|
From Carlisle
,Indiana
U.S.A.
Welcome
to The Funnies
"Friends
are God's way of taking care of
us."
These are clean jokes. However,
They are,
PG - Not intended
for younger readers - PG
Welcome New
Subscribers
Anyone without a sense
of humor is at the mercy
of the rest of us.
Heaven Help
Them
Remember,it is easier to get
older
than it is to get wiser
THURSDAY JULY 06,2006
THOUGHT FOR TODAY:My boss says I'm a very
responsible
person. When anything goes wrong, I'm responsible.
"The Census Bureau reported that Las Vegas
is about to pass
Washington, D.C. in population. Of course,
there's a huge
difference Vegas and Washington. See, in Las
Vegas, people
gamble with their own money." --Jay
Leno
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Today
was the first day of New York City pools being opened
up...and
the first 100 swimmers got a free hepatitis shot."
--Dave
Letterman
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"It's
said that World Cup soccer fans in Germany are drinking
17 pints
of beer per day. Apparently after 17 beers soccer
finally
becomes interesting." --Conan
O'Brien
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
My
husband and I found a charming bed-and-breakfast nestled
in the
White Mountains of New Hampshire. Though enchanted,
I
nonetheless had some questions about the accommodations.
"Does the room have its own bath?" I asked.
Nodding,
the proprietor answered, "If no one else comes, it
does."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Jim's
doctor tells him he has only one day to live. When
Jim goes home
to share the bad news with his wife, she asks
what he wants to
do with the little bit of time he has left.
"All I want,"
Jim tells his beloved wife, "is to spend my
last few hours
reliving our honeymoon." Which is exactly
what they
did.
But after hours of blissful romance, she announces
that
she's tired and wants to go to sleep.
"Oh, come on," Jim whispers in her ear.
"Look," his
wife snaps, "I've got to get up in the morning.
You
don't!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Things You Won't Hear Your Horse Say:
.
Don't clean out my stall. I adore the smell.
. No thanks, one can of oats
is enough for me.
. I just love traveling in a hot trailer.
. Mr.
Farrier, please don't stop pounding on my hooves.
. There's room for one
more on my back.
. I feel like galloping another 20 miles.
. Low
Branch! Duck!
. You can go ahead and leave, I'll wash myself
down.
. Can we do this again
tomorrow?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
For
centuries, Hindu women have worn a red spot on their foreheads. We
have
naively thought it had something to do with their
religion.
The true story has just
been revealed by the Indian Embassy in
Washington. When one of these
women get married, on her wedding night
the husband scratches off the red
spot to see if he has won a
convenience store, a gas station, or a motel in
Texas or
possibly
Florida.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Handy
Cues
1. If you can't find a screwdriver, use a knife. If you break
off the tip, it's an improved screwdriver.
2. Try to work alone. An
audience is rarely any help.
3. Despite what you may have been told by
your mother, praying and cursing are both helpful in home repair...but only if
you are working alone.
4. Work in the kitchen whenever you can... many
fine tools are there, its warm and dry, and you are close to the
refrigerator.
5. If it's electronic, get a new one.
6. Keep it
simple: Get a new battery; replace the bulb or fuse; see if the tank is empty;
try turning it to the "on" switch; or just paint over it.
7. Always take
credit for miracles. If you dropped the alarm clock while taking it apart and it
suddenly starts working, you have fixed it.
8. Regardless of what people
say, kicking, pounding, and throwing sometimes DOES help.
9. If something
looks level, it is level.
10. Above all, if what you've done is stupid,
but it works, then it isn't stupid.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Two
show stallions are arguing over who should take best of breed. The first says,
"I'll grant you are the closest I have ever seen to my equal, but my legs are
just a bit straighter than yours, and, you know, the legs are of prime
importance: no foot, no horse!" The second horse says, "I'll allow your legs are
just a bit better than mine, but mine are the legs I was born with and I know
for a fact you had thousands of dollars of corrective work. Your foals will
inherit your natural legs, not your genius farrier!" The first horse mulls this
for a moment, then says, "You're right. I stand corrected..."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Having been
married ten years and still living in an
apartment, the wife would often
complain about anything, as she was
tired of saving every penny to buy a
"dream home."
Trying to placate
her, the husband found a new apartment, within
their budget. However, after
the first week, she began
complaining
again.
"Honey," she
said, "I don't like this place at all. There are
no curtains in the
bathroom. The neighbors can see me every time I take
a
bath!"
