THOUGHT FOR TODAY:This is the beginning of the
Memorial Day weekend.Almost forty million
Americans will be on the road
this weekend. Don't let alcohol make you a statistic
this holiday. Stay sober and watch out for the other
guy that may not have your common sense. It is better
to be late a day than late forever.


DON'T BE THE OTHER GUY,
DON'T DRINK AND DRIVE

YOUR TOP TEN

The top 10 country singles:  
  
1. Dierks Bentley -- Settle For A Slowdown  
2. Jason Aldean -- Why  
3. LeAnn Rimes -- Something's Gotta Give  
4. Kenny Chesney -- Summertime  
5. Phil Vassar -- Last Day Of My Life  
6. Tim McGraw -- When The Stars Go Blue  
7. Jack Ingram -- Wherever You Are  
8. Brad Paisley -- The World  
9. Joe Nichols -- Size Matters (Someday)  
10. Bon Jovi Duet With Jennifer Nettles -- Who Says You  
    Can't Go Home  


The top 10 country albums:  
  
1. Rascal Flatts -- Me And My Gang  
2. Tim McGraw -- Greatest Hits Vol 2: Reflected  
3. Carrie Underwood -- Some Hearts  
4. Toby Keith -- White Trash With Money  
5. Alan Jackson -- Precious Memories  
6. Johnny Cash -- The Legend Of Johnny Cash  
7. Keith Urban -- Be Here  
8. Phil Vassar -- Greatest Hits Volume 1  
9. Rascal Flatts -- Feels Like Today  
10. Josh Turner -- Your Man   


The top 10 Christian singles:  

1. Casting Crowns -- Praise You In This Storm  
2. Aaron Shust -- My Savior, My God  
3. Chris Tomlin -- How Great Is Our God  
4. MercyMe -- So Long Self  
5. Mark Harris -- Find Your Wings  
6. Selah -- Bless The Broken Road  
7. Kutless -- Strong Tower  
8. Matthew West -- Only Grace  
9. Mark Schultz -- I Am  
10. Watermark -- Light Of The World 


Top 10 DVD sales:  
  
1. Big Momma's House 2 -- FoxVideo  
2. Munich (Wide Screen) -- Universal Studios Home Video  
3. Nanny McPhee (Wide Screen) -- Universal Studios Home  
   Video  
4. Nanny McPhee (Pan & Scan) -- Universal Studios Home  
   Video  
5. Rumor Has It... (Full-Screen Edition) -- Warner Home  
   Video  
6. Rumor Has It... (Widescreen Edition) -- Warner Home Video  
7. The New World -- New Line Home Entertainment  
8. Grandma's Boy -- FoxVideo  
9. Munich (Pan & Scan) -- Universal Studios Home Video  
10. The Family Stone (Wide Screen) -- FoxVideo  


The top 10 singles:  

1. Chamillionaire Featuring Krayzie Bone -- Ridin'  
2. Daniel Powter -- Bad Day  
3. Rihanna -- SOS  
4. Sean Paul -- Temperature  
5. Fort Minor Featuring Holly Brook -- Where'd You Go  
6. Red Hot Chili Peppers -- Dani California  
7. Lil Jon Featuring E-40 & Sean Paul Of The YoungBloodZ --  
   Snap Yo Fingers  
8. The Fray -- Over My Head (Cable Car)  
9. Nelly Furtado Featuring Timbaland -- Promiscuous  
10. T.I. -- What You Know  


The top 10 albums:  
  
1. Red Hot Chili Peppers -- Stadium Arcadium  
2. Cam'Ron -- Killa Season  
3. Tool -- 10,000 Days  
4. Soundtrack -- High School Musical  
5. Ashley Parker Angel -- Soundtrack To Your Life  
6. Rascal Flatts -- Me And My Gang  
7. The Raconteurs -- Broken Boy Soldiers  
8. Various Artists -- NOW 21  
9. Nick Lachey -- What's Left Of Me  
10. Pearl Jam -- Pearl Jam   
 

The top 10 mainstream rock tracks:  
  
