Welcome New Subscribers
Anyone without a sense of humor is at the mercy
of the rest of us. Heaven Help Them
Remember
It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser.

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Two friends met on the street and one said, "I heard your brother
died. What happened?"
"It was very sad," the other replied. "Lettuce killed him."
"How could lettuce kill a man?"
"He bought lettuce at the market and asked the store owner how to
keep it fresh"
"The owner told him, 'Put your head in a plastic bag, tie it tight
and put it in the refrigerator.'"
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Young son: Pop, did you know Mommy thinks you're
perfect?
Father: She does? Wow! How do you know?
Young son: I heard her say it to Mrs. Smith.
Father: When was that?
Young son: Just before she used the word idiot.
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A few chuckles for a cold. windy Friday morning. . .

1 Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The
ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.

2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve
you, but don't start anything."

3. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.

4. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says:
"A beer please, and one for the road."

6. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does
this taste funny to you?"

7. "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home.'"
"That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome." "Is it common?" "Well,
It's Not Unusual."

8. Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to
Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't
believe you, "says Dolly. "It's true, no bull!" exclaims Daisy.

9. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to
look at either.

10. Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.

11. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't
find any.

12. A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He shouted,
"Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I know
you can't -- I've cut off your arms!"

13. I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a mussel.

14. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.

15. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other
and says "Dam!".

16. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in
the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't
have your kayak and heat it too. 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Peach~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
As I sat handcuffed in the back seat of the patrol car, I reflected
that it may not have been wise to comment to the officer writing me
a speeding ticket, "Can you speed it up?  I'm kind of in a hurry."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
**** Quickies ****

**** Visiting Doc Taz M.D.  D.V.M. ****

A woman goes to the doctor for her yearly physical.
the nurse starts with certain basic items.
 
"How much do you weigh?" she asks.
"115," she says.
The nurse puts her on the scale.
It turns out her weight is 140.
 
The nurse asks, "Your height?"
"5 foot 8," she says.
The nurse checks and sees that she only measures 5' 5".
 
She then takes her blood pressure
and tells the woman it is very high.
 
"Of course it's high!" she screams,
"When I came in here I was tall and slender!
Now I'm short and fat.


**** HEALTH NEWS ****

Patients survive once fatal immune disease  

MEMPHIS, -- A Memphis, Tenn., study shows people with a  
immune-system disorder that prevents them from making  
antibodies nevertheless appear to be moderately healthy.  
The study by scientists at St. Jude Children's Research  
Hospital involved 41 adults with X-linked agammaglobu-  
linemia, or XLA, disease. Researchers found the victims  
can function as relatively healthy, productive indivi-  
duals, although they remain vulnerable to chronic, low-  
grade infections. "Until we did this study, there was  
almost nothing in the medical literature about adults  
with XLA," said Dr. Mary Ellen Conley, senior author of  
the study. "In fact, old reports we read stated that the  
vast majority of these patients have chronic lung disease  
by age 15." XLA is a rare disease that is inherited  
through a mutation in the Btk gene on the X-chromosome-  
one of the two types of sex chromosomes. Treatment  
includes aggressive use of antibiotics and replacement  
of the missing antibodies with gamma globulin.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   

Drug cuts risk of sleep apnea  

CINCINNATI, -- Researchers say a mild diuretic and respira-  
tory stimulant cuts sleep apnea in heart failure patients.  
A study by the University of Cincinnati found patients who  
took a single dose of acetazolamide before going to bed  
exhibited less sleep apnea, improved blood oxygen levels  
and fewer daytime symptoms of sleepiness. Sleep apnea is  
associated with heart failure, the study said. Shahrokh  
Javaheri M.D., of the Pulmonary Service in the Department  
of Veterans Affairs Medical Center and Department of  
Medicine at the University of Cincinnati College of Medi-  
cine in Cincinnati, studied 12 male patients with stable  
heart failure who had more than 15 episodes per hour each  
night of sleep apnea. The results of the study appear in  
the journal of the American Journal of Respiratory and  
Critical Care Medicine.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   

Impotency drugs may affect vision  

BIRMINGHAM, Ala., -- A University of Alabama study sug-  
gests impotency drugs, such as Viagra and Cialis, may  
produce an increased risk of optic nerve damage in cer-  
tain men. The small study by the Birmingham school  
suggests men with a history of heart attack or high  
blood pressure should be warned before taking such drugs.  
The findings are based on a study of 76 men with optic  
nerve damage diagnosed as non-arteritic anterior ischemic  
optic neuropathy. NAION is the most common form of optic  
nerve damage in older U.S. adults, with up to 6,000 people  
developing the condition every year. Researchers said male  
study participants who had suffered a heart attack were 10  
times more likely to develop optic nerve damage if they  
had taken Viagra or Cialis before their diagnosis. Men  
with high blood pressure were also more likely to have  
optic nerve damage if they had taken the drugs, although  
that was not statistically significant. The authors cau-  
tion their study is small, but suggest the drugs may  
reduce the blood flow to the anterior optic nerve, result-  
ing in tissue damage. The research appears in the British  
Medical Journal.  

**** HEADS UP FOLKS ****
These Are My Causes Please Help

This is a link for FREE virus protection
http://avast.com
It is excellent.  I use it myself
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Organ and Tissue Donation/Transplanation 
http://www.organdonor.gov/

It takes less than a minute to go to their site and click on "donating a mammogram"
for free (pink window in the middle). This doesn't cost you a thing. Their corporate
sponsors/advertisers use the number of daily visits to donate mammogram
in exchange for advertising.
 
Here's the web site! Pass it along to people you know. 
http://www.thebreastcancersite.com
&
The Animal Rescue Site is having trouble getting enough people to  click on it daily to meet their quota
of getting free food donated  every day to abused and neglected animals. It takes less than a  minute to go
to their site and click on "feed an animal in need"  for free! This doesn't cost you a thing! Their corporate
sponsors/advertisers use the number of daily visits to donate food to abandoned/neglected animals in exchange
for advertising. 
Here's the web site! Pass it along to people you know!
 http://www.theanimalrescuesite.com

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http://avast.com
It is excellent
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