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Anyone without a sense of humor is at the mercy
of the rest of us. Heaven Help Them
Remember,it is easier to get older
than it is to get wiser

WEDNESDAY JUNE 07,2006


THOUGHT FOR TODAY: Outside of traffic, there is nothing
that holds this country back as much as committees.

Thumb Sucking

A boy had reached four without giving up the habit of sucking his thumb, though his mother had tried everything from bribery to reasoning to painting it with lemon juice to discourage the habit.

Finally she tried threats, warning her son that, "If you don't stop sucking your thumb, your stomach is going to blow up like a balloon."

Later that day, walking in the park, mother and son saw a pregnant woman sitting on a bench. The four-year-old considered her gravely for a minute, then spoke to her saying, "Uh-oh ... I know what "you've" been doing."
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Underwear Is Important

If you don't laugh out loud at this one, call the morgue and reserve a tray, because you are dead! Always wear clean underwear in public, especially when working under your vehicle.

From the Northwest Florida Daily News comes this story of a Crestview couple who drove their car to Wal-Mart, only to have their car break down in the parking lot. The man told his wife to carry on with the shopping while he fixed the car in the lot.

The wife returned later to see a small group of people near the car. On closer inspection, she saw a pair of male legs protruding from under the chassis. Although the man was in shorts, his lack of underwear turned private parts into glaringly public ones. Unable to stand the embarrassment, she dutifully stepped forward, quickly put her hand up his shorts, and tucked everything back out of site.

On regaining her feet, she looked across the hood and found herself staring at her husband who was standing idly by. The mechanic, however, had to have three stitches in his forehead.
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Strange Headlines & News Bloopers
The Door is the Window to the Home.
Air Force to Get New Uniforms:?  New Camouflage Really Stands Out
We're offering the best hearing aid money can buy at unheard of low prices.
Weather Conditions to Determine When Rain Will Stop.
Man minus Ear Waives Hearing
Lawmakers Back Train Through Iowa
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AN OLD FARMER'S ADVICE
 
01.  Life is simpler when you plow around the stump.
 
02.  Words that soak into your ears are whispered ... not yelled.
 
03.  Meanness don't jes' happen overnight.
 
04.  Forgive your enemies; it messes up their heads.
 
05.  It don't take a very big person to carry a grudge.
 
06.  You cannot unsay a cruel word.
 
07.  Every path has a few puddles.
 
08.  When you wallow with pigs, expect to get dirty.
 
09.  The best sermons are lived, not preached.
 
10.  God wants spiritual fruit, not religious nuts.
 
11.  Laugh every day, it's like inner jogging.
 
12.  If you worry, you didn't pray.. if you pray, you don't worry.
 
13.  As a child of God, prayer is kind of like calling home everyday.
 
14.  Blessed are the flexible for they shall not be bent out of shape.
 
15.  The most important things in yer house are the people.
 
16.  When you get tangled up in problems, be still.  God wants us to be still so He can untangle the knot.
 
17.  A grudge is a heavy thing to carry.
 
18.  He who dies with the most toys is still dead.
 
19.  Growing old is inevitable ... growing UP is optional.
 
20.  There is no key to happiness.  The door is always open.
 
21.  Silence is often misinterpreted but never misquoted.
 
22.  Do the math ... count your blessings.
 
23.  Faith is the ability not to panic.
 
24.  Don't interfere with somethin' that ain't botherin' you none.
 
25.  A bumble bee is considerably faster than a John Deere tractor.
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Many have asked why a computer crashes. It is usually very technical but maybe this will help. Dr. Seuss explains "Why Computers Sometimes Crash"
 
(Read this to yourself, aloud)
 
If a packet hits a pocket on a socket on a port, and the bus is interrupted at a very last resort, and the access of the memory makes your floppy disk abort, then the socket packet pocket has an error to report.
 
If your cursor finds a menu item followed by a dash, and the double-
clicking icon puts your window in the trash, and your data is corrupted cause the index doesn't hash, then your situation's hopeless and your system's gonna crash!
 
