Welcome New Subscribers
Anyone without a sense of humor is at the mercy
of the rest of us. Heaven Help Them
Remember,it is easier to get older
than it is to get wiser

 MONDAY MARCH 20,2006


THOUGHT FOR TODAY:I know it's going to be a good day
when all the wheels on my shopping cart turn the same way.

The Chaplain had been assigned to the ship and he noticed how much grief the cooks (Mess Specialists) caught from the crew and how they gave back as much as they got. He talked to the Food Service Officer and decided to talk to the cooks and get them to be more cheerful when they served the meals to the sailors coming down the line. A smile and a cheerful comment, a willingness to serve them will reap great benefits he told them.

After his pep talk the Food Service Officer and the Chaplain stood back and watched the food being served.

A new sailor aboard walked down the line but he didn't like anything he saw so he just carried his tray down the line till he got to the desert section. He picked up a saucer containing a large piece of chocolate cake.

The Mess Specialist looked at him, "Is that all you're gonna eat?" he asked.

The sailor said, "Yeah, the rest of it don't look too appetizing."

The Mess Specialist smiled and said, "Well, in that case would you like two pieces of cake?"

The Chaplain smiled and nudged the Food Service Officer in the ribs, "I told you my talk did them some good."

The kid said, "Yeah, man, I'd appreciate it."

The cook leaned over and cut the piece of cake on the tray in half.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
 Mujibar was trying to get a job in India. The
Personnel Manager said, "Mujibar, you have passed all
the tests, except one. Unless you pass it you cannot
qualify for this job."

Mujibar said, "I am ready."

The manager said, "Make a sentence using the words
Yellow, Pink and Green."

Mujibar thought for a few minutes and said, "Mister
manager, I am ready." The manager said, "Go ahead."

Mujibar said, "The telephone goes green, green, green,
and I pink it up, and say, 'Yellow, this is Mujibar.'"

Mujibar now works as a technician at a call center for
computer problems. No doubt you have spoken to
him............ 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
When my demanding mother found out that I had a pager, I knew that  she
would buzz me a hundred times a day. I told her that when she calls she
could save time by spelling out "M-O-M" on the phone. So whenever my
pager goes off and it says "666", I know it's her.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A lady walks into the bank and says, "I'd like to open a joint account,
with anybody who has money to put in it." A bill collector came to my
house the other day, so I gave him my bills. There are more important
things than money, but they all cost money Don't let the littleness in
others bring out the littleness in you.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A blonde woman in our diet club was lamenting that she had gained
weight. She'd made her family's favorite cake over the weekend, she
reported, and they'd eaten half of it at dinner. The next day, she said,
she kept staring at the other half, until finally she cut a thin slice
for herself. One slice led to another, and soon the whole cake was gone.
The woman went on to tell us how upset she was with her lack of
willpower, and how she knew her husband would be disappointed. Everyone
commiserated, until someone asked what her husband said when he found
out. She smiled. "He never found out. I made another cake and ate half!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
In a cat's eyes, all things belong to cats.
If your absence won't make any difference, your presence won't either. A
professional is someone who can do his best work when he doesn't feel
like it.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
More "You might be a redneck if".....

..You've ever watched a tornado from a lawn chair.

..You paint your garage with a paintball gun.

..You were ever fired for shooting spitballs.

..You've ever rolled your riding lawn mower. TWICE

..You skip school but bring back a picture of your
  deer and you are excused.

..You get your daily requirement of fiber from
  toothpicks.

..There are naked lady mud flaps on your town's
  fire truck.

..Your wife puts candles on a pan of cornbread for
  your birthday.

..Your city hall has wheels. NO.MY BANK DOES

..Putting your dog to sleep involves a warm bowl of
  milk and a bedtime story. NO BUT HE SLEEPS WITH ME

..You list tick removal as a skill on your resume'.REALLY GOOD AT THAT
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
THINGS THAT HALLMARK CARDS DON'T SAY
My tire was thumping.
I thought it was flat
When I looked at the tire...
I noticed your cat.
Sorry!

Heard your wife left you,
How upset you must be.
But don't fret about it...
She moved in with me.

Looking back over the years
that we've been together,
I can't help but wonder...
"What the heck was I thinking?"

Congratulations on your wedding day!
Too bad no one likes your husband

How could two people as beautiful as you
Have such an ugly baby?

