In This Issue:

Along the Purpose Path
The Newsletter of Path Of Purpose Coaching
Issue #44 - December 1, 2004  
Helaine Iris, Certified Life Coach
http://www.pathofpurpose.com/

Welcome Message

Welcome! If you've received value from your subscription to Along the Purpose Path, please forward a copy (in its entirety) to your friends and family. If they enjoy it as much as you, suggest they request a complimentary subscription by sending a blank email to: pathofpurpose@getresponse.com. That's how we all grow and make the world a better place one person at a time!

Enjoy!  

It's holiday time. I look forward to this time of year as a opportunity to be with family and friends and celebrate the joy and bounty in my life. I had my entire family, (minus one very special person who couldn't make it) from near and far in my home over the Thanksgiving weekend. It was heaven to show my love by welcoming them into our cozy New England home and cooking a creative and delicious feast. The simplicity of sharing food, the year's stories and laughing at the same old family jokes reminds me of what's truly important. Connection. 

My intention for this holiday season is to carry the theme of connection beyond my own immediate family and into the world. Amongst the myriad of things to do and seasonal busy-ness I will remember to be a beacon of warmth and good will wherever I can. Creating connection. One person at a time. Will you join me?

Have a wonderful and joyous holiday season! 

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Create Your Entrepreneur Dream Team

by Helaine Iris

I hear it all the time. "What should I do about . . .?" As a business owner you're faced with the daunting task of making all the decisions that affect your business. Should I remain a sole proprietor, become an LLC or is an S Corp better? Should I start using an electronic PDA or stick with my trusty, but out-dated, Day Runner? In what direction should I take my marketing? Is the color right on this logo? PC or Mac? Paper or plastic? Aargh! Big decisions. Little decisions. It can be overwhelming, especially when you consider how each decision has a bearing on the success of your business.

It can be difficult to make decisions for a number of reasons. Sometimes it's a matter of not having enough information. Other times, it's simply a lack of confidence. If you're a very small business or solopreneur, chances are you work alone most of the time. The upside to your solitary confinement is two fold. First, you hold all the power and control to make the business your own. Second, the success or failure of your dream is squarely in your hands. Paradoxically, the fact that it's just you calling the shots is also the dreaded downside of the micropreneur lifestyle.

Agonizing over decisions or constantly second-guessing yourself is a tremendous waste of energy. Energy you probably can't afford to spare. How do you know when you've spent too long on a decision? It's hard to say exactly, but if you catch yourself ruminating over you options longer than a couple of days, be suspicious. Or, if it's 2:00 a.m., and you're wide awake questioning a course of action, there's a good chance you may be temporarily - if not permanently - decision-impaired.

When I occasionally find myself in just such a non-productive loop, I'm grateful when I finally remember to ask for help. After a diligent, but debilitating drag through decision darkness, getting someone else's input is the radiant ray of sunlight that nurtures my soul. My world brightens. My heart lightens. And I realize the light at the end of the self-employment tunnel is not a freight train about to make mince-meat of my professional future, but instead, is a friendly, familiar, fellow professional wielding a torch to help guide me home.

It's also in those moments that I congratulate myself for having had the wherewithal and initiative to create an entrepreneur dream team for myself. This is my personal and professional circle of friends, colleagues, cohorts and fellow entrepreneurs who's advice, support and opinions are just a mere phone call, email message or short drive away. 

Take my advice here. Create your own entrepreneur dream team. Would you rather have a well-known and trusted advisor at your fingertips or thumb through the yellow pages and pick someone you've never met and know nothing about. 

Building your dream team is easy. It's simply a collection of people you know and trust. To get started, make a list of the professional services you've needed in the past or anticipate needing in the course of doing business. For example, a lawyer and accountant are staple members of your team.

Next, think about all the possible people you'd trust to help you solve a problem. Not only do you want these people to care about you and your success, but you also want people who can be objective and act as a sounding board when you request it. Think about different people for different categories of problems. For example, someone who's good with personal issues might be different than someone who's good at helping you process systems questions.

Once you've made a list of your potential dream team members, contact each individual, and ask them to be a member of your team. For the professional candidates, such as lawyers or accountants, make an appointment for an initial consultation. Introduce yourself, and establish the relationship so when you need to access their services you'll both be up to speed and ready to engage.

For the non-professional people on your list, invite them to participate on your team as an advisor. Let them know what type of support you may be needing from them, and if they're willing to participate, find out the best way to access them when needed. Should you just phone them, email them, drop by their home or meet at the local coffee shop? Bring intention to the relationship, and set boundaries to support the success of the alliance. In my experience, people like to be asked for support, guidance and opinions. It feels good to know someone trusts and respects you enough to ask for help. 

