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Anyone without a sense of humor is at the mercy
of the rest of us. Heaven Help Them
Remember,it is easier to get older
than it is to get wiser

 MONDAY MAY 08,2006


THOUGHT FOR TODAY: A good day is when the
wheels of your shopping card all go in the same direction.

I went to see a specialist Doctor on referral. The nurse asked me what medicines do you take.
I gave her a paper list of all regular medicines I take for survival.
She complemented me, "You are very well organized!"
I said. "No.., these days I  put nothing to memory, all on paper."
She sympathized and enjoyed patient like me.
The beautiful lady Doctor followed and put me on table lying my face up.
With her chest touching my head, me looking through her beautiful nose, face and
curvature and enjoying her smooth skin,  she did ultra sonic.
She told me, "Uncle, you have AADD."
I asked her, "Doctor will I survive? I heard of AID, but what the hell this was?"
She explained, "Aged Attention Deficit Disorder."
I asked her, "Doctor give me straight. Am I dying?"
She laughed and said, "No but you have come to an age."
She was right. I had following symptoms manifested:
I decide to water my garden. As I turn on the hose in the driveway,
I look over at my car and decide my car needs washing.
As I start toward the garage, I notice that there is mail on the porch table that I brought up from the mail box earlier.
I decide to go through the mail before I wash the car.
I lay my car keys down on the table, put the junk mail in the garbage
can under the table, and notice that the can is full.
So, I decide to put the bills back on the table and take out the garbage first.
But then I think, since I'm going to be near the mailbox when I take out the garbage anyway,
I may as well pay the bills first.
I take my check book off the table, and see that there is only one check left.
My extra checks are in my desk in the study, so I go inside the house to my
desk where I find the can of Coke that I had been drinking.
I'm going to look for my checks, but first I need to push the Coke aside so that I don't accidentally knock it over.
I realize the Coke is getting warm, and I decide I should put it in the refrigerator to keep it cold.
As I head toward the kitchen with the Coke, a vase of flowers on the
counter catches my eye--they need to be watered.
I set the Coke down on the counter, and I discover my reading glasses that I've been searching for all morning.
I decide I better put them back on my desk, but first I'm going to water the flowers.
I set the glasses back down on the counter , fill a container with water and suddenly
I spot the TV remote. Someone left it on the kitchen table.
I realize that tonight when we go to watch TV, I will be looking for the remote, but I won't
remember that it's on the kitchen table, so I decide to put it back in the den where it belongs, but first I'll water the flowers.
I pour some water in the flowers, but quite a bit of it spills on the floor.
So, I set the remote back down on the table, get some towels and wipe up  the spill.
Then I head down the hall trying to remember what I was planning to do.
At the end of the day:
    The driveway is flooded
    The car isn't washed,
    The bills aren't paid,
    There is a warm can of Coke sitting on the counter,
    There is still only one check in my check book,
    I can't find my remote,
    I can't find my glasses, and
    I don't remember what I did with the car keys.
Then when I try to figure out why nothing got done today. I'm really baffled because
I know I was busy all day long, and I'm really tired.
I realized this as a serious problem, and decided to come to Doctor.
But then I decided to check my Emails and send some to friends.
I am on computer and I don't remember why I am on computer.
Boy, I have come to an age in my life.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I'm So Broke Jokes

I'm so broke, I go to KFC and lick other peoples fingers.

I'm so broke me and my girlfriend got married for the rice.

I'm so broke, if a trip around the world cost a nickel, I wouldn't have
enough to leave the couch!

I'm so broke that I just went into McDonald's and put a
small fry on layaway.

If pickles were 10 cents a truckload I couldn't buy a
wart off a cucumber!

I'm so broke, just to rub two nickels together, I'd have
to borrow one.

We were so broke, that at Christmas, all we could
exchange was glances.

I'm so broke, the bank asked for their calendar back.

I'm so broke, long distance companies don't even call
me to switch!

If I stopped on a dime, I'd probably owe it to someone.

