Archives at Zinester: Conspiracy Journal. Conspiracy Journal. Science & Technology

~ And Now, On With The Show! ~

- SECRET BLACK OPERATIONS DEPARTMENT -

Area 51 Microbiologist Ready to Talk

Dr. Dan Burisch, who is in lock-down, working with the Lotus project, seeks immunity to stand before a Congressional hearing or other appropriate public body, to disclose his first-hand knowledge, with proof, of U.S. government involvement in designer viruses and other black-ops.

Dr. Dan Burisch has first-hand knowledge of the U.S. government's involvement in funding the creation of designer viruses for use in biowarfare and other applications. He is also intimately privy to other covert operations that violate normal standards of human ethics.

Because such involvement could implicate him for war crimes charges, he requests full immunity before making such disclosure. The terms of his agreement prohibit that he should specifically request such an appointment for disclosure. He has stated that if subpoenaed he will disclose what he knows, answering specific questions directly.

By splicing together components of various organisms, microbiologists today are able to create new living organism with specific outcomes, both in terms of target as well as resulting disease.

Burisch stated that microbiologists have a way of encoding their "signature" into the designer DNA they create, whether in short sequences or those long enough to encode an entire virus.

As a possible scenario, for example, the signature could be comprised of a short segment of base-pairs that bear the microbiologists mark in such a way that other microbiologists can see the signature and readily identify it.

Because Burisch does not yet have such disclosure immunity granted, he spoke hypothetically, saying that if there were a microbiologist involved in such activities, that the microbiologist could place his signature on the resulting organism, unbeknownst to those authorizing the project. That signature could then be called forth from all progeny organisms as evidence of the laboratory origin of the organism, and of the exact microbiologist who created the organism.

This would then provide unambiguous proof more telling than finger prints in a crime scene. In this case, such finger prints are placed there intentionally with the intent of providing retrospective proof of the deed.

Burisch would also like to press for disclosure of other matters of which he has first-hand knowledge and evidence.

The revealing of his signature will also prove that Burisch is indeed a Ph.D. level microbiologist -- a title that was erased when he was inducted into his present covert operation. That erasure was so complete that one could hardly find evidence that Danny B Catselas Burisch ever lived if it were not for the Internet and private sharing of documents of evidence. Catselas was his father's last name. He had his name legally changed to Burisch with a recent marriage to a woman by that last name, who is also a principal in the covert operations.

He is presently working on the Lotus project at Area 51 north of Las Vegas, in a secret extra-budget operation under the umbrella direction of a non-elected shadow international governing body that has covert ties to the U.S. government and with extra-terrestrials.

The Lotus project involves studies of what is called a "Ganesh particle" which is capable of repairing damages cells. The Ganesh particle itself, which gives off light, has characteristics of being a living intelligence.

Burisch has witnessed an extra-terrestrial being first-hand at Area 51. That exposure included touch, probing, measuring body function, communication via hand signals.

Burisch is witness to human subjects being held against their will for experimentation per covert treaties between the U.S. government and extra-terrestrial governing bodies. The treaty, called Tau-IX, allows for abduction, removal of blood and reproductive samples and tissue; and does not control whether humans are maimed, tortured or that they might expire.

Burisch does not believe that these activities should be held back from the knowledge of the American and International lay community. His desire for disclosure is shared by others of his colleagues.

There are even those among the directorate who are helping to leak information from inside the covert operations out into public domain.

A primary vector for this disclosure has been taking place on an unmoderated forum at godlikeproducions.com under a thread about Dan Burisch that is now in its fifth volume, with over 10,000 posts in all. There, those on the "inside" of the covert operations ,who are defecting against their obligations to non-disclosure, post information to the forum where it is openly analyzed for authenticity and catalogued.

This forum thread commenced approximately six months ago and recently had been losing momentum due to lack of concrete information. Even with the occasional patch in to Burisch with a web cam, there was no way to prove that the web cam footage was not taken at a prior date.

Those on the forum were not even sure Burisch was actually alive, and that it was him that they were conversing with on these privileged disclosures on rare occasion.

As someone in the know has watched this process, he recently decided to actually let two people from the "outside" have an in-person meeting with Dr. Dan Burisch. Per a request made by a major forum participant, Harry Dschaak (forum name: harrdrawk), an invitation was extended for him and write-in U.S. Presidential Candidate, Sterling D. Allan (forum name: wallrace), to have an in-person meeting with Burisch.

