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Anyone without a sense of humor is at the mercy
of the rest of us. Heaven Help Them
Remember,it is easier to get older
than it is to get wiser

  TGIF  FRIDAY MARCH 2,2006

calm down, it's Friday

THOUGHT FOR TODAY: Jealousy is wanting what others have.
Stupidity is thinking I might one day get it.

The principal function of the month of March is to use up the Winter weather that wouldn't fit in February
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I was baby-sitting my friend's five-year-old son, Jason, and had just served dinner. He finished all his sausages, then just sat pushing the mashed potatoes around on the plate with a fork. When he asked for dessert, I told him he had to finish his dinner first. He climbed down from his chair and went into the living room, so I followed. "What's wrong with the potatoes?" I asked. "I think there are too many ingredients," he said. "They're yuckie."

"Which ingredient do you think made them taste yuckiest?" I asked.

"Hmm," he pondered. "I think it was the cement." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The only cow in a small Kentucky town stopped giving milk. The people did some research and found that they could buy a cow just across the state line in Illinois for $200.

They brought the cow from Illinois and the cow was wonderful. It produced lots of milk all of the time, and the people were very happy.

They decided to acquire a bull to mate with the cow to produce more cows like it. They would never have to worry about their milk supply again.

They bought the bull and put it in the pasture with their beloved cow. However, whenever the bull tried to mount the cow, the cow would move away. No matter what approach the bull tried, the cow would move away from the bull and he could not succeed in his quest. The people were very upset and decided to ask the Vet, who was very wise, what to do.

They told the Vet what was happening. "Whenever the bull tries to mount our cow, she moves away. If he approaches from the back, she moves forward. When he approaches her from the front, she backs off. An attempt from the side, she walks away to the other side."

The Vet thought about this for a minute and asked, "Did you by chance, buy this cow in Illinois?"

The people were dumbfounded, since no one had ever mentioned where they bought the cow. "You are truly a wise Vet," they said. "How did you know we got the cow in Illinois?"

The Vet replied with a distant look in his eye, "My wife is from Illinois."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~GOOFPROOF~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
At the counter, a woman was complaining about the departure time, saying, "Young man, I could stick a feather in my butt and get there faster."
The clerk smiled and said, "Yeah, and you'd save extra time by not having to go through Security! Go for it!"
 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I'm constantly reminding my husband, Danny, to call and let me know where he is if he's going to be late getting home. I didn't realize how frustrated he was with my habit until we were discussing our wills with our lawyer. We told him we wanted to be cremated and our ashes spread. Our lawyer said he wanted that too, but his wife insisted that his ashes be buried. Immediately Danny said: "Women! They just have to know where you are all the time."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
My husband and I were at a party with my boss and his wife, and we left at the same time as they did. As we got into our car, we saw my boss run back into the house. "I wonder what he forgot?" I said. A minute later we watched as he got back in the car. As they drove by us, his wife stopped the car and rolled down her window. "Ted had two different shoes on," she explained. "And neither one was his."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I realized my lesson on the letter names of the music notes was less than thorough when my young student showed me her homework. I had asked her to name the notes. "This one," she said proudly, "I named Mother; this one, Father; this is my brother Bill, and this is my sister Anne; these two are Aunt Carol and Uncle Bob; and this last one I named Jim Carey." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
My son Sam had taken over our old home and converted it into apartments. When the street was torn up to be repaved, I found my old yard was easier to walk on than dodging the road debris on my daily trip to the post office. One of Sam's tenants complained to him that an old man was walking across the lawn every day. Sam laughed. "It's probably the same old man who told me to get the grass cut."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The birth of our second child, a daughter, came after a long  
and difficult labor. But it was definitely worth it when our  
beautiful little girl emerged, perfect in every way. Later,  
in my room, my husband looked at her tenderly, with tears in  
his eyes. Then as he glanced up at me, I expected him to utter  
something truly poetic. Instead he asked, "What'd we decide  
to call her again?"  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Today I picked up my mother-in-law at the airport. She's  
getting a little up there. She's at the age where she  
doesn't remember things too well. So when I saw her I  
said, "Thanks for coming. Have a nice flight!" 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"President Bush made a surprise stop in Afghanistan today  
on his way to India. He didn't want to. He bought his ticket  
on priceline.com." --Jay Leno  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I was flying between Maui and Oahu.  It's only a 30 minute  
flight and so, to save money, I flew with a small airline  
in a little, twin-engine plane. About eight minutes into  
the flight the pilot announced that we were going to have  
to turn back due to some engine trouble.  