I've always wanted to have
someone to hold,
someone to love.
After having met you .
I've changed my mind.

As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am...
That you're not here to ruin it for me.


Congratulations on your promotion.
Before you go...
Would you like to take this knife out of my back?
You'll probably need it again.

Happy birthday! You look great for your age.
Almost Lifelike!
When we were together,
you always said you'd die for me.
Now that we've broken up,
I think it's time you kept your promise.

I'm so miserable without you
it's almost like you're here.

Your friends and I wanted to do
something special for your birthday.
So we're having you put to sleep.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Two nuns were shopping in a food store and happened to be passing
the beer and liquor section. One asks the other if she would like a
beer. The other nun answered that would be good, but that she would
feel uncomfortable about purchasing it. The first nun said that she
would handle it and picked up a six pack and took it to the cashier.

The cashier had a surprised look and the first nun said, "The beer
is for washing our hair."

The cashier, without blinking an eye, reached under the counter and
put a package of pretzels in the bag with the beer. "Here you go,
sister," she said, "don't forget the curlers."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Let's see if I understand how the world works lately...
If a man cuts his finger off while slicing salami at work,
he blames the restaurant.
If you smoke three packs a day for 40 years and die of lung cancer,
your family blames the tobacco company.
If your neighbor crashes into a tree while driving home drunk, he blames the bartender.
If your grandchildren are brats without manners, you blame television.
If your friend is shot by a deranged madman, you blame the gun manufacturer.
And if a crazed person breaks into the cockpit and tries to kill the pilot at 35,000 feet, and
the passengers kill him instead, the mother of the crazed deceased blames the airline.
I must have lived too long to understand the world as it is anymore.
So, if I die while my old, wrinkled butt is parked in front of this computer,
I want all of you to blame Bill Gates...okay
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A married couple in their early 60s was out celebrating their 35th
wedding anniversary in a quiet, romantic little restaurant.
Suddenly, a tiny yet beautiful fairy appeared on their table and
said, "For being such an exemplary married couple and for being faithful
to each other for all this time, I will grant you each a wish.""Oh, I
want to travel around the world with my darling husband" said the wife.
The fairy waved her magic wand and - poof! - two tickets for the Queen
Mary II luxury liner appeared in her hands. Then it was the husband's
turn. He thought for a moment and said:
"Well, this is all very romantic, but an opportunity like this will
never come again.I'm sorry my love, but my wish is to have a wife 30
years younger than me."The wife and the fairy were deeply disappointed,
but a wish is a wish...So the fairy waved her magic wand and - poof! -
the husband became 92 years old.The moral of the story: Men who are
ungrateful bastards should remember that fairies are female.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
My daughter is a member of the same sailing club as the host of a popular early-morning radio program. One evening at the club, she suggested to him that more frequent time checks should be given. "I get so interested in the people you're interviewing that I get frozen in time," she told him. "Then I suddenly realize I'm going to be late for work, because I'm still in the tub and it's 7:30."

The next morning, listeners to the program, including my daughter, were startled to hear this unusual time check following the news, sports and weather: "That brings the time to 7:15. Alice, get out of the bathtub."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
SO IT GOES

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~BLONDIE~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"In front of a crowd in Florida this past weekend, Al Gore said
that, "The people of the United States are going to stand up
and take our country back." And then the manager of the karaoke
bar took the microphone away and said, 'Either sing or sit down
buddy.'" --Jay Leno
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Grandma and Grandpa were visiting their adult son overnight.
When Grandpa found a bottle of Viagra in his son's medicine
cabinet, he asked about using one of the pills.
 
The son said, "I don't think you should take one Dad; they're
very strong and very expensive."
 
"How much?" asked! Grandpa.
 
"$10.00 a pill," answered the son.
 
"I don't care," said Grandpa, "I'd still like to try one, and before
we leave in the morning, I'll put the money under the pillow."
 
Later the next morning, the son found $210.00 under the pillow.
He called Grandpa and said, "I told you each pill was $10.00,
not $210.00."
 
"I know," said Grandpa, "The two hundred is from Grandma!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
No sense of humor...
A Man and his wife are watching "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire"
while they are in bed.
He turned to her and said, "Do you want to have sex?"
"No." She answered.
He then said, "Is that your final answer?"
"Yes." She replied.

