popcorn. However, a new study has found that  
dietary intake of acrylamide does not appear to be asso-  
ciated with colorectal cancer in women "There has been  
considerable discourse about whether exposure to acrylamide  
in foods could increase the risk of human cancer," Dr.  
Lorelei A. Mucci, of Harvard Medical School, Boston, and  
colleagues write in the International Journal of Cancer.  
"Acrylamide is classified as a probable human carcinogen,  
and animal studies have demonstrated an increased incidence  
 of tumors in rats exposed to very high levels."  

The researchers examined the association between acrylamide  
in food and the risk of colon and rectal cancers using data  
from the Swedish Mammography Cohort, which included 61,467  
women enrolled between 1987 and 1990. It's the first large,  
forward-looking study to investigate this relationship.  

A total of 504 cases of colon cancer and 237 cases of rectal  
cancer occurred during follow-up through 2003.  

The subjects' average intake of acrylamide through diet was  
24.6 micrograms per day. The greatest contributors of dietary  
acrylamide were coffee (44 percent), fried potato products  
(16 percent), crisp bread (15 percent), and other breads (12  
percent).  

No association was observed between acrylamide intake and  
the risk of colorectal cancer. Comparing the highest and the  
lowest intake of acrylamide, the risk for any form of colo-  
rectal cancer varied by no more than 10 percent, Mucci's  
team reports.  

"In light of the null findings of this and other research,  
an important question is why the epidemiologic data on  
dietary acrylamide thus far seem to contradict data from  
animal experiments and risk assessment models," they add.  

Although no single study can provide the final answer on  
the effects of acrylamide, the researchers point out, this  
and other studies "suggest that acrylamide intake in the  
amounts taken in through the diet do not increase the risk  
of colorectal cancer." 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  

Biofeedback cuts urine leak after prostate surgery  

NEW YORK - For men undergoing prostate removal for pros-  
tate cancer, biofeedback training before the surgery re-  
duces the duration and severity of urinary incontinence  
after the procedure, according to a report in The Journal  
of Urology. Behavioral training has been shown to decrease  
incontinence that persists following prostate surgery,  
the authors explain, suggesting that training before sur-  
gery might also be effective.  

Dr. Kathryn L. Burgio and colleagues from the University of  
Alabama at Birmingham evaluated the effectiveness of pre-op  
biofeedback to hasten the recovery of urinary control,  
decrease the severity of incontinence, and improve the  
quality of life in the 6 months following prostate removal.  

The intervention consisted of one session of biofeedback-  
assisted behavioral training, in which men learned bladder  
muscle control and received instructions for muscle exer-  
cises. A rectal balloon probe measured and provided  
immediate visual feedback of rectal pressure and bladder  
muscle control.  

Of the 51 men in the biofeedback group, 70 percent reported  
that they were still doing the exercises they learned pre-  
operatively at the 6-month follow-up.  

The time taken to achieve continence in the biofeedback-  
training group hovered around 3.5 months, the investigators  
report. On the other hand, fewer than half of the 51 men in  
the comparison group achieved continence by the 6-month  
follow-up.  

At 6 months, men in the biofeedback group reported an  
average of 73 days with no leakage, compared with 54 days  
reported by men in the comparison group.  

Severe or continual leakage was still present in nearly  
20 percent of comparison subjects at the 6-month mark,  
the researchers note, compared to 6 percent of those in  
the biofeedback group.  

"The training effect might have been greater had we used  
more intensive preoperative training or resumed interven-  
tion after surgery with a more regular program of  
postoperative visits to further optimize outcomes," the  
team suggests.
~  

**** ON THIS DAY ****

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Thoughts or Comments
jokes or stories
U Send'em and I'll print'em
Just keep it clean.A lota kids read this
jim4615@earthlink.net
Subject Line--- The Funnies
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**** COUNTRY CALANDER ****
1923 Fiddler Curly Ray Cline born Ray Cline in Baisden, W.Va.  
  
