Welcome New Subscribers
Anyone without a sense of humor is at the mercy
of the rest of us. Heaven Help Them
Remember,it is easier to get older
than it is to get wiser

 THURSDAY FEBRUARY 23,2006


THOUGHT FOR TODAY: Marriage is a mutual relationship
only if both parties know how/when to be mute.


They say it is better to be poor and happy than rich
and miserable. But couldn't something be worked out,
such as being moderately rich and just moody.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
While my father was away on a business trip, his truck was stolen from our driveway. We called the police and gave them a description of the vehicle.

Two hours later a policeman arrived at the house. "I found your truck," he said to my mother. "It's in good condition, possibly in better condition than it was a few days ago. Your husband had arranged for someone from the garage to pick it up."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Margaret goes to her first show at an art gallery and
is looking at the paintings. One is a huge canvas that
has black with yellow blobs of paint splattered all
over it. The next painting is a murky gray color that
has drips of purple paint streaked across it.

Margaret walks over to the artist and says, "I don't
understand your paintings."

"I paint what I feel inside me," explains the artist.

"Have you ever tried Alka-Seltzer?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
While I was putting my reluctant four-year-old to bed one evening, he looked up at me and said accusingly, "I know what you and Dad do at night when I'm in bed." Rather taken aback by this statement, I asked what he meant. "You eat all the good stuff," he replied.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
We took a friend to dinner at a restaurant that
offered free refills of nonalcoholic drinks.  Before
the main course arrived, she kept the waitress
scurrying for refills.  When our friend asked for yet
another, the waitress raised an eyebrow and asked,
"What did you have for lunch--a sponge?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Jack needed to get some trees cut down on his ranch property out in
Durango. He had an injury to his shoulder so he had to hire a someone for the job.
One of the college students answered his ad and after the guy claimed
that he knew his way around a ranch, Jack gave him the work and money to
go into town and get a new saw.
with instructions to get the wood cut before winter set in.
The hired hand goes to a dealer's shop and asks about various makes and
models of chainsaws.
The dealer tells him, "Look, I have a lot of models, but why don't you
save yourself a lot of time and aggravation and get the top-of-the-line
model. This chainsaw will cut a hundred cords of wood for you in one day."
So the lad takes the advice an the chainsaw back to the ranch and begins
working on the trees. After cutting for several hours and cutting only
two cords, he decides to quit.
He's convinced there is something wrong with the chainsaw. "How can I
cut for hours and only cut two cords?" the guy asks himself.
He tells Jack, "I will begin first thing in the morning and cut all day," 
The next morning the man gets up at 4 am in the morning and cuts and
cuts, and cuts till nightfall, and still he only manages to cut five cords.
The guy is convinced he's bought a bad saw. and tells Jack he is going
to return it to the dealer,
He complains to the dealer, "You told me it would cut one hundred cords
of wood in a day, without a problem."
The dealer, baffled by the man's claim, removes the chainsaw from the
case, an says, "Hmm, it looks OK ?."
Then the dealer starts the chainsaw, and the man jumps, and exclaims,
"What the hell was that noise?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
After the party, as the couple was driving home,
the woman asks her husband, "Honey, has anyone
ever told you how handsome, sexy and irresistible
to women you are?"
The flattered husband said, "No, dear they haven't."
The wife yells, "Then what the heck gave you THAT
idea at the party tonight?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
As the seventh of eight children, my son Isaac is used to hand-me- downs. He was very excited on his eighth birthday, therefore, when we took him to a store to choose a watch. A clerk demonstrated the features to him: "This is the hour hand, this is the minute hand, and this is the second hand."

With that, Isaac's face fell. "Secondhand? I thought we were buying a new one!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A man took a lady out to dinner for the first time. Later they went
on to a show. The evening was a huge success and as he dropped her at
her door he said, "I have had a lovely time. You looked so beautiful,
you remind me of a beautiful rambling rose. May I call on you
tomorrow?" She agreed and a date was made. The next night he knocked
on her door and when she opened it, she slapped him hard across the
face. He was stunned. "What was that for?" he asked. She said, "I
looked up rambling rose in the encyclopedia last night and it said,
'Not well suited to bedding, but is excellent for rooting up against
a garden wall'."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Joe went into a bookshop and asked the salesgirl if
she had a book called: "How to Master Your Wife".

Salesgirl said: "Our science fiction section is
upstairs."