I ain't broke, but I'm severely bent.

Someone saw me kicking a can down the street, and
when asked what I was doing I said, "Moving."

I'm so broke I can't afford to pay attention!

A guy walked into our house, stepped on a cigarette
and my Mom yelled, "Who turned off the heat?"


I'm so broke that when someone saw my Mom walking
down the street with one shoe, they said, "Hey, you lost
a shoe." She said, "No, I found one."

We're so broke that if someone rings our doorbell I
have to yell, "ding dong!" out the window.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A man was going up to bed, when his wife told him
he'd left the light on
in the garden shed - she could see it from the
bedroom window. But he
said that he hadn't been in the shed that day. He
looked himself, and
there were people in the shed, stealing things.

He rang the police, but they told him that no-one
was in his area, so
no-one was available to catch the thieves. He
said ok, hung up, counted
to 30 and rang the police again.

"Hello. I just rang you a few seconds ago because
there were people in
my shed? Well, you don't have to worry about them
now, I've just shot
them all."

Within five minutes there were half a dozen
police cars in the area, an
Armed Response unit, the works. Of course, they
caught the burglars
red-handed.

One of the policemen said to this man: "I thought
you said you'd shot
them!"

He replied: "I thought you said there was no-one
available!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Jeff, Bill and John stopped at a roadside
restaurant for lunch. As luck
would have it, Jill was their waitress.

Jeff ordered a tuna-fish sandwich on white bread.

"Tuna?" Jill asked. "You'll like our chicken
salad better. And how about
whole wheat bread instead of white? It has more
vitamins."

"All right," Jeff answered. "Make it chicken
salad on whole wheat."

Bill ordered next: "Green salad, no dressing and
coffee."

"No dressing?" asked Jill. "There isn't much to
that. Why not a pear and
cottage cheese salad? And coffee will only keep
you awake. Have an ice
cold milk."

"All right," Bill answered. "Let me have a pear
and cottage cheese salad
with an ice cold milk."

With that, John asked Jill what she would suggest
for him.

"Suggest?" said Jill. "Who's got time for
suggestions?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up that
reads, "Low Bridge Ahead." Before he knows it, the bridge is right
ahead of him and he gets stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up
for miles. Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car
and walks to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says,
"Got stuck, huh?"
The truck driver says, "No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A man calls his doctor amd tells him that his wife has laryngitis.
The doctor said there was nothing he could do to cure it.
The man said, "Cure it?  I want to prolong it."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Joe sets up Michael to go on a blind date with a friend of
his. But Michael is a little worried about going out with
someone he's never seen before.
"What do I do if she's ugly?" says Mike, "I'll be stuck with her all  night."
"Don't worry," Joe says, "just go up to her door and meet her
first. If you like what you see then everything goes as
planned.  If you don't just shout Aaaaaauuuggghhh! and fake
an asthma attack."
So that night, Mike knocks at the girl's door and when she
comes out he is awestruck at how beautiful and sexy she is.
He's about to speak when the girl suddenly shouts...
"Aaaaaauuuggghhh!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Seniors having babies...

With all the new technology regarding fertility
recently, a 65-year-old
woman was able to give birth to a baby.

When she was discharged from the hospital and went
home, her relatives came to visit.

"May we see the new baby?" one asked.

"Not yet," said the mother. "I'll make coffee and we
can visit for awhile first."

Thirty minutes had passed, and another relative asked,
"May we see the new baby now?"

"No, not yet," said the mother.

After another few minutes had elapsed, they asked
again, "May we see the baby now?"

"No, not yet," replied the mother.

Growing very impatient, they asked, "Well, when can we
see the baby?""WHEN HE CRIES!" she told them.

"WHEN HE CRIES??" they demanded.  "Why do we have to
wait until he CRIES??"