"Don't worry," replied her
husband. "If the neighbors DO see
you, they'll buy curtains.
Maybe for us,
too!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
There
was this blonde woman who just delivered a baby.
Her doctor came into her
room and saw her with a bag of ice in between her breasts. Her doctor asks how
come?
She says, "That's to keep the milk fresh."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A
man and a woman go into a drugstore to pick up a prescription. While they are
waiting, the man climbs on an old-fashioned scale and puts a quarter in. A card
emerges that says, "You are thoughtful, considerate, kindhearted, and good with
children." Very smugly, he hands the card to his wife. She reads it and says,
"It didn't get your weight right,
either."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Truth About Children...
A baby usually
wakes up in the wee-wee hours of the morning.
A child will not spill on a
dirty floor.
A youth becomes a man when the marks he wants to leave on
the world have nothing to do with tires.
Be nice to your kids, for it is
they who will choose your nursing home.
Celibacy is not
hereditary.
For adult education, nothing beats children.
If you
have trouble getting your children's attention, just sit down and look
comfortable.
Ill-bred children always display their pest
manners.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
When
I was young, my family was really poor. Everything I wore - socks, blouses, even
handkerchiefs - had been darned over and over by my mother.
I wasn't the
smartest or the prettiest, but I sure was the best darned kid in the
neighborhood!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Judy had a system for labeling homemade freezer meals.
She would
carefully note in large clear letters,
"Meatloaf" or "Pot Roast" or
"Steak and Vegetables" or
"Chicken and Dumplings" or "Beef Pot
Pie."
Everyday when she asked her husband what he wanted for dinner, he
never
asked for any of those meals. She decided to stock the freezer with
his
various requests instead; what he really likes...
In Judy's
freezer now you'll see a whole new set of
labels. You'll find dinners with
neat little tags that
say:
"Whatever," "Anything," "I Don't Know," "I
Don't
Care," "Something Good," or "Food."
End of frustration for Jusy
because no matter what her husband replies
when she asks him what he wants
for dinner.... it's there
waiting!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
You
might be a redneck addicted to the world of computers if... If yer
computer
stand is made of a stack of old tires or 2 x 8's and
cinderblocks. Ya think
www. in a url is a logo for a wrestlin'
organization. Someone tells ya
they're "locked up" and ya ask if they
need bail money. Ya've ever been too
drunk to chat. Ya think a hard
drive is a trip to Uncle Bubba's. Yer mouse
keeps knocking over yer spit
can. Ya think a surge suppressor is a pill for
diarrhea. Ya keep trying
to figure out why yer scanner won't pick up police
radio calls. Ya think
a megabyte is a new sandwich at McDonalds. Ya have to
ask someone
how to spell LOL. Yer stomach overlaps half of yer
keyboard.
Ya try to figure out how to get yer empty beer cans into the
recyclin'
bin. Ya try to turn on yer computer with the remote. Ya try to
figure
out how yer floppy disk got hard. Ya play Frisbee with yer CD Rom's.
Ya
find yerself on the floor looking into yer "A Drive" yelling 'Give
it
back! Give it Back'. When birds fly across yer screen ya reach for
yer
shotgun. Yer yards full of ol' computers stacked on cinder blocks.
Ya
use yer CD-ROM drive as a beer holder. Ya call tech support an ask
where
ta buy stamps fer yer e-mail. Ya think ICQ is how smert yer computer
is.
Ya think yer homepage is where ya really live. Ya give directions to
a
website that include a person, animal, or old barn. Ya see the
word
Download, and take the shells out of yer shotgun. Ya think the
person
that made yer keyboard was dumb cuz the letters aint in order. Ya
see
the "shift" key and try ta figure out how ta change gears. Ya see
the
word "Zip" and know why youz feelin' a draft. Yer puter has a
bumper
sticker on it. Part of yer puter is held together with duct tape.
Ya
sees the word "Refresh" and reach into the cooler fer another
beer
****
Quickies ****
The main trouble
with mental notes is the ink fades so fast
~
They've finally come up with the perfect
office computer. If it makes a mistake, it blames another computer.
~
The
diet doctor told me that I can't have ice cream for dessert anymore, so now I
have it as an appetizer.
~
Astronauts are not allowed to eat beans before
they go into space because passing wind in a space suit damages the
suit.
~
The road to success is always under construction.
~
You are never
quite sure what kind of a mind a person has until he gives you a piece of
it.
