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Anyone without a sense of humor is at the mercy
of the rest of us. Heaven Help Them
Remember,it is easier to get older
than it is to get wiser

 TGIF   FRIDAY JANUARY 27,2006


THOUGHT FOR TODAY:Nature makes blunders too.
She often gives the biggest mouths to those who have the least to say.

THE MY WIFE virus
 is nasty and has been around for a week now. There are over
200,000 computers out there infected
with it right now and it is scheduled to drop a payload that will wipe
out half the files on your computer on the third of February.
In the meantime your mouse and keyboard stops working, and your
anti-virus and spyware applications are disabled.The worm attempts
to tempt people with promises of pornography and many
of the subject lines are vulgar. Don't open these emails you will be
putting your computer and every email addressee  on your hard
drive at risk.
This is a link for FREE virus protection
http://avast.com
4 Home Edition http://www.avast.com/iavs4pro/setupeng.exe

Scan your computer online for free http://housecall.trendmicro.com/
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Truth Stranger Than Jokes

MADISON, Wis. (AP) _ People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals
wants Gov. Jim Doyle to change Wisconsin's official beverage from
milk to beer, saying milk is harmful to humans and is meant for
calves.

PETA said in a letter to Doyle that beer is healthier than cow's
milk, which the group argued could cause heart disease, cancer,
allergies, diabetes and obesity.

Milk consumption causes dairy cows stress because they are kept in a
constant state of impregnation, the letter claimed.

Cows also suffer because their calves are "ripped" away from them so
humans can have the milk meant for the calves, PETA claimed.

PETA first came up with the beer-for-milk national campaign two years
ago, but it was retired after being criticized by Mothers Against
Drunk Driving and other groups. The animal rights group renewed the
campaign last spring.

Doyle spokeswoman Jessica Erickson said Tuesday she had not seen the
letter.
WHAT A BUNCH OF BULL
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Jim Kevin,  just returned from traveling around
the USA for a year.  He had a lot of stories to tell, but this was my
favorite.

It seems he was looking for a bank and stopped to ask directions. The
man he asked replied "Just drive down this road about 5 miles and then
turn left at the Stop n Go."

He drove 5 miles, then 6, then 7.  At about 10 miles down he stopped for
directions again.  The man he asked replied "Just go back down this road
about 5 miles and turn right at the Stop n Go"

He headed out again but still had no luck.  When he got back to where he
had started he stopped again.  When he ask for directions the answer was
exactly the same.  This time Jim asked "Could you describe the Stop n Go
for me?" The man gave him a funny look and said "It's on a pole. It's
got a red light on the top, a Green light on the bottom...."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A detective was interviewing a man whose clothing shop had been burglarized. "It's bad," said the owner, "But it's not as bad as it would have been if I had been robbed yesterday." "Why is that?" the detective asked. "Because today everything was on sale!" answered the man.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I was dining at a beachside seafood restaurant in San Diego which has mercifully long since gone out of business. After several iced teas (or probably more likely it was too many cervezas - oh to be young again on a summer day by the beach!) I journeyed to the back of the restaurant only to be confronted with a choice of "Clams" and "Oysters."

Being a man and therefore incapable of asking for directions, I stood there debating the issue for a minute and thought that perhaps the "Oyster" bathroom might be for women because oysters give pearls, but not wanting to suffer the embarrassment of venturing into the wrong room, I waited for someone to come out so I would know which room to use.

No luck, and while I was waiting three other people came up who, faced with the same daunting task, simply turned away and returned to their seats. Finally, unable to resist nature's increasingly desperate urging, I left the restaurant and used the bathroom at the gas station next door.

On the way I passed one of the diners who had turned away while I waited. We nodded silently to each other in acknowledgement of our mutual confusion. To this day, I don't know which bathroom was the right one.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Jim Lantry ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

In a major speech Wednesday, President Bush vowed to keep U.S. forces in Iraq until the people there can live a prosperous and peaceful life. The speech was definitely convincing as thousands of Hurricane Katrina refugees have now decided to move to Iraq.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Did you hear about the nervous father who is pacing up and down in the hospital lobby waiting to hear about the birth of his first child? Finally, after several hours, the nurse arrives. The father runs up to her and asks, "Nurse, tell me, is it a boy?" The nurse says calmly, "Well, the middle one is."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

  HOW TO TELL IF YOU'RE DRIVING TOO FAST...