Then He said, " I'd like to phone a friend."
That's the last thing he remembered!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Over the weekend, Bill and Hillary Clinton were spotted hiking
in a national park near Washington. Yeah, after a 10-mile hike,
Bill said 'I just can't seem to shake her'"
--Dave Letterman
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I'm sure if the customer had taken two seconds, he probably would
have come up with the answer to his question on his own. But
instead he called information.

"I'm looking for the number of a business," he said when I picked
up his call.

"What's the name of the business?" I asked.

"1-800-FLOWERS."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Mr. Smith was a traveling salesman and frequent flyer, so he was
always very, VERY careful to mark his luggage so that no one would
mistakenly take his bags. He always did this with bright ribbons
and tape, so he was quite surprised to see his bags grabbed by a
well dressed man when he got to the luggage carousel.

Mr. Smith walked over to the fellow and pointed out the colored
ribbons tied to the handle, and the fluorescent tape on the sides.

"I believe that luggage is mine. Were your bags marked like
this?" he asked.

"Actually," the man replied, "I was wondering who did this to
my luggage."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A German hotel has started calculating fees according to the weight
of the guest.

The hotel charges the equivalent of $12 per 25 pounds. So a little
man weighing 125 pounds pays just over $59 a night, but a man
weighing 325 pounds would be forced to pay $156.

Owner Jorgen Heckroth said, "Slim guests live longer and can
therefore come more often and that is why we reward them."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
BET SANTA DOESN'T STAY THERE-Jb
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
My friend is notorious for waiting until the needle is on empty
before filling his gas tank.  Finally, his car died on him, and
we had to push it to the nearest filling station.

After my friend finished pumping gas, the attendant asked if he'd
learned anything.

"Yeah," my friend muttered.

"I've learned I have a 15-gallon tank!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
One mom was complaining about having to go to the athletic store
to buy an athletic cup for her young son, who was seven years old
and just starting the *soccer* league.

She said, "The man asked me what size of an athletic cup I needed."

"I shrugged and held my thumb and index finger about an inch apart
and said, 'he's about this big.'"

The man behind the counter said,

No, ma'am, what's his *waist* size?'"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
At 1:00 a.m., loading the last of the fishing gear, Dad realized he had forgotten his car keys on the kitchen table. We didn't want to wake Mom up, so I hoisted myself through an unlocked kitchen window and retrieved the keys.

Trout in hand, we later returned home still laughing about our "cat burglar" escapade. "I'm glad you two had such a wonderful time," Mom greeted us, "but next time, I wish you'd remember to lock the front door before leaving."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
One day I tried to reach my dad, a real charmer with the ladies, at his raquetball club. I gave a description of him to the receptionist, but she didn't recognize him. Then I gave her his name, but she didn't know him. I gave it one more try: "He's probably told you that you're the most beautiful woman in the world." She laughed and said, "I'll go get him." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

**** Quickies ****
Many a women who thinks she has purchased a dress for
the ridiculous price has actually bought it for an absurd figure.
~
A botanist claimed to have discovered a nomadic tree in the African jungle - apparently it just packs up its trunk and leaves.
~
Sign in a bank: Don't kiss our girls. They're tellers.
~
You can't take it with you. If you could hearses would come with roof racks.
~
He made so many mistakes at his last job that the government tried to hire him as a consultant.
~
Want to know why housework serves no purpose? Because it isn't what you do in a house that shows, it's what you don't do that everyone notices.
~
Did you ever notice that in bookstores you'll find the diet and exercise books right between humor and fiction?
~
Sign on the boss's desk: "Do you like to travel? Do you enjoy meeting new people? Do you want to free up your future? All this can be yours if you make one more mistake."
~

The only gracious way to accept an insult is to ignore it; if you can't ignore it, top it; if you can't top it, laugh at it; if you can't laugh at it, it's probably deserved.
~
Just Think About This!

"Some people are so lazy, that they don't even exercise good judgement!"

"The severity of the itch is proportional to the reach."

"The only advantage to living in the past is that the rents are much cheaper!"

"Getting old is when a narrow waist and a broad mind change places!"
 

EVER WONDER*?*?*?*
A car's instrument panel is called a dashboard. The term dates
back to horse-and-buggy days when dashing horses kicked up mud,
splashing the passengers riding behind them. The dashboard was
devised to protect them.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bizarre Beer Facts
Studying the experimentally induced intoxicated behavior of ants
in 1888, naturalist John Lubbock noticed that the insects that
had too much to drink were picked up by nest mates and carried
home. Conversely, drunken strangers were summarily tossed in
a ditch.