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**** HEALTH NEWS ****

Alternating drugs best for lowering fever in kids  

NEW YORK - Alternating between acetaminophen (in painkillers  
such as Tylenol) and ibuprofen (for example, Advil) is better  
than sticking with either agent alone at bringing down a  
fever in a young child, a study shows.  

The study involved 464 children, between 6 and 36 months of  
age, with a rectal temperature of at least 38.4 degrees  
Celsius who were randomized to receive acetaminophen (12.5  
mg/kg per dose every 6 hours), ibuprofen (5 mg/kg per dose  
every 8 hours), or alternating doses of each drug (every 4  
hours) for 3 days.  

Treatment with the alternating regimen provided many bene-  
fits over the two types of single therapy, Dr. E. Michael  
Sarrell, from Tel Aviv University, and colleagues report  
in the Archives of Pediatrics and Adolescent Medicine.  

The alternating regimen was associated with more rapid  
reduction of temperature, a lower average temperature, a  
drop in fever-reducing medication use, less stress, and  
less absenteeism from day care compared with the other  
treatments.  

"This study is the first randomized, double-blind, con-  
trolled clinical trial to our knowledge to assess the  
safety and effectiveness of an alternating regimen of  
acetaminophen and ibuprofen against each agent alone in  
children aged 6 to 36 months," the investigators comment.  
The results suggest that the alternating regimen is, in  
fact, superior to either agent alone, they conclude.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   

Cause of ongoing pain elucidated  
  
NEW YORK - Scientists in the UK, searching for the cause  
behind ongoing spontaneous pain, have found evidence that  
it's the undamaged nerve fibers that cause the pain, not  
those that are damaged by injury or disease.  

Ongoing pain is characterized by a burning or sharp stab-  
bing or shooting pain that can occur spontaneously after  
nerve injury. Unlike "evoked" pain caused, for example,  
by hitting your thumb with a hammer, ongoing pain frequent-  
ly reduces quality of life and is difficult to treat with  
currently available painkillers.  

Previous research into ongoing chronic pain has largely  
focused on the damaged nerve fibers after injury or disease  
and overlooked the healthy intact nerve fibers.  

The unexpected role of the healthy nerve fibers in chronic  
pain may help pharmaceutical companies develop novel pain-  
killers.  

Dr. Laiche Djouhri and colleagues from the University of  
Bristol, UK, report their discovery in The Journal of  
Neuroscience.  

They showed that spontaneous pain (as measured by spon-  
taneous foot lifting in animal models) is caused by  
spontaneous firing in "nociceptive" or damage-detecting  
neurons in the body. There are thousands of these neurons  
in the human body.  

"The cause of spontaneous firing in the uninjured nerve  
fibers appears to be inflammation within the nerves or  
tissues, caused by dying or degeneration of the injured  
nerve fibers within the same nerve," Djouhri told Reuters  
Health.  

"It remains to be established how generally the mechanism  
described following nerve injury and tissue inflammation  
may also contribute to ongoing pain associated with a  
wide variety of other chronic pain diseases, such as back  
pain, arthritis, post-operative pain due to damage to  
nerves or tissues, trauma, especially injury to nerves,  
or inflammation and interstitial cystitis," Djouhri  
added. 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  

     Loud noise exposure increases tumor risk: study  
  
NEW YORK - Research suggests that prolonged exposure to  
loud noise increases the risk of acoustic neuroma, a  
benign tumor that grows in the nerve connecting the ear  
to the brain that is associated with hearing loss,  
tinnitus (ringing in the ears) and disequilibrium.  

The only published study regarding noise and acoustic  
neuroma risk was limited by small size and its restriction  
to men only, Dr. Colin G. Edwards and colleagues note in  
their report, published in the American Journal of Epidemi-  
ology for February 15.  

Edwards, from Ohio State University in Columbus, and  
colleagues at Karolinska Institute in Stockholm documented  
all patients diagnosed with acoustic neuroma between 1999  
and 2002 in three geographic areas in Sweden. They inter-  
viewed 146 patients and 564 healthy control subjects  
regarding types and duration of loud noise exposure.  

Exposure to loud noise, defined as that exceeding a level  
of 80 decibels, was associated with a marked increase in  
the odds of acoustic neuroma.  

The categories associated with the highest risk were  
exposure to machines, power tools, and/or construction,  
and exposure to music, including employment in the music  
industry.  

The authors observed that the risk associated with noise  
exposure was found in both men and women.  