This one is destined to become a classic, If this doesn't make you laugh or at least smile,,, you need to think seriously about getting professional assistance
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~BLONDIE~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A member of the Country Club asked the
lifeguard how he might go about teaching
a young lady to swim.
"It takes considerable time and technique."
replied the guard. "First you must take her
into the water, then place one arm about her
waist,hold her tightly, then take her right
arm and raise it very slowly..."
"This is certainly most helpful." said the
member. "I know that my sister will appreciate
it."

"Your sister?" said the lifeguard. "In that case,
just push her into the deep end of the pool.
She'll learn in a hurry."

**** Quickies ****

The trusty at a state-prison routed the warden from his bed, shouting,
"There's a character outside attaching an airplane propeller to his old
jalopy I think he's preparing to fly the coupe."
~
Things are always going wrong with a house.  Yesterday, my wife
called the plumber and when he came in he said, "Where's the drip?"
  She said, "Upstairs trying to fix the leak!"
~
I won't say that my parents didn't like me, but on my 4th birthday,
my parents gave me an abandoned refrigerator.  It took my father two
hours to get the door back on!!
~
A woman goes into a butcher shop and complains that the turkey she'd
bought didn't have a wishbone.  The butcher says, "Our turkeys are so
contented they have nothing to wish for!"
~
Those who attend professional football games in the future may expect
this announcement: "Working today's game will be one referee, a head
linesman, and two officers from the Narcotics Division."

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
Shirley's ressypees e-zine
We do take requests!! If you are looking for any particular
recipe,
send your request to: mailto:bigguyhereagain@cogeco.ca

SUBSCRIBE TO:      
RessyPees-subscribe@yahoogroups.com

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

Alesha Johnson was among 25 children at a nursery who each launched a message in a bottle last July. She drew a picture of a smiley face with her name and included a sticker with the nursery's address inside the bottle.

A ten-year-old boy called Bob found the bottle six months later in a boatyard near Perth 9,000 miles away, reports The Sun. He made a copy of Alesha's original note and returned it to Time For Nursery in Heysham. He also wrote a letter to Alesha.

Her mum. Sonia Matthews, 27, of Heysham, Lancs, said: "We went down to Morecambe Bay and she could barely throw the cola bottle beyond her feet. "I just assumed it would be washed straight back and forgot all about it. But then the nursery called us to say it had made it all the way to Australia. I couldn't believe it."

(True Story)

DITCH  MITCH
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&& 
You can join The Funnies
IT'S  FREE
To subscribe, Click on link below
25438-subscribe@zinester.com
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

**** ON THIS DAY ****

THIS IS TRULY SCARY........  BUT POSSIBLY VERY USEFUL. Know who your neighbors are. Okay, here's the deal... Enter your address... It Will show a "house", that's yours... All the little colored boxes are Sex Offenders... Click on them and you get a name & picture of the Person along with his crime... Pretty amazing and scary... Pass this on to your friends and family. http://www12.familywatchdog.us/ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~NORM~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

**** HEADS UP FOLKS ****
These Are My Causes Please Help

This is a link for FREE virus protection
http://avast.com
It is excellent.  I use it myself
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Organ and Tissue Donation/Transplanation 
http://www.organdonor.gov/

It takes less than a minute to go to their site and click on "donating a mammogram"
for free (pink window in the middle). This doesn't cost you a thing. Their corporate
sponsors/advertisers use the number of daily visits to donate mammogram
in exchange for advertising.
 
Here's the web site! Pass it along to people you know. 
http://www.thebreastcancersite.com
&
The Animal Rescue Site is having trouble getting enough people to  click on it daily to meet their quota
of getting free food donated  every day to abused and neglected animals. It takes less than a  minute to go
to their site and click on "feed an animal in need"  for free! This doesn't cost you a thing! Their corporate
sponsors/advertisers use the number of daily visits to donate food to abandoned/neglected animals in exchange
for advertising. 
Here's the web site! Pass it along to people you know!
 http://www.theanimalrescuesite.com

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This is a link for FREE virus protection
http://avast.com
It is excellent
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Thoughts or Comments
jokes or stories
U Send'em and I'll print'em
Just keep it clean.A lota kids read this
jim4615@earthlink.net
Subject Line--- The Funnies
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


**** COUNTRY CALANDER ****

1893 Cajun fiddler Dennis McGee born in Bayou Marron,  
Louisiana  

1900 Clayton McMichen born in Allatoona, Georgia  

1900 Doc Hopkins born in Harlan County, Kentucky  
  
1928 James O'Gwynn born in Winchester, Mississippi  
  
1942 Dave Rowland of Dave & Sugar born in Sanger,  
California  
  
1952 Eddy Arnold's Top Five single "Bundle of Southern  
Sunshine" charted  
  
1959 Goebel Reeves died at age 59  
  
2001 Reba McEntire began her critically acclaimed stint  
playing the lead role of Annie Oakley in the revival of  
the Broadway musical "Annie Get Your Gun"  
  