1989 Sony Music purchased Tree Publishing Company for $40  
million  
  
1969 Glen Campbell's Hey, Little One album certified gold  
  
1991 Clint Black joined the Grand Ole Opry  
  
1981 Linda Ronstadt and Rex Smith opened on Broadway in the  
"Pirates of Penzance"  
  
1995 The Kentucky HeadHunters' debut album, Pickin' on  
Nashville, certified double platinum  

1997 The Patsy Cline Story album certified platinum  

1997 Wynonna's self-titled solo debut album certified  
quintuple platinum  
  
1950 Hank Williams made his first recordings as "Luke the  
Drifter"  

1956 Elvis Presley recorded his first Nashville session  
  
1948 Loretta Webb married Oliver "Mooney" Lynn  

1995 Johnny Rodriguez wed Lana Nelson   

 **** COUNTRY MUSIC NEWS ****
Phoenix, Witherspoon Nominated for SAG Awards  

Joaquin Phoenix and Reese Witherspoon have earned nomina-  
tions from the Screen Actors Guild for their roles as  
Johnny and June Carter Cash in the film Walk the Line.  
Brokeback Mountain led the nominations with a total of  
four. The awards will be presented in Los Angeles on Jan.  
29. The nominations are tallied from the votes of 4,200  
randomly chosen members of the Guild's 98,000 members.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
CMT Will Air Three Wishes Series  

CMT has acquired the re-broadcast rights to all 10 episodes  
of the one-hour NBC series, Three Wishes through June 2008,  
with the option to license any future episodes. CMT will  
premiere Three Wishes on Jan. 21 at 10 p.m. ET/PT,  
immediately following the 2006 Miss America Pageant. Hosted  
by Amy Grant, the unscripted series -- which fulfills wishes  
to individuals, families and sometimes entire communities --  
will then fall into its regular time slot on Mondays at 8  
p.m. ET/PT as of Jan 23.   
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Rascal Flatts will kick-off its "Me & My Gang Tour" Feb. 2 in Michigan, setting off prior to releasing a new album.
Blake Shelton will open all dates along with Keith Anderson and Jason Aldean alternating dates through March.
"We could not be more happy to get back out on the road to see our fans," says lead singer Gary LeVox.
"We aim to make our live shows better every year and to give a reason for our fans to come back again and again," says bassist Jay DeMarcus.
The headliner will play for 90 minutes with the show lasting three hours, according to a press release from the group.
The set was designed by Bruce Rogers, Tribe Inc., best known for set designs for Madonna, Sting and the Dave Matthews Band.
Rascal Flatts closed out 2005 with the the number 2 country tour ("Here's To You") with 750,000 fans attending the 70-city concert run.
The group just release "What Hurts The Most," its first single from an album slated for release this spring.
The concert schedule is:
Feb. 2 Grand Rapids, MI Van Andel Arena **
Feb. 3 Green Bay, WI Resch Center **
Feb. 4 Madison, WI Alliant Energy Center **
Feb. 10 State College, PA Bryce Jordon Center *
Feb. 11 Amherst, MA Mullins Center *
Feb. 12 Rochester, NY Blue Cross Arena *
Feb. 17 Dekalb, IL Convocations Center *
Feb. 18 Lincoln, NE Pershing Auditorium *
Feb. 19 Columbia, MO Mizzou Arena *
Feb. 24 Greensboro, NC Greensboro Coliseum **
Feb. 25 Greenville, SC Bi-Lo Center **
Feb. 26 Pensacola, FL Pensacola Civic Center **
March 2 Wichita, KS Kansas Coliseum *
March 3 Oklahoma City,OK Ford Center *
March 4 Wichita Falls, TX Kay Yeager Coliseum *
March 16 Orlando TD Waterhouse Centre **
March 17 Ft Myers, FL Germain Arena **
March 18 Tallahassee, FL Tallahassee Leon Co. Civic Center **
March 23 Jackson, MS Mississippi Coliseum *
March 24 Little Rock, AR Alltel Arena *
March 25 Lafayette, AK Cajundome *
* Jason Aldean opens. ** Keith Anderson opens