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
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ressypees e-zine
We do take requests!! If you are looking for any particular
recipe,
send your request to: mailto:bigguyhereagain@cogeco.ca
SUBSCRIBE RessyPees-subscribe@yahoogroups.com&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
****************************************************
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tall to fit your legs under the desk!"
Have you ever
heard of news as weird as this?
Send blank email to 46508-subscribe@zinester.com for free
subscription of "Weirdo News" now!
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**** HEALTH NEWS ****
Study doubts B-vitamins in Alheimers
war
NEW YORK, -- A new study in a U.S. medical
journal casts
doubt on the effectiveness of B vitamins in the
war on
Alzheimer's disease. The study, printed in this
week's
New England Journal of Medicine, says the vitamins --
B6,
B12 and folic acid -- did nothing to improve brain
func-
tion of patients in a 2-year clinical trial in
New
Zealand, The Wall Street Journal reported.
Researchers
had theorized that the vitamins could be an
inexpensive
way to avoid dementia since B vitamins are known to
lower
levels of an amino acid linked to Alzheimer's. But,
the
study appeared to shoot a hole in that idea. "I
don't
think we can completely discard that theory right
now,"
says an author of the new study, C. Murray Skeaff.
"But
it certainly puts a chink in the
armor."
Pfizer to
manufacture generic Zoloft
NEW YORK, --
Pharmaceutical manufacturer Pfizer Inc. says
it will offer a
discounted generic version of its drug
Zoloft, the nation's best
selling antidepressant. The move
is one of the latest by major
pharmaceutical companies to
battle generic competition, The Wall
Street Journal
reported Thursday. Zoloft, with $2.5 billion in
U.S. sales
last year, loses its domestic patent protection
Friday.
Pfizer, a New York company well known for its
opposition
to generic drugs, is now making and marketing the
generic
versions of its drugs almost entirely through a
little
known subsidiary, Greenstone Ltd. "We see an
opportunity
with our big medicines coming off patent," Pfizer
Chairman
and Chief Executive Henry McKinnell told the Journal.
"The
generic companies hate it, of course. They don't want
the
competition."
HIV/AIDS clinical trials networks revised
WASHINGTON, -- The U.S. National Institute of Allergy and
Infectious Diseases announced Thursday the new structure
of
its HIV/AIDS clinical trials networks. The NIAID, part
of the
National Institutes of Health, said the networks
will search for
safe and effective treatments and preven-
tion strategies,
including HIV vaccines. "The new network
structure expands our
clinical research capacity and
strengthens our ability to take
advantage of emerging
scientific opportunities," said NIAID
Director Dr. Anthony
Fauci. "By creating a more integrated,
collaborative and
flexible structure, we will be better equipped
to meet
evolving global AIDS research priorities." The
principal
investigators and institutions leading the
newly
restructured HIV/AIDS networks are:
--
AIDS Clinical Trials Group -- Dr. Constance Benson of
the
University of California-San Diego.
-- HIV Prevention Trials
Network -- Dr. Sten Vermund of
Vanderbilt
University.
-- HIV Vaccine Trials Network -- Dr. Lawrence
Corey of
The Fred Hutchinson Cancer Research Center.
-- International Maternal Pediatric Adolescent AIDS
Clinical Trials -- Dr. Jay Brooks Jackson of the Johns
Hopkins University School of Medicine.
-- International
Network for Strategic Initiatives in
Global HIV Trials -- James
Neaton of the University of
Minnesota.
-- Microbicide Trials Network -- Sharon Hillier of the
Magee-Women's Research Institute.
**** Reader's Submissions ****
This is an absolutely beautiful tribute to our United States of
America.
Say what you may ~ we still have the best country in the world.
I
thought
this to
be worthy of passing on. And an Australian wrote it.
Many people
love
America -
many people don't. But it is what it is and
we are blessed (my
humble
opinion).
Written by an Australian
Dentist....and too good to delete....
To Kill an
American
You probably missed it in the rush of news last
week, but there was
actually a report that
someone in Pakistan had
published in a newspaper an offer of a
reward to
anyone who killed
an
American, any American.
So an Australian dentist wrote an editorial
the following day to let
everyone know what an
American is . So they would
know when they found one. (Good one,
mate!!!!)
"An American is
English, or French, or Italian, Irish, German,
Spanish,
Polish, Russian
or
Greek. An American may also be Canadian, Mexican, African, Indian,
Chinese,
Japanese, Korean,
Australian, Iranian, Asian, or Arab, or
Pakistani or Afghan.
An American may also be a Comanche, Cherokee, Osage,
Blackfoot,
Navaho,
Apache, Seminole or
one of the many other tribes
known as native Americans.