However, there was no risk associated with loud noise when  
hearing protection was used.  

"The findings of an increased risk of acoustic neuroma  
with loud noise exposure support previous research,"  
Edwards' group notes. They recommend additional research  
to validate self-reports of noise exposure and to examine  
the possibility of detection bias.

**** HEADS UP FOLKS ****
These Are My Causes Please Help

This is a link for FREE virus protection
http://avast.com
It is excellent.  I use it myself
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Organ and Tissue Donation/Transplanation 
http://www.organdonor.gov/

It takes less than a minute to go to their site and click on "donating a mammogram"
for free (pink window in the middle). This doesn't cost you a thing. Their corporate
sponsors/advertisers use the number of daily visits to donate mammogram
in exchange for advertising.
 
Here's the web site! Pass it along to people you know. 
http://www.thebreastcancersite.com
&
The Animal Rescue Site is having trouble getting enough people to  click on it daily to meet their quota
of getting free food donated  every day to abused and neglected animals. It takes less than a  minute to go
to their site and click on "feed an animal in need"  for free! This doesn't cost you a thing! Their corporate
sponsors/advertisers use the number of daily visits to donate food to abandoned/neglected animals in exchange
for advertising. 
Here's the web site! Pass it along to people you know!
 http://www.theanimalrescuesite.com

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This is a link for FREE virus protection
http://avast.com
It is excellent
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Thoughts or Comments
jokes or stories
U Send'em and I'll print'em
Just keep it clean.A lota kids read this
jim4615@earthlink.net
Subject Line--- The Funnies
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
 **** MOTOR SPORTS NEWS ****

Cheever back at wheel

Former Indy 500 champ to drive at least first four IRL events.

Johnson, Newman at odds

Daytona 500 winner takes issue with competitor's comments.

Hall of Fame penalized

Aikman-Staubach team loses points for illegal carburetor.

Surviving the Daytona 500

Busch: After 23rd-place finish, looking ahead to rest of season.

48's 'haters' still up in arms

Johnson's team hoping to move on after Daytona controversy.

Rush is on to California

NASCAR team reports as Nextel Cup tour hits second race.

Story

Up to Speed with Sorenson

Nextel Cup rookie reviews his first weekend at Daytona.

Story

NASCAR fantasy

Nextel Cup enters its second week at California Speedway.

Story

Subscribe Today: Home Delivery of USA TODAY - Save 35%

**** COUNTRY CALANDER ****

1989 Bill Monroe won his first bluegrass Grammy Award for  
his album Southern Flavor  
  
1915 Jesse Ashlock, an original member of the Texas  
Playboys, born in Walker County, Texas  

1920 Pianist Del Wood born in Nashville  
  
1975 B.J. Thomas' "(Hey Won't You Play) Another Somebody  
Done Somebody Wrong Song" charted  
  
1969 Flatt & Scruggs' final performance on the Grand Ole  
Opry  
  
1971 Ralph Stanley and the Clinch Mountain Boys recorded  
their first sides for Rebel Records   

 

 Al Clausen, Western Swing bandleader/guitarist/songwriter, born Manitoa, IL 1911.

 

 Buck Griffin, singer/guitarist born Corsicana, TX 1923.

 

 Rusty Young of ???Poco??? born Long Beach, CA 1946.

 

 Minnie Pearl and Henry Cannon were married 1947.

 

 Thom Bresh, singer/songwriter/guitarist, born Hollywood, CA 1948. Thom is the son of Merle Travis.

 

 Dell Wood debuted on the Grand Ole Opry 1952.

 

 Porter Wagoner joined the Grand Ole Opry 1957.

 

 Patsy Cline charted the first of her thirteen pop chart hits, when ???Walkin??™ After Midnight??? made Billboards Top 100 in 1957.

 

 Johnny Cash topped the charts with ???Ballad Of A Teenage Queen,??? 1958.

 

 Ernest Tubb recorded ???I Cried A Tear??? 1959.

 

 Buck Owens single ???Waitin??™ In Your Welfare Line,??? topped the charts 1966.

 

 Charlie Pride had three albums certified gold in 1971.

 

 Roy Newman, Western Swing bandleader/multi-instrumentalist, died 1981.

 

 Alabama won a Grammy for their single ???Mountain Music??? 1982.

 

 Mel McDaniel??™s ???Baby??™s Got Her Blues Jeans On,??? went to #1 in 1985.