  "BECAUSE I forgot where I put him."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A young woman, extraordinarily attractive in personality,
character and presentation, was suffering from a illness
that made her lips cracked and sore. The slightest movement
of her mouth caused pain and embarrassment. Her condition,
though not cured, was somewhat relieved by the application
of a prescription medication from her physician. The in-
structions on the prescription were to apply the medication
once A day, but the young woman found that more frequent
applications were palatable and effective. After exhausting
her supply, she returned to the doctor's office for another one.
The receptionist announced to the returning patient to the doctor:
"It's the super gal with the fragile lips expecting extra doses."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The world's first fully computerized airliner was ready for its maiden
flight without pilots or crew. The plane taxied to the loading area
automatically, its doors opened automatically, the steps came out
automatically. The passengers boarded the plane and took their seats.

The steps retreated automatically, the doors closed, and the airplane
taxied toward the runway.

"Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen," a voice intoned. "Welcome to the
debut of the world's first fully computerized airliner. Everything on
this aircraft is run electronically. Just sit back and relax. Nothing
can go wrong ... Nothing can go wrong...nothing can go wrong...."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
For those of you who aren't familiar with
tornadoes and are hearing news coverage
of this, here is a short glossary to help you
understand.

Fujita Scale:
  used to measure wind speeds of a
tornado and their severity.

F1:    Laughable little string of wind unless it
comes through your house, then enough to
make your insurance company drop you like
a brick.  (People enjoy standing on their porches
to watch this kind.)

F2:   Strong enough to blow your car into your
house, unless of course you drive an Expedition
and live in a mobile home,   then strong enough
to blow your house into your car.

F3:   Will pick your house and your Expedition
up and move you to the other side of town.

F4:   Usually ranging from 1/2 to a full mile wide,
this tornado can turn an Expedition into a Pinto,
then gift wrap it in a semi truck.

F5:   The Mother of all Tornadoes, you might as
well stand on your front porch and watch it, because
it's probably going to be quite a last sight.

Meteorologist:
A rather soft-spoken, mild-mannered type person until
severe weather strikes, and they start yelling at you
through the t.vs..: "GET TO YOUR BATHROOM OR
YOU'RE GOING TO DIE!"

Storm Chaser:
Meteorologist-rejects who are pretty much insane but
get us really cool pictures of tornadoes.  We release
them from the mental institution every time it starts thundering, just
to see what they'll do.

Tranquilizer:
What you have to give any dog or cat who lived through
the tornado every time it storms or they tear your whole
house up freaking out of their minds.

Moore, Oklahoma or Tornado Alley, Alberta:
A favorite gathering place for tornadoes.  They like to
meet here and do a little partying before stretching out
across the rest of the Midwest.

Bathtub:
Best place to seek shelter in the middle of a tornado,
mostly because after you're covered with debris, you
can quickly wash off and come out looking great.

Severe Weather Radio:
A handy device that sends out messages from the
National Weather Service during a storm, though
quite disconcerting because the high pitched, shrill
noise just as an alarm sounds suspiciously just like
a tornado. Plus the guy reading the report just sounds
creepy.

Tornado Siren:
A system the city spent millions to install, which is really useful,
unless there's a storm or a tornado, because then of course you can't
hear them.

Storm Cellar:
A great place to go during a tornado, as it is almost 100% safe, though
weigh your options carefully, as most are not cared for and are homes to
rats and snakes.

May-June:
Tourist season in Oklahoma, when people who are tired
of bungee jumping and diving out of airplanes decide it
might be fun to chase a tornado.  These people usually
end up on Fear Factor.

July-August
Tourist season in Alberta, when people are tired of Rodeo
stuff like Bronc Busting or riding Brahma Bulls by the name
of Twister...

Barometric Pressure:
Nobody really knows what this is, but when it drops a lot
of pregnant women go into labor, which makes for exciting moments as
their husbands are trying to drive them to the hospital and dodge
tornadoes at the same time.

Cars:
The worst place to be during a tornado (next to a mobile
home).  Yes, you can out run a tornado in your car...
unless everybody on the  road decides to do the same
thing, and then you're in grid lock.

