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From Carlisle
,Indiana
U.S.A. Welcome to The Funnies "Friends
are God's way of taking care of
us."
These are clean jokes. However, They are, PG - Not intended for younger readers - PG Welcome New
Subscribers WEDNESDAY JULY 12,2006 Hmmm....no more beating around the
Bush roadwork. We were unsure which lane to use, and the flagman was no help; his signal light went up, down, across, and back again. "What do you think he wants us to do?' my husband asked. We proceeded cautiously and finally drew abreast of the flagman--who, we realized, was frantically warding off mosquitos. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Three preachers sat discussing the best positions for prayer while a telephone repairman worked nearby. "Kneeling is definitely best," claimed one. "No," another contended. "I get the best results standing with my hands outstretched to Heaven." "You're both wrong," the third insisted. "The most effective prayer position is lying prostrate, face down on the floor." The repairman could contain himself no longer. "Hey, fellas, " he interrupted, "the best prayin' I ever did was hangin' upside down from a telephone pole." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Britain decided it was time to switch left lane traffic to right lane traffic, as everywhere in Europe. So they gather to plan the whole thing nd nobody seems to come up with any viable solution, so they send out some help-me type faxes. A couple of days later, answers come back. The French fax read: "As your neighbors, we are deeply touched you requested our help," etc., etc., "but we have no idea at all how to do it." The German fax read: "We are Germany, the most organized country in Europe, but we have not had this problem before and we do not know how to handle it." The Polish fax read: "As you know, we are Poland, a country that has done a lot on the path towards democracy and economic resuscitation. "We have a great deal of experience in such transition processes. But, as to overcome the inherent difficulties and to avoid social problems, any and all transitions must be done gradually. "So, it is our proposal to handle the situation in three big steps. The first year, it should be mandatoryonly for the trucks to ride on the right lane . . &&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&& Shirley's ressypees e-zine We do take requests!! If you are looking for any particular recipe, send your request to: mailto:bigguyhereagain@cogeco.ca SUBSCRIBE RessyPees-subscribe@yahoogroups.com &&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&& **************************************************** "YOU'RE FIRED! Coz you're too tall to fit your legs under the desk!" Have you ever heard of news as weird as this? Send blank email to 46508-subscribe@zinester.com for free subscription of "Weirdo News" now! ****************************************************  &&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&& You can join The Funnies IT'S FREE To subscribe, Click on link below 25438-subscribe@zinester.com &&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
MSG hides behind 25 or more names, such as "Natural Flavoring". I wondered if there could be an actual chemical causing the massive obesity epidemic, so did a friend of mine, John Erb. He was a research assistant at the University of Waterloo in Ontario, Canada, and spent years working for the government. He made an amazing discovery while going through scientific journals for a book he was writing called "The Slow Poisoning of America". In hundreds of studies around the world, scientists were creating obese mice and rats to use in diet or diabetes test studies. No strain of rat or mice is naturally obese, so the scientists have to create them. They make these morbidly obese creatures by injecting them with MSG when they are first born. The MSG triples the amount of insulin the pancreas creates; causing rats (and humans?) to become obese. They even have a title for the fat rodents they create: "MSG-Treated Rats". I was shocked too. I went to my kitchen, checking the cupboards and the fridge. MSG was in everything! The Campbell's soups, the Hostess Doritos, the Lays flavored potato chips, Top Ramen, Betty Crocker Hamburger Helper, Heinz canned gravy, Swanson frozen prepared meals, Kraft salad dressings, especially the 'healthy low fat' ones. The items that didn't have MSG marked on the product label had something called ''Hydrolyzed Vegetable Protein'', which is just another name for Monosodium Glutamate. It was shocking to see just how many of the foods we feed our children everyday are filled with this stuff. They hide MSG under many different names in order to fool