Finally, when you've chosen your team members and they've agreed to participate, compile a list with everyone's contact information, and post it where it's easily accessible. Make it easy to use your team. Let it pull you forward out of solopreneur solitude and into the bright, beautiful world of human connection and synergistic success. It sure beats losing sleep.

It's YOUR life...live it completely!

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Suggested Reading

Before You Know Kindness  by Chris Bohjalian. From the author of Midwives This deeply engrossing novel drew me in like every Bohjalian book I've read. It's a gripping portrait of a family in the days leading up to an extraordinary accident, and then forward again as the family come to terms with what has happened. It encompasses the larger issues of the families political loyalties entwined with domestic drama that leads the rich, flawed and very human characters toward healing.

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Resources and Opportunities

Integral Institute Spring 2005 Seminar Series. Take the next step in your integral understanding and practice. Join Ken Wilber, the world's leading integral theorist
and associates for their personal and professional program offerings.  http://integralinstitute.org/seminars

Great resource for selecting colors for web design. If you're building a website, or planning to build one, your web designer will ask you what colors you like. If you're like me, and color is important, you may not know where to start. Here's a great resource for playing with color. http://entries.the5k.org/171/visualizer.html

Create your own website assessments: Assessments are a great way to add value to your customers. Check out this site that makes it easy to build personalized, professional assessments.  http://assessmentgenerator.com/

Anyone who publishes a newsletter and needs a  program to automate, allow  for flexibility as well as room for growth. Check out GetResponse.com.  It's affordable and easy to use (and the customer service is great). http://www.GetResponse.com/index/64328

Looking for a host for your website? I use Powweb. It's great service and only $7.77/mo.! - Web Hosting with a Community!

You may remember in my previous column I raved about my allure to Starbucks. I was bold enough (or odd enough?) to suggest that if Starbucks were a person, we might say (s)he possessed charisma - that illusive quality we assign to those who attract and influence others - seemingly - without a single drop of sweat descending their brow.

I went on to suggest that if you're in a business where you are the product, adding a dash of charisma to your personality might be the crucial ingredient that propels you to greater success.

Now, after a month of researching the topic, consulting with experts, and - in near voyeuristic fashion - simply observing charismatic people, I'm prepared to dispense the fine points of charisma. If I do my job effectively, you should walk away with several tips about how to be more attractive and influential (i.e. charismatic) in your own corner of the universe.

My first thought before researching the topic was "what have I gotten myself into here." Being more charismatic seems like it could be a bit of work. Especially for me. An introvert since birth, my preconception was that charismatic people are highly extroverted and perhaps downright flamboyant. If I wanted to be more charismatic, would that mean I'd have to be someone I'm not? An impostor? A stranger in my own body? Egad! Would I have to start being INAUTHENTIC?! (I rarely use the word "egad." Really.)

However, through the course of my research, I was relieved to find out that I could be more charismatic without having to undergo a full-scale personality transplant (not that I couldn't use one). Nor would I have to hide my true character behind some flamboyant and inauthentic human facade. In fact, what I noticed during my observations was a person's authenticity is the very thing that most contributed to their charisma.

Whether they were introverted or extroverted, flamboyant or reserved, overbearing or understated, the fact that they were confidently and completely at home in their own personality was - to me - what gave them their edge of attraction. Don't get me wrong. Authenticity, by itself, doesn't make you charismatic. Especially if you're an authentic jerk.

The dictionary definition of charisma is "personal magnetism or charm." Alone, that definition suggests charisma is merely a personality trait. Not unlike a physical trait, such as being seven feet tall. In this case, you either have it or you don't. However, when you look at charisma as a behavioral trait, i.e. what one DOES that makes them charismatic, you get a different perspective.

According to Ed Brown, founder of The Core Edge Image & Charisma Institute (www.core-edge.com), charisma is available to anyone who chooses to have it and express it. Charisma, according to Ed, "is culturally defined by the mores of the dominant culture. It is largely subjective and differs from individual to individual.  If we determine that Brad Pitt, Denzel Washington, Jennifer Lopez and Julia Roberts possess charismatic traits, we would also agree that they demonstrate these characteristics differently." In other words, we each have our own brand of charisma.

Further, Ed states, ". . . each individual possessing charisma has learned that a facet of their personality resonates with people and so they capitalize on that facet. One can make the case that the facet of the personality represents an in-born trait, but that would go back to the age old question as to whether we are predominately influenced by our gene pool or our environment. When it comes to charisma, I would say it is largely environmental."

