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Anyone without a sense of humor is at the mercy
of the rest of us. Heaven Help Them
Remember,it is easier to get older
than it is to get wiser

WEDNESDAY MAY 24,2006


THOUGHT FOR TODAY: "Only two things are necessary to keep one's wife happy. One is to let her think she is having her own way, and the other is to let her have it."

In my sociology class, we were instructed to write down  
answers to some questions the teacher was asking.  

"Next question," announced the instructor. "How would you  
like to be seen by the opposite sex?"  

I was thinking about my answer when the young woman next  
to me turned and asked, "How do you spell 'intellectual?'"  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
While watching a movie recently, I couldn't hear the dialogue  
over the chatter of the two women sitting in front of me.  

Unable to bear it any longer, I tapped one of them on the  
shoulder. "Excuse me," I said, "I can't hear."  

"I should hope not," she replied sharply. "This is a private  
conversation."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Because my daughter always complained that she didn't have any sharp knives, I bought her some. I phoned later and asked how she liked them. "They're terrific!" she replied enthusiastically. "I've already cut myself four times!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Always let your husband get his way when you're talking directions in the car. If he's right, you get where you're going; and if he's wrong, you can blame him the rest of the day. Best case scenario you can turn around and go home. It's a win-win situation.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
My daughter works at a casino. One evening when she was running the roulette table a fly landed on a number. One of the players noticed and put his money on that number. After my daughter spun the wheel and there were no winners, she turned to the disappointed bettor and said, "It must have been a house fly."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
An American was planning an extended trip to Australia and asked, via a chat forum, whether his electrical equipment would work over there. The short answer is yes, provided there are no problems with voltage mismatches. But somebody, just for fun, decided to say, "The Coriolis Effect will make your CDs spin the wrong way." The American bought this and asked whether there were any devices he could buy to correct the problem. A number of people, my colleague included, jumped onto the bandwagon with various suggestions. Eventually somebody took pity on the poor guy and admitted it was all a joke. The response? "How do you expect me to know it's a joke if you don't use a sarcastic smiley?!?!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The playwright Charles MacArthur had been brought to Hollywood to do a screenplay, but was finding it difficult to write visual jokes.

"What's the problem?" asked Charlie Chaplin.

"How, for example, could I make a fat lady, walking down Fifth Avenue, slip on a banana peel and still get a laugh? It's been done a million times," said MacArthur. "What's the best way to GET the laugh? Do I show first the banana peel, then the fat lady approaching, then she slips? Or do I show the fat lady first, then the banana peel, and THEN she slips?"

"Neither," said Chaplin without a moment's hesitation. "You show the fat lady approaching; then you show the banana peel; then you show the fat lady and the banana peel together; then she steps OVER the banana peel and disappears down a manhole."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Every Christmas, composer Giacomo Puccini would have a cake baked for each of his friends. One year, having quarreled with Arturo Toscanini just before Christmas, he tried to cancel the order for the conductor's cake. But it was too late—the cake had already been dispatched. The following day, Toscanini received a telegram from Puccini: "Cake sent by mistake." He replied by return: "Cake eaten by mistake."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
My husband's mother tongue is Spanish, and he sometimes forgets certain words in English. When we were on vacation and were driving by fields and fields of cabbages, he exclaimed: "Wow! Look at all that...that...coleslaw!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
One Sunday while we were in church, my youngest son, five-year-old Dameon, asked what the four doors at the back of the church were for. "They're confessionals," I said. In answer to his "What are confessionals?" I explained that when people do something bad, they have to go in there and tell the priest what they did. "Oh," Dameon said, "like a penalty box."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The other day I saw a truck carrying a house, and I thought, "That must have been a really nasty divorce." Yeah as the wife drives away she's screaming, "I told you I was going to take the house!" And the husband is shouting, "I'm keeping the basement!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Arthur C. Clarke, who wrote the science fiction novel 200l: A Space Odyssey, was also a scientist. He received a telegram from newspaper publisher William Randolph Hearst demanding, "Is there life on Mars? Cable one thousand words."