If the label on the cable on the table at your house, says the network is connected to the button on your mouse, but your packets want to tunnel to another protocol, that's repeatedly rejected by the printer down the hall, and your screen is all distorted by the side effects of gauss, so your icons in the window are as wavy as a souse; then you may as well reboot and go out with a bang, 'cuz sure as I'm a poet, the sucker's gonna hang!
 
When the copy of your floppy's getting sloppy in the disk, and the macro code instructions cause unnecessary risk, then you'll have to flash the memory and you'll want to RAM your ROM, then quickly turn the computer off and be sure to tell your Mom!
 
Think about it!
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Bible Interpretation -- Read but don't assume.
A young missionary on his first term in Africa is out away from camp having devotions in a quiet clearing, as was his custom. This one particular day, while reading his Bible, a lion comes and lays down right beside him, so close that the hot warm smell of his breath is wafting over him. He is, as you would suppose, exceedingly uneasy. He closes his eyes, praying ... but when he opens them he sees another approach from the brush, which proceeds to lie down on the other side of him.
Convinced as he is that this is a test of his faith, he determines to return to his Bible reading. As soon as he does so, the two lions pounce upon and devour him.
Moral of the story: Don't read between the lions. ;-)
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RETIREMENT
My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got canned. I couldn't concentrate.
Then I worked in the woods as a lumberjack, but I just couldn't hack it, so they gave me the ax.
After that I tried to be a tailor, but I just wasn't suited for it -- mainly because it was a so-so job.
Next I tried working in a muffler factory but that was too exhausting.
Then I tried to be a chef, figured it would add a little spice to my life, but I just didn't have the thyme.
I attempted to be a deli worker, but any way I sliced it, I couldn't cut the mustard.
My best job was being a musician, but eventually I found I wasn't noteworthy.
I studied a long time to become a doctor, but I didn't have any patience.
Next was a job in a shoe factory; I tried but I just didn't fit in.
I became a professional fisherman, but discovered that I couldn't live on my net income.
I managed to get a good job working for a pool maintenance company, but the work was just too draining.
So then I got a job in a workout center, but they said I wasn't fit for the job.
After many years of trying to find steady work, I finally got a job as a historian until I realized there was no future in it.
My last job was working at coffeehouse, but I had to quit because it was always the same old grind.
SO, I RETIRED, AND I FOUND I AM PERFECT FOR THE JOB!
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I Don't Want to Go to Church Today
Early one Sunday morning, a wife went in to wake up her husband.
"Wake up, honey. It's time to go to church!"
"I don't want to go," complained the husband.
"Give me two reasons why you don't want to go."
"Well, none of the members listen when I talk, and the elders are mean to me! You give me two reasons why I should go to church."
"Well, for one, it is the right thing to do. And for another, you're the PREACHER!"
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Some people never seem motivated to participate, but are just content to watch while others do the work. They are called Speck Taters.
Some people never do anything to help, but are gifted at finding fault with the way others do the work. They are called Comment Taters.
Some people are very bossy and like to tell others what to do, but don't want to soil their own hands. They are called Dick Taters.
Some people are always looking to cause problems. It is too hot or too cold, too sour or too sweet. They are called Agie Taters.
There are those who say they will help, but just never get around to actually doing the promised help. They are called Hezzi Taters.
Some people can put up a front and pretend to be someone they are not. They are called Emma Taters.
Then there are those who love others and are always prepared to stop, lend a helping hand. They bring real sunshine into the lives of others. They are called Sweet Taters.
If you know any Sweet Taters, send them this.
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A State Trooper pulls a car over on a lonely back road and approaches the blonde lady driver. "Ma'am, is there a reason that you're weaving all over the road?"
The woman replied, "Oh officer, thank goodness you're here! I almost had an accident. I looked up and there was a tree right in front of me. I swerved to the left and there was another tree in front of me. I swerved to the right and there was another tree in front of me!"
Reaching through the side window to the rear view mirror, the officer replied, "Ma'am... that's your air freshener."
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A kid called up his Mom from his college and asked her for some money, because he was broke.
His Mother said, "Sure, sweetie. I will send you some money. You also left your calculus book here when you visited 2 weeks ago. Do you want me to send that up too?"
"Uhh, oh yeah, o.k." responded the kid.
So his Mom wrapped the book along with the checks up in a package, kissed Dad goodbye, and went to the post office to mail the money and the book. When she gets back, Dad asked, "Well how much did you give the boy this time?"
"Oh, I wrote 2 checks, one for $20, and the other for $1,000 out to him."
"That's $1020!!!" yelled Dad, "Are you crazy???"
"Don't worry hon," Mom said, kissed Dad on the on top of his bald head, "I taped the $20 check to the cover of his book, but I put the $1,000 one somewhere between the pages in chapter 19!"
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The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tire.