An American is Christian, or he could be
Jewish, or Buddhist, or
Muslim. In
fact, there are
more Muslims in
America than in Afghanistan. The only difference is
that in
America they
are
free to worship as each of them chooses.
An American is also free
to believe in no religion. For that he will
answer
only to God, not
to
the government, or to armed thugs claiming to speak for the
government
and for God.
An American lives in the most prosperous
land in the history of the
world.
The root of that prosperity can be
found in the Declaration of
Independence, which recognizes
the God given
right of each person to the pursuit of happiness.
An American is
generous. Americans have helped out just about every
other
nation in the
world
in their time of need, never asking a thing in return.
When
Afghanistan was over-run by the Soviet army 20 years ago,
Americans
came
with arms and
supplies to enable the people to win back their
country!
As of the morning of September 11, Americans had given more than
any
other
nation to the poor
in Afghanistan. Americans welcome the
best of everything...the best
products, the best books,
the best
music, the best food, the best services. But they also
welcome
the
least.
The national symbol of America, The Statue of Liberty ,
welcomes
your tired
and your poor, the
wretched refuse of your teeming
shores, the homeless, tempest
tossed. These
in fact are the
people who
built America.
Some of them were working in the Twin Towers the morning
of
September 11,
2001 earning a
better life for their families. It's
been told that the World Trade
Center
victims were from
at least 30
different countries, cultures, and first languages,
including
those that
aided and
abetted the terrorists.
So you can try to kill an American
if you must. Hitler did. So did
General
Tojo, and Stalin,
and Mao
Tse-Tung, and other blood-thirsty tyrants in the world. But,
in
doing so
you would just
be killing yourself. Because Americans are not a particular
people
from a
particular place.
They are the embodiment of the human
spirit of freedom. Everyone who
holds
to that spirit,
everywhere, is
an American.
Please keep this going!
Pass this around the World
?
Then pass it around again.
It says it all, for all of
us
Farmboy
**** ON THIS DAY
****
**** HEADS UP FOLKS
****
These Are My Causes
Please Help
This is a link for
FREE virus protection
http://avast.com
It is
excellent. I use it myself
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Organ and Tissue Donation/Transplanation
http://www.organdonor.gov/
It takes less than a minute to go to their site and click on "donating a
mammogram"
for free (pink window in the middle). This doesn't cost you a
thing. Their corporate
sponsors/advertisers use the number of daily visits
to donate mammogram
in exchange for
advertising.
Here's the web site! Pass it along to
people you know.
http://www.thebreastcancersite.com
&
The Animal Rescue Site is having trouble getting enough people to
click on it daily to meet their quota
of getting free food donated
every day to abused and neglected animals. It takes less than a minute to
go
to their site and click on "feed an animal in need" for free! This
doesn't cost you a thing! Their corporate
sponsors/advertisers use the
number of daily visits to donate food to abandoned/neglected animals in
exchange
for advertising.
Here's the web site! Pass it along to
people you know!
http://www.theanimalrescuesite.com
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This is a link
for FREE virus protection
http://avast.com
It is
excellent
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Thoughts or Comments
jokes or stories
U
Send'em and I'll print'em
Just keep it clean.A lota kids read
this
jim4615@earthlink.net
Subject
Line--- The Funnies
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
**** MOTOR SPORTS NEWS ****
|
NASCAR report |
|
Boris Said's run, Jeff Gordon's new ride among news from
track. |
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Fantasy Insider |
|
Albert: Stewart, Kenseth at top of list ready for
Chicago success. |
|
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|
Up to Speed with Sorenson |
|
Wreck, cut tire on last lap make Daytona weekend a long
one. |
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Subscribe Today: Home Delivery of USA TODAY - Save 35%
**** COUNTRY CALENDAR
****
-6-
Shelly Lee Alley, Western Swing/Fiddler/Songwriter, born
Colorado County, TX 1894.
Bill Haley born "William John Clifton Haley Jr.," Highland Park,
MI 1925. Inducted R&RHOF 1987 and RHOF.
Wallace Lewis, of "The Lewis Family" born Lincoln County, GA
1928.
Jeannie Seely born Titusville, PA 1940.
Byron Berline, of the Country Gazette, fiddler, born Caldwell,
KS 1944.
Nanci Griffith, singer/songwriter/guitarist born Austin, TX
1953.
Elvis Presley recorded "Blue Moon of Kentucky," at SUN Studios
1954.