The familiar Bass symbol, a red triangle, was registered in 1876
and is the world's oldest trademark.

Pennsylvania has had more breweries in its history than any other
state. In 1910 alone, 119 of the state's towns had at least one
licensed beermaker.

In their efforts to regulate beer quality, the ancient Babylonians,
who were among history's earliest brewers, decreed that any
commercial beermaker who sold unfit beer would be drowned in
his/her own libation.

Bottle caps, or "crowns," were invented in Baltimore in 1892 by
William Painter. Painter proved his invention's worth when he
convinced a local brewer to ship a few hundred cases of beer to
South America and back and they returned without a leak.

An 18-year study by the National Institute on Aging found that
50-plus men who consumed a drink a day during middle age scored
significantly better on cognitive tests later in life than did
non-drinkers.

In ancient Babylon, women brewers also assumed the role of temple
priestesses. The goddess Siris was the patron of beer.

On October 17 of 1814, a rupture in a brewery tank contain- ing
3,500 barrels of beer caused a flood of fatal proportions in the
London parish of St. Giles. The wave of beer swept victims off their
feet, dashed them against walls, and buried them under debris. Two
houses were demolished in the sea of beer suddenly loosed upon town,
and nine people lost their lives in the flood of suds.

There are 19 different versions of Guinness.

According to a diary entry from a passenger on the Mayflower,
the pilgrims made their landing at Plymouth Rock, rather than
continue to their destination in Virginia, due to lack of beer.

The original text of the Reinheitsgebot only had three ingredients:
Barley, hops, and water. Yeast wasn't mentioned for another
35 years.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

**** Visiting Doc Taz M.D.  D.V.M. ****
My doctor's receptionist called me to the desk to update my
personal file. Before I could tell her that all the information
she had was still correct, she asked, "Has your birth date changed?"

**** ON THIS DAY ****

Safety tips for Women

We can now add to the list of victims the retired 77 yr. old TCU professor from Ft Worth whose body was found last week in Oklahoma--and the 11 yr. old in Sarasota, FL. Because of these recent abductions in daylight hours, refresh yourself of these things to do in an emergency situation...This is for you, and for you to share with your wife, your childreneveryone you know.

After reading these 9 crucial tips, forward them to someone you care about. It never hurts to be careful in this crazy world we live in.

1 . Tip from Tae Kwon Do: The elbow is the strongest point on your body. If you are close enough to use it, do!

2. Learned this from a tourist guide in New Orleans. If a robber asks for your wallet and/or purse, DO NOT HAND IT TO HIM. Toss it away from you....chances are that he is more interested in your wallet and/or purse than you, and he will go for the wallet/purse. RUN LIKE MAD IN THE OTHER DIRECTION!

3. If you are ever thrown into the trunk of a car, kick out the back tail lights and stick your arm out the hole and start waving like crazy. The driver won't see you, but everybody else will. This has saved lives.

4. Women have a tendency to get into their cars after shopping, eating, working, etc., and just sit (doing their checkbook, or making a list, etc. DON'T DO THIS!) The predator will be watching you, and this is the perfect opportunity for him to get in on the passenger side, put a gun to your head, and tell you where to go. AS SOON AS YOU GET INTO YOUR CAR, LOCK THE DOORS AND LEAVE.
a. If someone is in the car with a gun to your head DO NOT DRIVE OFF, repeat: DO NOT DRIVE OFF! Instead gun the engine and speed into anything, wrecking the car. Your Air Bag will save you. If the person is in the back seat they will get the worst of it. As soon as the car crashes bail out and run. It is better than having them find your body in a remote location.


5 . A few notes about getting into your car in a parking lot, or parking garage:
A.) Be aware: look around you, look into your car, at the passenger side floor, and in the back seat.
B.) I f you are parked next to a big van, enter your car from the passenger door. Most serial killers attack their victims by pulling them into their vans while the women are attempting to get into their cars.
C.) Look at the car parked on the driver's side of your vehicle, and the passenger side. If a male is sitting alone in the seat nearest your car, you may want to walk back into the mall, or work, and get a guard/policeman to walk you back out.
IT IS ALWAYS BETTER TO BE SAFE THAN SORRY. (And better paranoid than dead.)