A rose by any other name would stick you just as bad and draw just as much blood when you grab a thorn.

If I wanted to hear the pitter-patter of little feet, I'd put shoes on my cat.

Strangers are friends you haven't bled for an easy twenty yet.

It takes fewer muscles to smile than to frown, and fewer still to ignore someone completely.

The best laid plans of mice and men are worth just as much.

I believe for every drop of rain that falls, a flower grows. And a foundation leaks and a ball game gets rained out and a car rusts and...

Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me, either, Just leave me alone.

If you don't like my driving, don't call anyone. Just take another road. That's why the highway department made so many of them.

When I'm feeling down, I like to whistle. It make the neighbor's dog run to the end of his chain and gag himself.

A handy telephone tip: Keep a small chalkboard near the phone. That way, when a salesman calls, you can hold the receiver up to it and run your fingernails across it until he hangs up.

Each day I try to enjoy something from each of the four food groups: the bonbon group, the salty-snack group, the caffeine group, and the "whatever-the-thing-in-the-tinfoil-in-the-back-of-the-fridge-is" group.

Into every life some rain must fall. Usually when your car windows are down.

If genius is one percent inspiration and 99 percent perspiration, I wind up sharing elevators with a lot of bright people.

They say you can't really know someone until you walk a mile in their shoes. I say if they've got itsy-bitsy feet or some kind of foot disease, I don't wanna know 'em!

Remember: you can catch more flies with honey than with vinegar... Of course, how you spend your leisure time is your business.

A man's best friend is his dog. That's assuming you want a friend who messes on your carpet and drools on your newspaper.

If they lined up all the men in the world ... it would be one goofy line.

If I won the lottery, I wouldn't be one of those people who immediately quit their jobs. I'd make my boss's life miserable for a week or two first.

Men are like buses. They have spare tires and smell funny.

Last night I was in the mood to see something silly and idiotic on TV. So I put the cat there.

I don't know about art, but I know what makes me say, "$2000 for that piece of junk?! Are you nuts?!"

Somewhere, over the rainbow ... that's where the airline will find my luggage. (^_^)

It's a small world. So you gotta use your elbows a lot Keep your nose to the grindstone and your shoulder to the wheel... it's cheaper than plastic surgery.

This land is your land. This land is my land. So stay on your land.

I've found a sure way to relieve office stress: Step 1: take a deep breath. Step 2: count to 10. Step 3: set the boss's wastebasket on fire.

Always take time to stop and smell the roses and, sooner or later, you'll inhale a bee.
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Fred - The Ole Fritzbear


Despite his best sales pitch, a life-insurance salesman was unable to
get a couple to sign up for a policy. "I certainly don't want to
frighten you into a decision," he announced, standing up to leave.

"Please sleep on it tonight, and if you wake up in the morning, let
me know what you think."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Before going on vacation, I went to a tanning salon. I was under the
lights so long that the protective shades I wore left a big white circle
around each eye. Gazing at myself in the mirror the next day, I
thought, "Man, I look like a clown."

