Once one could cheerfully call a person who one thought an idiot
 'birdbrain', which carried with it the implication of
 ineffectiveness and limited personality.    Well, not any more.

 It seems that the latest scientific research has confirmed what
 dedicated bird-watchers have always known.   Birds are smart.
 Some birds, in fact, are as smart as chimpanzees.

 That's right!   Birds are as smart as our class, the mammals,
 and as smart as our own near cousins in the order of primates.
 Maybe having two legs is a smart kind of thing.

 The African Grey parrot not only talks but has a sense of humour
 (humor) and makes up new words.   Yes, I did type 'and makes up
 new words'.

 There is a university in Japan where crows wait by the traffic
 lights.   When the cars stop they hop into the road and lay
 walnuts under the car wheels.   When the lights go red again
 they hop out into the road to eat the kernels of the cracked
 nuts.

 Clark nutcrackers can hide up to 30,000 seeds and recover them
 three months later.   Well, I don't know about you, but I'm
 lucky if I can remember where I put my glasses five minutes
 earlier!

 Seems it used to be thought that the mammal brain section that
 is the seat of intelligence  is not in the avian brain
 structure.   But now, with so many reports of bird intelligence,
 it is realised that it is just that birds have developed a
 different intelligence structure.

 Bit of an upset to the old-style evolutionary cart, that.   A
 revolution in evolution you might say.   Or not, if you prefer.
 But the thing is, birds have developed a  different physical
 brain route to intelligence.   And it is a good one.

 This puts birds "right up there with hominids," says Dr Erich D
 Jarvis, a neuroscientist at Duke University and a leader of the
 Avian Brain Nomenclature Consortium.

 Eh?

 Well call it a group giving new names to bird brain parts;  and
 the pallium is their first creation for the bird's higher brain.
 "Names have a powerful influence on the experiments we do and
 the way we think," explained Dr Jarvis in a moment of scientific
 frankness.   "The correction of names is a great advance,"
 admits Dr Kaas, a colleague of his.

 A *great* advance.   Not just a help, or an improvement.   But a
 *great* advance.

 It may be so for Drs Jarvis and Kaas and their friends, but it
 robs the rest of us of a hitherto pc neutral term of invective.
 So remember, next time you call someone a "birdbrain" they will
 think you are congratulating them on their intelligence.

 Which is *not* going to be what you meant!

 It makes 'doing bird' sound like a clever thing too;  instead of
 what it is:   being stupid enough to break the law and serve
 time in prison.

 And it will be very confusing for those young men that call
 their girlfriends 'birds'.   It's going to be a whole new world.

 I'd suggest that 'insects' might be an alternative, but they too
 are being shown to have intelligence, as a group if not singly.
 'Lugworm', perhaps?

 But, culling the science news as I do, I fear that our ignorance
 of the intelligence of other lifeforms is going to be washed
 away by a science community obsessed with finding out how the
 world works.

 Still, there remains one creature that might fit the bill.   One
 that consistently underperforms, both individually and as a
 whole group.    Wait for it, wait for it;  don't jump ahead now!

 Next time someone annoys you with their stupidity why not try:
 'Oh, you're just a man!'.

 That must be pc and, as any woman will agree, an exact
 definition of ineffectiveness and limited personality.

 Chacha Joe  (I am joking, I am, I am...)

 ?© 2005  Joseph Harris www.smilepoetryweekly.com

We squared up by the compost heap,
 My wasp revolver ready -
 I swore he'd be the one to weep -
 But my arm was too unsteady.

 He laughed at air gun's bracing wind,
 Salt shower he winged around.
 A water death I then outlined
 And pictured he'd be drowned.

 Alas, the tap was not turned on,
 A well aimed boot fell short.
 I cried: "You little pest begone!"
 Those words still came to nought.

 My newspaper, well rolled and long,
 Flailed as arm's extension,
 My technique proved both crass and wrong,
 Though it did get his attention.

 So finger dipped in gin I held -
 My foe he drank quite freely!
 And in declining circles whirled
 And slept till morn.   No, really!

 Chacha Joe

The wasp gun was invented by Sir George Sitwell of that family
 of eccentrics.   It fires tiny needles - that used to play
 78r.p.m. records!   In spring and summer wasps are garden
 helpers, feeding on aphids.

 All the methods mentioned have been used, as well as the ever-
 popular watered jam in a jar with easy entry but impossible
 exit.

Valentine Riddles by Stan Kegel

What did the painter say to her boyfriend?
 "I love you with all my art!"

 What do you call two birds in love?
 Tweethearts!

 Do skunks celebrate Valentine's Day?
 Sure, they're very scent-imental!

 What did the bat say to his Valentine?
 "You're fun to hang around with."

 What did the chocolate syrup say to the ice cream?
 "I'm sweet on you!"

 Why did the cannibal break up with his Valentine?
 She didn't suit his taste!

Motto Corner

Atheists have their own Dial-a-Prayer.
 When you call up it rings and rings
 but nobody answers.

A LITTLE PRAYER AT THE END

Bring peace to earth,
 An end to strife,
 An age of mirth,
 Respect for life.

 Teach us all
 To help another.
 Make walk tall
 Your sister, brother.