those who carefully read the ingredient list, so they don't catch on. (Other names for MSG: 'Accent' - 'Aginomoto' - 'Natural Meet Tenderizer' etc) But it didn't stop there. When our family went out to eat, we started asking at the restaurants what menu items had MSG. Many employees, even the managers, swore they didn't use MSG. But when we ask for the ingredient list, which they grudgingly provided, sure enough MSG and Hydrolyzed Vegetable Protein were everywhere. Burger King, McDonalds, Wendy's, Taco Bell, every restaurant, even the sit down ones like TGIF, Chilis', Applebees and Denny's use MSG in abundance. Kentucky Fried Chicken seemed to be the WORST offender: MSG was in every chicken dish, salad dressing and gravy. No wonder I loved to eat that coating on the skin, their secret spice was MSG! So why is MSG in so may of the foods we eat?.. Is it a preservative or a vitamin?? Not according to my friend John. In the book he wrote, an expose of the food additive industry called "The Slow Poisoning of America" he said that MSG is added to food for the addictive effect it has on the human body. http://www.spofamerica.com/ Even the propaganda website sponsored by the food manufacturers lobby group supporting MSG at: http://www.msgfactscom/facts/msgfact12.html explains that the reason they add it to food is to make people eat more. A study of the elderly showed that people eat more of the foods that it is added to. The Glutamate Association lobby group says eating more benefits the elderly, but what does it do to the rest of us? 'Betcha can't eat just one', takes on a whole new meaning where MSG is concerned! And we wonder why the nation is overweight? The MSG manufacturers themselves admit that it addicts people to their products. It makes people choose their product over others, and makes people eat more of it than they would if MSG wasn't added. Not only is MSG scientifically proven to cause obesity, it is an addictive substance! Since its introduction into the American food supply fifty years ago, MSG has been added in larger and larger doses to the pre-packaged meals soups, snacks and fast foods we are tempted to eat everyday. The FDA has set no limits on how much of it can be added to food. They claim it's safe to eat in any amount. How can they claim it safe when there are hundreds of scientific studies with titles like these? The monosodium glutamate (MSG) obese rat as a model for the study of exercise in obesity'. Gobatto CA, Mello MA, Souza CT, Ribeiro IA.Res Commun Mol Pathol Pharmacol. 2002. Adrenalectomy abolishes the food-induced hypothalamic serotonin release in both normal and monosodium glutamate-obese rats'. Guimaraes RB, Telles MM, Coelho VB, Mori C, Nascimento CM, Ribeiro Brain Res Bull. 2002 Aug. Obesity induced by neonatal monosodium glutamate treatment in spontaneously hypertensive rats: an animal model of multiple risk factors'. Iwase M, Yamamoto M, Iino K, Ichikawa K, Shinohara N, Yoshinari Fujishima Hypertens Res. 1998 Mar. Hypothalamic lesion induced by injection of monosodium glutamate in suckling period and subsequent development of obesity'. Tanaka K, Shimada M, Nakao K Kusunoki Exp Neurol. 1978 Oct. Yes, that last study was not a typo, it WAS written in 1978. Both the "medical research community" and "food manufacturers" have known about MSG's side effects for decades! Many more studies mentioned in John Erb's book link MSG to Diabetes, Migraines and headaches, Autism, ADHD and even Alzheimer's. But what can we do to stop the food manufactures from dumping fattening and addictive MSG into our food supply and causing the obesity epidemic we now see? Even as you read this, G. W. Bush and his corporate supporters are pushing a Bill through Congress called the "Personal Responsibility in Food Consumption Act" also known as the "Cheeseburger Bill", this sweeping law bans anyone from suing food manufacturers, sellers and distributors. Even if it comes out that they purposely added an addictive chemical to their foods. Read about it for yourself at: http://www.yahoo.com/. The Bill has already been rushed through the House of Representatives, and is due for the same rubber stamp at Senate level. It is important that Bush and his corporate supporters get it through before the media lets everyone know about 'MSG, the intentional Nicotine for food'. Several months ago, John Erb took his book and his concerns to one of the highest government health officials in Canada. While sitting in the Government office, the official told him "Sure I know how bad MSG is, I wouldn't touch the stuff!" But this top level government official refused to tell the public what he knew. The big media doesn't want to tell the public either, fearing legal issues with their