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Anyone without a sense of humor is at the mercy
of the rest of us. Heaven Help Them
Remember,it is easier to get older
than it is to get wiser

TGIF    
FRIDAY JUNE 23,2006


THOUGHT FOR TODAY:The best proof that any person
has a good command of language is his ability to keep his mouth shut.

Two men were digging a ditch on a very hot day. One said to the
other, "Why are we down in this hole digging a ditch when our boss is
standing up there in the shade of a tree?"

"I don't know," responded the other. "I'll ask him."

So he climbed out of the hole and went to his boss. "Why are we
digging in the hot sun while you're standing in the shade?"

"Intelligence," the boss said.

"What do you mean?"

The boss said, "Well, I'll show you. I'll put my hand on this
tree and I want you to hit it with your fist as hard as you can."

The ditch digger took a mighty swing and tried to hit the boss's
hand. The boss removed his hand and the ditch digger hit the tree,
immediately clutching his hand in agony.

The boss said, "That's intelligence!"

The ditch digger went back to his hole, still in pain. His friend
asked, "What did he say?"

"He said we are down here because of intelligence."

"What's intelligence?" said the friend.

The ditch digger put his hand in front of his face and said, "Take
your shovel and hit my hand."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A couple on a safari was going through Africa when a lion leaped out, attacking the husband. As the lion was about to put the man's head in his mouth, the victim yelled to his wife, "Shoot! Shoot!" The wife called back, "I can't, I'm out of film!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I called to make airline reservations and was put on hold. After several minutes of taped music, a recorded voice came on: "If you have been waiting longer than ten minutes, you may press eight. This will not speed up your call, but it will give you something to do while you wait." 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A man who had never been in a court of law before was put on the stand as a witness. The court stenographer recorded every word he said. The man started to talk faster. The stenographer's fingers flew across her keyboard. The man spoke even faster, but finally came to an abrupt halt and said, "Miss, will you stop writing so fast? I can't keep up with you!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
After discovering that they had won 15 million pounds in the Lottery,
Mr
and Mrs McFlannel sat down to discuss their future. Mrs McFlannel
announced "After twenty years of washing other people's stairs, I can
throw my old scrubbing brush away at last."

Her husband agreed - "Of course you can, hon. We can easily afford
to buy you a new one now."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"There has been a change at the White House. President Bush's speech
writer is leaving the administration. His last words were, 'Me go now.'"
--Conan O'Brien
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Here's something fascinating. Honda has announced it's developed technology that links a person's thoughts to a machine. It uses brain signals
to control a robot's movements, to which Al Gore said, 'Been there, done
that.'" --Jay Leno
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A spiritualist who'd recently been widowed met a colleague and
reported excitedly that she'd just received a message from her dead
husband
- asking her to send him a carton of cigarettes. "The only thing is,"
she mused, "that I don't know where to send them."

"Why not?" asked her friend.

"Well, he didn't actually say that he was in Heaven - but I can't
imagine he'd be in Hell."

"Hmmm," responded the friend. "Well, maybe I shouldn't bring this
up, but. . . he didn't mention anything about including matches in the
package, did he?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"It's hot out! It's so hot out that I stopped at Ben and Jerry's for a scoop of ice cream and the guy at the counter asked if I wanted that in a cup, cone, or in my pants." --Dave Letterman
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Today Switzerland and France battled to a zero-zero tie in the World Cup soccer finals. I can't imagine why this sport hasn't caught on in America." --Jay Leno
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"In Germany hundreds of soccer hooligans have been arrested for flipping over cars, starting fires and throwing bottles at police. How about they put that on TV? I'll watch that over the World Cup." --Jay Leno
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A kind-hearted motorist saw a man struggling to change a tire
alongside
the highway, and pulled over to see whether he could help. The man
had a
very red face, and a dark smear across it where he'd wiped off sweat
with dirty hands. His tie was undone and his shirt collar askew, and
it
was clear he had also wiped his hands on his once-white shirt. Close
to
him stood an immaculately neat woman who was speaking in quick,
agitated
tones.

"Hello, there," said the motorist. "Say, I've changed a lot of
tires. . . maybe I can help here."

"You sure can," the man with the flat tire replied wearily. "My
wife is an expert, too. If you will just do all the arguing with her
about how this tire ought to be changed, I can concentrate on the
dirty
work and get the job done."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"About $1.4 billion of aid money to Hurricane Katrina victims has gone to alcohol, vacations and pornography. The worst part is that some of that was wasted." --Conan O'Brien
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A Colorado appeals court has ruled that girls can marry at the age of 15 and that some can get married at the age of 12.