Clarke wired back: "Nobody knows. Repeat five hundred times."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A boss to a retiree: "As a symbol of our gratitude, we have created this special gold watch to serve as a reminder of your many years with the company. It needs a lot of winding up, is always a little late, and every day at quarter to five, it stops working."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"I am the sorest loser," Regis Philbin once confessed. It was his Irish temper, he said, which led him to get violent and kick or throw things. For example? After losing a tennis match while visiting a director’s home one day in the 1970s, Regis, in fine John McEnroe form, lobbed his racket into the air. For the next 25 years, he blushed with embarrassment whenever he drove past the director’s home and saw the racket, which remained clearly visible (“like a dagger in my heart”) right where it had landed: on a neighbor’s roof.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
After checking into a Las Vegas hotel one day, Clint Eastwood, annoyed that his closet would not open, lost his temper and put a fist through the door. Later that night, while eating dinner, Clint’s hands (with their scratched and bloody knuckles) were read by a so-called palm reader. Her verdict? "You are a very tranquil man."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Clint Eastwood rammed animation producer Stacy McLaughlin’s car and smashed her windshield with a large ball peen hammer. What prompted this extreme response? Stacy made the mistake of leaving her car in one of Clint’s designated parking spaces.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
My Uncle Jeb is the laziest man in the county. One day his best friend drove by my uncle's farm and noticed his barn was on fire.

"Your barn's burning down," he yelled.

"I know it," said Uncle Jeb, "I'm sittin' here prayin' for rain."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"I am not sure if President Bush fully grasps the economic  
issue. Like he was asked today if he has any plans to make  
the dollar stronger? And he said we were thinking of making  
it two-ply." --Jay Leno  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
My wife clipped a job listing out of the paper for me. She  
said it wasn't much to start out... but a huge pay raise.  
It read, "Salary: 23k to start. 401k after 1 yr."  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Long, unproductive meetings are often the bane of corporate  
life. My very funny boss at the software company where I  
work has come up with what just might be the perfect way to  
cut business conferences short before they start rambling  
out of control. There comes a time when he announces, "All  
those opposed to my plan say, 'I resign.'" End of meeting.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A man phoned his dentist when he received a huge bill. "I'm shocked!" he
complained. "This is three times what you normally charge." "Yes, I
know," said the dentist. "But you yelled so loud, you scared away two
other patients."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A woman's husband asked her what she wanted for her birthday. She
thought for a moment and said, "This year I just want cold, hard cash
for a change."

The following day her husband filled her request. He put $20
in nickels, dimes and quarters into a quart jar, then filled
it with water and placed it in the freezer. On her birthday
he handed his wife a solidly frozen bottle of change.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A guy goes to the psychiatrist. "Doctor," says the guy, "I
feel as if I'm two different people! Two totally different
personalities. Do you think I need help? Can you help me? Am I doing the
right thing seeing a psychiatrist?"

"Whoah! Whoah! Whoah!" says the doc. "Please, one at a time."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
There once was an proud Irishman named Pat, who went to heaven and saw St. Peter
at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter asked, "Who are you?" Pat replied, "My name is Pat, I'm
an Irishman, born on St. Patrick's Day, died on St. Patrick's Day, marching' in the St. Patrick's
Day parade." St. Peter said to Pat: "Yes, this is true! Here's a little green cloud for you to drive
around heaven in and here is a harp that, when you push this button here, will play 'When Irish
Eyes Are Smiling.' Enjoy it, Pat. Have a good time in heaven."
Pat jumps on his little green cloud, punches the button, and heads out with a smile on his face
and a song in his heart. He's having a wonderful time in heaven, driving his little green cloud
around. But on the third day, he's driving down Expressway H-1 with the harp playing full blast
when, all of a sudden, a Jewish man in a pink and white two-tone cloud with tail fins roars past him.
And in the back of this cloud is an organ which is playing all sorts of celestial music. Pat makes a
U-turn right in the middle of the Heaven Expressway and charges back to the Pearly Gates.
He says, "St. Peter, my name is Pat, I'm a proud Irishman. I was born on St. Patrick's Day,
died on St. Patrick's Day, marching' in the St. Patrick's Day parade. I come up here to heaven and
I get this tiny, insignificant little green cloud and this little harp that plays only one song,
'When Irish Eyes Are Smiling.' But, there's a Jew over there. He's got a big, beautiful pink and
white two-tone cloud and a huge organ that plays all kinds of celestial music and I, Pat the Irishman,
want to know why!" St. Peter stands up from his desk. He leans over and motions Pat the Irishman to
come closer. Then he says: "Pat, shush! He's the Boss's Son!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The tough businessman was feeling very ill and went to the doctor.
The doc examined him and backed away, saying, "I'm sorry to
tell you this, but you have an advanced case of highly
infectious rabies. You must have had it for some time. It will
almost certainly be fatal."
"Could you give me a pen and paper?" said the businessman.
"Do you want to write your will?"
"No, I want to make a list of all the people I want to bite."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The efficiency expert concluded his lecture with a note of caution.
"You don't want to try these techniques at home."
"Why not?" asked someone from the back of the audience.
"Well, I watched my wife's routine at breakfast for years," the
expert explained. "She made lots of trips to the refrigerator,
stove, table and cabinets, often carrying just a single item at a time.
'Hon,' I suggested, 'Why don't you try carrying several things at once?'"
The voice from the back asked, "Did it save time?"
The expert replied,
"Actually, yes. It used to take her 20 minutes to get my
breakfast ready. Now I do it in seven."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
He was a young Pastor, and as usual, he was running late  
getting into town.... and he was speeding.  