 

 ???Born To Boogie,??? went gold for Hank Williams Jr.  1986.

 

 Leroy LeBlanc, age 73, a.k.a. ???Happy Fats??? died 1988.

 

 Reba McEntire??™s first child was born 1990.

 

 Capitol released Eddie Cochran??™s 2-album set ???Singin??™ to My Baby/Never to be Forgotten??? in 1993, thirty-three years after his death in a London car crash.

 

Brooks & Dunn??™s #1 country hit ???The Long Goodbye??? debuted on Billboard??™s Top 40 chart 2002.

 

The 45th Annual Grammy Awards were presented at Madison Square Garden in 2003. Female Country Vocal: ???Cry??? Faith Hill. Male Country Vocal: ???Give My Love To Rose??? Johnny Cash. Bluegrass Album: ???Lost In The Lonesome Pines??? Jim Lauderdale, Ralph Stanley and the Clinch Mountain Boys.



 **** COUNTRY MUSIC NEWS ****

Ron White Has a Chart Week You Could Drink To  

Not that Ron White's career potential would ever be under-  
estimated by those who follow the Blue Collar Comedy  
franchise, but the Texan made a major stride this week  
when his new album, You Can't Fix Stupid, debuted at No. 2  
on Billboard's country albums chart and No. 14 on the all-  
genre Billboard 200.  

And while White's latest success is cause to toast him  
with a glass of 25-year-old Scotch, his sales fell short  
of knocking Carrie Underwood out of the top spot on Bill-  
board's country albums and singles charts. Her debut  
album, Some Hearts, is spending its 11th week at No. 1,  
and the single, "Jesus, Take the Wheel," is now in its  
sixth week at the top.  

Underwood got some competition two weeks ago when Josh  
Turner's Your Man debuted at No. 1 on the country albums  
chart, but Turner slipped to No. 2 last week and No. 3  
this week. Totally Country 5, a multi-artist compilation  
of recent hits, enters the country chart at No. 4, while  
Rascal Flatts' Feels Like Today spends another week at  
No. 5. Slipping three slots to land in sixth and seventh  
place, respectively, are The Legend of Johnny Cash and  
Trace Adkins' Songs About Me. Faith Hill's Fireflies  
rebounded from No. 15 to No. 8 after she and husband Tim  
McGraw had a TV visit with Oprah Winfrey. Keith Urban's  
Be Here slides three rungs to land at No. 9. Sugarland's  
Twice the Speed of Life dips two spaces to close out the  
Top 10.  

The Yonder Mountain String Band's Mountain Tracks: Volume  
4 is the only other country-oriented album to debut this  
week and lands at No. 63.  

With "Jesus, Take the Wheel" still steering the country  
singles chart, Brad Paisley remains at No. 2 for a second  
week with "When I Get Where I'm Going." Ascending this week  
are Turner's "Your Man" (to No. 3) and Urban's "Tonight I  
Wanna Cry" (to No. 4). Kenny Chesney's "Living in Fast  
Forward" is in a fast upward mode, jumping four rungs to No.  
5. It's hard to tell whether it's showing the signs of  
aging, but Adkins' "Honky Tonk Badonkadonk" sags for a  
second week to fall from No. 3 to No. 6. Rascal Flatts are  
on a speedy climb by moving up four levels to No. 7 with  
"What Hurts the Most." Falling one notch each are  
Sugarland's "Just Might (Make Me Believe)" and McGraw's  
"My Old Friend" -- stopping in eight and ninth place,  
respectively. Montgomery Gentry's "She Don't Tell Me To"  
becomes the duo's latest Top 10 hit after moving from No.  
13.  

Hill has the highest-debuting single of the week. "The  
Lucky One," the latest single from Fireflies enters the  
chart at No. 47. And with her record label acknowledging  
that "Jesus, Take the Wheel" will eventually fall from  
grace, Underwood's new single, "Don't Forget to Remember  
Me," makes its chart debut at No. 54.   