Not only that, Colorado can also now change its state name to 'Kentucky.' - Jay Leno
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Two million gallons of raw sewage closed ten miles of Southern California beaches. The spill was so bad, it was actually upgraded from "toxic" to "New Jersey".
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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**** HEALTH NEWS ****
 
Medicare to promote preventive measures  

WASHINGTON, -- U.S. Medicare officials are trying to get  
beneficiaries to use preventive services like checkups,  
tests and flu shots. A campaign is scheduled for this  
summer to promote preventive measures among the 43 mil-  
lion elderly and disabled who are insured through Medi-  
care, the Los Angeles Times reports. "If you take a big  
step back and look at Medicare spending, 90 percent-plus  
of what we are spending is going for the complications  
of chronic disease," Administrator Mark B. McClellan  
said. "We can get healthier beneficiaries and a lot lower  
costs related to complications if we can get more  
prevention." Medicare has added an array of preventive  
services recently, the Times said. They include an initial  
"Welcome to Medicare" physical exam, tests for cardiac  
risk factors, diabetes screening and training for diabetics  
in controlling blood sugar levels. But seniors' use of  
these programs and others has been disappointing, the  
Times said, with only 2 percent of enrollees getting the  
physical, 36 percent of women getting screening for  
cervical cancer and just over half of men getting screen-  
ing for prostate cancer.   


Male fetus may increase miscarriage risk  

COPENHAGEN, Denmark, -- A Danish study finds that carrying  
a male fetus appears to trigger some women's immune systems,  
increasing the chance of later miscarriages. The team at  
University College Hospital in Copenhagen tracked 300 women  
who had had three subsequent miscarriages after giving birth  
to a healthy child, the BBC reported. They found that 60  
percent had boys, while 51 percent would have been expected  
if the gender of the first child was not a factor. "It is  
known that when a female carries a male, it is strange to  
her immune system," said Dr. Henrietta Svarre Nielsen, who  
led the investigation. "And up to 22 years later, you can  
pick up cells in her immune system which act against males."  
Nielsen said that the research is still in preliminary  
phases. About 1 percent of women have recurrent miscar-  
riages with one-third of them doing so after having had a  
child.   

Vision surgery trend grows in Navy  

ANNAPOLIS, Md., -- U.S. Navy personnel with poor vision  
are increasingly going for laser surgery to gain perfect  
vision, a trend having a far-reaching impact on the  
military. The New York Times reports that almost a third  
of every 1,000-member Naval Academy class in Annapolis,  
Md., undergoes laser eye surgery, which is being done  
with assembly-line efficiency at the eye center in  
Bethesda, Md. The report says this trend has allowed ag-  
ing fighter pilots to continue to fly longer, reducing  
recruiting needs. It is also helping to qualify for more  
sought after duties as Special Forces recruits with bad  
vision who would otherwise have been rejected. This is  
also creating some unexpected difficulties, says the  
Times. By shrinking the pool of people who used to be  
routinely available for jobs where perfect vision is not  
needed, the surgery trend has made it harder to fill  
some of those assignments with top-notch personnel. One  
example is filling personnel needed for submarine service,  
 where perfect eyesight is not needed. The Navy has  
started offering $15,000 bonuses to get midshipmen with  
better grades to join the submarine program, the Times  
said.   
  

**** Reader's Submissions ****
Love vs. Obligation"

A house is a house is a house-until love comes through the door,
that is. And love intuitively goes around sprinkling that special
brand of angel dust that transforms a house into a very special
home for very special people: your family.

Money, of course, can build a charming house, but only love can
furnish it with a feeling of home.

Duty can pack an adequate sack lunch, but love may decide to tuck
a little love note inside.

Money can provide a television set, but love controls it and
cares enough to say no and take the guff that comes with it.

Obligation sends the children to bed on time, but love tucks the
covers in around their necks and passes out kisses and hugs (even
to teenagers!).

Obligation can cook a meal, but love embellishes the table with a
potted ivy trailing around slender candles.

Duty writes many letters, but love tucks a joke or a picture or a
fresh stick of gum inside.

Compulsion keeps a sparkling house. But love and prayer stand a
better chance of producing a happy family.

Duty gets offended quickly if it isn't appreciated. But love
learns to laugh a lot and to work for the sheer joy of doing it.