A first attempt was made on April 3. The meeting was to have taken place in front of the UNLV campus Leid library at 10:00 am. The two outsiders were coming in under the cover of being inside directorate. This cover was exposed prior to the meeting when it was determined by security that there were no inside directorate coming into Vegas on the day appointed.

A second and successful attempt took place two days later at another location, where a window of one hour stretched into three as the two outsiders identified themselves with a pass code that only could have been given them from someone trusted on the inside.

On the following day, Allan reported on that encounter with a post to the GLP forum. That was then followed up the next day, April 7, with a leaked message in which Dan Burisch responded point-by-point to Allan's report, as requested by an individual named "J1 (Majesty/Directorate PD/SF, Washington, D.C.)".

The leaking of that document constitutes perhaps the most unambiguous source of information regarding this covert operation that has yet been obtained.

Within minutes of that post being made, the forum went down. But those who intimately watch the forum immediately got on the phone with each other and made a copy of the relevant page and circulated it among their mailing lists.

When asked if this is the biggest development since the forum thread commenced six months ago, Dschaak, Allan's running mate, replied, "No, this is the biggest thing to happen since the JFK assassination. We are on the verge of alien disclosure -- something we have been seeking for decades."

Dschaak is in process of assembling a brief list of questions that should be posed to Burisch in a hearing. Over the past six months, GLP has accumulated a list of key questions to ask based on the intelligence they have been gathering.
For more information, visit this website: http://www.greaterthings.com/News/ET/DanBurisch/PR040407/

Source: emediawire.com
http://www.emediawire.com/releases/2004/4/emw117400.htm

Photo by Bill Hamilton

- TIME FOR THE BIG ONE DEPARTMENT -

Expert Says Quake to Hit LA 'by Sept 5'

A U.S. geophysicist has set the scientific world ablaze by claiming to have cracked a holy grail: accurate earthquake prediction, and warning that a big one will hit southern California by September 5.

Russian-born University of California at Los Angeles (UCLA) professor Vladimir Keilis-Borok says he can foresee major quakes by tracking minor temblors and historical patterns in seismic hotspots that could indicate more violent shaking is on the way.

And he has made a chilling prediction that a quake measuring at least 6.4 magnitude on the Richter scale will hit a 31,200-square-kilometre area of southern California by September 5.

The team at UCLA's Institute of Geophysics and Planetary Physics accurately predicted a 6.5-magnitude quake in central California last December as well as an 8.1-magnitude temblor that struck the Japanese island of Hokkaido in September.

"Earthquake prediction is called the Holy Grail of earthquake science, and has been considered impossible by many scientists," said Keilis-Borok, 82.

"It is not impossible.

"We have made a major breakthrough, discovering the possibility of making predictions months ahead of time, instead of years, as in previously known methods."

If accurate, the prediction method would be critical in an area like California, which is criss-crossed by fault lines that have spawned devastating quakes over the years including ones which ravaged San Francisco in 1989 and Los Angeles in 1994.

That has given credence to his research, which was endorsed by a state panel, the California Earthquake Prediction Evaluation Council, earlier this month.

"Even two years back it was practically a dirty word to say earthquake prediction," said Nancy Sauer, an organiser of the annual conference of the Seismological Society of America which began yesterday in Palm Springs.

The UCLA team - made up of US, Japanese, Canadian, European and Russian experts in pattern recognition, geodynamics, seismology, chaos theory, statistical physics and public safety - says it has developed algorithms to detect earthquake patterns.

The experts predicted in June an earthquake measuring 6.4 or higher would strike within nine months in a 496-kilometre region of central California, including San Simeon, where a 6.5-magnitude temblor struck December 22, killing two people.

In July, they said they predicted a magnitude 7.0 or higher quake in a region that included Hokkaido by December 28. The September 25 quake fell within that period.

Now they predict a major quake will hit an area that stretches across desert regions to the east of Los Angeles, home to around nine million people, including the Mojave desert and the resort town of Palm Springs, which lies near the notorious San Andreas fault.

That is where experts began gathering for the Seismological Society of America conference that looks sure to be dominated by passionate discussion of Keilis-Borok's prediction method.

"There is something going on," Sauer told the Desert Sun newspaper in Palm Springs. "People are at least willing to entertain the idea. It is not seen so much as junk science now."

Another seismic expert, University of Oregon professor Ray Weldon, was scheduled to present findings to the conference that appear to support Keilis-Borok's research by saying the San Andreas fault is about to enter a new and violent period of shaking.

The data, according to the Desert Sun, was gathered over 18 years around the famed fault, showing it is under high levels of stress.