1. Red Hot Chili Peppers -- Dani California  
2. Godsmack -- Speak  
3. Tool -- Vicarious  
4. Buckcherry -- Crazy Bitch  
5. Three Days Grace -- Animal I Have Become  
6. Korn -- Coming Undone  
7. Pearl Jam -- World Wide Suicide  
8. Shinedown -- I Dare You  
9. Disturbed -- Just Stop  
10. System Of A Down -- Lonely Day  

The Ole Fritzbear's Classic Edition
of
**** JOKE TIME ****
When Diane found out she was pregnant, she told the good
news to anyone who would listen.  But her 4-year-old overheard
some of her parents' private conversations.  One day when Diane
and her 4-year-old were shopping a woman asked the little girl
if she was excited about the new baby.

"Oh, yes!" the 4-year-old said, "and I know what we are going to
name it. If it's a girl we're going to call her Christina, and
if it's a boy we're going to call it quits!"

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

Two buffalo were standing on the range when a passing tourist said,
"Those are the mangiest, scroungiest, most moth-eaten miserable
beasts I have ever seen."

One of the buffalo turned to the other and said, "You know ... I think
I just heard a discouraging word.

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>
It was a terrible night, blowing cold and rain in a most frightful
manner.
The streets were deserted and the local baker was just about to close
up shop when a little man slipped through the door. He carried an
umbrella, blown inside out, and was bundled in two sweaters and a
thick coat. But even so he still looked wet and bedraggled.

As he unwound his scarf he said to the baker, "May I have two bagels
to go, please?" The baker said in astonishment, "Two bagels? Nothing
more?" "That's right," answered the little man. "One for me and one for
Bernice." "Bernice is your wife?" Asked the baker.

"What do you think," snapped the little man, "my mother would send
me out on a night like this?"
<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>
A man in a bar saw a friend at a table, drinking by himself.
Approaching the friend he commented, 'You  look terrible. What's the
problem?' 'My mother died in June,' he said, 'and left me  $10,000.' 'Gee, that's tough,' he replied.  'Then in July, the friend continued, 'my father died, leaving me  $50,000.' 'Wow. Two parents gone in two months. No wonder you're 
depressed.' 'And last month my aunt died, and left me $15,000.' 'Three 
close family members lost in three months? How sad.' 'Then this month,' 
continued the friend, 'nothing!'

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

Gardner goes to see his supervisor in the front office.Boss," he says, "we're doing some heavy  house-cleaning at home tomorrow, and my wife needs me to help  with the attic and the garage,moving and hauling stuff."

"We're short-handed, Gardner," the boss replies. "I can't give you
            the day off." "Thanks boss," says Gardner, "I knew I 
could count on you!"

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>><>

"I'd like to buy some gloves for my wife," the young man said,
eyeing the attractive salesgirl, "but I don't know her size."

"Will this help?" she asked sweetly, placing her hand in his.

"Oh, yes," he answered. "Her hands are just slightly smaller that
yours."

"Will there be anything else?" the salesgirl queried as she
wrapped the gloves.

"Now that you mention it," he replied, "she also needs a bra and
panties."

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><

  An older couple wake up in the morning and the husband looks
  over at the woman and says, " Wow!  You wouldn't believe the
  dream I had..."

  And the woman replied, "Yes, go on tell me."

  So the husband told her.  "I had a dream that you left me after
  20 years of being married."

  So the wife says, "Oh, it sounds more like a nightmare."

  The husband says, "No, I am sure it was a dream."


<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

  Once upon a time there was a stork family - papa stork, mama
  stork and baby stork.  One evening papa stork didn't show up
  for dinner. Mama stork and baby stork left the food out for him,
  but he didn't come home at all that night.

  When papa stork finally did come home the next day, baby stork
  asked "Papa stork, where were you last night?"

  "Out making a young couple very happy," replied papa stork.

  Several weeks later, mama stork was late for dinner.  Baby stork
  and papa stork waited a while, and then gave up and ordered pizza.
  Mama stork didn't come home until late the next morning.

  When mama stork did come in, baby stork asked "Mama stork,
  where were you last night?"

  "Out making a young couple very happy," replied mama stork.