1937 Patsy Montana and the Prairie Ramblers recorded "A  
Cowboy's Honeymoon"  

1937 Patsy Montana and the Prairie Ramblers recorded "I  
Wanna be a Cowboy's Sweetheart No. 2"  

1945 Bob Wills recorded "Roly Poly" for Columbia  
  
1945 Bob Wills recorded "Stay a Little Longer" for Columbia  
  
1949 Cowboy Copas recorded "The Deal (Don't Let Your Deal  
Go Down") for King  

1949 Cowboy Copas recorded "I'm Drifting Back to Dreamland"  
for King  

1949 Paul Howard recorded "Torn Between True Love and Desire"  
for King  

1949 Paul Howard recorded "Texas Boogie" for King  

1956 Buddy Holly made his first professional recordings in  
Nashville in a session produced by Owen Bradley 


 **** COUNTRY MUSIC NEWS ****

Hank Williams Jr., 4-time Emmy award winner for his rendition of Monday Night Football's "Are You Ready For Some Football?", will make his fifth Super Bowl appearance in his 16-year run with ABC Sports. Hank Jr. was in Los Angeles, Tuesday filming the opening intro to the 2006 Super Bowl face-off between the Pittsburgh Steelers and Seattle Seahawks.
"Not many people can say they have performed during five Super Bowl openings," he said. "I am so happy to have been part of the ABC family since 1989, and with my love for football, this was a win-win partnership."
Williams will attend the Super Bowl in Detroit. "My rowdy rebel son Kid Rock and I will be making some noise in Michigan...everyone should be listening."

* * * * * * *

A tribute to Kris Kristofferson, "The Pilgrim: A Celebration of Kris Kristofferson" will be out in June, featuring the likes of Willie Nelson, Rosanne Cash and Shooter Jennings.
The 18-song disc will be out June 27 on American Roots Publishing, the label of Tamara Saviano, a Grammy Aware-winning Nashville publicist.
Harris will sing "The Pilgrim" with Jon Randall and Sam Bush. Actor Russell Crowe will sing "Darby's Castle." Nelson does "The Legend." Jennings will sing "The Silver Tongued Devil & I." Rodney Crowell performs "Come Sundown," while R&B singer Brian McKnight turns in a version of "Me & Bobby McGee." Jessi Colter sings "The Captive," and Cash sings "Loving Him Was Easier."

* * * * * * *

Rascal Flatts will make their acting debuts as themselves in CBS's hit comedy show "Yes, Dear" on Wednesday, Feb. 1, 9:30 p.m. eastern.
The band - Gary LeVox, Jay DeMarcus and Joe Don Rooney - filmed the show last December just days after they wrapped touring for the year and before heading to Las Vegas for the Radio Music Awards.
The band hit it off with the show's actors Anthony Clark (Greg), Jean Louisa Kelly (Kim), Liza Synder (Christine) and Mike O'Malley (Jimmy) so well that a couple of them headed to Vegas for the RMA's too.

* * * * * * *

Laura Bryna signed a deal with Equity. Bryna has been a long-time supporter of and has co-written a song about the Make-A-Wish Foundation, which is how the label first became aware of her.
"Laura has spent almost her entire life as an avid supporter and volunteer for the Make-A-Wish Foundation," said label head Mike Kraski. "Even as a child, she organized activities to raise money for the foundation, and spent a considerable amount of time working to make kids' wishes come true. Turnabout is fair play and now it's time for us to make her greatest wish come true. And after hearing her sing, I can tell you it's the music fan who will greatly benefit from this wish."
Bryna grew up in a small town in rural Maryland. Shortly after moving to Nashville, she interned at Sony Music Publishing and DreamWorks Publishing companies.
Bryna has begun work on her debut CD , recording with producers Roger Sarchet and Grammy Award-winning producer, Jay Lillagore. A first single should be released by early to mid summer this year.

