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Anyone without a sense of humor is at the mercy
of the rest of us. Heaven Help Them
Remember,it is easier to get older
than it is to get wiser

 WEDNESDAY MARCH 29,2006


THOUGHT FOR TODAY: Most of us would get along
much better if we used some of the advice we give to others.

The latest thing in cosmetic surgery is called a
'thread lift.'
 
They say instead of a full facelift, they actually
insert a plastic thread underneath your face and then
they pull it back, so it's like a mini-facelift.
 
That's great -- until somebody sees the loose thread
on your face, pulls it and your whole face unravels. - Jay Leno
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
One day a co-worker told my friend, Steve, that she
was going home early because she didn't feel well. Since
Steve was just getting over something himself, he
wished her well and said he hoped it wasn't something
he had given her.
 
A fellow worker piped up, "I sure hope not. She has
morning sickness."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
SPECIAL  FORCES

The Pentagon announced today the formation of a new 500-man elite fighting unit called the United States Redneck Special Forces.
  
  These Alabama, Arkansas, Georgia, Kentucky, Mississippi, Missouri, Oklahoma, Tennessee and Texas boys will be dropped off into Iraq, and have been given only the following facts about terrorists:

  1. The season opened today.
2. There is no limit.
3. They taste just like chicken.
4. They don't like beer, pickup trucks, country music, or Jesus.
5. They are DIRECTLY RESPONSIBLE for the death of Dale Earnhardt.

We expect the problem in Iraq to be over by Friday.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Women have many faults.
Men only have 2
Everything they say,
And everything they do.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Son, I just know you'll do the right thing by this little  
girl," said the preacher. "You just marry her, and you'll  
be at the end of your troubles."  

So he did the right thing, and he married the girl, and  
about six months later when he saw the preacher again he  
tried to murder him.  

"You miserable liar!" shouted the young man. "You told me  
if I married her, I would be at the end of my troubles.  
Well, I married her, and she has made my life miserable."  

"That may be true, son, but you can't blame me," replied  
the minister. "I said you'd be at the end of your troubles,  
but I never said which end."  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Our 15-year-old daughter, Melanie, had to write a report for  
school about World War II, specifically D-Day and the invasion  
of Normandy.  

"Isn't there a movie about that?" she asked.  

I told her there was, but I couldn't think of the name.  