Then to top it off, he looked in the review mirror only to  
see the lights of the Highway Patrol!  Already late for  
church and figuring he'd try for leniency, he quickly  
slapped his Bible on the dash of his car as the trooper  
walked up to the window and asked to see his drivers  
license.  

Looking at his name and title on the license, the trooper  
asked, "You're a Reverend huh?" The young Pastor affirmed  
that.  

The trooper then began writing out a speeding ticket and  
said, "Well, Reverend; your speedometer runneth over."  

As the trooper handed him the ticket and started to walk  
away, his last comment was, "Oh, by the way.... the Bible  
on the dash.... nice touch."  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
One day a child at my four-year-old's preschool class told  
her classmates that she needed a 'damp towel.'  

Some of the other kids thought she said a naughty word and  
told on her.  

The teacher stepped in to explain, "If your mommy asked you  
to bring her a damp towel, what does she want?"  

A little girl blurted out, "She means she wants that towel  
right now!"  

**** Quickies ****
Rain is caused by big, high-pressure areas; cold fronts; warm, moist air; and the first day of your vacation.
~
John figured out a good way to save money on his honeymoom--he went on it alone.
~
Allen call it quits when his fourth child was born, because he read that ever fifth child born in the world is Chinese.
~
Suzanne came to the office in a bathing suit because the boss had promised to let her get in the office pool.

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**** HEALTH NEWS ****

Mice study targets human lung cancer  

NEW YORK, -- U.S. scientists have created an animal model  
of lung adenocarcinoma that can be used to test the efficacy  
of targeted human lung cancer therapies. Drs. Katerina  
Politi, Harold Varmus and colleagues at the Memorial Sloan  
Kettering Cancer Center in New York say researchers can use  
the model to understand how mutations in the human epidermal  
growth factor receptor, or EGFR, gene initiate lung tumors,  
which are the most common cause of cancer mortality. "In  
addition, these models will allow us to evaluate the effect-  
iveness of new drugs and drug combinations and to study the  
molecular basis of resistance to existing tyrosine kinase  
inhibitors," said Politi. Lung cancer patients who harbor  
mutations in their EGFR gene generally have a better  
response to drugs that inhibit EGFR, such as Iressa and  
Tarceva. The researchers say they engineered a strain of  
mice with a mutated form of EGFR that can be turned on or  
off in lung cells at will. The inducible EGFR-mutant mice  
allow the scientists to evaluate the contribution of EGFR  
mutations to lung cancer formation, progression and  
response to chemotherapeutics. The study is reported in  
the June 1 issue of the journal Genes & Development.   

Food cravings linked to brain  

LONDON, -- A British study has found a connection between  
overeating and the brain, data that may be used to prevent  
and treat obesity and eating disorders. Britain's Medical  
Research Council studied 12 people's brain activity when  
looking at different types of food, The Guardian reports.  
Participants' brains were scanned while seeing anything  
from chocolate cake to rotten meat and then given question-  
naires about their lifestyle. The study showed some people's  
brain activity made them more prone to crave food as a reward.  
Co-author and senior research scientist Andy Calder said of  
the study: "We didn't know if high reward-sensitive  
individuals are more prone to eat more. But, as you move up  
the scale, the people at the top have twice as much activa-  
tion as those at the bottom." Researchers say the data cold  
be used to understand obesity and eating disorders, as well  
as treat drug and alcohol addiction.   
   