advertisers. It seems that the fallout on fast food industry may hurt their profit margin. The food producers and restaurants have been addicting us to their products for years, and now we are paying the price for it. Our children should not be cursed with obesity caused by an addictive food additive. But what can I do about it?... I'm just one voice! What can I do to stop the poisoning of our children, while our governments are insuring financial protection for the industry that is poisoning us! This e-mail is going out to everyone I know in an attempt to tell you the truth that the corporate owned politicians and media won't tell you. The best way you can help to save yourself and your children from this drug-induced epidemic, is to forward this email to everyone. With any luck, it will circle the globe before politicians can pass the legislation protecting those who are poisoning us. The food industry learned a lot from the tobacco industry. Imagine if big tobacco had a bill like this in place before someone blew the whistle on Nicotine? If you are one of the few who can still believe that MSG is good for us, and you don't believe what John Erb has to say, see for yourself. Go to the National Library of Medicine, at http://www.pubmed.com/. Type in the words "MSG Obese" and read a few of the 115 medical studies that appear. We the public, do not want to be rats in one giant experiment and we do not approve of food that makes us into a nation of obese, lethargic, addicted sheep, feeding the food industry's bottom line, while waiting for the heart transplant, diabetic induced amputation, blindness or other obesity induced, life threatening disorders. With your help we can put an end to this poison. Do your part in sending this message out by word of mouth, e-mail or by distribution of this print-out to all your friends all over the world and stop this 'Slow Poisoning of Mankind' by the packaged food industry. Blowing the whistle on MSG is our responsibility, get the word out.
I had to install an additional hard drive in a computer today. Hard drives are about like closet space. They eventually all fill up. The hard drive was a 3.5-inch drive. Computer components
come in either 5.25-inch or 3.5-inch sizes. The computer didn't have any
3.5 bays open, only a 5.25-inch.
I looked at the drive and I looked at the bay. The
3.5-inch drive fit the bay like a matchbox in a mailbox. You can buy an
adapter kit that adapts 3.5-inch components to 5.25 bays. You can buy the kit if
you go to the computer store, which for me was a 45-minute round trip drive.
I patched.
In many instances in life, you won't have the exact thing that
you need. It won't fit specs. It won't be "recommended by the
manufacturer." It may even void the warranty, but it's all you've got.
I used Velcro.
I can hear the computer enthusiasts saying, "You used Velcro
to install a hard drive!"
Yes, I did.
And you know what. It worked.
The hard drive is almost as secure as if I had taken the
45-minute trip to the store and got the recommended part. The Velcro will even hold the drive through anything but the most extreme earthquake. If an earthquake happens that shakes the drive loose, I will have a lot more to worry about than a loose hard drive. I looked at the makeshift mount sitting in the oversized bay.
Engineers would have frowned.
Systems Analysts would have shaken their heads.
But nothing in the hard drive instructions said, "do not mount
with Velcro." Maybe they never figured anyone would.
You do what you have to do to make it work with what you've
got.
So what if the world frowns on your Velcro?
You are making it work.
So what if it's a little unusual.
You are making it work.
So what if it's not in style or doesn't have a designer name?
You are making it work.
Patches
It's what we have to do to make it with what we have.
You may not be able to afford a marriage counselor when things
get rough. So you patch.
You may not be able to have a personal trainer when you need
to lose a few pounds. So you patch.
You may not be able to go on a Caribbean cruise when you need
a vacation. So you patch.
My parents did it. My grandparents did it. My
great-grandparents did it.
They were expert patchers. They made do with what they had and
so must we.
And you know what?
The more I looked at the installation, the better it looked.
The more I thought about it, the more it made sense.
The Velcro actually is a cushion. A hard drive's worst
enemy is shock.
A hard knock and it's out of commission. The Velcro was like a little sponge that it rested securely on. Sometimes patches have advantages over the original. If you
buy a hard drive one day and it comes with a Velcro strip to mount it with,
you'll know where they got the idea.