I had almost convinced myself that I was overreacting until I got
in line at the grocery store. I felt a tug at my shirt and looked down
to see a toddler staring up at me. He asked, "Are you giving out
balloons?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
There was a woman who spent some months serving God in Kenya. On
her final visit to a remote township she attended a medical clinic. As
the Maasai women there began to sing together, she found herself deeply
moved by their hauntingly beautiful harmonies. She wanted to always
remember this moment and try to share it with friends when she arrived
home.

With tears flowing down her cheeks, she turned to her friend and
asked, "Can you please tell me the translation of the words to this
song?"

Her friend looked at her an solemnly replied, "If you boil the
water, you won't get dysentery."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
At the pub, a little blond guy exchanged words with a big bald
guy, and it looked like they were about to go to blows.

"You've got a lot of nerve for such a shrimp!" snarled the big guy.

"Look, you big jerk," barked the little blond guy. "I'm not scared
of anybody, or anything! I come from a long line of jumpers. My
great-grandfather jumped with no parachute from a balloon. My
grandfather jumped without a 'chute from a biplane. My mother
and father both jumped from a jet. And tomorrow, *I* jump from
a rocket!"

"You're crazy, you little twerp," said the big guy. "You could get
killed!"

"So what?" said the little blond guy. "I have no family!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
We telemarketers know we're universally loathed. Still, some people are
quite pleasant on the phone.

One day I called a number and asked to speak with Mr. Morgan. The
woman who answered explained that he no longer lived at that address,
but
she did have a number where he could be reached.

I thanked her, rang that number, and was greeted with, "Good
morning,
Highland View Cemetery."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Joe woke himself up with a loud "Hello!" to someone in his dream.

As the next day came and went, Joe thought the nocturnal outburst
was
his alone to remember. But that night, as he and Margaret were getting
ready for bed, she said dryly, "If you see anyone you know tonight, just wave."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hello, Animal Control?" the excited spinster said into the phone. "I
need
some officers here right away. There are 30 dogs on my front lawn.

"I see." said the dispatcher. "Can you tell if any of them are
mad?"

