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Anyone without a sense of humor is at the mercy
of the rest of us. Heaven Help Them
Remember,it is easier to get older
than it is to get wiser

WEDNESDAY MAY 31,2006


THOUGHT FOR TODAY:No man is really successful
until his mother-in-law admits it.

My great granddaughter,Skylee, has her first tooth!!!!
new pictures soon...... Jim

Heard it on the radio...
SR-71 Pilots
I'll always remember a certain radio exchange that occurred one day as
Walt (my backseater) and I were screaming across Southern California 13
miles high. We were monitoring various radio transmissions from other
aircraft as we entered Los Angeles airspace. Though they didn't really
control us, they did monitor our movement across their scope. I heard a
Cessna ask for a readout of its groundspeed. "90 knots" Center replied.
Moments later, a Twin Beech requested the same. "120 knots," Center
answered. We weren't the only ones proud of our groundspeed that day as
almost instantly an F-18 smugly transmitted, "Ah, Center, Dusty 52
requests groundspeed readout." There was a slight pause, then the
response, "525 knots on the ground, Dusty." Another silent pause. As I
was thinking to myself how ripe a situation this was, I heard a familiar
click of a radio transmission coming from my backseater. It was at that
precise moment I realized Walt and I had become a real crew, for we were
both thinking in unison. "Center, Aspen 20, you got a groundspeed
readout for us?" There was a longer than normal pause.... "Aspen, I show
1,742 knots." No further inquiries were heard on that frequency.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
In another famous SR-71 story, Los Angeles Center reported receiving a
request for clearance to FL 60 0 (60,000ft.) The incredulous controller,
with some disdain in his voice, asked, "How do you plan to get up to
60,000 feet? The pilot (obviously a sled driver), responded, " We don't
plan to go up to it, we plan to come down to it..." He was cleared...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
There's a story about the military pilot calling for a priority landing,
because his single-engine jet fighter was running "a bit peaked." Air
Traffic Control told the fighter jock that he was number two, behind a
B-52 that had one engine shut down. "Ah," the fighter pilot remarked,
"one of those dreaded seven-engine approaches!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A student became lost during a solo cross-country flight. While
attempting to locate the aircraft on radar, ATC asked, "What was your
last known position?"
Student: "When I was number one for takeoff".
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Taxiing down the tarmac, the DC10 abruptly stopped, turned around and
returned to the gate. After an hour-long wait, it finally took off. A
concerned passenger asked the flight attendant, "What, exactly, was the
problem?" "The pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in the engine...."
explained the flight attendant. "It took us a while to find a new
pilot."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"TWA 2341, for noise abatement, turn right 45 Degrees." "Center, we are
at 35,000 feet. How much noise can we make up here?" "Sir, have you ever
heard the noise a 747 makes when it hits a 727?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A soldier was being reprimanded by an officer after he lost his rifle and was informed he would have to pay for it. The soldier asked, "Sir, if I lost a tank, would I have to pay for it?"

"Yes!" roared the officer "even if it took the rest of your life!"

The young soldier shook his head and tremulously asserted, "Now I know why the captain goes down with his ship!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A soldier was asked to report to headquarters for assignment. The
sergeant
said: "We have a critical shortage of typists. I'll give you a little
test. Type this," he ordered, giving him a pamphlet to copy and a sheet
of paper, and pointing to a desk across the room that held a typewriter
and an adding machine. The soldier, quite reluctant to become a clerk
typist, made a point of typing very slowly, and saw to it that his work
contained as many errors as possible.

The sergeant gave the typed copy only a brief glance. "That's fine," he
said. "Report for work at 8 tomorrow." "But aren't you going to check
the test?" the prospective clerk asked. The sergeant grinned.

"You passed the test," he replied, "when you sat down at the typewriter
instead of at the adding machine."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A man's 15-year-old son was chatting on the Internet, and began to exaggerate his accomplishments. He ran into the den and blurted to his father, "Dad, I'm talking to this girl in a chat room. I told her I'm a junior in college and she asked me what my major is. What should I tell her?"

