Welcome New Subscribers
Anyone without a sense of humor is at the mercy
of the rest of us. Heaven Help Them
Remember,it is easier to get older
than it is to get wiser

TGIF FRIDAY MARCH 17,2006

HAPPY ST. PADDY'S DAY
THOUGHT FOR TODAY: It's a special person who can
receive without forgetting and give without remembering.


The trouble with opportunity knocking on the door in these days of high crime rates is that by the time you unhook the chain, push back the bolt, turn two locks and shot off the burglar alarm, it's gone.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
 In Richardson, Texas State Trooper was running radar. He had a
perfect spot to watch for speeders, but wasn't getting any. Then he
discovered the problem. A 12 year old boy was standing up the road
with a hand painted sign which read "RADAR TRAP AHEAD!"
The officer later found a young accomplice down the road with a sign
reading, "TIPS" and a bucket full of money. (And we used to just sell
lemonade!)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Did Moses wander in the wilderness because God was testing him, or do you think it was because, like most men, Moses refused to stop and ask for directions?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
 A motorist was mailed a picture of his car speeding through an
automated radar post in Plano, Texas. A $40 speeding ticket was
included. Being cute, he sent the police department a picture of $40.
The police responded with another mailed photo of handcuffs.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
 A young woman was pulled over in Austin, Texas for speeding. As the
TX State Trooper walked to her car window, flipping open his ticket
book, she said, "I bet you are going to sell me a ticket to the Texas State
Police Ball." He replied, "Texas State Troopers don't have balls."
There was a moment of silence while she smiled and he realized what
he'd just said. He then closed his book, got back in his patrol car
and left. She was laughing too hard to start her car
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I was nervous the night my husband and I brought our three young sons to an upscale restaurant for the first time.

My husband ordered a bottle of wine with the meal. When the waitress brought it, our children became quiet as she began the ritual uncorking.

She poured a small amount for me to taste, and then our six-year-old piped up, "Mom usually drinks a lot more than that!" ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 
My son called me from his home to ask that I tape a TV movie for him that evening. As I was a "technically challenged" 50-year-old, he gave me detailed instructions on how to use the VCR. I was satisfied I had it down pat, and at the appropriate hour, I loaded the tape and followed his directions. When he came by to get it, however, he ejected the tape and discovered I had recorded his movie onto a head cleaner. He turned to me and laughed, "I don't know why you old people buy these machines." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A friend of mine spent some time in New Mexico. Because I knew she had never been in the prairies before, I asked what she thought of the experience. "Well," she replied, "I've never been to a place before where you can watch your dog run away--for three days." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sharon tells her best friend Ruth, "I've broken off my engagement to Morris."
"Oh Sharon," says Ruth, "I'm so sorry. Why?"
"Because my feelings towards Morris have changed - they just aren't
the same anymore," replies Sharon.
"So tell me," whispers Ruth, "are you giving him back the engagement ring?"
"No I'm not," replies Sharon, "my feelings towards the ring haven't changed."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
In  a recent interview, General Norman Schwartzkopf was asked if he thought
there  was room for forgiveness toward the people who have harbored and abetted
the  terrorists who perpetrated the 9/11 attacks on America. His answer was
classic  Schwartzkopf.
 
The  General said, "I believe that forgiving them is God's function. OUR job
is to  arrange the meeting."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~` 
A man calls his lawyer's office. When the receptionist answers
the phone he asks to speak to Mr. Taylor, his lawyer.

The receptionist replies, "I'm sorry, but Mr. Taylor died last
week." The man says nothing and hangs up the phone.

The next day he calls the office and again asks for Mr. Taylor.
The receptionist says, "Sir, I told you yesterday that Mr.
Taylor has died." The man again says nothing and hangs up the
phone.

The next day he calls the office again and asks for his lawyer.
The receptionist gets angry and says "Sir, I have told you for
two days that Mr. Taylor has passed away. Why do you continue
to call?"

The man then answers "I like hearing good news when I call my
lawyer's office."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A guy noticed that his buddy was troubled and asked
what was wrong.
 
"Ohhh, it's my girlfriend." he said.

**** Quickies ****
Father answering phone: No, this is not your
dreamboat, this is his supply ship.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I go to the dentists, Drillem, Fillem and Billem.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A sure cure for the flu that will get you back to work
the next day is to watch eight hours of daytime television.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
What did the salad say when the cabbage interrupted their meal?
Lettuce alone!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
One reviewer said " The problem with this book
is that  the covers are too far apart."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I don't need a computer that has all the answers. I have a wife.

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**** HEALTH NEWS ****

New cell imaging can identify cancer cells  

WEST LAFAYETTE, Ind., -- Purdue University scientists say  
fluorescence that illuminates a specific protein within a  
cell's nucleus may lead to individualized cancer treatments.  
The scientists, along with researches at the Lawrence  
Berkeley National Laboratory, say they've created a tech-  
nique that automatically locates and maps proteins involved  
in regulating cell behavior. Sophie Leli??vre, Purdue assis-  
tant professor of basic medical sciences, says the research  
results have made it possible to verify the distinction  
between multiplying cells that are harmless and those that  
are malignant. Leli??vre and colleagues used mammary cells  
to analyze nuclear protein distribution that shifted depend-  
ing on whether a cell was malignant, had not yet developed  
a specific function or was a normally functioning mature  
mammary cell. "When you look at cells that don't yet have a  
specific function -- aren't differentiated, compared to  
fully differentiated cells, which are now capable of  
functioning as breast cells -- the organization of proteins  
in the nucleus varies tremendously," Leli??vre said. "Then  
looking at how the proteins in malignant cells are dis-  
tributed, it's a totally different pattern compared to  
normal differentiated cells." The research was detailed  
online in Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   
   