"Well," she said "28 of them are. The other two are busy eating the
postman and they won't share.."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A farmer was milking his cow. He was just starting to get a good rhythm going when a bug flew into the barn and started circling his head. Suddenly, the bug flew into the cow's ear. The farmer didn't think much about it, until the bug squirted out into his bucket. It went in one ear and out the udder.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A dinner speaker was in such a hurry to get to his engagement
that when he arrived and sat down at the head table, he suddenly realized
that he had forgotten his false teeth.
Turning to the man next to him he said, "I forgot my teeth!"
The man said, "No problem." With that he reached into his pocket and pulled
out a pair of false teeth. "Try these," he said.
The speaker tried them. "Thanks, but they're too loose," he said.
The man then said, "I have another pair...try these."
The speaker tried them and responded, "Too tight."
The man was not taken back at all. He then said, "I have one more pair...
try them."
The speaker said, "They fit perfectly!" With that he ate his meal
and gave his address.
After the dinner meeting was over, the speaker went over to thank the man
who had helped him. "I want to thank you for coming to my aid. Where is your
office? I've been looking for a good dentist."
The man replied, "Oh I'm not a dentist. I work at the morgue.."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Every time a new Pope is elected, there's a whole lot of rituals and ceremonies that
have to be gone through, in accordance with tradition.
Well there's one tradition that very few people know about.
Shortly after the new Pope is enthroned, the Chief Rabbi seeks an audience.
He is shown into the Pope's presence, whereupon he presents him with a silver tray bearing
a velvet cushion. On top of the cushion is an ancient, shriveled parchment envelope.
The Pope symbolically stretches out his arm in a gesture of rejection.
The Chief Rabbi then retires, taking the envelope with him and does not return until the next
Pope is elected. John Paul II was intrigued by this ritual, whose origins were unknown to him.
He instructed the best scholars of the Vatican to research it, but they came up with nothing.
When the time came and the Chief Rabbi was shown into his presence, he faithfully enacted
the ritual rejection but, as the Chief Rabbi turned to leave, he called him back.
"My brother," the Holy Father whispered, "I must confess that we Catholics are ignorant of the
meaning of this ritual enacted for centuries between us and you, the representative of the Jewish people.
I have to ask you, what is it all about?"
The Chief Rabbi shrugs and replies: "But we have no more idea than you do. 
The origin of the ceremony is lost in the traditions of ancient history."
The Pope said: "Let us retire to my private chambers and enjoy a glass of wine together, then,
with your agreement, we shall open the envelope and discover at last the secret."
The Chief Rabbi agreed.
Fortified in their resolve by the wine, they gingerly pried open the curling parchment envelope
and with trembling fingers, the Chief Rabbi reached inside and extracted a folded sheet of similarly ancient paper.
As the Pope peered over his shoulder, he slowly opened it.
They both gasped with shock.
It was the bill for the Last Supper
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Little Johnny sat playing in the garden. When his mother came out to collect him, she saw
that he was slowly eating a worm. She turned pale.
"No, Johnny! Stop! That's horrible! You can't eat worms!"
Trying to convince him further she noted, "Now the mother worm is looking all over for her
nice baby worm." "No, she isn't," said Johnny.
"How do you know she's not?" asked his mother. "Because I ate her first!" answered Little Johnny.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
While the soldiers stood at attention during a parade, a private waved to someone in the audience.
"Jones, never do that again!" the drill instructor whispered. But a few minutes later, the soldier waved a second time.
Back in the barracks after the parade, the DI stormed in and barked for Jones to come
front and enter. "Son, you knew I was going to see you," he screamed. "You knew it was wrong.
Aren't you afraid of me?" "Yes, sir!" replied Jones. "But you don't know my mother!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A blind man, deaf man and a lame man went on a pilgrimage to a healing spring.
The blind man washed his eyes with water from the spring and exclaimed "I can see! I can see!"
 The deaf man washed his ears with the spring water and
exclaimed "I can hear! I can hear!"
 The lame man drove his wheelchair into the water and out the other side yelling "I got new tyres!  I got new tyres!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The golf pro wants me to keep my head down so I can't see him laughing.

He had to get a new caddie on the ninth hole. He sent the first one back to the clubhouse for laughing too loudly.

New book: How to Line Up Your Fifth Putt.

Last time he was out on the links he shot a birdie, an eagle, a moose and a Mason.

**** Quickies ****

"This week was the 46th anniversary of the birth control pill. For those of you women that forgot to take it? Happy Mother's Day!" -Jay Leno
~
A man will marry a woman because he needs a mother he can communicate with.
~
A moose is an animal with horns on the front of his head and a hunting lodge wall on the back of it.
~
Few children fear water, unless soap is added.
~
Science is wonderful: For years uranium cost only a few dollars a ton until scientists discovered you could kill people with it.

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**** HEALTH NEWS ****

New cancer drug introduced  

ATLANTA, -- The results of a clinical trial of the new  
cancer drug, lapatinib, may bring hope to some cancer  
sufferers, The New York Times reported. The drug -- which  
the maker GlaxoSmithKline said it would sell under the  
name Tykerb -- may one day replace Herceptin as the best  
drug for treating the type of breast cancer known as Her-2  
positive, the newspaper said. Trial results showed that  
when combined with a chemotherapy drug called capecitabine,  
Tykerb doubled the time the cancer was held in check in  
women no longer taking Herceptin. In addition, Tykerb was  
found to decrease the chance of the cancer spreading to  
the brain, something Herceptin had been unable to do.  
Experts still caution that Tykerb does not work for all  
women and no results have been found in regards to pro-  
longing life. Pending approval, Tykerb will be available  
in 2007, the Times reported.   