  Later in the fall, baby stork was late for dinner.  Papa stork and
  mama stork were worried.  Their anxiety increased when baby
  stork still wasn't home by sunset.  They both waited up late for
  baby stork but he didn't come in until early in the morning.  His
  feathers were rumpled and unkempt.

  Papa stork barked, "Where were you baby stork?" as his tired son
  dragged himself over the threshold.

  "Out scaring the crap out of college students," replied baby stork.


 ><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><> 
 
The other day, we had a bomb scare here in Rio Rancho, NM, at
  the Giant gas station.  Of course, the bomb squad had to be called
  out to investigate, which in turn brought the news crews.

  In the local paper the next day, there was a picture of a bomb squad
  member, wearing a shirt that read: "I am a bomb technician.  If you
  see me running, try to keep up!"

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>
FactMaster


Where did the term "You've been 86'ed" come from?

Many years ago, Chumley's Restaurant, at 86 Bedford Street in New
York City, had a custom of throwing rowdy customers out the back
door. Eventually, restaurant workers started using "86'ed" as a
synonym for something being thrown out.

The term soon became part of the colorful "hash house" or "lunch
house" jargon adopted by the brash and often sassy waitresses
and countermen who worked in diners in the 1930s, 1940s, and
early 1950s.

In those years it was a common practice for a waitress to call
out the order to the cook. For more efficient ordering, the
waitresses created a shorthand method of giving orders. The
jargon they developed used just a few very descriptive words to
make sure the cook understood the order.

For example, if you ordered two poached eggs on toast and a glass
of milk, the waitress would yell out to the cook, "Adam and Eve
on a raft and moo juice." If you ordered a toasted English
muffin with coffee, the waitress might yell, "Burn the British
and Joe."

Although the colorful language of the diners died out many years
ago, a few words have remained in use today, such as, O.J.
(orange juice), stack (pancakes), BLT (bacon, lettuce, and tomato
sandwich), mayo (mayonnaise), and the various ways of cooking
eggs such as over easy or sunny side up.

Years back it was fun to eat at the lunch counter and try to
figure out what the waitress was saying. It's rare to hear this
colorful slang today but you may still hear it in some of the old
lunch counters in the smaller, older cities of the United States.
There are also a few diners that use nostalgia as their theme and
thus use the old hash house lingo.

Here are just a few examples of hash house lingo:
Axle grease: butter
Blowout patches: pancakes
Bowwow, barks, or groundhog: hot dog
Baled hay: shredded wheat
Bessie: roast beef
Bessie in a bowl: stew
Cackleberries: eggs
Rabbit food: salad
Sinkers: dougnuts
Sweep the kitchen: hash
Whiskey: rye bread (derived from rye whiskey)
Yummy: sugar

 ><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>
A report says high school students aren't very good with American
History. Its pretty shameful. On a recent test, a majority of
seniors thought Lincoln's Gettysburg address ended with
"@yahoo.com...?"
<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>
A Scotsman was visiting a friend in the mountains of Canada. The
first morning in the cabin, he awoke and stood by the window
admiring the scenery. Suddenly, he noticed a huge animal walk by.
"Och, whut's thaaat?" he said.

His Canadian friend looked out and said, "Oh, that's a moose."

"Och! If thaaat's a moose, hoo big are your cats aroond here?"

 ><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>
And the last one. . . . . .

  TOP 12 THINGS NOT TO SAY TO A COP
    Submitted by Woody Dent
           
1.  I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer.
     (OK in Texas)

2.  Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't
     plugged in.

3.  Aren't you the guy from the Village People?

4.  Hey, you must've been doin' about 125 mph to keep up with
     me.  Good job!

5.  Are You Andy or Barney?

6.  I thought you had to be in relatively good physical
     condition to be a police officer.

7.  You're not gonna check the trunk, are you?

8.  I pay your salary!

9.  Gee, Officer!  That's terrific.  The last officer only
     gave me a warning, too!

10. Do you know why you pulled me over?  Okay, just so one
     of us does.

11. I was trying to keep up with traffic.  Yes, I know there
     are no other cars around.  That's how far ahead of me
     they are.

12. When the Officer says "Gee Son....Your eyes look red, have
     you been drinking?"  You probably shouldn't respond with,
     "Gee Officer your eyes look glazed, have you been eating
     doughnuts?"