A Ditch:
Supposedly where you're supposed to go if you find yourself without
shelter or in your car during a tornado.  Theoretically the tornado is
supposed to pass right over you, but since it can lift a 20 ton truck
and up root a three hundred year old tree, I'd bet my life on
out-running it in a car.

Mobile Home:
Most people are convinced mobile homes send off some
strange signal that triggers tornadoes, because if there's
one mobile home park in a hundred mile radius, the tornado
will find it.

Earthquake:
What any Californian would rather go through on any scale
of severity than face a tornado.

Tornado:
What any Oklahoman or Albertan would rather go through
on any scale of severity than face an earthquake.

Twister:
Slang for 'tornado' and also the title to a movie starring Helen Hunt,
which incidentally everyone thought was corny and unrealistic.

Power Flash:
One of the most reliable ways to track a tornado at night,
it's the term used when the tornado hits a power line and
a bright light flashes.  It's also the emotion experienced
by meteorologists when they get to make the call to interrupt prime-time
must-see t.vs.. and a million dollars worth of advertising to track a
storm for viewers.

Here are some phrases you might want to learn and be
familiar with:

"We'll have your electricity restored in 24 hours,"
which means it'll be a week.
"We're going to be out for a week, so buy a lot of
supplies and an expensive generator," means it's
going to be on in twelve hours, probably as soon as
you return from Wal-Mart-Mart.
"It's a little muggy today."   Get outta town.  It's getting
ready to storm.
"There's just a slight chance of severe weather today,
so go ahead and make your outdoor plans."
Ha. Ha ha ha ha.

And Rene's BIG TIP of the day:
When your electricity goes out, and you go to bed at night,
be sure to turn off everything that was on before it went
out, or when it is unexpectedly restored in the middle of
the night, every light, every computer, your dishwasher,
your blow dryer, your washing machine, your microwave
and your fans will all come on all at once.

1) You'll just about have a heart attack when they all come
on at the same time, waking you from a dead sleep.

And 2) Your breakers will blow, leaving you in the dark
once again
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Irish and a friend head out for their usual 9 holes of golf at Seminole
CC. Irish suggests a bet, "Let's  bet $50." They agree and tee off.
They're having a great game. After the 8th hole, Irish's friend is ahead
by one stroke, but cuts his ball into the rough on the 9th. "Help me
find my ball. Look over there," he says to Irish . After a few minutes,
neither have any luck and a lost ball carries a four-point penalty. The
guy quietly pulls a ball from his pocket and drops it to the ground, and
announces, "I've found my ball !!!" . Irish just looks at him and then
shakes his head and says, "After all of the years we've been partners
and have played together, you'd cheat me out of a lousy 50 bucks?""What
do you mean, cheat? I found my ball sitting right there!" Irish's friend
exclaims!  "And you're a liar, too!" Irish says. "I'll have you know
I've been STANDING on your ball for the last five minutes!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Three men were applying for the same job as a detective.
One was a Polack, one was a Jew, and one was an Italian.
The chief decided to ask each applicant just one
question and base his decision upon that answer.

When the Jew arrived for his interview, the chief asked
him, "Who killed Jesus Christ?" The Jew answered without hesitation,
"The Romans killed him." The chief thanked him and he left.

When the Italian arrived for his interview, the chief
asked the same question. He replied "Jesus was killed
by the Jews."  Again, the chief thanked the man who
then left.

Finally, the Polack arrived for his interview, he was
asked the same question. He thought for a long time,
before saying, "Could I have some time to think about
it?"

The chief said, "OK, but get back to me tomorrow."