Said another way, charisma is mainly a learned behavior. Like most people, you've probably had times in your life when you felt like you were just "on." You were charming. People loved you. You were the center of attention. According to Ed, if you have the self awareness to capture the aspects of your personality being expressed in those moments, you hold the key to tapping into and expressing your own brand of charisma.

What if you've never caught yourself being charming or charismatic? After all, with all the hustle-bustle of modern living, it's sometimes a challenge to remember your own name, let alone be able to observe yourself and how other people respond to you.

Ann Demarais, Ph.D. and Valerie White, Ph.D. suggest it's valuable to focus on how you make others feel in social situations. Being "socially generous," in their opinion, is a primary factor in whether or not you make a favorable impression on other people. In their latest book, First Impressions, What You Don't Kow About How Others See You, they articulate four "social gifts" that tend to be universal. If you doubt your ability to BE charismatic, a focus on offering these four gifts is probably the best place for you to begin.

Social Gift  #1: Appreciation: People love to be appreciated and affirmed for who they are and what they do. "For example," say the authors, "if you tell someone directly or indirectly that she is funny, smart or attractive, she will feel proud about that quality in herself and good about herself in general." And I would add, if you can make someone feel good about themselves, there's a good chance they'll feel good about you.

Social Gift #2: Connection: This gift, say Ann and Valerie, "is about finding where you intersect with someone. It can be a mutual friend, common interests, or similar experiences." They go on to write, "people like it because it makes them feel understood and provides them with a sense of belonging." In my observations, I did notice people I considered charismatic, but, who made no connection with me at all. If they had, however, I suspect that connection would have greatly reinforced my desire to want to know them more. And from a marketing perspective, that's really what you want people to do. Get to know you better and how you can best serve them.

Social Gift #3: Elevation: Most people want to feel good, not just about themselves, but about the world in general. We all love of good belly laugh, an uncontrollable smile, or just a light and enjoyable atmosphere. And because of that, we are drawn to people who uplift us in those ways. "You don't have to be a comedian," say Ann and Valerie. "You can elevate other's mood in many ways, such as smiling, being in the moment, acting playful or entertaining, and directing your attention to the positive and humorous elements in the situation."

Social Gift # 4: Enlightenment: No, Grasshoppa, this is not the Zen Master version of enlightenment. To enlighten someone, in this case, simply means that most people enjoy learning something new. And being adept at this skill, according to the authors, "makes you stimulating and appealing to be around . . . it can be about the curious thing you noticed on the way to work, the movie you just saw, or an article you read in a magazine." The key here is the topic has to be interesting, not just to you, but to the person with whom you're communicating.

Be careful to offer these gifts in a balanced way. In fact, say the authors, "a healthy balance of the four social gifts is charismatic." For example, David, a Wall Street analyst described by Ann and Valerie, was great at the enlightenment part. "Yet he didn't show any appreciation for Susan and didn't find a way to connect with her or amuse her." Because of David's imbalanced mode of communicating, "Susan focused on all the things she felt deprived of. The imbalance . . . made David much less appealing than he would have been if he gave a balance of social gifts."

In the final analysis, it seems that being charismatic is far from being anyone other than yourself. It is, however, about being able to perform on the stage of life. (I've always felt I missed my calling by not becoming an actor. Really. I coulda been a contenda.) Shakespeare wrote "all the world's a stage, and all the men and women merely players." He also wrote "to thine own self be true."

Being authentically charismatic is about being in touch with the character that you are. It's about playing that role with the passion and conviction of a Denzel Washinton, a Julia Roberts or a Robert Deniro. And it's about being aware of how you can elevate, enlighten, appreciate and connect with the people around you. For, without an audience to serve, the actor is useless.

About Michael D. Pollock: Michael is a small business branding coach. He helps transform professional service firms into a unique and compelling brand that attracts a consistent flow of new clients. Contact him at: michael@smallbusinessbranding.com.   

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Closing Notes

About Helaine: Helaine is a professional coach and writer, who has been featured in numerous publications, including "O" The Oprah Magazine. She helps entrepreneurs and professional women accelerate their professional success, while achieving a more complete and fulfilling personal life. She combines a broad range of professional experience in her work, including management positions in the education, training, retail and international non-profit sectors. 

Free Initial Consultation: For a solution-focused, initial consultation visit http://www.pathofpurpose.com, call Helaine at 603-357-8546 or email her helaine@pathofpurpose.com

Use of Material: For information about reproducing any material in this newsletter, contact Helaine via email: helaine@pathofpurpose.com

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