The nervous passenger I was seated next to turned to me and  
said, "Oh my God!  If we loose an engine, how far do you  
think the other one will take us?"  

I told him, "One engine?  Oh, I'm sure it'll take us all  
the way to the scene of the crash.  Hell, we'll probably  
make good time too.  I bet we beat the paramedics there by  
at least a half hour!"  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Within two weeks of moving into a new house, the homeowner  
had to call an electrician, a roofer and a carpenter. One  
afternoon he returned early from work and saw a plumber's  
truck in the driveway.  

"Lord," he pleaded, looking skyward, "please let her be  
having an affair."  

**** Quickies ****
"Outside a dog, a book is a great companion. Inside a dog, it's
pretty dark!"
~
Nadine: They now say overeating is as unhealthy as smoking.

Jill: Yes, but no one ever died from second hand obesity.
~
To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot
and love him little.

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**** HEALTH NEWS ****

Gyms, schools carrying staph infections  

LOS ANGELES, -- Staph infections, once found only in hos-  
pitals, are showing up in gyms, jails and schools. The con-  
stant use of different antibiotics to treat hospital staph  
infections has led to a bacterium known as methicillin-  
resistant Staphylococcus aureus, which is resistant to many  
of the most powerful antibiotics, the Los Angeles Times  
reported. Sometimes the bacterium causes infections such as  
pneumonia or meningitis. In a few cases, staph infections  
can turn into necrotizing fasciitis, the so-called flesh-  
eating disease. In rare cases, an infection can be fatal,  
the newspaper said. A study last year in the journal Emerg-  
ing Infectious Diseases estimated there were about 126,000  
cases from 1999 to 2000. The bacterium thrives in warm,  
moist areas of the human body and survives for hours -- or  
even days -- on inanimate objects such as towels, the news-  
paper said. More than 30 percent of Americans carry some  
kind of staph infection in their nose. About 1 percent have  
the methicillin-resistant strain, and half of those have an  
even newer strain that is less resistant, but more damaging,  
the newspaper said.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   

Older adults admit plastic surgery  

NEW YORK, -- Young U.S. adults might be more embarrassed  
than older Americans to admit they've had plastic surgery  
than older adults, a study found. The study of 1,000  
Americans age 18 years and older, commissioned by the  
American Society for Aesthetic Plastic Surgery, found 79  
percent of men and 82 percent of women would not be  
embarrassed to admit to family and friends they've had  
plastic surgery. Twenty-one percent of men and women aged  
18 to 24 said they would be self-conscious about revealing  
they'd had work done, while 89 percent of those in the 55  
to 64 age bracket said they would have no misgivings what-  
soever -- up 7 percent from a 2005 survey. Marital status  
has little effect on whether a man or a woman would con-  
sider having cosmetic surgery, the survey found.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   

New treatment for type 1 diabetes studied  

ATLANTA, -- Emory University and University of Alberta  
scientists say islet cell xenotransplantation presents a  
promising near-term diabetes treatment. The researchers  
transplanted and engrafted insulin-producing neonatal  
porcine islet cells to correct critically low islet cell  
supplies created by type 1 diabetes. The scientists from  
the Emory Transplant Center, the Yerkes National Primate  
Research Center and the University of Alberta col-  
laborated to successfully transplant the porcine islet  
cells into diabetic rhesus macaque monkeys. The trans-  
plantation restored the monkeys' glucose control and  
sustained insulin independence, the researchers said.  
Islet cell transplantation has been successful in rever-  
sing type 1 diabetes in humans, but the limited avail-  
ability of islet cells has been problematic. "To meet the  
needs of millions of people suffering from type 1 diabetes,  
we must find new donor sources to allow large-scale  
application of islet cell transplantation in humans," said  
Dr. Christian Larsen, director of the Emory Transplant  
Center and affiliate scientist at the Yerkes Research  
Center. "While there is much work to be done, these studies  
suggest the rejection response to porcine islets can be  
surmounted." The study is detailed in the Feb. 26 advanced  
online edition of Nature Medicine.  