When the Polack  arrived home, his wife asked "How
was the interview?".  Back came the reply, "Great, I
got the job, and I'm already investigating a murder.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A man had been driving all night and by morning was still far from his
destination.  He decided to stop at the next city he came to, and park
somewhere quiet so he could get an hour or two of sleep. As luck would
have it, the quiet place he chose happened to be on one of the city's
major jogging routes.  No sooner had he settled back to snooze when
there came a knocking on his window. He looked out and saw a jogger
running in place.  "Yes?" "Excuse me, sir," the jogger said, "do you
have the time?" The man looked at the car clock and answered, "8:15".
The jogger said thanks and left.  The man settled back again, and was
just dozing off when there was another knock on the window and another
jogger.  "Excuse me, sir, do you have the time?"  "8:25!" The jogger
said thanks and left.  Now the man could see other joggers passing by
and he knew it was only a matter of time before another one disturbed
him.  To avoid the problem, he got out a pen and paper and put a sign in
his window saying, "I do not know the time!" Once again he settled back
to sleep.  He was just dozing off when there was another knock on the
window. "Sir, sir?  It's 8:45!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
My husband, Cal, grew increasingly displeased as our teenage daughter
and her boyfriend studied in her room late one evening. Finally
losing patience shortly after midnight, he knocked sharply on her
door. Her boyfriend immediately opened it and asked if something was
wrong. "I have to ask you to move your car," Cal told him. "Oh, sure.
Is it in someone's way?"
"No," Cal replied, "it's at the wrong address."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A guy from Brooklyn was in Hong Kong passing through the
native quarter, and was surprised to see a synagogue. He went in and
sure enough, he saw a Chinese rabbi and a Chinese congregation. The
service was touching. As the service ended, the rabbi stood at the door
greeting his congregants. When our Brooklyn friend came up, the rabbi
said, "You Jew?" "Yes, I'm Jewish," replied the Brooklynite. "Funny,"
said the rabbi. "You don't look it."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Running Doe A young Native American woman went to a doctor for her first
Ever physical exam. After checking all of her vitals and running the
Usual tests, the doctor said, "Well, Running Doe, you are in fine
Health. I could find no problems. I did notice one abnormality however."
"Oh, what is that, Doctor?" "Well, you have no nipples."
"None of the people in my tribe have nipples," she replied. "That is
Amazing," said the doctor. "I'd like to write this up for The South
Dakota Journal of Medicine if you don't mind. She said, "OK." "First of
All" asked the doctor, "how many people are in your tribe?"
She answered, "Approximately 500."
"And what is the name of your tribe?" asked the doctor. Running Doe
Replied, "We're called .
"The Indiannippleless Five Hundred
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
After creating heaven and earth, God created Adam and Eve.                                   
And the first thing he said was "DON'T!"                                                    
"Don't what?" Adam replied.                                               
"Don't eat the forbidden fruit." God said.                                                   
"Forbidden fruit?  We have forbidden fruit?  Hey Eve.. we have forbidden fruit"                          
"No Way!"                                                   
"Yes way!"                                                  
"Do NOT eat the fruit! " said God.                                                   
"Why?"                                                      
"Because I am your Father and I said so!"  God replied, wondering why
He hadn't stopped creation after making the elephants.                        
A few minutes later, God saw His children having an apple break and He was ticked!                                          
"Didn't I tell you not to eat the fruit? " God asked.                                                  
"Uh huh,"  Adam replied.                                               
"Then why did you? " said the Father.                                            
"I don't know,"  said Eve.                                                   
"She started it!"  Adam said.                                                  
"Did not! "                                                 
"Did too! "                                                 
"DID NOT! "                                                 
Having had it with the two of them,  God's punishment was that Adam and Eve should have children of their own.                          
Thus the pattern was set and it has never changed.

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**** HEALTH NEWS ****

Insulin-producing beta cells are studied  

BOSTON - Boston scientists say they have conclusively shown  
two receptors in the insulin-producing beta cell do not  
affect developmental growth. The finding by researchers at  
the Joslin Diabetes Center refutes a long-held hypothesis  
in diabetes research and is helping scientists isolate  
growth factors that stimulate beta cell growth and under-  
stand the defects in insulin production and secretion that  
cause diabetes. The two receptors have been a major focus  
of research on beta cell development. "When you knock out  
one receptor at a time, the remaining receptor can  
compensate for the other since both are so similar," said  
Dr. Rohit Kulkarni, an assistant professor of medicine at  
the Harvard Medical School and lead author of the study.  
"In this study, we knocked out both at the same time and  
still didn't see a defect in the developmental growth of  
beta cells. "Our conclusion is that there are growth  
factors and pathways independent of (insulin-like growth  
factor I) and insulin that are necessary for the develop-  
ment of beta cells." The research will appear in an up-  
coming issue of Nature Genetics and is now available online  
at the journal's Web site.