"How about journalism," his father replied, smiling wryly. Moments later, the boy returned and excitedly announced, "I can't believe it - she's a swimsuit model!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Boy was my ex-wife cheap! For my birthday she was going to get me a Greek fisherman's hat, but he woke up."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"That will be two hundred dollars or a month in jail," the judge said sharply.

"Very well, sir," said the defendant, "I'll take the two hundred dollars
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
President Bush said today he is being stalked. He said wherever he goes, people are following him. Finally, someone told him, 'Psst, that's the Secret Service.' ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The little girl reported at home what she had learned at Sunday school concerning the creation of Adam and Eve: "The teacher told us how God made the first man and the first woman. He made the man first. But the man was very lonely with nobody to talk to him. So God put the man to sleep. And while the man was asleep, God took out his brains and made a woman of them.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Q: How do you recognize a blonde in school?

A: They are the only ones who erase their notebook when the teacher erases the board
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A sign posted at the entrance to the Ashland, OR public library read... "Ice cream, bare feet, children, long hair, short hair, no hair, cats, dogs and small dragons are welcome here any time."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Q: How do you know a blonde has been using a dishwasher?

A: It's clogged up with paper plates.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The priest was preparing a man for his long day's journey into night.

Whispering firmly, the priest said, "Denounce the devil! Let him know 
how little you think of his evil!"

The dying man said nothing.

The priest repeated his order. Still the dying man said nothing.

The priest asked, "Why do you refuse to denounce the devil and his 
evil?"

The dying man said, "Until I know where I'm heading, I don't think I 
ought to aggravate anybody!"
<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>
A Recently Spotted Bumper Sticker

I don’t care WHO you are. You’re not walking on the water while I’m 
fishing.


“If you believe you can tell me what to think, I believe I can tell you 
where to go.”
<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>
Waiting in line at my county clerk's office one afternoon and
noticed a hand-lettered sign that read, "Any child left unattended will
be given a free kitten."
<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>  

Thanks to The Ole Fritzbear  

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send your request to: mailto:bigguyhereagain@cogeco.ca

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**** HEALTH NEWS ****

Stem cells used to treat incontinence  

PITTSBURGH, -- Researchers in the United States and Canada  
find that stress incontinence can be relieved with an  
injection of stem cells from the subject's own muscle. The  
procedure has been carried out on seven women, with five  
reporting significant improvement, the Pittsburgh Post-  
Gazette reported. The results were reported at the annual  
meeting of the American Urological Association. Women in  
Ontario went through biopsies, with a small sample of  
tissue being removed from their thigh muscles. Cook MyoSite  
Inc., a Pittsburgh company that funded the study, isolated  
the stem cells and cultured them, sending about 20 million  
cells from each subject back to Toronto. Sharon Tomlinson,  
who was involved in the study, said that she no longer has  
to carry clothes to change into with her. She told the  
newspaper that she started noticing a difference within  
three months.   

More patients staying in fewer beds  

LONDON, -- Britain's National Health Service has cut the  
number of hospital beds by one-third in the last 20 years  
while increasing the number of patients admitted. The  
report, Why We Need Fewer Hospital Beds, was released by  
the NHS Confederation, The Telegraph reported. "More  
patients are being treated faster and more effectively  
than ever before by the NHS," Dr. Gill Morgan, the con-  
federation's chief executive, said. "The number of beds  
has been reduced, yet the amount of care the service  
delivers has dramatically increased. We need to move away  
from this fixation with bricks and mortar." The report  
said that between 1984 and 2004 the number of beds in  
English hospitals dropped from 211,617 to 145,218. But  
the number of patients admitted for at least one night  
increased by 57 percent to 8,255,000 and the number of  
patients treated without overnight stays rose 340 percent  
to 3,847,000.   