Then it came to her, "Oh, I remember! Isn't it something like  
'Finding Private Nemo'?"  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Little Timmy sat playing! in the garden. When his mother
came out to collect him, she saw that he was slowly
eating a worm. She turned pale.
"No, Timmy! Stop! That's horrible! You can't eat worms!"
Trying to convince him further, "Now the mother worm is
looking all over for her nice baby-worm."
"No, she isn't," said Timmy.
"Why not?" said the mother.
"Because I ate her first!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A recently divorced woman is walking along the beach contemplating 
how badly treated she got over the divorce settlement, when she spies 
a magic lamp washing up onshore. She rubs the lamp, and out pops a 
magical genie!! The genie notices her anger and lets her vent her 
troubles to him. As a consolation, the genie informs her that he will 
give her three wishes. But, he cautions her that because he does not 
believe in divorce, he will give her ex-husband ten times the amount 
of whatever she wishes.
The woman is steaming mad, thinking that this is hardly fair, but 
she makes herf irst wish. The first wish was for a billion dollars. 
The genie grants her wish and she finds herself sitting in pile of 
one billion one-dollar bills.
The genie then reminds her that her husband is now the recipient of 
10 billion dollars. The woman can barely contain her anger when she 
makes her second  wish.The second wish was for a beautiful mansion on 
the shore of her own private beach. In an instant it was granted, but 
the genie then reminds her again that her ex-husband now owns ten of 
what she wished for, and points down the beach to a small development 
of ten such mansions.
Upon hearing this, the woman takes her time to contemplate her last 
wish. Just as the genie was about to give up on her, the woman 
informs the genie that she wants to make the last wish. But, before 
she can do this, the genie again warns her that her ex-husband will 
get ten times what she wishes for.
"No problem," said the woman as she grinned in ecstasy. "For my last 
wish ... I'd like to give birth to twins."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A Pastor had a kitten that climbed up a tree
in his backyard and then was afraid to come
down. The pastor coaxed, offered warm milk,
etc. The kitty would not come down. The tree
was not sturdy enough to climb, so the pastor
decided that if he tied a rope to his car and
drove away so that the tree bent down, he could
then reach up and get the kitten. He did all this,
checking his progress in the car frequently, then
figured if he went just a little bit further, the tree
would be bent sufficiently for him to reach the
kitten. But as he moved a little further forward...
the rope broke.
The tree went "boing!" and the kitten instantly
sailed through the air - out of sight. The pastor
felt terrible. He walked all over the neighborhood
asking people if they'd seen a little kitten. Nobody
had seen a stray kitten.
So, he prayed, "Lord, I just commit this kitten to
your keeping," and went on about his business.
A few days later he was at the grocery store, and
met one of his church members. He happened to
look into her shopping cart and was amazed to
see cat food. Now this woman was a cat hater
and everyone knew it, so he asked her, "Why
are you buying cat food when you hate cats so much?"
She replied, "You won't believe this," and told him
how her little girl had been begging her for a cat,
but she kept refusing. Then a few days before,
the child had begged again, so the Mom finally
told her little girl, "Well, if the Lord gives you a cat,
I'll let you keep it."
She told the pastor, "I watched my child go out in
the yard, get on her knees, and ask Lord for a cat.
And really, Pastor, you won't believe this, but I saw
it with my own eyes. A kitten suddenly came flying
out of the blue sky, with its paws spread out, and
landed right in front of her."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The bride came down the aisle and when she reached the
altar, the groom was standing there with his golf bag
and clubs at his side.
She said, "What are your golf clubs doing here?"
He looked her right in the eye and said, "This isn't
going to take all day, is it?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Here are a few things to ponder.
Can you cry under water?
How important does a person have to be before they are considered
assassinated instead of just plain murdered?
Why do you have to "put your two cents in"... but it's only "a penny for
your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going?
Once you're in heaven, are you stuck wearing the clothes you were buried
in for eternity?
Why does a round pizza come in a square box?
What disease did cured ham actually have?
How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be
a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up,
like, every two hours?
If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?
Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?
Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in
binoculars to look at things on the ground?
Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you
naked anyway.
Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural?
Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible
crisp, which no decent human being would eat?
If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut,
why can't he fix a hole in a boat?
Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't
point totheir crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?
Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're
both dogs!
If Wiley E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap to try to
get the Roadrunner, why didn't he just buy dinner?
If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from
vegetables, what is baby oil made from?
If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same
tune?
Why did you just try singing the two songs above?
Who decided to call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but
call it a hemorrhoid when it's inside your butt? (Same guy who decided
you park in a driveway, but drive on a parkway.)
Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at
you, but when you take him for a car ride; he sticks his head out the
window?
Do you ever wonder why you gave me your e-mail address in the first
place?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Post office employee to boss: "Sir, may I present Joe Johnson. He's retiring from the post office after thirty years." Boss: "Well, Johnson, what have you learned after thirty years with us?" Johnson: "Don't mail my check."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Near the end of a particularly trying round of golf, during which the golfer had hit numerous fat shots, he said in frustration to his caddy, "I'd move heaven and earth to break a hundred on this course."

"Try heaven," said the caddy. "You've already moved most of the earth."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A golfer went to see his doctor. He was suffering from major stress
syndrome. The doctor asked him if he played golf, to which the golfer
replied "I play at it, it's a very frustrating game, but I love it".

The doctor told him that the next time he played, he should use an
imaginary ball. The golfer was a little embarrassed, but he decided to
give it a try.

So he went out on a week day so his normal golfing buddies wouldn't see
him, and proceeded to tee up an imaginary ball. Lo and behold, he
birdied the first hole! He was playing the best game he had ever played,
with birdie or eagle on every hole, as he approached the 9th green.
Another single gentleman had been playing ahead of him and watching this
game with much curiosity.

The second golfer waited before he teed off on the 10th hole and asked
the first golfer if he would like to join him. They did, and as they
played the 10th hole, the second golfer asked him what he was doing.

The first golfer explained that his doctor had told him to play a round
of golf with an imaginary ball to relieve his stress, and it was
working. Well, of course, the second golfer said he had stress and asked
if it would be all right to play with an imaginary ball also. The first
golfer said "Sure!".