DNA data base grows  

WASHINGTON, -- U.S. law enforcement agencies have the DNA  
of about 3 million individuals on file, and add about  
80,000 people to the database every month. Many of those  
people whose DNA is on file were convicted of petty mis-  
demeanors, while some were simply arrested, The Washington  
Post reported. Investigators say the database makes crime  
solving much easier, but civil libertarians argue that it  
turns more and more people into criminal suspects. DNA can  
carry a lot of information, some of it very personal --  
such as tendencies to inherited diseases. Some people argue  
that the government should go the whole way and keep the  
entire population's DNA in a registry. "This is the single  
best way to catch bad guys and keep them off the street,"  
said Chris Asplen, a Washington lawyer and former executive  
director of the National Commission on the Future of DNA  
Evidence. "When it's applied to everybody, it is fair, and  
frankly you wouldn't even know it was going on."   

Body Has Antibiotic to Fight Urinary Tract Infection  

Swedish researchers have discovered that the body produces  
its own internal antibiotic to help defend itself against  
urinary tract infections.  

Although it was once thought that urine passing through  
the urinary tract prevented bacteria from accumulating in  
its membranes, researchers at the Department of Micro-  
biology, Tumour and Cell Biology at the Karolinska  
Institutet in Stockholm have proven differently. Instead,  
they found that the body produces an antibacterial peptide,  
called LL-37, that helps prevent urinary tract infections  
(UTIs).  

"Antibiotic-resistant bacteria are a growing problem,"  
research leader and professor Annelie Brauner said in a  
prepared statement. "As the development of resistance to  
the body's own antibiotic is very rare, it can be used as  
an alternative or a complement to conventional antibiotic  
medication."  

During the study, urine from healthy children and those  
with UTIs was tested for levels of LL-37. Results showed  
very low levels of LL-37 in the urine of healthy children,  
but high levels in the urine of children with UTIs.  

"We were able to show that LL-37 is produced in the  
epithelial cells of the urinary tracts and the kidneys,  
and that its build-up and secretion occur within a few  
minutes after a bacterial attack," said Brauner.  

Results of the study appear in the current issue of Nature  
Medicine.  

Nearly 60 percent of women will have a UTI in their life-  
time, and 20 percent of them will have more than one. Up  
to 40 percent of children who get a UTI will experience  
kidney scarring from the infection.  

"Urinary tract infection is not only painful for the  
patient but also an economical burden to the individual  
and society," Brauner said. "Our findings point to a new  
way to prevent the development of urinary tract infection  
by boosting the antibacterial peptide LL-37. For patients  
suffering from recurrent urinary tract infection, attack  
would quite simply be the best form of defense."  


**** Reader's Submissions ****

Get Over It

**** HEADS UP FOLKS ****
These Are My Causes Please Help

This is a link for FREE virus protection
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Organ and Tissue Donation/Transplanation 
http://www.organdonor.gov/

It takes less than a minute to go to their site and click on "donating a mammogram"
for free (pink window in the middle). This doesn't cost you a thing. Their corporate
sponsors/advertisers use the number of daily visits to donate mammogram
in exchange for advertising.
 
Here's the web site! Pass it along to people you know. 
http://www.thebreastcancersite.com
&
The Animal Rescue Site is having trouble getting enough people to  click on it daily to meet their quota
of getting free food donated  every day to abused and neglected animals. It takes less than a  minute to go
to their site and click on "feed an animal in need"  for free! This doesn't cost you a thing! Their corporate
sponsors/advertisers use the number of daily visits to donate food to abandoned/neglected animals in exchange
for advertising. 
Here's the web site! Pass it along to people you know!
 http://www.theanimalrescuesite.com

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Thoughts or Comments
jokes or stories
U Send'em and I'll print'em
Just keep it clean.A lota kids read this
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Subject Line--- The Funnies
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
 **** MOTOR SPORTS NEWS ****

Stewart's hope: Stay seated The Foyt Files Bad weather can't spoil Giaffone's solid finish at Watkins Glen. Story Scheckter psyched up Notebook: IRL driver's sights set on Texas; Cheever fires back. Story Michelin reaches out to fans Events planned around Formula One's return to Indianapolis. Story