6. ALWAYS take the elevator instead of the stairs. (Stairwells are horrible places to be alone and the perfect crime spot. This is especially true at NIGHT!)

7.< /FONT> If the predator has a gun and you are not under his control, ALWAYS RUN! The predator will only hit you (a running target) 4 in 100 times; And even then, it most likely WILL NOT be a vital organ. RUN, Preferably ! in a zig -zag pattern!

8. As women, we are always trying to be sympathetic: STOP . It may get you raped, or killed. Tedundy, the serial killer, was a good-looking, well educated man, who ALWAYS played on the sympathies of unsuspecting women. He walked with a cane, or a limp, and often asked "for help" into his vehicle or with his vehicle, which is when he abducted his next victim.

************* Here it is *******
9. Another Safety Point: Someone just told me that her friend heard a crying baby on her porch the night before last, and she called the police because it was late and she thought it was weird. The police told her "Whatever you u do, DO NOT open the door."

The lady then said that it sounded like the baby had crawled near a window, and she was worried that it would crawl to the street and get run over. The policeman said, "We already have a unit on the way, whatever you do, DO NOT open the door." He told her that they think a serial killer has a baby's cry recorded and uses it to coax women out of their homes thinking that someone dropped off a baby. He said they have not verified it, but have had several calls by women saying that they hear baby's cries outside their doors when they're home alone at night.

Please pass this on and DO NOT open the door for a crying baby ----This e-mail should probably be taken seriously because the Crying Baby theory was mentioned on America's Most Wanted this past Saturday when they profiled the serial killer in Louisiana.
I'd like you to forward this to all the women you know. It may save a life. A candle is not dimmed by lighting another candle. I was going to send this to the ladies only, but guys, if you love your mothers, wives, sisters, daughters, etc., you may want to pass it onto them, as well.

Send this to any woman you know that may need to be reminded that the world we live in has a lot of crazies in it and it's better to be safe than sorry.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
 Portrait of Middle Age
Poem by Carol Barton


How strange to look at my image
And see the telltale signs of age
More gray hair, more new wrinkles
Life's book has turned the page.

How I feel a deep sadness
To see my girlhood gone.
Middle age has taken over
Leaving me alone to face the dawn.

I have lived through love affairs
Some unfair - some not too kind.
Resisting from here on
With no desire to again be entwined.

My future sees my children
Grown up as young  man and woman.
My written words mean more now than ever
And truer than any lover has been.

Of all the passions I have lived
Now all my secrets I can voice
Of being a wife, mother, and lover
Written in poetry of my choice.

After the men I have loved
And the dreams I once believed
I kept my one precious possession
The freedom to be me.


**** HEADS UP FOLKS ****
These Are My Causes Please Help

This is a link for FREE virus protection
http://avast.com
It is excellent.  I use it myself
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Organ and Tissue Donation/Transplanation 
http://www.organdonor.gov/

It takes less than a minute to go to their site and click on "donating a mammogram"
for free (pink window in the middle). This doesn't cost you a thing. Their corporate
sponsors/advertisers use the number of daily visits to donate mammogram
in exchange for advertising.
 
Here's the web site! Pass it along to people you know. 
http://www.thebreastcancersite.com
&
The Animal Rescue Site is having trouble getting enough people to  click on it daily to meet their quota
of getting free food donated  every day to abused and neglected animals. It takes less than a  minute to go
to their site and click on "feed an animal in need"  for free! This doesn't cost you a thing! Their corporate
sponsors/advertisers use the number of daily visits to donate food to abandoned/neglected animals in exchange
for advertising. 
Here's the web site! Pass it along to people you know!
 http://www.theanimalrescuesite.com

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This is a link for FREE virus protection
http://avast.com
It is excellent
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Thoughts or Comments
jokes or stories
U Send'em and I'll print'em
Just keep it clean.A lota kids read this
jim4615@earthlink.net
Subject Line--- The Funnies
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
 **** MOTOR SPORTS NEWS ****

Atlanta race washed out

Audi's diesels power up

Capello, Kristensen, McNish team for historic win at Sebring.

Story

Women accelerate in NHRA

Sampey wins Pro Stock Bike event; Troxel, A. Force also shine.

Story

Fisichella takes the bait

Renault driver claims Malaysian GP over teammate Alonso.