They now approach the 18th hole, short par 4, and both men are tied to
this point in their round. The second golfer teed his imaginary ball,
took a stroke, and started jumping up and down shouting, "Ace! I win!".
The first golfer only turned to him, smiled, and said "No, I won. That
was my ball."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
My husband and I had just finished tucking our five young ones into bed
one evening when we heard sobbing coming from three-year-old Billy's
room. Rushing to his side, we found him crying hysterically. He had
accidentally swallowed a penny and was sure he was going to die. No
amount of talking could change his mind.

Desperate to calm him, my husband palmed a penny that he happened to
have in his pocket and pretended to pull it from Billy's ear. Billy was
delighted. In a flash, he snatched it from my husband's hand, swallowed
it and demanded cheerfully,

"Do it again, Dad!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
As an airline reservation agent, I took a call from a man who  wanted to
book a flight for two but wasn't happy with the price of $59 per ticket.

"I want the $49 fare I saw advertised," he insisted, saying he would
accept a flight at any time.

I managed to find two seats on a 6 a.m. flight. "I'll take it," he said,
then worried his wife might not like the early hour. I warned there was
a fee of $25 per person if he changed the reservation. 

"Oh, that's no problem," he said dismissively. "What's fifty  bucks?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The blonde went to an eye doctor to have her eyes checked for glasses.
The doctor directed her to read various letters with the left eye while
covering the right eye. The blonde was so mixed up on which eye was
which that the eye doctor in disgust took a paper sack with a hole to
see through, covered up the appropriate eye and asked her to read the
letters.

As he did so, he noticed the blonde had tears streaming down her face.
"Look," said the doctor, "there's no need to get emotional about getting
glasses."

"I know," agreed the blonde, "But I kind of had my heart set on wire
frames."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Because our former small-town parish was not a wealthy one, our pastor
was dependent on parishioners for upkeep and maintenance of  the church.
Once he asked my husband, Sam, to rewire the confessionals. The only way
to reach the wiring was to enter the attic above the altar and crawl
over the ceiling by balancing on the rafters. Concerned for my husband's
safety, I waited in a pew.  Unbeknownst to me, some parishioners were
congregating in the vestibule. They paid little attention to me,
probably assuming I was praying. Worried about my husband, I looked up
toward the ceiling and yelled, "Sam, Sam -- are you up there? Did you
make it okay?"  There was quite an outburst from the vestibule when
Sam's hearty  voice echoed down, "Yes, I made it up here just fine!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A building contractor was being paid by the
week for a job that was likely to stretch over
several months. He approached the owner
of the property and held up the check he'd
been given.

"This is two hundred dollars less than we
agreed on," he said.

"I know," the owner said. "But last week I
overpaid you two hundred dollars, and you
never complained."

The contractor said. "Well, I don't mind an
occasional mistake. But when it gets to be
a habit, I feel I have to call it to your attention."

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**** WEIRD HAPPENINS ****

Who Doesn't Need Alien and Ghost Insurance? 
  
UNITED KINGDOM - Insurance companies prey on common fears  
all the time, but a new UK policy takes this a little too far.  
Under a new Spooksafe policy, the company Ultraviolet will  
pay out for any death, injury or damage to personal items  
determined to be caused by a ghost or poltergeist. The policy  
officially covers the cost of a ghost attack, an encounter  
with a space alien, and consequences from becoming a werewolf  
or vampire. Over 500 policies have been drafted thus far this  
year, and the company paid out on a case where a women died  
after being thrown over banisters. A special team of invest-  
igators had determined the woman was thrown by a ghost. The  
werewolf and vampire polices have been especially popular.   
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Would-Be Robber Gets Burned By Frozen Chicken  

TOKOROA, New Zealand - "What a Gas!" could be the phrase used  
to describe a 19-year-old's robbery attempt. Raymond Thomas  
Jacobson reportedly broke into a stranger's house looking for  
food. He found a frozen chicken in a basement freezer, and  
having no other way to prepare his meal, doused it in gasoline  
and set it on fire. The blaze quickly got out of control which  
in turn woke the home owners, who were too late to put it out.  
The fire caused more than $160,000 worth of damage. Jacobson,  
who apparently pleaded guilty to arson, five charges of bur-  
glary and one of theft earlier, was jailed for two years by  
Judge Phillip Cooper.   
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
  
A New Way To Fight Price Wars

When the station down the street started offering gas for 16  
cents a gallon cheaper than his, gas station owner Ed Trudeau  
decided the deal was too good to pass up. He and his son-in-  
law jumped in their 8,500-gallon tanker and headed to the  
competitor to fill up. The clerk told Trudeau to stop, but  
he continued pumping until workers shut off the gas. He paid  
$427.53 for 342.58 gallons of gas and left just as station  
employees raised the price. "I can buy gas from him cheaper  
than from my oil suppliers," Trudeau commented.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Restaurant Employee's Say "Doh! A Deer!"