Physical problems are 1st Alzheimer's sign  

SEATTLE, -- The first signs of dementia and Alzheimer's  
disease are physical rather than mental, Washington  
researchers say of a study that produced surprising results.  
While none of the 2,288 Group Health Cooperative members 65  
and older showed signs of dementia at the start of the 6-  
year study, those whose physical functioning was highest had  
just one-third the risk of developing the Alzheimer's pre-  
cursor. "Everyone had expected the earliest signs of demen-  
tia would be subtle cognitive changes," said researcher Dr.  
Eric Larson. "We were surprised to find that physical  
changes can precede declines in thinking." The changes in-  
clude walking and balance problems and, in later stages, a  
weak hand grip. What has been considered a brain disease may  
 be directly linked to physical fitness, Larson said. Other  
factors may include social support and a positive attitude.  
The government-supported study, which included University  
of Washington and Veterans Affairs Puget Sound Health Care  
System researchers, was reported in the Archives of Internal  
Medicine.  


**** Reader's Submissions ****

Memorial Day, Somewhere

Bill Walker

wildbill6807@yahoo.com

 

I have wrote about this day a time or two.  One was the Old Veteran, well I think there is another Old Veteran we should think about.

 

Did you ever think about the woman standing on the curb, with tears running like a spring over flowing?  Did you ever talk to her? You see she too is a Veteran. She is the one that received the sad news so long ago. "Your husband is missing in action and believed dead."  She is a Veteran as sure as anything.  A Veteran of a sad day so long ago.  A day which is in graved in her mind. A day which will live forever, no matter what.

 

She too stands tall for a minute when Old Glory pasted by in front of her.  She does this in honor and memories of her departed love. The tears may be flowing like a water fall, but she remembers and thinks what could have been.

 

I know of one such LADY,  there may not be a day that goes by but what she don't have a few minutes to think and remember the last kiss, the last wave, the last few words.  It may have been only yesterday,  last week, last month.  It may have been 50 or more years ago.  But today, she stands just a mite bit taller, when Old Glory pasted by.  She remembers what it is all about. She knows only too well what it is about. Her husband gave all.  She will never forget.

 

Some people can do lots of things on Memorial Day.  She now sets and remembers, and thinks what could have been.   Yes she too is a Veteran.  A Veteran of the day when she got the telegram.  "WE ARE SORRY TO..................."  The rest is just a memory of so long ago. 

**** ON THIS DAY ****

**** HEADS UP FOLKS ****
These Are My Causes Please Help

This is a link for FREE virus protection
http://avast.com
It is excellent.  I use it myself
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Organ and Tissue Donation/Transplanation 
http://www.organdonor.gov/

It takes less than a minute to go to their site and click on "donating a mammogram"
for free (pink window in the middle). This doesn't cost you a thing. Their corporate
sponsors/advertisers use the number of daily visits to donate mammogram
in exchange for advertising.
 
Here's the web site! Pass it along to people you know. 
http://www.thebreastcancersite.com
&
The Animal Rescue Site is having trouble getting enough people to  click on it daily to meet their quota
of getting free food donated  every day to abused and neglected animals. It takes less than a  minute to go
to their site and click on "feed an animal in need"  for free! This doesn't cost you a thing! Their corporate
sponsors/advertisers use the number of daily visits to donate food to abandoned/neglected animals in exchange
for advertising. 
Here's the web site! Pass it along to people you know!
 http://www.theanimalrescuesite.com

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This is a link for FREE virus protection
http://avast.com
It is excellent
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Thoughts or Comments
jokes or stories
U Send'em and I'll print'em
Just keep it clean.A lota kids read this
jim4615@earthlink.net
Subject Line--- The Funnies
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

**** COUNTRY CALENDAR ****

1909 Lewis Crook, early Grand Ole Opry performer, born in  
Trousdale County, Tenn.  

1912 Alcyone Bate Beasley, early Grand Ole Opry performer,  
born in Castallian Springs, Tenn.  

1926 Fiddler Johnny Gimble born in Tyler, Texas  

1955 Grand Ole Opry member Mike Snider born in Gleason,  
Tenn.  

1964 Wynonna Judd born in Ashland, Ky.  
  
1947 Bob Wills' "Sugar Moon" went to No. 1  

1955 Ray Price's "Crazy Arms" began its 20-week run at  
No. 1  
  
1964 18-year-old Dolly Parton moved to Nashville the day  
after her high school graduation  