**** ON THIS DAY ****

Baker Dozen
Bill Walker
wildbill6807@yahoo.com
If you remember what a Baker Dozen is, you have to be at least 50
years in the tooth. This has nothing to do with Ma Bakers gang of
dogs. She might have a Baker Dozen of those by now, don't know for
sure..
You would get a Baker Dozen when you went to the bake shop, donuts,
rolls, and cookies. That is you found twelve plus one in your sack.
If you asked for day old, you might even get twelve plus two. Yes
they had day old. Those was made the day before, for the most part
didn't look a day older then to days, but the baker wasn't a crook
either. Back then you could get a Bakers Dozen for a quarter, that
is day old. To days fresh might be 35 cents, maybe 50 cents. Depends
on what you got in the sack.
You stopped at Walker's Burwood Cafe, for a slice of pie, and a cup
of coffee. You got pie fresh made today. Coffee and pie was 25
cents. Coffee cup had no bottom, that is it got refilled at least a
couple times. Pie was a slice, 6 slices to a full pie. Oh and you
got a glass of water, with out begging for it too. You got the water
the second you set down at the table or counter. Some would leave a
nickel or dime tip. Eat a meal for a buck and quarter, some of those
would leave a dime. That dinner would run meat wise, roast beef,
roast pork, pan fried chicken, ham, fish, some times liver. You had
soup, or salad, potatoes, and chose 2 of at least 3 veggies. If you
wanted a steak. A mouth watering T-bone with the trimmings would
cost a buck 75. That big spender might spring for a quarter tip.
Congressman Jack always left a quarter. Waitress Rose, said next
day, she found a box of Stovers with nuts by her door after
Congressman Jack was in town. Eat your heart out Miss Teri.
You would go to the local hardware store, needed a few nuts and
bolts to hold something together, you would find a Baker Dozen in
the sack. There was a lot of Baker Dozen back then. Didn't have to
be the local bakery to get the Baker Dozen.
Folks ran a bill at Lang's fine foods. Dad pay the bill of 5 dollars
and 32 cents for the last couple weeks. Mr. Lang would put some
candy in a small sack for the kids. Mr. Lang would still know you
when you got on your feet and was buying at Safeway, paying cash.
Safeway didn't give candy away when you paid cash. Mr.Lang would,
most people said he charged a couple pennies more to make up for it.
He also had things on the shelf, Safeway didn't. Like cans of Gator
meat. Old Gator meat from a football game.
The days of Baker Dozen is long gone, never to return. Those of you
that didn't live those times, don't know what you missed. The days
of a man's word was his bond. The days of honest measure, in your
favor. The days of feeling like you were welcome in the place, not
someone to be a trouble. Why did that person come in the door to buy
15 cents of something, got me out of my easy chair? The clerk, made
no difference owner, or just a employ, was happy you stopped by.
They took your 15 cents, no tax, said thanks for coming in, please
stop again. The heck of it is they did mean it too.
There was the store keeper, if you was looking for something. He had
sold the last nut and bolt of the size you needed. Didn't happen
till today, but he has sold out of that one size. He will
say, "sorry, I am out," nothing said about will have them next week.
He will say, "try Joe's Hardware, in the next block." And as you
leave, your going to hear. "Thanks for coming in, maybe next time I
will have what you need."
I would like a return of the good old days of Baker Dozen. The days
if you needed a Baker Dozen you got twelve plus one. If you need
only one, you could buy only one. Not like today. Need one, get a
sealed package deal of ten. What the heck am I in need of ten for
beats me? And the package isn't a Baker Dozen, twelve plus one.


**** HEADS UP FOLKS ****
These Are My Causes Please Help

This is a link for FREE virus protection
http://avast.com
It is excellent.  I use it myself
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Organ and Tissue Donation/Transplanation 
http://www.organdonor.gov/

It takes less than a minute to go to their site and click on "donating a mammogram"
for free (pink window in the middle). This doesn't cost you a thing. Their corporate
sponsors/advertisers use the number of daily visits to donate mammogram
in exchange for advertising.
 
Here's the web site! Pass it along to people you know. 
http://www.thebreastcancersite.com
&
The Animal Rescue Site is having trouble getting enough people to  click on it daily to meet their quota
of getting free food donated  every day to abused and neglected animals. It takes less than a  minute to go
to their site and click on "feed an animal in need"  for free! This doesn't cost you a thing! Their corporate
sponsors/advertisers use the number of daily visits to donate food to abandoned/neglected animals in exchange
for advertising. 
Here's the web site! Pass it along to people you know!
 http://www.theanimalrescuesite.com

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This is a link for FREE virus protection
http://avast.com
It is excellent
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Thoughts or Comments
jokes or stories
U Send'em and I'll print'em
Just keep it clean.A lota kids read this
jim4615@earthlink.net
Subject Line--- The Funnies
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
 **** MOTOR SPORTS NEWS ****

Idle chatter for teams

NASCAR team reports as Cup tour shifts into neutral this week.