EL DORADO, Arkansas - Is McDonald's planning on selling  
McVenison burgers? Apparently someone thought it could be a  
possibility and deposited a dead deer under a sink in the  
men's bathroom in El Dorado, Arkansas. Manager Jeff Moss  
told police he couldn't figure out how someone could get the  
deer inside the restaurant without someone noticing. He also  
said surveillance video cameras, which are aimed at the cash  
registers, didn't record the incident. The police report did  
not state the deer's size or how it was killed and moved into  
the McDonald's. "A dead deer on the side of the road isn't  
an unusual sight, especially at this time of year," explained  
commission spokesman Len Pitcock. "We think somebody could  
have hit the deer and then decided to play a prank."  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 
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**** HEALTH NEWS ****

Ankle Fracture Surgery Helps All Ages  

THURSDAY,  -- Contrary to previous findings, older patients  
appear to benefit from surgery aimed at repairing ankle  
fractures nearly as much as younger patients, a new study  
finds.  

The surgery in question is used to repair unstable ankle  
fractures, involving injury to both sides of the ankle.  

"Our data show those over 60 do just as well clinically as  
younger people one year after surgery, with few complica-  
tions," study co-author Dr. Kenneth Egol, chief of ortho-  
pedic trauma service at New York University-Hospital for  
Joint Diseases, said in a prepared statement. "However,  
self-reported functional results fall below that of patients  
younger than 60," he added.  

His team was to present the findings Thursday at the annual  
meeting of the American Academy of Orthopaedic Surgeons in  
Chicago.  

The study included 313 patients younger than 60, and 56  
patients age 60 and older, who all underwent surgery to  
repair unstable ankle fractures. For six weeks after the  
surgery, the patients wore a brace and were told not to  
put weight on the affected ankle.  

Function steadily improved for all patients during the year  
after the surgery, the researchers said, but to a lesser  
degree in the older patients. This suggests that older  
patients may need a more intensive rehabilitation program  
early on in recovery in order to improve ankle function.  

The bottom line: "We need to treat our elderly patients  
with ankle fractures the same as younger patients," Egol  
said. "This study gives support to the current practice of  
aggressive treatment for unstable ankle fractures, so  
patients can return to their pre-injury function." 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  

Delayed-release Ritalin has less potential for abuse  

NEW YORK - A once-daily, controlled-release formulation of  
Ritalin, also known by its generic name methylphenidate, to  
treat attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) may be  
less likely to lead to abuse than the traditional immediate-  
release methylphenidate.  

Dr. Thomas J. Spencer from Massachusetts General Hospital  
and Harvard Medical School in Boston and colleagues compared  
the abuse potential of immediate-release and controlled-  
release methylphenidate in 12 healthy adult volunteers. None  
had been diagnosed with ADHD or any neurological or psychia-  
tric disorder.  

Using positron emission tomography (PET) scans, which measure  
dopamine transporter blockade, the investigators found that a  
90-mg capsule of controlled-release methylphenidate produced  
the same dopamine blockade in the brain as a 40-mg capsule of  
immediate-release methylphenidate, although at a much slower  
rate.  

Although the two formulations led to similar concentrations  
in the blood, controlled-release methylphenidate required a  
longer period of time to reach peak blood and brain levels  
and to block the dopamine transporter in the brain.  

Unlike the immediate-release methylphenidate, the subjects  
reported no preference and detected no subjective effects  
with the controlled-release methylphenidate.  

"The findings suggest that the abuse potential of oral  
methylphenidate is strongly influenced by the rate of  
delivery and not solely by the magnitude of plasma concen-  
trations or brain transporter occupancy," the authors  
conclude.  