Girls do better than boys on timed tests  

NASHVILLE, - Vanderbilt University scientists trying to  
determine how male and female brains differ have discover-  
ed timing is everything. In a study involving more than  
8,000 males and females ranging in age from 2 to 90,  
researchers Stephen Camarata and Richard Woodcock discover-  
ed females have a significant advantage over males on timed  
tests and tasks -- especially among preteens and teens. "We  
found very minor differences in overall intelligence," said  
Camarata. "But if you look at the ability of someone to  
perform well in a timed situation, females have a big advan-  
tage. "It is very important for teachers to understand this  
difference in males and females when it comes to assigning  
work and structuring tests," he added. In their study,  
Camarata and Woodcock focused on understanding differences  
in "processing speed" between males and females -- the  
ability to effectively, efficiently and accurately complete  
work that is of moderate difficulty. They found although  
males and females showed similar processing speed in kin-  
dergarten and preschool, females became much more efficient  
than males in elementary, middle and high school. The  
research will be published in the May-June issue of the  
journal Intelligence.   

Alternative skin cures suggested  

BETHESDA, Md., -- U.S. government scientists have gained  
new insight into the cause of a series of related illnesses  
-- including hay fever, asthma, eczema and psoriasis. The  
genetic finding by researchers at the National Institutes  
of Health suggests a novel therapeutic approach to the  
illnesses that are essentially inflammatory disorders of  
the tissues separating the inside of the body from the out-  
side world. NIH researchers report finding excessive pro-  
duction of a specific protein disrupts the protective prop-  
erties of the skin barrier. Once the skin barrier is com-  
promised, immune-system-stimulating chemicals -- allergens  
-- can enter the body and cause an inflammatory reaction  
that, in turn, stimulates skin cells to grow rapidly,  
further diminishing the protective function of the skin.  
The compromised barrier, in turn, becomes more porous to  
allergens that then stimulate more inflammation in a cycle  
that eventually produces common skin conditions such as  
psoriasis and eczema. But the scientists say it might be  
possible to break the cycle by creating a temporary,  
artificial skin barrier, such as a lotion, to block incom-  
ing allergens. The research appears in the May issue of  
The Journal of Clinical Investigation.   

Lifelong calcium supplements aid bones  

CHICAGO, -- Calcium pills do indeed enhance women's bone  
health, but only if they are taken regularly, say  
researchers at the University of Western Australia. While  
the study of 1,460 women 70 and older found no significant  
benefits for the group as a whole, the 57 percent who took  
calcium supplements for the entire five years had a 34  
percent reduction in the risk of bone fractures. "It was a  
bit of a surprise and a bit disappointing to discover that  
the effect was so dependent on compliance," author Richard  
Prince told The Wall Street Journal. The study's conclu-  
sions, published in the Archives of Internal Medicine, are  
similar to a February U.S. Women's Health Initiative study  
that the public misinterpreted. "I heard women saying,  
'That's it. This study says (calcium) isn't important and  
I should throw them out,'" WHI researcher Andrea LaCroix  
told the newspaper. "But that's the wrong take-home  
message," LaCroix said. "There are so many things about  
this trial that support the guidelines to get at least  
1,200 milligrams (of calcium) a day."   