MS depression: clue to better treatment  

PHILADELPHIA, -- U.S. neuropsychologists say depression  
increases in some patients with multiple sclerosis, and  
that finding might help in better treatment strategies.  
"Depressed mood in patients with multiple sclerosis  
changes more significantly over time than other stable  
depression symptoms such as a negative view of oneself  
or problems in sleep, fatigue, concentration, and appetite,"  
said Peter Arnett, associate professor of psychology at  
Penn State University. In addition, data from the tests  
show a larger number of patients in the increased depressed  
mood group were also using interferon beta drugs to slow  
progression of the disease, but researchers say it is too  
early to say whether the drugs might be causing the  
depression. "At this point we can only make an inference  
but not a causal connection," said Arnett. "We have to  
understand the characteristics of how depression changes  
and evolves over time. A better understanding of the  
natural history of these changes might help inform better  
treatment strategies. This is the first study to have done  
this." The research appears in the Journal of Neurology,  
Neurosurgery and Psychiatry.  

**** ON THIS DAY ****

**** HEADS UP FOLKS ****
These Are My Causes Please Help

This is a link for FREE virus protection
http://avast.com
It is excellent.  I use it myself
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Organ and Tissue Donation/Transplanation 
http://www.organdonor.gov/

It takes less than a minute to go to their site and click on "donating a mammogram"
for free (pink window in the middle). This doesn't cost you a thing. Their corporate
sponsors/advertisers use the number of daily visits to donate mammogram
in exchange for advertising.
 
Here's the web site! Pass it along to people you know. 
http://www.thebreastcancersite.com
&
The Animal Rescue Site is having trouble getting enough people to  click on it daily to meet their quota
of getting free food donated  every day to abused and neglected animals. It takes less than a  minute to go
to their site and click on "feed an animal in need"  for free! This doesn't cost you a thing! Their corporate
sponsors/advertisers use the number of daily visits to donate food to abandoned/neglected animals in exchange
for advertising. 
Here's the web site! Pass it along to people you know!
 http://www.theanimalrescuesite.com

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This is a link for FREE virus protection
http://avast.com
It is excellent
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Thoughts or Comments
jokes or stories
U Send'em and I'll print'em
Just keep it clean.A lota kids read this
jim4615@earthlink.net
Subject Line--- The Funnies
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
 **** MOTOR SPORTS NEWS ****

The Foyt Files

Finding the right balance a tough task in Indianapolis.

Story

Kyle Busch fined $150

Notes: Admits to improper driving; shakeup at Yates Racing.

Story

Green flag for Greenwell

Former Red Sox outfielder set to make NASCAR trucks debut.