**** Amy's Kitchen ****  

Cinnamon Coffee Cake

1/4 cup margarine
3/4 cup sugar
1 egg, slightly beaten
1-1/2 cup flour
2 teaspoons baking powder
1/2 teaspoon salt
1 cup milk
1 teaspoon vanilla extract

Topping:
1 cup brown sugar
3 tablespoons flour
2 teaspoons cinnamon
4 tablespoons margarine
1/2 cup walnuts or pecans, finely chopped

Preheat oven to 350?°. Spray a 9" x 9" pan with non-stick cooking
spray. In a medium bown, cream margarine and sugar; beat in egg. Sift
together flour, baking powder and salt in a separate bowl. Add to
creamed mixture alternately with milk. Stir in vanilla. Pour blended
mixture into prepared pan.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

ASPARAGUS CITRUS SAUTE   

 1/4 cup orange juice  
3 Tablespoons white wine  
1/4 teaspoon salt  
1/4 teaspoon ground white pepper  
2 Tablespoons butter  
1/3 cup chopped pecans  
3/4 pound fresh asparagus spears  
1/2 cup fresh or frozen peas  
1 1/2 ounces shiitake mushrooms, thinly sliced  
1 head Boston lettuce, separated into leaves  
  
Garnish: zest of 1 orange and 4 orange wedges Combine  
orange juice, wine, salt and pepper; set aside.  


Melt 1 Tablespoon butter in skillet over MEDIUM heat.  
Saute pecans until lightly browned, 1 to 2 minutes. Remove  
from skillet and drain on paper towel. Add remaining butter  
to pan. Saute asparagus over MEDIUM heat 2 minutes. Add  
orange juice/wine mixture to pan. Cover and steam 3 to 4  
minutes, until asparagus is crisp-tender. Add peas and cook  
until tender. Stir in mushrooms and heat through. Arrange  
lettuce on four plates. Divide asparagus, peas, mushrooms  
and sauce from pan among lettuce. Top with orange zest and  
pecans. Squeeze juice from orange wedges over salad before  
serving.  

Yield: 4 Servings 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
TIP FOR KEEPING ASPARAGUS FRESH:  

Keep fresh asparagus clean, cold and covered. Trim the  
stem end about 1/4 inch and wash in warm water several  
times. Pat dry and place in moisture-proof wrapping.  
Refrigerate and use within 2 or 3 days for best quality.  
To maintain freshness, wrap a moist paper towel around the  
stem ends, or stand upright in two inches of cold water.  

How to pick the best asparagus? Look for firm, fresh, spears  
with closed, compact tips and uniform diameter, so that all  
spears will cook in the same amount of time. Larger diameter  
spears are more tender.   
 

**** TODAY'S USELESS FACT ****

Wh 83623/120222_fcatsrome.jpg NG>

Stray cats are very well-protected in Rome. Italy has a no-kill law, meaning no euthanasia for stray animals. Combine that with the fact that spaying and neutering are less common in Europe than in the USA, and you get... lots of stray cats! Besides, with two million rats in Rome they need as many cats. Both are honorary citizens of Rome.

Apparently, the cats hang around tourist attractions in Rome and have become something of an attraction themselves. The city council in Rome has announced that the cats are part of the city's heritage, and that they are committed to protecting them.

The Italians adore their cats, always have and always will. There is a whole staff of volunteers who feed them and receive minimal compensation for their time. And I imagine the occasional cat-loving tourist will feed them too.



****A PARTING THOUGHT ****
How do you know honesty is the best policy unless
you have tried some of the others?.



TOON TIME

Bill Gates Windows 67
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WindowsXP
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MSPampers
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The Working Week
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<a href="http://www.ezines4all.com/ct200409/032.htm"> Here </a>

Attitudes Of The Old And Young
http://www.ezines4all.com/ct200409/033.htm
<a href="http://www.ezines4all.com/ct200409/033.htm"> Here </a>

Different
http://www.buffaloschips.com/50250.htm
<a href=" http://www.buffaloschips.com/50250.htm ">  Here!</a>

Life After Death
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Water
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Happy 40th
http://buffalosjokes.com/3326.htm

Friends
http://buffalosjokes.com/3332.htm

Wolfs Shadow 
http://buffalosjokes.com/3301.htm


LAST CALL Y'ALL

Three cowboys were hanging out in the bunkhouse.

"I know that smart-alec Tex," said the first.  "He's going
to start bragging about that new foreign car he bought as
soon as he gets back."

"Not Tex," said the second.  "He'll always be just a good
ol' boy.  When he walks in, I'm sure all he'll say is hello."

"I know Tex better than any of you," said the third.
"He's so smart, he'll figure out a way to do both.  Here he comes now!"

Tex swung open the bunkhouse door and shouted,
"Audi, partners!"


That's all folks
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
Hey, Let's be careful out there
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
PLEASE
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