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**** COUNTRY CALENDAR ****

1885 Gid Tanner born in Thomas Bridge, Georgia  
  
1906 Asher Sizemore born in Manchester, Kentucky  

1911 Songwriter Vaughn Horton born in Broad Top, Penn.  

1943 Joe Stampley born in Springhill, Louisiana  
  
1973 Lisa Brokop born in Surrey, British Columbia  
  
2000 Rascal Flatts' self-titled debut album was released;  
it subsequently went platinum   



 **** COUNTRY MUSIC NEWS ****

 Merle Haggard, George Jones to Record an Album Together  

Merle Haggard and George Jones will record an album together  
this summer. Scheduled for an October release, Kicking Out  
the Footlights ... Again will feature Haggard singing five  
of his favorite Jones songs (such as "She Thinks I Still  
Care"), and Jones will offer covers of five of his favorite  
Haggard songs (including "Silver Wings"). They also plan to  
record several duets for the project that will be produced  
by Keith Stegall, best known for his work with Alan Jackson.  
"The last time we recorded together was 25 years ago, and  
though we've both changed a lot over the years, our love  
for real country music and respect for each other has only  
gotten stronger," Jones said. They released the album,  
Yesterday's Wine, in 1982. The title track (written by  
Willie Nelson) reached No. 1 on Billboard's country singles  
chart.   


John Conlee's Son Awarded Purple Heart  

Grand Ole Opry member John Conlee's son has returned from  
the war in Iraq with a Purple Heart medal. Marine Lance  
Cpl. Johnny Conlee served in combat operations against  
insurgents around Fallujah and provided security for the  
Iraqi elections. While on a mission in Anbar province in  
December 2005, his unit was hit by an improvised explosive  
device, and he was awarded the Purple Heart for shrapnel  
wounds received in combat. "It's a sacrifice to serve and  
to be among those who wait," John Conlee said. "But it's  
important to the country, and we are very proud."   

 

June 6, 2006: Terri Clark has signed a record deal with BNA Records after spending her entire career with Mercury. Clark's debut is slated for release sometime in 2007. Clark sold more than four million albums during her stint at Mercury. She had hits with the songs "Girls Lie Too," "When Boy Meets Girl," "I Just Wanna Be Mad" and "Better Things to Do." A Top Female Vocalist nominee at the 2005 ACM Awards, the Alberta, Canada native has amassed13 Canadian Country Music Awards and is a five-time, fan-voted CCMA Entertainer of the Year. The BNA roster includes Kenny Chesney, Lonestar, Pat Green, Jamey Johnson, Blaine Larsen, Rhett Akins, The Lost Trailers and Sarah Johns. * * * * * * * June 6, 2006: Toby Keith's Show Dog Nashville label inked another act, and this one goes back to Keith's Oklahoma roots. Rushlow Harris, which includes former Little Texas member Tim Rushlow, was introduced by the label during the recent Academy of Country Music festivities. The duo's debut single "That's So You" goes for adds at radio on July 5. Cousins Rushlow and Doni Harris, encouraged by Keith, recently entered the studio as a duo for the first time. After cutting four songs, Show Dog signed them. "Some rough MP3s of the single were sent out to give a few radio people a preview," Rushlow said, "and immediately my cell phone started ringing. They were like, 'Don't send us something this good if you don't want it on the air.' "Toby called me the week before the ACM awards and said 'Hey, we're dropping everything else we're doing over here. My staff is freaked out over you guys. We're coming with the single now. We'll roll you out at the awards, I'll personally escort you around to radio and do the interviews with you. And starting Aug. 11, you're opening my tour through the end of the year.'" Rushlow and Harris grew up in a musical family and played in rival bands on the regional club circuit in their youth. Rushlow fronted Little Texas, Hall was in Lariat, while local Oklahoma band, Easy Money, fronted by Keith, was on the circuit as well. Hall later joined Rushlow on his solo project and the band Rushlow, though neither made much of an impact. Rushlow Harris are currently working on their debut album with producers Christy DiNapoli and Derek Bason.

**** Amy's Kitchen ****