Story

Burton doesn't tire

Busch part-timer avoids blowouts, edges Kenseth in Atlanta.

T. Bodine passes right

Earns first Craftsman Truck win of 2006.

Jarrett set to keep driving

Says NASCAR career expected to run through 2008 season.

Bill Lester cracks barrier

NASCAR's first black qualifier since 1986; Kahne on pole.

Hamilton has cancer

Ex-trucks champ will let son drive while he has treatment.

Chief issue for Johnson

Q&A preview: Knaus penalty matters little for points leader.
Subscribe Today: Home Delivery of USA TODAY - Save 35%

**** COUNTRY CALANDER ****

1917 Lily May Ledford of the Coon Creek Girls born in  
Pilot, Ky.  

1932 Dick Curless born in Fort Fairfield, Maine  

1952 Singer Susie Allanson born in Minneapolis, Minn.  

1955 Paul Overstreet born in Newton, Mississippi  
  
1984 Eddy Raven's first #1 single, "I Got Mexico,"  
charted  

2001 "I'm a Man of Constant Sorrow" by the Soggy Bottom  
Boys (lead singer: Dan Tyminski), from the movie "O  
Brother, Where Art Thou," made its chart debut  
  
1980 Hugh Farr, an original member of the Sons of the  
Pioneers, died  

1985 Jimmy Gately died at age 53 in Madison, Tennessee  
  
1996 Songwriter Terry Stafford ("Amarillo by Morning")  
died  
  
1987 Anne Murray's "Country" album certified gold  
  
2000 Elizabeth Cook, without a record deal, made the first  
of more than 100 appearances on the Grand Ole Opry  
  
1951 Bill Monroe recorded "Kentucky Waltz" for Decca  
  
1972 In her first session, 13-year-old Tanya Tucker  
recorded "Delta Dawn," destined to be a Top Ten hit  
  
1981 PBS's annual fundraising broadcast of the Grand Ole  
Opry was televised for the last time   



 **** COUNTRY MUSIC NEWS ****

Willie Nelson Releases You Don't Know Me  

Willie Nelson released the album You Don't Know Me: The  
Songs of Cindy Walker (Lost Highway) on Tuesday. Walker  
and Nelson are both Texas natives and members of the  
Country Music Hall of Fame. Nelson recorded the album  
in Nashville with producer Fred Foster. ... Other new  
releases include cowboy singer Don Edwards' Moonlight  
and Skies (Western Jubilee), history-minded rocker  
Scott Miller's Citation (Sugar Hill), sister trio  
SHeDAISY's Fortuneteller's Melody (Lyric Street),  
singer-songwriter Garrison Starr's The Sound of You &  
Me (Vanguard) and Nickel Creek guitarist Sean Watkins'  
eclectic Blinders On (Sugar Hill).
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   

 George Jones has signed a deal with new Nashville label Category 5 Records.

A new single from Jones,"He Still Has Songs To Sing," and featuring superstar guests is due July 1 from an upcoming tribute album. Jones had released his recent music through Bandit Records.
"As far as I am concerned this man is the greatest country music singer that has ever lived," said Category 5 President/CEO Raymond Termini. "I couldn't be more excited to present his fans worldwide with a record that will go down in history."
"He Still Has Songs To Sing" is slated for release in September. The album includes musicians performing their favorite Jones songs. Several will join Jones on the title track first single, written by Category 5 VP/Operations and Music Row songwriter John Northrup.
"John played me 'He Still Has Songs To Sing,' which he'd written with George in mind," Termini said. "He explained the concept of having artists from all genres joining Jones on the single and cutting versions of their favorites for the record. After one listen I was convinced."
No artists participating in the project were named.
"George Jones influenced the world of music, not just country music," says Northrup, whose songs have been cut by George Strait, Lee Ann Womack and Kenny Chesney. "We're extremely excited to give prominent artists the chance to step into his world and pay homage to a legend."
The album is being produced by Buddy Cannon (Reba McEntire, Chesney), and will be released in conjunction with a DVD "The Making Of..." project.
"The concept that Category 5 presented to me as a producer is irresistible project," Cannon says. "I have had the honor of working on a few albums with George and look forward to working with some of the biggest names in the music world to let George and the world know what his songs and his voice means to them."
Category 5 also has signed Travis Tritt.