Story

Charlotte leads Hall race

NASCAR expected to pick city over Atlanta, Daytona Beach.

Story

Subscribe Today: Home Delivery of USA TODAY - Save 35%

**** COUNTRY CALANDER ****

1967 Jeannie Seely won a Grammy for "Don't Touch Me"  

1967 Ray Charles won a Grammy for "Crying Time," written  
by Buck Owens  
  
1923 Doc Watson born in Deep Gap, N.C.  

1959 Restless Heart vocalist Larry Stewart born in  
Paducah, Ky.  
  
1985 Gary Morris' single "Baby Bye Bye" went to No. 1  

1996 Martina McBride scored her first No. 1 hit with the  
single "Wild Angels"  
  
1984 Roy Hall, rockabilly pioneer, died at age 61 in  
Nashville  

1964 Jim & Jesse McReynolds joined the Grand Ole Opry  
  
1984 The Whites joined the Grand Ole Opry  
  
1962 Ernest Tubb recorded classic "Drivin' Nails in My  
Coffin" for Decca  
  
1949 Hank Williams recorded "Honky Tonk Blues" for MGM  
  
1987 The Trio album featuring Dolly Parton, Emmylou Harris  
and Linda Ronstadt released 


 **** COUNTRY MUSIC NEWS ****

  
Sheryl Crow Recovering From Breast Cancer Surgery  

Recovering from breast cancer surgery, Sheryl Crow has post-  
poned the remainder of her North American tour with singer-  
songwriter Jack Ingram. Crow underwent "minimally invasive"  
surgery on Wednesday in Los Angeles, according to her pub-  
licist. Although she will receive radiation treatment as a  
precaution, Crow's physicians say her prognosis is excellent.  
"I am joining the more than 200,000 women who will be diag-  
nosed with breast cancer this year," Crow said in a state-  
ment on her official Web site. "We are a testament to the  
importance of early detection and new treatments. I encour-  
age all women everywhere to advocate for themselves and for  
their future. See your doctor, and be proactive about your  
health." The tour was scheduled to continue through April,  
and her itinerary also included an April 7 taping of VH1  
Classic's Decades Rock Live! with Vince Gill, Ryan Adams  
and Robert Randolph.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
 Little Big Town's "Boondocks" Certified Digital Gold  

Little Big Town's digital single, "Boondocks," has been  
certified gold by the RIAA for the sale of 100,000 digital  
downloads. The single is from the quartet's 2005 album,  
The Road to Here, which has sold more than 330,000 copies.  
Their current single, "Bring It on Home," is currently No.  
44 on Billboard's country airplay chart. As previously  
reported, the group will open several shows for John  
Mellencamp in March and April.   
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   


 

**** Amy's Kitchen ****  

CAJUN BROILED FISH FILLETS   


1 pound orange roughy fillets (or another firm white fish)  
1 teaspoon prepared Cajun spice  
1 Tablespoon paprika  
Lemon wedges   

Preheat the broiler. Arrange the fillets ona broiler pan lined  
with aluminum foil. Combine the Cajun spice and paprika and dust  
heavily on the fillets. Broil close to the flame for 5 to 6  
minutes, or until the spices are browned and the fish is firm  
and flakes with a fork. Serve with lemon wedges and ground pepper  
to taste.  

Yield: 4 Servings (Calories: 115, Total Fat: 2 grams)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   
MAKE YOUR OWN CAJUN SPICE!
It's easy and you can go heavier  
on the cayenne pepper to your liking. Use seasoning to  
taste...for any recipe that calls for a Cajun Seasoning.  
Here's the recipe:  

1/2 cup paprika  
2 tbsp. cayenne pepper  
1 1/2 tbsp. garlic powder  
1/2 tsp. black Pepper  
1/2 tsp. salt  
1 tsp. oregano  
1 tsp. tarragon  
1 tsp. ground thyme  

Just mix all ingredients in a bowl. Store in an airtight jar  
with a lid.