"These results," they add, "advance understanding of the  
underlying central effects of methylphenidate in humans  
and identify a potentially less abusable methylphenidate  
formulation."  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

MEN'S WAIST SIZE PREDICTOR OF DIABETES RISK  

The circumference of a man's waist is a better predictor of  
his risk of developing type 2 diabetes than his body mass  
index, according to Baltimore researchers. The study,  
published in the American Journal of Clinical Nutrition,  
found men who had larger waists -- assessed using waist  
circumference and waist-hip ratio -- or higher overall body  
fat indicated by BMI had a greater risk of developing type  
2 diabetes. "Both BMI and waist circumference are useful  
tools to assess health risk," said the study's lead author  
Dr. Youfa Wang, of the Johns Hopkins Bloomberg School of  
Public Health. "But abdominal fat measured by waist circum-  
ference can indicate a strong risk for diabetes whether or  
not a man is considered overweight or obese according to  
his BMI."  


**** ON THIS DAY ****

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Thoughts or Comments
jokes or stories
U Send'em and I'll print'em
Just keep it clean.A lota kids read this
jim4615@earthlink.net
Subject Line--- The Funnies
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
 **** MOTOR SPORTS NEWS ****

Can-do spirit lifts R. Gordon

Dana's teammates race on

Patrick, Rice to return, saying risk "comes with the territory."

Story

Mixed emotions in opener

Foyt: Strong run at Homestead overshadowed by Dana's death.

Story

Gordon hit in pocketbook

Shove of Matt Kenseth draws $10,000 fine from NASCAR.

Story

Spencer for hire

Veteran driver will pilot BAM racing car at Martinsville.

Miss. honors Earnhardt

House resolution designates day in NASCAR driver's memory.

Letterman tributes Dana

TV host offers condolences to the fallen race car driver's family.

Carpenter wants to race

Driver recovering from injuries after crash that killed Paul Dana.

IRL searches for answers

Dana's death at Homestead a mystery, "worst-case scenario."

NASCAR tempers still testy

Hard feelings linger after rough-and-tumble race at Bristol.
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**** COUNTRY CALANDER ****

1924 Arlie Duff born in Warren, Texas  

1937 Dean Webb, mandolin player with the Dillards born in  
Independence, Missouri  

1941 Charlie McCoy born in Oak Hill, West Virginia  
  
1948 Radio personality Gerry House born in Covington,  
Kentucky  

1955 Reba McEntire born in Chockie, Oklahoma  
  
1974 Arthur "Big Boy" Crudup suffered fatal stroke in  
Nassawadov, Virginia  
  
1968 Eddy Arnold's "The Best Of Eddy Arnold" album  
certified gold  

1974 John Denver's "Sunshine On My Shoulder" single  
certified gold  

1980 Tom T. Hall rejoined the Grand Ole Opry  
  
2000 Jo Dee Messina's "I'm Alright" album certified double  
platinum  

2000 Tim McGraw's "Everywhere" album certified quadruple  
platinum  

2000 SHeDAISY's debut album, "The Whole Shebang," certified  
platinum  
  
1950 Hank Snow recorded his first #1 single, "I'm Movin' On"  
for RCA  

1960 Brenda Lee recorded the #1 pop hit "I'm Sorry,"produced  
by Owen Bradley and probably the first recording session that  
included strings in Nashville  

1962 Johnnie and Jack recorded "Waterloo" and "I Overlooked  
an Orchid" at their final Decca recording session   


 **** COUNTRY MUSIC NEWS ****

Graceland Designated National Historic Landmark  

Secretary of the Interior Gale Norton and Priscilla Presley  
will meet Monday (March 27) in Memphis, Tenn., to officially  
announce the designation of Graceland as a National Historic  
Landmark. Elvis Presley purchased the house and land for  
$103,000 in 1957 with earnings from his hit, "Heartbreak  
Hotel." It remained his primary residence until his death  
in 1977. Although Graceland has been on the National Register  
of Historic Places since 1991, the designation as a National  
Historic Landmark upgrades it to a status enjoyed by less  
than 2,500 historic sites in the U.S., including the White  
House, Pearl Harbor and the Alamo. The Sun Records studio in  
Memphis, the site of Presley's first recording sessions, was  
designated a National Historic Landmark in 2003.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   


 

**** Amy's Kitchen ****  

COUNTRY POTATO SOUP   

5 cups water  
1/3 cup butter  
1 Tbsp. parsley flakes  
5 rounded tsp. chicken bouillon  
1 tablespoon salt  
pepper to taste  
6 potatoes, peeled & cubed  
1 stalk celery ~ sliced  
2 onions, chopped  
1 to 3 large carrots, peeled and diced  
1 13-ounce can evaporated milk  
crumbled bacon  

DIRECTIONS:  
Put all ingredients except evaporated milk into crock-pot.  
Cook on high 4 hours or on low for 8 hours. Add milk last  
2 hours.  
  