**** Amy's Kitchen ****  

DUBLIN SUNDAY CORNED BEEF & CABBAGE

Yield: 8 servings


5 lb Corned beef brisket
1 lg Onion stuck with 6 whole -
-cloves
6 Carrots, peeled and sliced
8 Potatoes, peeled and cubed
1 ts Dried Thyme
1 sm Bunch Parsley
1 Head Cabbage (about 2 lbs)-
-cut in quarters
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

PILLSBURY CINNAMON ROLLS  
  
  1/2 stick butter
1 tsp. cinnamon
1/8 tsp. nutmeg
1/2 c. sugar
1 pkg. Pillsbury biscuits
  
  Melt butter. In a separate bowl mix together sugar and spices. Take the individual biscuits and loosely roll between palms into a ball. Roll balls in butter then roll in the sugar mixture. Place the sugared ball on a pan. Bake at 350 degrees until golden brown.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 
 

**** TODAY'S USELESS FACT ****

How do I soothe the burning sensation from eating jalapeno peppers?

If you find that you simply can't bear the heat after eating a chile pepper, try to consume a dairy product, like milk, yogurt, or ice cream. Dairy products contain a chemical called caisen that combats the effects of chile peppers' capsicum by stripping it from it receptor site on the skin. I've also tried sugar and that seems to work in a pinch. Drinking regular water won't stop the burning because the compounds responsible for the burning are not soluble in water. Try drinking milk or eating ice cream instead.



****A PARTING THOUGHT ****
"Experience is the name everyone gives to their mistakes." (Oscar Wilde)


TOON TIME

Toilet
http://www.buffaloschips.com/060358.htm

Song
http://www.buffaloschips.com/060360.htm

Boot and reboot
http://www.buffaloschips.com/060361.htm

Viagra
http://www.buffaloschips.com/060362.htm

Cleaning list
http://www.buffaloschips.com/060363.htm

Windows
http://www.buffaloschips.com/060364.htm

Sale
http://www.buffalosjokes.com/31382.htm
<a href=" http://www.buffalosjokes.com/31382.htm ">  Here!</a>

Embarassing
http://www.buffalosjokes.com/31380.htm
<a href=" http://www.buffalosjokes.com/31380.htm ">  Here!</a>

A Little Unsafe
http://www.buffalosjokes.com/31381.htm
<a href=" http://www.buffalosjokes.com/31381.htm ">  Here!</a>


Example AOL Email Addresses
http://www.ezines4all.com/ct200411/009.htm
<a href="http://www.ezines4all.com/ct200411/009.htm"> Here </a>

AOL Crash
http://www.ezines4all.com/ct200411/010.htm
<a href="http://www.ezines4all.com/ct200411/010.htm"> Here </a>

Market Prices?
http://www.AikensLaughs.com/forfun/funny1316.html
<a href="http://www.AikensLaughs.com/forfun/funny1316.html">Here!</a>

Messed Up
http://www.buffalosjokes.com/31379.htm
<a href=" http://www.buffalosjokes.com/31379.htm ">  Here!</a>

Chicken Nuggets
http://www.buffalosjokes.com/31377.htm
<a href=" http://www.buffalosjokes.com/31377.htm ">  Here!</a>

Menu
http://www.buffalosjokes.com/31378.htm
<a href=" http://www.buffalosjokes.com/31378.htm ">  Here!</a>

What About The Other 10 Mins?
http://www.ezines4all.com/ct200411/011.htm
<a href="http://www.ezines4all.com/ct200411/011.htm"> Here </a>

AOL Romance Room
http://www.ezines4all.com/ct200411/012.htm
<a href="http://www.ezines4all.com/ct200411/012.htm"> Here </a>

Save a little!
http://www.AikensLaughs.com/forfun/funny1317.html
<a href="http://www.AikensLaughs.com/forfun/funny1317.html">Here!</a>

LAST CALL Y'ALL


That's all folks
SEE YA TOMORROW
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
Hey, Let's be careful out there
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
PLEASE
Don't take anything you see in the Funnies personally. 
The contents are meant to be jokes, nothing more.
Everyone & everything is an equal opportunity target here.
EVERYONE IS FAIR GAME  
The Funnies are strictly an opt-in service.
We do not sell, lease, loan, or give our subscribers'
addresses to anyone for any reason.
Our features are intended to be for entertainment only.

Disclaimer :All of my materials are Borrowed from various areas on the web