|
The Funnies Archives Index
|
Subscribe
|
|
| << March03, 2006 - The Daily Funnies |
March06, 2006 - The Daily Funnies >> |
|
3/4/06 THE FUNNIES TOP TEN SATURDAY WELCOME NEW SUBSCRIBERS
The next morning, they rose, showered, dressed
and ate
breakfast in silence. Finally, hoping to break the ice, he said, "You
know,
**** HEALTH NEWS
****honey, I'm not myself today." "Really?" she said. "I hadn't noticed the improvement." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Happily married men have a woman who cooks, lives to make love, and works. If he's lucky, the three will never meet.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A man was walking along the beach and found an old Genie lamp. He immediately started rubbing it. Sure enough a genie pops out and before the startled man can say anything the Genie turns him into a crab. Another man saw what happened and he asked the Genie why he turned the man into a crab before he could say anything? The Genie said, Aww he just rubbed me the wrong way. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ My sister had had some tests, and her doctor said he would contact her when he received the diagnosis. A few days later he phoned with the results, and she thanked him. The next day the doctor called again and gave her the same results. She thanked him again and mentioned that he'd phoned the day before. He apologized, saying he was busy and had forgotten. "Don't worry, doctor," my sister said. "It's always nice to get a second opinion." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Remember the days when the whole family decided to go for a Sunday drive and everyone got into the same car? ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A grandmother had taken her two grandchildren out for lunch and boy did they misbehave! On the way home one of them, the 7 year old girl asked, "Grandmother, will you tell Mother how we acted?" The self-righteous grandmother answered, "No, but if she should ask, I can't lie." To which her little grandson said, "What do you mean you can't lie? I'm only 5 years old, and I can lie great. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ My married daughter Penny and I often spend an evening together doing needlework. My husband's curiosity finally compelled him to ask, "Why is it that it always takes two of you to do these little stitching jobs?" "Well," replied Penny, looking up from her embroidery, "it's an old adage, you know, that two threads are better than one." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A neighbor who had gone "on line" with the Internet asked my mother if she had found her way to the information highway yet. Mom, who was just learning this new technology, replied, "I'm still looking for the on-ramp, dear." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Benign Breast Findings Can Still Pose Dangers New findings suggest removing 'papillary lesions' is best TUESDAY, -- Breast lesions often deemed benign following a needle biopsy can still harbor adjacent cancers and should be removed anyway, U.S. researchers conclude. "Our study shows that all papillary lesions of the breast should be surgically excised to avoid missing a cancer," study lead author Dr. Cecilia L. Mercado, an assistant professor of radiology at New York University Medical Center, said in a prepared statement. Papillary lesions, which account for 1 percent to 3 percent of all lesions sampled by core needle biopsies, are benign growths in the duct of the breast. Current treatment for these lesions includes radiographic follow-up and surgical removal, depending on a doctor's recommendation. While these lesions may be diagnosed as benign, they can harbor adjacent atypical ductal hyperplasia (ADH) and ductal carcinoma in situ (DCIS) -- cancerous cells confined to the lining of the milk ducts. Left untreated, both these condi- tions put a woman at increased risk for future cancer. For this study, the researchers analyzed the imaging and histologic outcomes of 42 patients diagnosed with benign papillary lesions after core needle biopsy. Doctors performed 43 biopsies on the 42 patients. Of the 43 biopsies, 36 (84 percent) of the lesions were surgically removed and seven (16 percent) received long-term imaging follow-up. As a result of surgical removal of the lesion and laboratory follow-up, the diagnoses of nine of the 42 patients (21.4 percent) were upgraded to ADH or DCIS. That percentage is much higher than reported in previous research. "This is one of the largest series and shows statistically significant findings. The results of our study revealed a considerable upgrade to either ADH or DCIS at core needle biopsy," Mercado said. "Therefore, all benign papillary lesions of the breast should be surgically excised, since a considerable number of atypical lesions and malignant lesions could be missed." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Low or high body fat bad for dialysis patients NEW YORK - Body composition with a low percentage of body fat -- and the loss of fat over time -- are linked to poor survival in people on hemodialysis, according to a new study. However, dialysis patients with a high body fat percentage tend to have an inferior quality of life. Previous studies have shown that heavy people have better survival on dialysis, but it has been unclear if this is related to an individual's body fat or muscle mass, Dr. Kamyar Kalantar-Zadeh, of Harbor-UCLA Medical Center, Torrance, and colleagues explain in the American Journal of Clinical Nutrition. To further investigate, the researchers measured body fat and quality of life in 535 adults on maintenance hemo- dialysis. The subjects were followed for 30 months or longer. The team found that quality of life scores were progress- ively lower as body fat increased. On the other hand, after accounting for other factors, the patients with body fat making up less than 12 percent of body weight were four times more likely to die during follow up compared with patients with body fat between 24 percent and 36 percent. Body fat was remeasured after 6 months in 411 patients. Those who lost body fat had twice the risk of dying compared with those who gained body fat. "Many dialysis patients are asked ... to lose weight as a requisite to be listed on and to remain in kidney trans- plant waiting lists, a practice that was recently questioned," Kalantar-Zadeh and colleagues note. The say it may be time to conduct clinical trials to look at the effect of increasing weight, muscle mass, and body fat in dialysis patients. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Fosamax cuts bone loss in men with prostate cancer NEW YORK - Testosterone-lowering therapy -- one of the most effective and commonly used therapies for prostate cancer -- often causes bone loss. However, once-weekly drug treatment combats the problem, according to a new study. Fosamax, used to treat osteoporosis in postmenopausal women, also helps prevent bone loss associated with so-called "androgen deprivation" treatment of prostate cancer, the researchers reported at the 2006 Prostate Cancer Symposium. "Patients on androgen deprivation therapy tend to lose bone mass early, within the first 6 to 12 months of treatment, and the bone loss continues for the duration of therapy," noted Dr. Susan L. Greenspan from the University of Pittsburgh. "Currently," Greenspan noted, "lifelong androgen deprivation therapy is common for advanced prostate cancer, but more recently it has been a common treatment for less aggressive disease." Bone mass, she said, "should be evaluated in men who are starting therapy to lower testosterone because we are put- ting them in a situation similar to newly postmenopausal women with a relatively fast rate of bone loss." In a 2-year study sponsored by the National Institutes of Health, Greenspan and colleagues are evaluating the effects of Fosamax on bone in a group of men with prostate cancer receiving androgen deprivation therapy. In the ongoing study -- now in its second year -- 112 men are receiving calcium and vitamin D supplementation and half of them are also taking weekly Fosamax. Greenspan presented 1-year data from a planned interim analysis. At the start of the study, "only about 10 percent of men had normal bone mass," Greenspan said. "The average duration on androgen deprivation therapy was only about 22 months or roughly 2 years, but 90 percent of them did not have normal bone mass; in fact 39 percent had osteoporosis by WHO criteria." After 1 year, bone mass increased by 4.9 percent in the spine and by 2.1 percent in the hip among men on Fosamax, compared with decreases of 1.3 percent in the spine and 0.7 percent in the hip among men on placebo. "Once weekly oral (Fosamax) should be considered to prevent this bone loss and prevent the occurrence of osteoporosis and fractures," Greenspan concluded.  **** AMY'S KITCHEN **** Cherry Crumb Bars 1 pkg. white (or yellow) cake mix 1 1/4 cups rolled quick oats, divided 1/2 cup (8 tablespoons) margarine or butter, room temperature, divided 1 egg 1 (21 oz.) can cherry pie filling or two cans of pitted sweet or dark cherries in juice, thickened (see below*) 1/4 cup brown sugar 1/2 cup chopped pecans Heat oven to 350 degrees. Grease and flour a 13x9-inch pan. Combine cake mix, 6 tablespoons butter and 1 cup rolled oats. Reserve 1 cup of this for crumb topping. To remaining mixture, add egg; mix well. Press into pan. Pour cherry filling over crust; spread to cover. In large bowl add remaining 1 cup crumb mixture, 1/4 cup oats, 2 tablespoons butter, nuts, and brown sugar. Mix well. Sprinkle over cherries. Bake 30-40 minutes. *If using canned (15 oz each) cherries in juice, pour into a 2-quart saucepan. Combine 3 tablespoons cornstarch with a little of the juice and stir to dissolve; stir into cherry mixture. Add 1 to 4 tablespoons of sugar, or to taste. Turn heat to medium-high and bring to a boil; reduce heat and simmer until thickened. If needed, thicken more with a little more cornstarch dissolved in a small amount of cold water. **** TODAY'S USELESS FACT **** What is the origin of the term "soap opera"?  The shows for the most part in the early days were, of
course, geared toward housewives, given the fact that they were home during the
day. What did housewives do in those days? Laundry. Thus, the soap companies
attached themselves to these programs and were usually the primary sponsors,
sometimes even getting recognition in the show titles...which would have been
something along the lines of "Palmolive presents All My Children" or some
such. **** TOONS
LINKS **** Disclaimer :All of my materials are Borrowed
from various areas
on the web
and from my readers. All are believed to be public domain . If you hold copyright n any of these materials please inform me so I may give the proper credit, or remove it which ever you prefer. ~ GOD BLESS AMERICA ~ To subscribe, Click on a link below 25438-subscribe@zinester.com ~ To unsubscribe from this opt-in mailing list click on link at the end of this mailing ~ Regarding any problems In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me with question or comments at: jim4615@earthlink.net or Jim Dowers P.O. Box 521 Carlisle, IN 47838-0521 &&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&& Miss getting The Funnies,or is your ISP blocking mail again? No problem To Read the Funnies on line. Just click on this link Archives Index: http://archives.zinester.com/25438 &&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&& Unsubscribe link is at the END of this list REMEMBER THE COLUMBIA & THE STS 107 CREW NEVER FORGET 9-11 God Bless America , Our Land , Forever May She Stand &&&&&&&&&& THIS DOCUMENT IS VIRUS FREE Scanned by Avast virus protection ~ Unsubscription Email: 25438-unsubscribe@zinester.com Unsubscription URL: http://www.zinester.com/mpb/unsub.cgi?25438 |
|
| << March03, 2006 - The Daily Funnies |
March06, 2006 - The Daily Funnies >> |
|
The Funnies Archives Index
|
Subscribe
|
|
|
Archives powered by Zinester's Mailing List Service
Details on The Funnies |
Browse for more newsletters at Zinester's Ezine Directory
Managed by Zinester's Mailing List Management |