<Stovetop method>  
Put water, butter, parsley flakes, bouillon, salt and pepper  
into large pot and get heating while you prepare the potatoes.  
When you put them in the boiling water, start timing:  boil  
20 minutes. Add celery, carrots and bacon 5 minutes after the  
potatoes go in. Once potatoes are done pour in the can of  
evaporated milk, and you've got a delicious dinner!  

For thicker soup, before pouring in milk, mix about 1/2 cup  
of cornstarch with enough cold water to make it pourable,  
and slowly stir that into the boiling soup. It will thicken  
quickly, than add the milk.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   

Roadhouse Potatoes

1 (32 ounce) bag southern style hash browns
1/4 cup butter, melted
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/4 teaspoon pepper
1/4 cup onion, chopped fine
1 (10 3/4 ounce) can cream of chicken soup
1/2 pint sour cream
1 small jar cheez wiz
1/2 cup crushed corn flakes
1/4 cup butter, melted

Combine first 8 ingredients and place in a large, greased casserole.
Combine Corn Flakes with the melted butter and sprinkle on top. Bake at
350 for 45 minutes.
Tona in Bama

**** TODAY'S USELESS FACT ****

If I bought a bottle of wine today for $10 and kept it sealed for 50 years, would it be worth a lot more because of its age?

Not all wines improve with age. Those that do have an upper limit of age. It requires constant monitoring of the aging potential of wines to determine at which stage of maturity they are at at any given time. This monitoring can only be done by actually tasting the wines. The results of these wine tastings are closely followed by the wine press, and in turn by the wine investors, who use the data collected to determine in their own minds, the relative value of the wine.

The most important way to tell if your wine is ready to drink, is to taste a bottle. This seeming paradox is one of the best reasons to buy wine by the case. This basically means, that you would end up spending more than 10.00 in the long run, because in 50 years when that bottle is opened for its 'taste test'... you'd better have more on hand to sell, if it has improved and is worth lots of money... :)

Buy about 5 bottles and store them, do your first taste test in about 10 years, you would be able to tell a difference from its original bottling taste by that amount of time. That is IF you can remember in 10 years what it tasted like. I have a hard time remembering yesterday, let alone what something tasted like 10 years ago.

If it doesn't taste any different, just sit back and continue to drink. The buzz you would have would end up being worth the wait anyway! :)



****A PARTING THOUGHT ****
"They say a dog is man's best friend, but I don't buy it. How many of your friends have you had neutered?"


TOON TIME

Porto Potty
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Built In Sign
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Fat Frog
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Porto Potty
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<a href=" http://www.buffalosjokes.com/313141.htm ">  Here!</a>

Soap Operas
http://www.ezines4all.com/ct200409/026.htm
<a href="http://www.ezines4all.com/ct200409/026.htm"> Here </a>

Heavens New Security Measures
http://www.ezines4all.com/ct200409/027.htm
<a href="http://www.ezines4all.com/ct200409/027.htm"> Here </a>

Time to clock your mood
http://www.aikenslaughs.com/forfun/funny533.html
<a href="http://www.aikenslaughs.com/forfun/funny533.html">Here</a>

Strange 4
http://www.buffalosjokes.com/313140.htm
<a href=" http://www.buffalosjokes.com/313140.htm ">  Here!</a>

Strange 3
http://www.buffalosjokes.com/313139.htm
<a href=" http://www.buffalosjokes.com/313139.htm ">  Here!</a>

Strange 2
http://www.buffalosjokes.com/313138.htm
<a href=" http://www.buffalosjokes.com/313138.htm ">  Here!</a>

Dogs Learning What Not To Eat
http://www.ezines4all.com/ct200409/068.htm
<a href="http://www.ezines4all.com/ct200409/068.htm"> Here </a>

Too Much On The Roof Rack
http://www.ezines4all.com/ct200409/069.htm
<a href="http://www.ezines4all.com/ct200409/069.htm"> Here </a>

There's logic here somewhere
http://www.aikenslaughs.com/forfun/funny532.html
<a href="http://www.aikenslaughs.com/forfun/funny532.html">Here</a>



LAST CALL Y'ALL


That's all folks
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Hey, Let's be careful out there
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PLEASE
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