Electricity kills cancer cells  

NORFOLK, Va., -- Scientists from Old Dominion University  
and Eastern Virginia Medical School say they've killed  
melanomas in mice using high-powered jolts of electricity.  
Using extremely short, high-voltage doses of electricity,  
the researchers told the Virginian-Pilot they've never had  
a tumor that did not respond to the treatment. Richard  
Nuccitelli, associate professor of electrical and computer  
engineering at Old Dominion, said the method might even-  
tually turn into an effective cancer treatment. The elec-  
tric bursts often disrupted the blood flow to the tumor  
cells and shrunk their nuclei by 50 percent, Nuccitelli  
said. The tumors died after two or three weeks of treat-  
ments, each session involving hundreds of electrical  
pulses, each less than one-one millionth of a second and  
carrying 4,000 volts. Nuccitelli told the Virginian-Pilot  
he and his colleagues believe the process works by severe-  
ly damaging DNA in the cells. The treatment produced no  
scarring and did not harm adjacent cells. All of the  
research mice survived, with no ill effects. The scien-  
tists said additional research will be needed before they  
can experiment on people. The research is to appear on-  
line Wednesday in the journal Biochemical and Biophysical  
Research Communications. 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  

Kids not using anti-apnea masks  

BALTIMORE, -- Wearing a special mask to bed helps children  
who suffer sleep apnea to sleep better -- but a Johns  
Hopkins study suggests kids aren't using the masks. The  
six-month study at Johns Hopkins Children's Center and two  
other pediatric hospitals indicate children aren't always  
using the masks consistently enough to reap maximum bene-  
fits. The breathing masks deliver a gentle, steady flow of  
air called positive airway pressure, or PAP, therapy,  
significantly improving breathing and oxygen levels. But,  
scientists said, the masks must be worn regularly to  
achieve maximum benefits from them. Sleep apnea is marked  
by loud snoring and disturbed sleep caused by interrupted  
breathing patterns. "Despite improvements with even  
irregular use of the device, parents often say children  
are using PAP when the study shows they are not," said Dr.  
Ann Halbower, pediatric pulmonologist at the Johns Hopkins  
Children's Center. "Obstructive sleep apnea can cause  
learning, memory and IQ problems. Additionally, it affects  
breathing and oxygen levels, and while PAP therapy helps  
the apnea, the maximum benefits come only over time and  
with consistent use." The research is reported in the  
March issue of the journal Pediatrics.  

**** HEADS UP FOLKS ****
These Are My Causes Please Help

This is a link for FREE virus protection
http://avast.com
It is excellent.  I use it myself
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Organ and Tissue Donation/Transplanation 
http://www.organdonor.gov/

It takes less than a minute to go to their site and click on "donating a mammogram"
for free (pink window in the middle). This doesn't cost you a thing. Their corporate
sponsors/advertisers use the number of daily visits to donate mammogram
in exchange for advertising.
 
Here's the web site! Pass it along to people you know. 
http://www.thebreastcancersite.com
&
The Animal Rescue Site is having trouble getting enough people to  click on it daily to meet their quota
of getting free food donated  every day to abused and neglected animals. It takes less than a  minute to go
to their site and click on "feed an animal in need"  for free! This doesn't cost you a thing! Their corporate
sponsors/advertisers use the number of daily visits to donate food to abandoned/neglected animals in exchange
for advertising. 
Here's the web site! Pass it along to people you know!
 http://www.theanimalrescuesite.com

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This is a link for FREE virus protection
http://avast.com
It is excellent
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Thoughts or Comments
jokes or stories
U Send'em and I'll print'em
Just keep it clean.A lota kids read this
jim4615@earthlink.net
Subject Line--- The Funnies
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
 **** MOTOR SPORTS NEWS ****

Fast lane new to Edwards

Fast study at Atlanta

NASCAR team reports as drivers brace for high-speed test.

Story

Carmelo finds new groove

Nuggets star forms partnership with Hemelgarn's IRL team.

Story

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**** COUNTRY CALANDER ****

1910 Singer and radio personality Buddy Starcher born in  
Ripley, W.Va.  

1942 Jerry Jeff Walker born in Oneonta, N.Y.  
  
1951 Ray Benson, founder of Asleep at the Wheel, born in  
Philadelphia, Pa.  

1954 Tim O'Brien born in Wheeling, W.Va.  

1959 Stan Thorn, keyboard player with Shenandoah, born  
in Kenosha, Wis.  

1967 Ronnie McCoury, mandolin player for the Del McCoury  
Band, born  
  
2002 Tim McGraw's single "The Cowboy in Me" hit No. 1  
  
1943 Shug Fisher, one-time member of the Sons of Pioneers,  
died  

1991 Eight members of Reba McEntire's band and road show  
died in an airplane crash near San Diego, Calif.  
  
1922 Atlanta radio station WSB, a pioneer in broadcasting  
country music, went on the air  

1974 The new Grand Ole Opry House opened  
  
1987 George Strait's Ocean Front Property album certified  
gold  
  
2004 Trace Adkins' Comin' On Strong album certified gold  

2005 Gary Allan's See If I Care album certified gold  
  
1996 Bill Monroe gave his final Grand Ole Opry performance  

1946 Grandpa Jones debuted on the Grand Ole Opry  
  
1995 David Ball's "Thinkin' Problem" album certified platinum  
  
1951 Hank Williams recorded "Hey Good Lookin'" and "I Can't  
Help It (If I'm Still in Love With You)"