Obligation can pour a glass of milk, but quite often love will
add a little chocolate.
   --Author Unknown
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~FRED~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

**** ON THIS DAY ****

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Thoughts or Comments
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 **** MOTOR SPORTS NEWS ****

'Ringers' set for open road

Revolutions next for IRL

IndyCar drivers in for a treat with Richmond's fast roundabouts.

Story

Injured Riggs plans to race

Notes: Elliott will stand by just in case; Stewart: shoulder is fine.

Story

Right turns over the bend

Team reports: Drivers aim to be road-ready for Sonoma course.

Story

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**** COUNTRY CALENDAR ****

1930 Roy Drusky born in Atlanta, Georgia  

1936 Kris Kristofferson born in Brownsville, Texas  

1963 Ernie Ashworth's "Talk Back Trembling Lips" went to  
#1  

1991 Brooks & Dunn made their chart debut with "Brand  
New Man," destined to be a #1  

1991 Garth Brooks' "The Thunder Rolls" became his sixth  
#1 hit  

1959 Roy Drusky joined the Grand Ole Opry  
  
1923 Jim & Jesse recorded "Sweet Little Miss Blue Eyes"  
  
1933 Gene Autry recorded "The Death Of Jimmie Rodgers"  
  
1933 Gene Autry recorded "In the Valley of the Moon"  

1933 Gene Autry recorded "The Life of Jimmie Rodgers"  
  
1954 Ernest Tubb recorded "Two Glasses Joe"  
  
1954 Ernest Tubb recorded "The Woman's Touch"  
  
1954 Ernest Tubb recorded "Journey's End"  

1954 Ernest Tubb recorded "Kansas City Blues"  

1960 Hawkshaw Hawkins recorded "No Love For Me"  

1960 Hawkshaw Hawkins recorded "You Know Me Much Too Well"  

1981 Merle Haggard recorded the #1 single "Going Where  
the Lonely Go"   


 **** COUNTRY MUSIC NEWS ****

 
Gretchen Wilson, Josh Gracin Sing for Republicans  

Gretchen Wilson and Josh Gracin were among the performers  
appearing Monday night (June 19) in Washington at a fund-  
raiser that generated $27 million to be used by Republican  
candidates in the November elections. President Bush  
provided a speech for more than 5,000 supporters attending  
the President's Dinner at the Washington Convention Center.  
The event raised money for the National Republican  
Congressional Committee and the National Republican  
Senatorial Committee.   


  Willie Nelson's Atlantic Years Among Rhino's Reissues  

A three-disc set compiling Willie Nelson's catalog on  
Atlantic Records was released Tuesday (June 20) by Rhino  
Records. Willie Nelson: The Complete Atlantic Sessions  
includes remastered versions of 1973's Shotgun Willie  
and 1974's Phases and Stages, both expanded with studio  
outtakes, alternate versions and unreleased music. A  
third disc, Live at the Texas Opry House, includes rare  
and unreleased music from a 1974 concert in Austin, Texas.  
Rhino's other new collections released Tuesday include Hit  
by a Train: Best of the Old 97's and The Very Best of Marc  
Cohn.  

June 22, 2006: "Summertime" continues to be the right time for Kenny Chesney as his single once again tops the Billboard country song chart for the week ending July 1. And the Dixie Chicks' "Taking the Long Way Home" also remains number one, but on the album chart. On the song chart, the first four songs remained the same as the previous week with Phil Vassar's "Last Day Of My Life," Brad Paisley's "The World" and Tim McGraw's "When the Stars Go Blue," two-three-four. Carrie Underwood's "Don't Forget to Remember Me" was up one spot to fifth. A big mover was Rodney Atkins' "If You're Going Through Hell (Before the Devil Even Knows)" up four to eighth. The Wreckers' "Leave the Pieces" also was up 4 to 16th. On the album chart, Rascal Flatts' "Me and My Gang" and Underwood's "Some Hearts" remained second and third. Alan Jackson was up two slots to fourth with "Precious Memories." The "Blue Collar Comedy Tour: One for the Road" was down one to fifth. Trent Willmon debuted in 19th with "A Little More Livin'," his second disc. Blaine Larsen debuted in 23rd with "Rockin' You Tonight," also his second album. Larsen sold about 12,000 units of his disc. On the overall top 200 chart, the Chicks were 2nd, Rascal Flatts 8th, Underwood 16th, Jackson 18th and the Blue Collar disc 19th.

**** Amy's Kitchen ****