John Jorgenson, guitarist/session musician, member of the
"Desert Rose Band," born Madison, WI 1956.
Johnny Cash released "Five Feet High and Risin'," and "I Got
Stripes," 1959.
Capitol Records released Buck Owens album "The Kansas City Song"
1970.
Anne Murray's "He Thinks I still Care" went to #1 1974.
Waylon Jennings and Johnny Cash recorded together 1976.
Johnny Russell joined the Grand Ole Opry 1985.
Reba McEntire received her first platinum record for "Whoever's
In New England," 1993.
Roy Rogers, age 86, died in Apple Valley, CA 1998.
Inducted CMHF 1988.
James Hill, age 78, "The Fairfield Four" died 2000.
Johnny Russell, Opry member, was buried 2001. The
Pallbearers were Garth Brooks, Brad Paisley, Jim Ed Brown, Billy Walker, Porter
Wagoner, Jack Greene and Little Jimmy Dickens.
Skip Battin, 69, died in Silverton, OR 2003.
Buddy Ebsen, age 95, died 2003.
Kenny Rogers and wife Wanda, became the parents of twins in
2004. Justin Charles, and Jordan Edward were born one minute apart in
Atlanta.
****
COUNTRY MUSIC NEWS ****
Buck Owens' The
Ultimate Collection Due Aug. 1
All of Buck Owens'
No. 1 country hits will be compiled
on a single CD for the first
time when The Ultimate
Collection is released Aug. 1 on Rhino
Records. The 21-
song collection stretches from 1963's "Act
Naturally"
to 1988's "Streets of Bakersfield," a duet with
Dwight
Yoakam. Other selections include "Love's Gonna
Live
Here," "I've Got a Tiger by the Tail," "My Heart
Skips
a Beat," "Think of Me" and "Together Again." A
member
of the Country Music Hall of Fame, Owens died on
March
25.
Junior Brown Joins
Bob Dylan's Summer Tour
Two noted guitarists --
Junior Brown and Fabulous Thunder-
birds founder Jimmie Vaughan
-- have signed on for Bob
Dylan's third annual tour of minor
league baseball parks.
Billed as the Bob Dylan Show, the outdoor
concerts have
attracted almost 500,000 fans during the past two
years.
Also appearing on the tour is Texas roadhouse singer
Lou
Ann Barton. Elana James, formerly of the Hot Club
of
Cowtown, will open the shows with her new band,
the
Continental Two. The tour opens Aug. 12 in Comstock
Park,
Mich., and will hit cities in Ohio, Kentucky,
Georgia,
North Carolina, Maryland, Pennsylvania, Rhode
Island,
Massachusetts and New York before ending Sept. 5 in
Fort
Wayne, Ind.
**** Amy's Kitchen
****
TANGY CHICKEN
SALAD
1 small head iceberg lettuce, torn into
bits
1 small head Romaine lettuce, torn into bits
3 whole cooked boneless chicken breast, cut into 1/2" cubes
1 small can manadrin oranges
1 apple, cored, peeped, and
cubed
1/2 cup celery, chopped
1/2 cup toasted
almonds
1/2 cup Catalina French
dressing
In a large salad bowl, first add the iceberg
lettuce and
then the Romaine. Add the chicken to the salad bowl.
Next,
add the oranges, apple, celery. Lightly toss the
ingredients
and then place in refrigerator to chill. About 15
minutes
before serving, take out of refrigerator and add the
almonds.
Then pour the dressing and again toss. Add the salad
to
small salad bowls and serve.
Yield: 4
Servings
A Diabetic
Recipe
Individual Berry Cobblers with Puff Pastry Stars
(makes 4 servings)
Puff Pasty Stars
1/3 frozen puff pastry sheet, thawed
egg wash made from 3
tablespoons (15 ml) egg substitute
beaten with 1 tablespoon
water
Berry Filling
2 cups fresh
blueberries, blackberries or raspberries, or
a mixture of
berries
1 tablespoon (15 g) grated orange zest
1
teaspoon (5 ml) fresh lemon juice
2 teaspoons (10 ml)
cornstarch
sugar substitute equal to 1/4 to 1/2 cup (60 to 120
g)
sugar, or to taste depending on tartness of
berries
1 cup nonfat, sugar-free frozen yogurt
1. Preheat oven to 400° F.
2. Roll out puff pastry
on a lightly floured work surface
to 1/4-inch
thickness. Cut out 8 star shapes with cookie
cutter. Place on non-stick cookie sheet and freeze for
5 minutes.