1976 Marty Robbins drove the pace car for the Indianapolis  
500  
  
1991 The Best of Dan Seals album certified gold  
  
2000 George Strait's box set Strait Out of the Box cer-  
tified 7x platinum, making it the best-selling country  
box set of all time  

2000 Mark Chesnutt's Greatest Hits certified platinum  
  
1992 Billy Ray Cyrus' first single, "Achy Breaky Heart,"  
went to No. 1 on the country singles chart and stayed  
for five weeks  
  
1992 Hee Haw ceased production of new episodes after 23  
years on television  
  
1966 Dolly Parton married Carl Dean in Catoosa County,  
Ga.  

1982 Deborah Allen married songwriter Rafe Van Hoy   



 **** COUNTRY MUSIC NEWS ****

Celebrities Line Up for CMA Music Festival's Sports Zone  

Several celebrity sporting events are scheduled at the  
Sports Zone during the CMA Music Festival taking place  
June 8-11 in downtown Nashville. On June 8, Andy Griggs  
hosts his fifth annual celebrity archery tournament  
featuring Tracy Byrd, Troy Gentry, John Michael Montgomery,  
Blake Shelton and others. Steve Azar's celebrity sports  
challenge, featuring an array of sports, will feature  
several former NFL players, including two-time Super Bowl  
champion Jim McMahon, and pro golfers, including John Daly.  
Participating musicians include Jace Everett and Nashville  
Star winner Chris Young. On June 10, the action moves to  
area lakes for the Craig Morgan/FLW Outdoors fishing  
tournament. Country artists Jamey Johnson and Lila McCann  
will join a list of pro anglers including Luke Clausen,  
George Cochran and Anthony Gagliardi. The Michael Peterson/  
New Holland celebrity Tractor Race takes place June 11 with  
drivers including Tennessee Titan Craig Hentrich and  
musicians Deborah Allen, Bering Strait, Bekka Bramlett,  
Bobby Pinson, Colt Prather and Billy Yates. Admission to  
the Sports Zone is free.   
 

**** Amy's Kitchen ****  

7 Layer Pea Salad
Make this the night before using it.

3 cups shredded lettuce
1/2 cup red onion, chopped finely
1 cup celery, chopped
1 (10 ounce) box frozen peas DO NOT DEFROST
1 cup Miracle Whip or enough to cover top of salad
2 hard boil eggs
1 cup sharp cheddar cheese
1/2 cup Hormel bacon bites
1 to 2 tablespoon sugar, optional, I don't use it

In a large bowl put the shredded lettuce, red onion, celery and frozen
peas. In a medium bowl mix Miracle Whip and sugar, if using. Put on top
of salad. Then add the eggs, sharp cheddar cheese, and Hormel bacon
bites.
Mary Jo in MD


Strawberry Ice Cream
3 cans Eagle Brand milk
3 (10 oz.) cartons sweetened strawberries

Mash strawberries. Add Eagle Brand milk. Pour into ice cream freezer and
fill with milk. Freeze according to direction in a 1-1/2 quart ice cream
maker.
 

**** TODAY'S USELESS FACT ****

Is there such a thing as a Second World country?

Third World countries (now known as "developing nations") are countries with a low "Human Development Index." First World countries (like the United States, Japan, and Germany) score much higher on the HDI. A nation's HDI is determined by its literacy rate, poverty rate, life expectancy, etc.

There is indeed a Second World, though the expression isn't exactly parallel to the other terms, and these days, few mention it. The phrase refers to "former communist-socialist, industrial states, the territory and sphere of influence of the Union of Soviet Socialists Republic." For example, Romania, Hungary, Latvia, and of course, the big bear -- Mother Russia. China is also considered a Second World nation.