From a
patcher.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~BLONDIE~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ **** ON THIS DAY ****
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Thoughts or Comments jokes or stories U Send'em and I'll print'em Just keep it clean.A lota kids read this jim4615@earthlink.net Subject Line--- The Funnies ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ **** MOTOR SPORTS NEWS ****
-12- Jimmie Rodgers recorded "In The Jailhouse Now #2," 1930. Steve Young singer/songwriter, born Newnan, GA 1942. Butch Hancock, singer/songwriter, born Lubbock, TX 1945. Julie Anne Miller, recording artist, born Dallas, TX 1956. Roy Clark's single "Yesterday, When I Was Young" charted on Billboard's Top 40 chart 1969. Tom T. Hall recorded "Old Dogs, Children, and Watermelon Wine" 1972. Marty Robbins released "Jumper Cable Man/Good Hearted Woman" 1981. Hip-O released "Ain't Ever Satisfied: The Steve Earle Collection" 1996. Jimmy Driftwood, age 91, died Fayetteville, AR 1998. Jimmy was a school teacher and songwriter. His Grammy winning songs were "Battle of New Orleans," "Songs of Billy Yank and Johnny Red," and "Tennessee Stud." Toby and Willie's "Beer For My Horses" was the #1 single in the U.S. 2003. Billboard Acquiring Radio & Records The parent company of Billboard magazine is purchasing the music trade publication's primary competitor, Radio & Records, officials announced Thursday (July 6). Both companies compile weekly charts based on radio airplay in a variety of formats and report business news involving the music and broadcasting industries. VNU, a global information and media company with headquarters in New York and the Netherlands, is expected to complete the purchase by Aug. 1. VNU's other publications include The Hollywood Reporter, Adweek, Brandweek and Mediaweek. R&R is headquartered in Los Angeles. Michael Marchesano, president/CEO of VNU Business Media and Nielsen Entertainment emphasized that R&R "will continue to grow as a vibrant brand" as it is added to VNU's other music resources that include the Billboard Information Group, Nielsen BDS (which monitors radio airplay) and Nielsen SoundScan (which tracks retail sales of music). Financial terms of VNU's acquisition of R&R have not been disclosed. Blake Shelton Delivers Check for Wildfire Victims Blake Shelton presented a $108,000 check to officials in his home state of Oklahoma for the victims of a string of wildfires that destroyed hundreds of homes. During ceremonies Thursday (July 6), Shelton delivered the money raised in May during his first annual Raindance benefit in Ada, Okla. The three-day event was highlighted by a sold-out concert that also featured Tracy Byrd, Andy Griggs and Keith Anderson. Referring to himself as "a guy that people call when they want to have a party and have a good time," Shelton told the state officials, "That's the one thing I guess I'm good at, so we decided to do Raindance."  **** Amy's Kitchen **** German Sweet and Sour Green
Beans Was "Uncle Sam" a real person? The American icon Uncle Sam was in
fact based on a real man, albeit a rather short, pudgy, beardless one. TOON TIME Ritalin Hey, Let's be careful out there *+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+ PLEASE Don't take anything you see in the Funnies personally. The contents are meant to be jokes, nothing more. Everyone & everything is an equal opportunity target here. EVERYONE IS FAIR GAME The Funnies are strictly an opt-in service. We do not sell, lease, loan, or give our subscribers' addresses to anyone for any reason. Our features are intended to be for entertainment only. Disclaimer :All of my materials are Borrowed
from various areas
on the web
and from my readers. All are believed to be public domain . If you hold
copyright on any of these materials please inform me so I may give the proper credit, or remove it which ever you prefer. ~ GOD BLESS AMERICA ~ To subscribe, Click on a link below 25438-subscribe@zinester.com ~ To unsubscribe from this opt-in mailing list click on link at the end of this mailing ~ Regarding any problems In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me with question or comments at: JIM4615@JOINK.COM or Jim Dowers P.O. Box 521 Carlisle, IN 47838-0521 &&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&& Miss getting The Funnies,or is your ISP blocking mail again? No problem To Read the Funnies on line. Just click on this link Archives Index: http://archives.zinester.com/25438 &&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&& Unsubscribe link is at the END of this list God Bless America , Our Land , Forever May She Stand &&&&&&&&&& THIS DOCUMENT IS VIRUS FREE Scanned by Avast virus protection ~ Unsubscription Email: 25438-unsubscribe@zinester.com Unsubscription URL: http://www.zinester.com/mpb/unsub.cgi?25438 |
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