* * * * * * *

Jan. 23, 2006: Rascal Flatts will release their fourth album, "Me and My Gang," April 4 on Lyric Street.
The first single, "What Hurts The Most," written by veteran hit-maker Jeffrey Steele and Steve Robson, debuted at radio with a career-high chart position, currently at 15 in Billboard, both in only 3 weeks.
Recorded in Nashville, Dann Huff and the band produced the disc.
"With every album you record, you hope that you've grown as an entertainer and musician," says bassist and vocalist Jay DeMarcus. "We've waited to share this music for a while now. I think our fans will hear more of what they are used to from us, but I also feel we've stretched our wings just a bit as well."
The majority of the album was recorded in the spring and summer of 2005 but fourth single, "Skin (Sarabeth)," off current album "Feels Like Today" pushed "Me and My Gang" to the spring 2006 release date.
DeMarcus once again played bass on the album and guitarist Joe Don Rooney played each guitar part on the entire album.
Rascal Flatts three previous albums "Rascal Flatts" (2000), "Melt" (2002) and "Feels Like Today" (2004) have collectively sold more than 8 million copies with an additional 1 million in sales of their dvd "Rascal Flatts LIVE." "Feels Like Toda," which includes the title-track hit as well as "Fast Cars & Freedom," "Skin (Sarabeth)" and "Bless The Broken Road," has remained in the Top 10 on the album chart since its release 67 weeks ago in the fall of 2004.

**** TODAY'S USELESS FACT ****

In which states is it legal to own a piranha? Do they make good pets?

I found that there are 24 states that prohibit piranha, though some may allow ownership by permit. Those states are [by abbreviation]: AK, CA, HI, WA, NV, UT, CO, AZ, NM, TX OK, AR, LA, MS, AL, GA, FL, SC, NC, VA, KY, MA, NY, and ME. These states oultlaw piranha due to the fear that breedable species will be released into lakes and rivers, and will take over the local species of fish. Piranha are a hardy breed of fish, and would easily overpower local breeds such as bluegill and carp. While piranha are not wanted by many states, most people get their cousins the Pacu. However, be ready to buy a 500 gallon tank as that is what it will take to house 2 comfortably. If you do get pet piranhas, remember that they are "school fish", so you need to get more than one. Start with about 3-5, and make sure the tank is covered, as they like to jump out.


****A PARTING THOUGHT ****
I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
TOON TIME

Snow
http://www.buffalosjokes.com/32024.htm
<a href=" http://www.buffalosjokes.com/32024.htm ">  Here!</a>

Strange Breed
http://www.buffalosjokes.com/32023.htm
<a href=" http://www.buffalosjokes.com/32023.htm ">  Here!</a>

Homo Erectus
http://www.buffalosjokes.com/32022.htm
<a href=" http://www.buffalosjokes.com/32022.htm ">  Here!</a>

Putting The Dog Out...
http://www.ezines4all.com/ct200402/041.htm
<a href="http://www.ezines4all.com/ct200402/041.htm"> Here </a>

Mmmm, Dinner Time...
http://www.ezines4all.com/ct200402/042.htm
<a href="http://www.ezines4all.com/ct200402/042.htm"> Here </a>

Momma
http://www.buffalosjokes.com/32021.htm
<a href=" http://www.buffalosjokes.com/32021.htm ">  Here!</a>

Misfits
http://www.buffalosjokes.com/32020.htm
<a href=" http://www.buffalosjokes.com/32020.htm ">  Here!</a>

Speak Up
http://www.buffalosjokes.com/32019.htm
<a href=" http://www.buffalosjokes.com/32019.htm ">  Here!</a>

Printer In The Stoneage...
http://www.ezines4all.com/ct200402/039.htm
<a href="http://www.ezines4all.com/ct200402/039.htm"> Here </a>

Comfortable Bed...
http://www.ezines4all.com/ct200402/040.htm
<a href="http://www.ezines4all.com/ct200402/040.htm"> Here </a>

He's Very Bright!
http://www.AikensLaughs.com/forfun/funny142.html
<a href="http://www.AikensLaughs.com/forfun/funny142.html">Here!</a>

Grim Fairy Tale
http://buffalosjokes.com/3132100.htm

Refrigerator Magnet
http://buffalosjokes.com/313101.htm

Diet Cola
http://buffalosjokes.com/313102.htm



LAST CALL Y'ALL

An off-duty police officer, familiar with radar guns, drove through a
school zone within the legal speed limit when the flash of a camera went
off, taking a picture of his license plate.

The officer, thinking the radar was in error, drove by again; even more
slowly. Another flash. He did it again for a third time, at an even
slower speed. Same result.

"This guy must have screwed up the settings," the off-duty officer
thought.

A few weeks later, when he received the violations in the mail, he
discovered three traffic tickets: each for not wearing a seat belt!

That's all folks
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
Hey, Let's be careful out there
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
PLEASE
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