Thanks to the fall of the Soviet Union, the term "Second World" has become rather meaningless. Nowadays, a country's economic strength (not its government) determines how it's classified. Countries in Europe and North America as well as Australia are primarily First World, while Africa and South America are mostly made up of developing nations. Hopefully with economic aid and other support, the gap between the haves and the have-nots will grow smaller, and the need for words to distinguish them will disappear.



****A PARTING THOUGHT ****

No matter how much I exercise my body, it refuses to go away
and leave me alone.

TOON TIME

Facts of Life
http://www.buffaloschips.com/52725.htm

Snow plow
http://www.buffaloschips.com/52726.htm

Thud
http://www.buffaloschips.com/52727.htm

Brain weight
http://www.buffaloschips.com/52728.htm

Achoo!
http://www.lablaughs.com/clean_toon.php?id=C20020406

ELEPHANT IS IN TROUBLE
http://www.lablaughs.com/clean_toon.php?id=C20020409

SALES-PUSH
http://www.lablaughs.com/clean_toon.php?id=C20020410

Train
http://www.buffaloschips.com/52721.htm

Dog swim team
http://www.buffaloschips.com/52722.htm

Don Ho
http://www.buffaloschips.com/52723.htm

New years
http://www.buffaloschips.com/52724.htm

LAST CALL Y'ALL

A group of country neighbors wanted to get together on a regular basis
and socialize. As a result, about 10 couples formed a dinner club and
agreed to meet for dinner at a different neighbors' houses each month.
Of course the lady of the house was to prepare the meal.

When it came time for Jimmy and Susie Brown to have the dinner at their
house, like most women, Susie wanted to outdo all the others and prepare
a meal that was the best that any of them had ever lapped a lip over. A
few days before the big event, Susie got out her cookbook and decided to
have mushroom smothered steak. When she went to the store to buy some
mushrooms, she found the price for a small can was more than she wanted
to pay. She then told her husband, "We aren't going to have mushrooms
because they are too expensive." He said, "Why don't you go down in the
pasture and pick some of those mushrooms? There are plenty of them right
in the creek bed."

She said, "No, I don't want to do that, because I have heard that wild
mushrooms are poison."

He then said, "I don't think so. I see the varmints eating them all the
time and it never has affected them."

After thinking about this, Susie decided to give this a try and got in
the pickup and went down in the pasture and picked some. She brought the
wild mushrooms back home and washed them, sliced an diced them to get
them ready go over her smothered steak. Then she went out on the back
porch and got Ol' Spot's (the yard dog) bowl and gave him a double
handful. She even put some bacon grease on them to make them tasty.

Ol' Spot didn't slow down until he had eaten every bite. All morning
long Susie watched him and the wild mushrooms didn't seem to affect him,
so she decided to use them.

The meal was a great success, and Susie even hired a lady from town to
come out and help her serve. She had on a white apron and a little cap
on her head. It was first class.

After everyone had finished they all began to kick back and relax and
socialize. The men were visiting and the women started to gossip a bit.

About this time the lady from town came in from the kitchen and
whispered in Susie's ear. She said, "Mrs. Brown, Spot just died."

With this news, Susie went into hysterics. After she finally calmed
down, she called the doctor and told him what had happened.

The doctor said, "It's bad, but I think we can take care of it. I will
call for an ambulance and I will be there as quick as I can get there.
We will pump out everyone's stomach and everything will be fine. Just
keep them all there and keep them calm."

It wasn't long until they could hear the wail of the siren as the
ambulance was coming down the road. When they got there, the EMTs got
out with their suitcases and a stomach pump and the doctor arrived
shortly thereafter. One by one they took each person into the master
bedroom and pumped out their stomach. After the last one was finished,
the doctor came out and said, I think everything will be fine now, and
he left.

They were all looking pretty peaked sitting around the living room, and
about this time the town lady came in and said, "You know, that fellow
that ran over Ol' Spot never even stopped."


HEY, DON'T BE A STRANGER NOW,YA HEAR!
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
Hey, Let's be careful out there
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
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