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>
Wishing you a Very Happy Holiday.

The Ole Fritzbear, Fred

An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he had
hammered his ship into the runway really hard. The airline had a policy,
which required the first officer to stand at the door while the
passengers exited, give a smile, and a "Thanks for flying XYZ airline".
He said that in light of his bad landing, he had a hard time looking the
passengers in the eye, thinking that someone would have a smart comment,
but no one seemed annoyed.
      Finally everyone had gotten off except for one little old lady
walking with a cane. She approached and asked, conspiratorially, "Sonny,
mind if I ask you a question?" "Why no Ma'am, what is it?" "Did we land
or were we shot down?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Planning a Christmas weekend of entertaining guests, I made a list of
things I needed to do, including taking food out of the freezer and
grocery shopping. As it happened, a friend whom I had been promising to
take to lunch asked if we could make it that Friday.  So, hopping into
the car, I taped my "to do" list to the dashboard and went and picked
her up. As she settled into the car, her face dropped. "Thanks a lot!"
she sulked. Then I glanced at my list and saw the first item: "Take out
the Turkey."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A man walked up to a farmer as he came out of a voting booth, "I'm from
the FBI."

"What seems to be the trouble?"

"We happen to know that you accepted a bribe and sold your vote."

"That's not true. I voted for the candidate because I like him."

"Well, that's where we've got you. We have concrete evidence you
accepted $50 from him."

"Well, it's plain common sense.  If someone gives you $50, you're going
to like him."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A gentleman was thoroughly examined by an oral surgeon who prescribed a simple operation to relieve his ailment. Asked if he wanted this operation performed immediately, the patient asked, "How will this affect my hobby?"

Puzzled, the doctor inquired, "What is your hobby?"

"Saving money."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A little boy, obviously lost, stood on a street corner anxiously watching the crowds of busy shoppers. Finally he approached a policeman. "Excuse me," he said, "but did you see a lady without me?"

**** HEALTH NEWS ****

Apnea oxygen masks cut blood pressure  

SAN DIEGO, -- U.S. researchers say people suffering from  
sleep apnea, a nighttime breathing disorder, can benefit  
from wearing an oxygen mask. Not only does the air mask  
help such patients sleep better, but now research indicates  
the masks also significantly reduce blood pressure. "Sleep  
apnea can have significant consequences on a person's  
physical health, and this study shows once again that  
treatment may lessen those risks," said lead researcher Dr.  
Daniel Norman, of the University of California-San Diego  
Medical Center. In obstructive sleep apnea, the upper airway  
narrows, or collapses, during sleep. Periods of apnea end  
with a brief partial arousal that may disrupt sleep hundreds  
of times a night. More than half of those with sleep apnea  
also have high blood pressure. The most widely used treat-  
ment is a technique called nasal CPAP, for continuous posi-  
tive airway pressure. It delivers air through a mask while  
the patient sleeps. It has proved successful in many cases  
in providing a good night's sleep and preventing daytime  
accidents due to sleepiness. Supplementary oxygen is some-  
times used as a treatment for sleep apnea. The study was  
presented Monday during this week's American Thoracic  
Society International Conference in San Diego.   

Two more heart risk genes identified  

SALT LAKE CITY, -- U.S. researchers studying older athletes  
have discovered two more genes implicated in early heart  
attack risk. The study, which used a a group of healthy  
athletes from Utah's Huntsman Senior Games, brings scien-  
tists a step closer to being able to alert patients to their  
chances of having a heart attack before the age 60, the Salt  
Lake City Deseret Morning News reported. One man in the con-  
trol group was 108 and still healthy. Others were older  
pilots who continue to pass Federal Aviation Administration  
flying tests even in their 80s, said study co-author Dr.  
John Kane, professor of medicine at the University of  
California-San Francisco. The research was a collaborative  
effort by the University of California-San Francisco,  
Celera Genomics, the Cleveland Clinic, Case Western Reserve  
University and Brigham Young University, the newspaper said.  
A person with either of the two newly discovered genetic  
variants has about twice the risk of early heart attack as  
someone who has neither gene, researchers said. One gene,  
VAMP8, is involved in clotting, the other gene is involved  
with inflammation.   

