The Funnies Archives Index
|
Subscribe
|
|
| << January20, 2006 - The Daily Funnies |
January23, 2006 - The Daily Funnies >> |
|
THE FUNNIES TOP TEN SATURDAY 1/21/06 ![]() The top 10 country
singles: Sister Mary burst into the
office of the principal of Our Lady of THIS IS TOO SWEET FOR WORDS!!!
A six-year-old boy told his father he wanted
to marry the little girl across the street. My cousin, a recent widower, who lives up in
the Tampa area thought it
**** HERE'S YOUR SIGN - STUPID **** Flaming Pop-Tarts Hot Topic in New Jersey PHILADELPHIA - It seems that a burning legal issue has popped up for the Kellogg Co. Brenda Hurff of Washington Township, New Jersey reportedly put a cherry Pop-Tart in the toaster and left the house to drive her children to preschool. When she returned 10 to 20 minutes later, smoke was pouring from the home and firefighters were already on the scene. Hurff and her husband are now suing the popular cereal company for $100,000 in damages. A Kellogg spokesman declined to comment on the lawsuit but told reporters that the products were safe and each box clearly states that consumers should not leave the toaster unattended due to a possible risk of fire. **** WEIRD HAPPENINS **** Have a Cell Phone? Church Can Come to You! Salvation now makes house calls! Those too busy to attend church and have a cell phone: don't fret. With the help of a cell phone Short Message Service, a religious group has trans- lated the Lord's Prayer into shorthand so you can read it on your phone. The opening, "Our Father, who art in heaven," has now been shortened to "dad@hvn" and "hallowed be thy name" is now "urspshl." The entire prayer has been shortened enough to fit into SMS's limit of 160 characters. A spokesperson called the SMS prayer "an experimental form of virtual worship." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Gag Gift No Hoot for Hooters Waitress PANAMA CITY, Fla. - I would not have believed this story if I had not seen it on at least two separate news pages. A waitress is suing Hooters restaurant because they gave her a toy Yoda doll as a contest prize instead of the Toyota car she was expecting. Jodee Berry, 26, won a contest to see who could sell the most beer in April at the Hooters in Panama City Beach. She said the top-selling waitresses from each Hooters restaurant in the area were entered into a drawing to win a Toyota. She believed she'd won a new car. She was blindfolded and led to the parking lot, but when her blind- fold was removed she found she was not the winner of a Toyota, but a toy Yoda doll from the "Star Wars" movies. As compensation she's asking the cost of a new Toyota. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Crook Needs Better Getaway Plan MANCHESTER, England - Tellers at the Royal Bank of Scotland noticed one conspicuous customer wearing a fur hat and heavy coat on one of the hottest days of the year. His odd attire was explained when he robbed one of the tellers getting away with $8,500. He had just made it outside to his getaway vehicle, a bicycle, when a die pack hidden among the cash exploded, knocking him off the bike. As he scooped up the money, his face became visible to the bank's security camera. He persisted, though, and started off on the bike again, only to hit a curb, fall and drop more of the money. He ended up dropping two-thirds of the money behind trying to make the getaway. One officer said, "His actions once he left the bank were bordering on the comical." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Asian Museum Pays Homage to the Porcelain God SOUTH KOREA - The people of South Korea are lining up for the lavatory, but not for the usual relief. The Toilet Exhibition Hall in Ilsan compares the important differences in Eastern and Western toilet culture and even has videos featuring toilets of the future. A spokesman for the Government-run museum says it's part of a campaign to improve public toilets in the country. Among the exhibits are photographs of 10,000 year old toilet pipes found in the Orkney Islands and a replica of the toilet used by King Louis XIII of France. [Kind of makes me wonder what the condition of the restrooms in the museum are like.] **** HEALTH NEWS **** QUIETING RESTLESS LEGS A U.S. hospital, the Mayo Clinic, recommends ways to help quiet restless legs, including taking non-prescription painkillers and soaking in a warm bath. The Mayo Health Letter also advises sufferers to: --massage the legs; --learn to relax, especially before bed because stress can aggravate the symptoms; --stretch your legs at the beginning and end of the day; --try heat or cold packs or alternate between the two; --get regular exercise but avoid overdoing it or working out late in the day; --cut back on caffeine, alcohol and tobacco, all of which may aggravate or trigger symptoms; --go to bed later because adjusting to a later bedtime can help relieve symptoms; and, --stay busy until bedtime because boredom or drowsiness before bed may worsen symptoms. Restless legs syndrome, a sleep disorder, brings on feel- ings of a creeping, crawling, jittery, tingling, burning or aching feeling in the calves, thighs, feet or, less frequently, arms. If nothing seems to work, see your doctor, who can prescribe medication for managing the symptoms. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Children's flu study begins in St. Louis ST. LOUIS, -- A National Institutes of Health study to test an avian flu vaccine in children started Tuesday at Saint Louis University School of Medicine. "Recently, some strains of bird flu viruses have infected people in Asia," said Dr. Robert Belshe, director of the Center for Vaccine Development at the university. "There is concern these new strains could cause a pandemic, but they are not infecting people in the United States at this time. Rather than wait for that possibility to occur the (NIH) is testing avian influenza vaccines." The National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases, part of the NIH, has tested a new H5N1 avian influenza vaccine in healthy adults at clinical sites across the nation. Now that safety data are available from that adult study, Saint Louis University will test an investigational vaccine in children ages 2 to 9 -- a population that is especially vulnerable to acquiring influenza. The study will involved a killed bird flu virus vaccine known as A/H5N1. Researchers will evaluate the vaccine's safety and ability to stimulate antibodies in children. Officials said 120 children across the nation will par- ticipate in the study. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ GREEN VEGGIES MAY KEEP CATARACTS AWAY An Ohio State University study shows antioxidants found in dark leafy green vegetables can help prevent cataracts. Vitamin manufacturers often add the antioxidants lutein and zeaxanthin, but until now there has been no biochemical evidence the substances help protect the eyes, says Joshua Bomser, study co-author and assistant professor of nutrition. Laboratory experiments on human lens cells show lutein and zeaxanthin, antioxidants found in plants such as kale, spinach and collard greens, may help protect the cells from exposure to ultraviolet light -- a leading cause of cataract formation. Lutein and zeaxanthin were nearly 10 times more powerful than vitamin E in protecting the cells from UV-induced damage, the authors say. Nearly 20 million Americans have cataracts, a clouding of the eye's lens. TOONS Sale http://www.buffalosjokes.com/31382.htm <a href=" http://www.buffalosjokes.com/31382.htm "> Here!</a> Embarassing http://www.buffalosjokes.com/31380.htm <a href=" http://www.buffalosjokes.com/31380.htm "> Here!</a> A Little Unsafe http://www.buffalosjokes.com/31381.htm <a href=" http://www.buffalosjokes.com/31381.htm "> Here!</a> Example AOL Email Addresses http://www.ezines4all.com/ct200411/009.htm <a href="http://www.ezines4all.com/ct200411/009.htm"> Here </a> AOL Crash http://www.ezines4all.com/ct200411/010.htm <a href="http://www.ezines4all.com/ct200411/010.htm"> Here </a> Market Prices? http://www.AikensLaughs.com/forfun/funny1316.html <a href="http://www.AikensLaughs.com/forfun/funny1316.html">Here!</a> ![]() Y'All have a good'en, See ya Monday-Jb *+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+ Hey, Let's be careful out there *+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+ Don't take anything you see in the Funnies personally. The contents are meant to be jokes, nothing more. Everyone & everything is an equal opportunity target here. The Funnies are strictly an opt-in service. We do not sell, lease, loan, or give our subscribers' addresses to anyone for any reason. Our features are intended to be for entertainment only. Disclaimer :All of my materials are Borrowed
from various areas
on the web
and from my readers. All are believed to be public domain . If you hold copyright n any of these materials please inform me so I may give the proper credit, or remove it which ever you prefer. ~ GOD BLESS AMERICA ~ To subscribe, Click on a link below 25438-subscribe@zinester.com ~ To unsubscribe from this opt-in mailing list click on link at the end of this mailing ~ Regarding any problems In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me with question or comments at: jim4615@earthlink.net or Jim Dowers P.O. Box 521 Carlisle, IN 47838-0521 &&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&& Miss getting The Funnies,or is your ISP blocking mail again? No problem To Read the Funnies on line. Just click on this link Archives Index: http://archives.zinester.com/25438 &&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&& Unsubscribe link is at the END of this list REMEMBER THE COLUMBIA & THE STS 107 CREW NEVER FORGET 9-11 God Bless America , Our Land , Forever May She Stand &&&&&&&&&& THIS DOCUMENT IS VIRUS FREE Scanned by McAfee, Inc. 3965 Freedom Circle, Santa Clara, CA 95054 ~ Unsubscription Email: 25438-unsubscribe@zinester.com Unsubscription URL: http://www.zinester.com/mpb/unsub.cgi?25438 |
|
| << January20, 2006 - The Daily Funnies |
January23, 2006 - The Daily Funnies >> |
The Funnies Archives Index
|
Subscribe
|
|
|
Archives powered by Zinester's Mailing List Service
Details on The Funnies |
Browse for more newsletters at Zinester's Ezine Directory
Managed by Zinester's Mailing List Management |