Archives at Zinester: The Daily Funnies. The Funnies. Humor & Jokes

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A Lancaster driver returned to his car one day and found that the
lock had frozen. Being a non-smoker he had neither matches nor
lighter to defrost it, so he went down on his hands and knees and
breathed on it hoping that his warm breath would do the trick,
it didn't. Instead he became stuck to the lock for twenty minutes!
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A 51 year old company director was relaxing at home one evening
while his wife was in the kitchen preparing their supper a fine
six pound pike that her husband had caught six hours earlier on
a fishing trip. Suddenly, he heard his wife scream. He ran into
the kitchen and found her crying and trying to staunch a wound on
her arm. The pike had bitten her as she lifted it up to clean it.
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An American soldier was accidentally shot through the head while
serving in the army. Surgeons removed the bullet but could not sew
up the hole in his brow. The unfortunate man lived for many years
with this hole, through which he could blow out cigarette smoke.
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In the 1930's a Canadian angler fishing in one of the many Canadian
lakes was delighted when he landed an extraordinarily large Pike.
He duly despatched it with his heavy stick and laid it down on
the bank besides his shotgun. Unfortunately, the fish was not
properly dead. It began to thrash about and its tail caught on
the trigger. The gun went off sending the angler to the happy
hunting ground in the sky.
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Little Gregory was a healthy baby boy. EVERYTHING about him was
normal. When he was thirteen months old, he had to be taken into
hospital for a hernia operation. Doctors discovered that his
penis was in fact an enlarged piece of a little girls identity and
Gregory was actually a girl!
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A Zimbabwe businessman was attempting to remove a dangerous Cobra
which had slithered into the engine of his car, when the snake
spat at him and with deadly accuracy landed her stinging venom
right into his eye. This usually causes blindness. Fortunately,
a lorry driver who had parked nearby saw what had happened and
pulled the agonized man into the cabin of his truck, where his
wife was breast-feeding her baby. He pushed him over to the
astonished woman and told her to squirt some milk into his eyes.
This diluted the venom and the victims eyesight was saved.
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In 1983 the villagers of Brignoles in France were astonished when
there was a freak storm and thousands of toads fell out of the sky.
They had been whisked up into the sky by a whirlwind which blew
across nearby breeding ground and having blown itself out, left
the toads to fall to the ground!
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People who brought an edition of the Bible printed in 1631 by
Barker and Lucas were surprised when they came to the following
verse in the book of Exodus: 20:14 Thou shalt commit adultery.
The printers left out the word not. The English monarch, Charles
1, was horrified, recalled all 1.000 copies and fined the printers
3,000.
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Salt was valuable in Roman times that Julius Caesar paid his
soldiers in salt rather than money. The Latin word for salt is
sal thus giving us the word salary.
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The Japanese words for "four" and "death" sound almost identical.
So do the words for "nine" and "suffering". Because of any
unfortunate confusions resulting from this, many hospitals in 4
or 9.
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An Athenian taxi driver was more than a little surprised when
the man he had stopped to pick up gave him his own address as
his destination. The taxi driver did not say anything, but drove
the passenger as requested. He got out of the car and let himself
into the drivers house with a key. A few minutes later, the driver
crept onto his house and caught the bloke having a quick one with
his wife!
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A Warwickshire builder was quite surprised to bump into a cousin he
hadn't seen for years in a pub. But not half as surprised as his
cousin, who had been at the builders funeral service in Dublin some
time earlier. It turned out that the former workmates had wrongly
identified him as the victim of a car crash and had telephoned his
family in Ireland. The family decided that rather than come over
for the funeral, they would hold a mass for him there!
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Johann Van Vliet, a Dutch tourist, was on holiday in Austria
when his car broke down just outside Innsbruck. A local farmers
wife kindly stopped her car and offered him a lift to the nearest
garage. It turned out that she was his daughter who had run way
from home 23 years earlier.
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In 1942 Roy Sullivan, a park Ranger in Virginia, USA lost a toe
nail. Twenty seven years later his eyebrows were damaged;the
following year his left shoulder was burned and two years after
that his hair was set on fire. It had grown back by the following
year and then then the same thing happened again. In 1976 his
ankle was injured and in 1977 he suffered chest burns. The cause
of all this misfortune? Lightning! All in all he had been struck
seven times and most people say that lightning never strikes in
the same place twice!
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In late 1981 a teenage couple who were anxious to get into the
record books embraced each other and began to kiss five days,
twelve hours later they broke up.

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