**** ON THIS DAY ****

**** HEADS UP FOLKS ****
These Are My Causes Please Help

This is a link for FREE virus protection
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Organ and Tissue Donation/Transplanation 
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It takes less than a minute to go to their site and click on "donating a mammogram"
for free (pink window in the middle). This doesn't cost you a thing. Their corporate
sponsors/advertisers use the number of daily visits to donate mammogram
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Here's the web site! Pass it along to people you know. 
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Thoughts or Comments
jokes or stories
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 **** MOTOR SPORTS NEWS ****

Junior finally celebrates

Kalitta playing catch-up

Top Fuel ace bags second straight win; T. Pedregon prevails.

Story

Andretti, Unser back at Indy

Famous names get refreshers in Brickyard's rookie test session.

Story

Carmichael takes his fifth

Second-place finish in Las Vegas earns Supercross Series title.

Story

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**** COUNTRY CALENDAR ****

1922 J. D. Miller, writer of "It Wasn't God Who Made Honky  
Tonk Angels," born in Iota, Louisiana  

1926 Thurston Moore, country music publisher, born in  
Visalia, Kentucky  

1933 Singer/songwriter Bobby Austin ("Apartment No. 9")  
born in Wenatchee, Washington  

1934 Sam Allred of the Geezinslaw Brothers born in Austin,  
Texas  

1938 Veronica Loretta "Roni" Stoneman, member of the  
Stoneman Family and banjo player/comedienne on "Hee Haw,"  
born in Washington, D.C.  

1942 Tammy Wynette born in Itawamba County, Mississippi  
  
1955 Bluegrass fiddler Glen Duncan born in Columbus,  
Indiana  
  
1962 Claude King's #1 single "Wolverton Mountain" charted  

1979 John Conlee's "Backside of Thirty" goes to #1  
  
1950 Carl Smith signed his first recording contract with Columbia Records  
1974 Marty Robbins finished 15th at the NASCAR Winston 500 at Talladega, Alabama  
  
1989 Ronnie Milsap's "Greatest Hits Volume 2" certified platinum  
  
1935 The Carter Family recorded their first sides for ARC  
  
1949 Bob Wills recorded "Warm Red Wine"  

1970 Jimmy Martin recorded "Singing All Day and Dinner on  
the Ground" for Decca  

1970 Jimmy Martin recorded "Lift Your Eyes to Jesus" for  
Decca  

1970 Jimmy Martin recorded "Shake Hands With Mother Again"  
for Decca  

1970 Jimmy Martin recorded "When The Savior Reached Down  
for Me" for Decca  

1970 Jimmy Martin recorded "Help Thy Brother" for Decca  
  
1970 Jimmy Martin recorded "My Lord Keeps A Record" for  
Decca  
  
1987 Randy Travis' second album, "Always and Forever,"  
released   


 **** COUNTRY MUSIC NEWS ****

More of Cash's American Recordings to Be Released  

Several of Johnny Cash's final recordings with producer  
Rick Rubin will be released on the upcoming CD, American  
V: A Hundred Highways. In addition to his versions of  
Gordon Lightfoot's "If You Could Read My Mind," and other  
songs by Hank Williams, Rod McKuen and Bruce Springsteen,  
the album also features two originals -- "Like the 309"  
(the last song Cash wrote) and "I Came to Believe." Cash  
and Rubin began recording American V in 2002, immediately  
after completing American IV: The Man Comes Around, which  
included "Hurt." The sessions took place at Rubin's Los  
Angeles studio and at Cash's home and cabin near Nashville.  
Cash's vocal performances were later supplemented with  
overdubs by several of his favorite musicians, including  
guitarist Mike Campbell and keyboardist Benmont Tench of  
Tom Petty & the Heartbreakers. "These songs are Johnny's  
final statement," Rubin said. "They are the truest reflec-  
tion of the music that was central to his life at the time.  
This is the music that Johnny wanted us to hear." The  
album, released by American Recordings through the Lost  
Highway label, has a July 4 street date.   