3. Remove from freezer and brush
top of stars with egg
wash. Bake in middle of oven
for 10 to 15 minutes until
puffed and golden brown.
Cool on a rack . Store in a
airtight plastic bag at
room temperature if made day
before
serving.
4. Place the berries in a large bowl. Add the
orange zest,
lemon juice, cornstarch, and sugar
substitute. Divide
the berries into 4 individual
oven-proof 1 1/2-cup
souffl? dishes. Bake for 20
minutes, until done. Cool
slightly.
5. To assemble, top each cobbler with 2 pastry stars and
1/4 cup frozen yogurt. Serve immediately.
Per serving: 178 calories (28% calories from fat),
4 g
protein, 6 g total fat (0.8 g saturated
fat), 28 g carbohydrates, 2 g dietary fiber,
0
cholesterol, 84 mg sodium
Diabetic exchanges: 2 carbohydrate
(1 bread/starch,
1 fruit), 1 fat
**** TODAY'S USELESS FACT
****
Is there a way
to stop your ears from popping while you are on a
plane?
 Chewing gum does help your ears relieve the pressure.
Also swallowing helps. The thing that works well for me is yawning. I'm usually tired
on flights and yawning comes naturally or you can have someone fake a yawn which
elicits one from you. In any case, yawning equalizes the pressure and no more
pain or hearing difficulty. Also, there are ear plugs available to buy at super
markets that you put into your ears before take-off and then take them out a
while into the flight, and then put them in shortly before descent in order to
keep a somewhat constant pressure in the ears and prevent them from popping as
the pressure in the cabin changes during flight.
****A
PARTING THOUGHT ****
What do you call a
lawyer with an IQ of 50?
Your honor
TOON TIME
Chainsaw Suicide
http://www.buffalosjokes.com/31375.htm
<a href=" http://www.buffalosjokes.com/31375.htm
"> Here!</a>
Happy Paw
http://www.buffalosjokes.com/31374.htm
<a href=" http://www.buffalosjokes.com/31374.htm
"> Here!</a>
Persistent Mormons
http://www.ezines4all.com/ct200411/005.htm
<a href="http://www.ezines4all.com/ct200411/005.htm"> Here </a>
The Aardvark Breakfast
http://www.ezines4all.com/ct200411/006.htm
<a href="http://www.ezines4all.com/ct200411/006.htm"> Here </a>
Junk mail?
http://www.AikensLaughs.com/forfun/funny1270.html
<a href="http://www.AikensLaughs.com/forfun/funny1270.html">Here!</a>
LAST CALL Y'ALL
Bubba was from
Alabama and was a hard-shell Southern Baptist. He loved
to sneak away to the
race track. One day he was there betting on the
ponies and losing his shirt
when he noticed a priest step out onto the
track and bless the forehead of
one of the horses lining up for the 4th
race. Lo and behold, this horse -- a
very long shot -- won the race.
Bubba was most interested to see what the
priest did the next race.
Sure enough, he watched the priest step out
onto the track as the horses
for the fifth race lined up, and placed a
blessing on the forehead of
one of the horses. Bubba made a beeline for the
window and placed a
small bet on the horse.
Again, even though another
long shot, the horse the priest had blessed
won the race. Bubba collected his
winning and anxiously waited to see
which horse the priest bestowed his
blessing on for the 6th race. The
priest showed, blessed a horse, Bubba bet
on it, and it won! Bubba was
elated!!!
As the day went on, the priest
continued blessing one of the horses, and
it always came in first. Bubba
began to pull in some serious money, and
by the last race, he knew his
wildest dreams were going to come true. He
made a quick stop at the ATM,
withdrew big money and awaited the
priest's blessing that would tell him
which horse to bet on.
True to his pattern, the priest stepped out onto
the track before the
last race and blessed the forehead, eyes, ears and
hooves of one of the
horses.
Bubba bet every cent, and watched the
horse come in dead last. He was
dumbfounded. He made his way to the track and
when he found the priest,
he demanded, "What happened, Father? All day you
blessed horses and they
won. The last race, you blessed a horse and he lost.
"Now I've lost my
savings, thanks to you!!" he complained when he met the
priest on the
way out of the racetrack.
The priest nodded wisely and
said, "That's the problem with you
Protestants... you can't tell the
difference between a simple blessing
and the Last Rites."
HEY, DON'T BE A STRANGER NOW,YA
HEAR!
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
Hey, Let's be careful out
there
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
PLEASE
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