Story

Subscribe Today: Home Delivery of USA TODAY - Save 35%

**** COUNTRY CALENDAR ****

1925 Bluegrass singer-songwriter Mac Wiseman born in  
Crimora, Va.  

1945 Misty Morgan (Jack Blanchard & Misty Morgan) born  
in Buffalo, N.Y.  

1951 Singer-songwriter Judy Rodman born in Riverside,  
Calif.  

1958 Shelly West born in Cleveland, Ohio  
  
1953 Jim Reeves' first No. 1, "Mexican Joe," charted  

1981 Rosanne Cash's "Seven Year Ache" became her first  
No. 1 single  
  
1983 Rex Gosdin (Gosdin Brothers) died at age 45  

1953 Jim Reeves debuted on the Grand Ole Opry  
  
1989 The Judds' Greatest Hits album certified platinum  

1989 K.T. Oslin's 80's Ladies album certified platinum  
  
1939 The Prairie Ramblers recorded "You Can't Break The  
Heart Of A Farmer"  

1951 Mac Wiseman celebrates his 26th birthday by record-  
ing his first sides for Dot Records   



 **** COUNTRY MUSIC NEWS ****

May 22, 2006: Kenny Chesney waited until the end to grab the most important award of the evening at the 41st Academy of Country Music awards Tuesday in Las Vegas, entertainer of the year. Chesney bounded upstage and thanked "all the very passionate people who come to see us every night." Brad Paisley won the most awards, three. A pumped Paisley, who opened the show with "The World," felt on top of the world after winning the best album award. "I've always wanted to win this award," said Paisley, referring to his latest album, "Time Well Wasted." The disc features his number one song "Alcohol. Paisley also won video and vocal event of the year awards for "When I Get Where I'm Going." The video award also went to producers Mark Kalbfeld and Peter Tilden, director Jim Shea and Dolly Parton, who sang with Paisley. The vocal event award also went to Parton , producers Chris DuBois and Frank Rogers and Paisley's Arista label. Carrie Underwood won two awards. The American Idol winner was named best new female artist. And her smash hit, "Jesus, Take the Wheel" was the single record of the year award. "I can't quite crying now," said Underwood, who had just sung the song in performance and also cried at the end. Brooks & Dunn do "Believe" because the song of the same name took home the Song of the Year award. Ronnie Dunn wrote the song with Craig Wiseman. Dunn praised his record company for pushing the song at radio. The duo also won the duo award, something they have typically done at awards shows for many years. They now have won a total of 21 ACM awards. Sara Evans was named female artist of the year. Evans said, "I waited for this my whole life." On the male side, Keith Urban was the winner for two years running. Rascal Flatts took home the vocal group of the year for the fourth straight year. Sugarland won the new vocal group of the year award. The group started as a trio, but is down to a duo. Jason Aldean took home the new male artist award. "If I could follow in the footsteps of the guys who this before...I'll be doing alright," said Aldean, who has had a big year with hit singles "Hicktown" and "Why." Vince Gill was honored with the Home Depot Humanitarian award, which he gave to a young girl in the audience who was there as a guest of the Make A Wish organization. The evening was highlighted by a tribute to the late Buck Owens with a medley of his songs played by Dwight Yoakam, Brad Paisley, Chris Hillman, Billy Gibbons of ZZ Top, blink-182/+44 drummer Travis Barker and Buddy Alan Owens, Buck's son.

McEntire's Sitcom Renewed for Sixth Season  

Reba McEntire's sitcom, Reba, has been renewed for a sixth  
season, it was announced Thursday (May 18). Reba will now  
air on the CW network, following a merger of the WB and UPN  
networks. CW ordered 13 episodes of the series. If the new  
network hadn't picked up the series, it would have been  
penalized around $20 million for breaking a two-year con-  
tract from the series' previous round of negotiations.   


 

**** Amy's Kitchen ****  

SWEET-ONION GRILLED QUESADILLAS  

1 medium-large Vidalia sweet onion  
olive oil for brushing onion and tortillas  
four 6- to 7-inch flour tortillas  
3/4 cup grated Monterey Jack cheese (about 3 ounces)  
1/4 cup packed fresh coriander sprigs, washed, dried  
    and chopped coarse.   

Prepare grill. Cut onion crosswise into 1/4-inch-thick  
slices and arrange slices on a tray, keeping them intact.  
Brush both sides of slices lightly with oil and season  
with salt and pepper. Grill onion on a lightly oiled  
rack set 5 to 6 inches over glowing coals 4 minutes on  
each side, or until lightly charred and softened. Transfer  
onion as grilled to a bowl, separating rings. Brush 2  
tortillas lightly with oil on one side and put, oiled  
side down, on a platter. Divide onion, Monterey Jack,  
and coriander between tortillas and cover with remaining  
2 tortillas. Brush tops of quesadillas lightly with oil.  
With a metal spatula transfer quesadillas to a rack set  
5 to 6 inches over glowing coals and grill until undersides  
are golden brown, about 1 minute. Sandwiching each  
quesadillas between 2 metal spatulas, flip quesadillas  
over and grill until undersides are golden brown, about  
1 minute. Transfer quesadillas to a cutting board and cut  
into wedges. Serves 2 as a light  luncheon main coarse or  
side dish.  

Yield: 2 generous srvings   

ONIONS...SWEET ONIONS...  

Vidalias have a higher water and sugar content than other  
storage onions, making them susceptible to bruising, and  
need to be handled with care. Since they're only available  
only a portion of the year, sweet onion lovers buy them in  
quantity (50 pounds or more), and store them for extended  
enjoyment.  

The key to preserving Vidalias, and to prevent bruising,  
is to keep them cool, dry and separated. Here are 2  
popular storage methods:  

In the refrigerator, wrapped separately in foil. This  
method is expensive and takes up precious refrigerator  
space, but can preserve Vidalia Onions for as long as a year.  

In the legs of clean, sheer pantyhose. Tie a knot between  
each Vidalia and cut above the knot when you want one.  
Hang in a cool, dry, well ventilated area.  

ENJOYING THE WHOLE ONION: To bake a Vidalia Onion, peel,  
then cut off the top and bottom to make it sit flat. Place  
a pat of butter on top, and microwave for 7 minutes on high,  
or wrap securely in foil and bake at 350 degrees F for 45  
minutes or until tender.