Cat exposure increases eczema risk  

SAN DIEGO, -- A University of Arizona researcher says that  
exposure to cats soon after birth increases the risk of  
developing eczema. Dr. Esmeralda Morales, a pulmonary re-  
searcher at the University of Arizona at Tucson, and her  
colleagues tracked 486 children after getting information  
from their parents on early exposure to pets. They found  
that of 134 children with cats in the household, 27.6 per-  
cent had eczema by the time they were a year old compared  
to 17.8 percent of 286 children without cats. Morales said  
the findings were surprising since other studies have found  
that early exposure to cats and dogs reduces children's  
chance of developing later allergies and asthma. She said  
that more research needs to be done. Morales presented her  
results at the American Thoracic Society's annual con-  
ference in San Diego.

**** ON THIS DAY   ****
58thousand reasons
are written on the wall
the names of our brothers
the ones who gave their all

They will be remembered
as long as men are free
Too remember all they did
on that land across the sea

They fought for others so
they could be free
they fought for America
they fought for you and me

They gave their lives gallently
so other would be free.

So hold your heads
up high my brothers
stand up and be proud
and tell anyone who will listen
and tell them loud

their is 58 thousand reasons
there for you and me
To remember all they did on that
land across the sea.

So I say when you see these names
Don't for get to pray

there is 58 thousand reasons
written on the wall

John Sulick BU-3
  Vietnam 68/69



**** AMY'S KITCHEN ****

FRUIT SALAD   

  
1/2 cup lime juice  
1/2 cup water  
1/2 cup sugar  
2 medium nectarines, sliced  
1 large banana, sliced  
1 pint blueberries  
1 pint fresh strawberries, sliced  
1-1/2 cups watermelon balls  
1 cup green grapes  
1 kiwifruit, peeled and sliced  

DIRECTIONS:  
In a bowl, combine lime juice, water and sugar. Stir until  
sugar is dissolved. Add nectarines and banana, toss to coat.  
In a large glass bowl, combine remaining fruits and add the  
nectarine mixture, stir gently. Cover and refrigerate for 1  
hour. Serve with a slotted serving spoon.  

Yield: 8-10 Servings


**** TODAY'S USELESS FACT ****

Can rainbows be seen during night-time?

Rainbows are created by water droplets refracting white light from the sun. In a very few cases, a moonbow, or night-time rainbow, can be seen on strongly-moonlit nights. The requirements needed to form a "moonbow" are similar to the requirements of the much more common rainbow -- moonlight rather than sunlight is the light source. As human visual perception for color in low light is poor, moonbows are usually perceived to be white.

Cumberland Falls, a North American waterfall located in southeast Kentucky, is advertised to have a "moonbow".

**** TOONS LINKS ****

National Etiquette
http://buffalosjokes.com/12115.htm

Old Acquaintance
http://buffalosjokes.com/12114.htm

New Year
http://buffalosjokes.com/12113.htm

Overworked....Underpaid!
http://www.AikensLaughs.com/forfun/funny1107.html

Confusion
http://www.ezines4all.com/ct200412/030.htm

Senior Citizens
http://buffalosjokes.com/12118.htm

Every Day
http://buffalosjokes.com/12116.htm

Olympic Torch
http://buffalosjokes.com/12117.htm

Correct Partner
http://buffalosjokes.com/12112.htm

No Dancing
http://buffalosjokes.com/12110.htm

Love
http://buffalosjokes.com/12111.htm

Change seats with me (quack...)? Please?
http://www.AikensLaughs.com/forfun/funny1108.html

Common Stereo Types
http://www.ezines4all.com/ct200412/029.htm

Woops
http://buffalosjokes.com/12122.htm

Flying High
http://buffalosjokes.com/12120.htm

Any Questions
http://buffalosjokes.com/12121.htm

HAVE A VERY HAPPY AND SAFE HOLIDAY

WEEKEND.NO FUNNIES MONDAY SEE YA

TUESDAY FOR SURE 

HEY, DON'T BE A STRANGER NOW,YA HEAR!
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
Hey, Let's be careful out there
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
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