 

May 5, 2006: Pat Green will debut his new single online Monday from an album out this summer. Green's "Feels Just Like It Should" will be available at AOL Music as the exclusive world premiere in the First Listen program. The song will be exclusive to AOL for 24 hours. Co-written by Green, Brett James and Justin Andrew Pollard, "Feels Just Like It Should" is the first single from Green's upcoming album "Cannonball" on BNA Records in stores Aug. 22. This summer, Green will open for The Dave Matthews Band in Tampa, West Palm Beach, Atlanta and Nashville. * * * * * * * May 4, 2006: Bon Jovi and Rascal Flatts continued their stranglehold on the Billboard song and album charts respectively for the week ending May 13. Bon Jovi's "Who Says You Can't Go Home" with Jennifer Nettles and Rascal Flatt's "Me and My Gang" both stayed perched at number one, although Rascal Flatts no longer had the top selling album of any genre in the country. On the song chart, Jason Aldean crept up one spot to second with "Why." Rascal Flatts' former number one, "What Hurts the Most" was down one to third. Dierks Bentley was up two to fourth with "Settle for a Slowdown," while Jack Ingram's biggest hit ever, "Wherever You Are," dropped a spot to fifth. Joe Nichols was a big mover with "Size Matters (Someday)" up five spots to ninth. Also moving up 5 was Kenny Chesney's "Summertime" to 11th and Brad Paisley's "The World to 13th. Rascal Flatts' title track jumped 6 spots to 20th. The biggest mover was Toby Keith's "A Little Too Late," up 7 spots to 23rd. On the album chart, Keith was second for the third straight week with "White Trash With Money. The three-four-five places remained the same with Tim McGraw's "Greatest Hits Vol 2: Reflected," Alan Jackson's "Precious Memories" and Carrie Underwood's "Some Hearts." The biggest mover on the chart was Shania Twain's "Greatest Hits," which leaped from 46 to 37. Godsmack's "IV" was the best selling album in the U.S. On the overall top 200, Rascal Flatts was 6th after being number 1 for 2 straight weeks. Keith was 12th, McGraw 16th, Jackson 19th and Underwood 22nd.

**** Amy's Kitchen ****  

BARBECUED BEEF   

1 1/2 cups ketchup  
1/4 cup packed brown sugar  
1/4 cup red wine vinegar  
2 tablespoons prepared Dijon-style mustard  
2 tablespoons Worcestershire sauce  
1 teaspoon liquid smoke flavoring  
1/2 teaspoon salt  
1/4 teaspoon ground black pepper  
1/4 teaspoon garlic powder  
1 (3-4 pound) boneless chuck roast  


1. In a large bowl, combine ketchup, brown sugar, red wine  
vinegar, Dijon-style mustard, Worcestershire sauce, and  
liquid smoke. Stir in salt, pepper, and garlic powder.  

2. Place chuck roast in a slow cooker. Pour ketchup mixture  
over chuck roast. Cover, and cook on Low for 8 to 10 hours.  

3. Remove chuck roast from slow cooker, shred with a fork,  
and return to the slow cooker. Stir meat to evenly coat  
with sauce. Continue cooking approximately 1 hour.  

Yield: 12 servings.  


Coconut Pecan Frosting

Combine 1 cup evaporated milk, 1 cup sugar, 3 slightly beaten egg yolks,
1/2 cup butter or margarine, 1 teaspoon vanilla. Cook and stir over
medium heat until thickened - about 12 minutes. Add 1 1/3 cups Baker's
Angel Flake Coconut and 1 cup chopped pecans. Cool until thick enough to
spread; beat occasionally. Makes 2 1/2 cups.
Ellen in Pgh

German Chocolate Cake Frosting:

1 cup sugar
3 egg yolks
1 teaspoon vanilla
1 stick butter
1 can condensed milk (such as Eagle Brand)
1 tablespoon cornstarch
1 can coconut (or small package, or to your taste)
1 cup nuts (here it pecans)

Combine ingredients, except nuts and coconut, cook over low heat:
stirring constantly until thickened, about 12 minutes. Cool, add nuts
and coconut, then ice cake.
Gladys, IN