"You could consider that support (for Keilis-Borok's research)," Weldon was quoted as saying. "But I dont lend any insight or support to a window of time."

But researchers still point to the fact that the science of earthquake prediction has been notoriously inaccurate and the geographic area targeted by the UCLA team for an imminent quake is very large.

"It is not specific," said Susan Hough, a seismologist for the US Geological Survey based in Pasadena, near Los Angeles. "They've made three predictions and two of them have been borne out."

Keilis-Borok himself acknowledged the caution expressed by some of his colleagues. "Application of non-linear dynamics and chaos theory is often counter-intuitive, so acceptance by some research teams will take time."

But if his latest prediction that the earth will move in the area around Los Angeles within the next five months proves accurate, his research could end up saving lives and transforming seismology.

Source: The Sydney Morning Herald
http://www.smh.com.au/articles/2004/04/15/1081998278993.html

- THE CROWED SKIES DEPARTMENT -

NTSB: Unknown Object Downed Cessna in Swamp Near Mobile

MOBILE, Ala. - Federal investigators said a single-engine plane hit an "unknown object" at 3,000 feet before it crashed in a swampy area near Mobile on Oct. 23, 2002, killing a veteran pilot.

The pilot, Thomas J. Preziose, 54, of Mobile, had reported spotting a FedEx DC-10 near his flight. But the National Transportation Safety Board's investigation found the FedEx aircraft wasn't damaged and the object that hit the small plane remains a mystery.

In a report this week, the NTSB said there were unidentified red marks on the severely damaged nose and front belly of the crashed Cessna, but tests failed to find the source of the red streaks.

The crash occurred minutes after Preziose took off from Downtown Airport to deliver business documents to Montgomery.

NTSB spokesman Keith Holloway told the Mobile Register that agency officials "don't know of any other accident that we have in our files that states 'collision with an unknown object.'"

A final NTSB analysis on the crash is expected within a few months, said Holloway.

"It's just a great thing that this kind of thing didn't happen to an airliner with a bunch of people on it," said Don Godwin, a veteran pilot and chief executive officer of Mid-Atlantic Freight, which owned the plane.

Preziose was working for Mid-Atlantic Freight, under contract with the delivery company DHL Worldwide Express, and had flown the same route numerous times.

The NTSB report also notes that malfunctioning radar recording equipment hampered efforts to determine the exact cause of the accident.

An air traffic controller at Mobile Regional Airport apparently gave incorrect positions to Preziose about the location of a DC-10 in the area, according to the report.

A Federal Aviation Administration official at Mobile Regional Airport said Tuesday he wasn't aware of any equipment malfunctions.

The report says the Mobile Regional controller alerted Preziose, flying at 3,000 feet, to the presence of the DC-10, which was seven miles straight in front of him, flying at 4,000 feet. Preziose acknowledged it.

A minute later, the controller told Preziose the DC-10 had crossed the smaller plane's path and remained at 4,000 feet, the report says.

"Roger, I got him above me right now," Preziose replied, apparently confirming he saw the FedEx plane.

But seconds later, the report states, he came back on the air: "I needed to deviate, I needed to deviate, I needed to deviate, I needed - ."

Based on the limited radar information they could find, investigators concluded the Cessna never crossed paths with the DC-10, contrary to what the air traffic controller told Preziose, the report states. When the DC-10 was said to be crossing his path, it was still about two miles away, the report says.

Mobile lawyer Greg Breedlove said his firm has been retained by Preziose's family and is examining several possibilities, including that the Cessna simply got caught in turbulence caused by the FedEx plane.

The Cessna wreckage was found in shallow waters about a mile north of the Mobile Causeway. Its Pratt & Whitney engine block was split in two, the report states.

"That's a big deal," said Goodwin, who believes the Cessna was shattered by the collision in flight. "That airplane could fall out of the sky and hit concrete and it's unlikely it would've broken the engine in half like that."

Along with failing to find the source of the red streaks, investigators also were unable to identify the source of "a small piece of what appeared to be black anodized aluminum, which was found embedded in the left wing" near the fuselage, the report states.

Source: The Ledger-Enquirer
http://www.ledger-enquirer.com/mld/ledgerenquirer/8429952.htm

- SHROUDED IN DOUBT DEPARTMENT -

Turin Shroud 'Shows Second Face' on Back

The Shroud has been dismissed by some as an elaborate hoax . New research into the Turin Shroud has added to the mystery surrounding the controversial artefact.

A second ghostly image of a man's face has been discovered on the back of the linen, according to a report published by London's Institute of Physics.

The delicate 14ft-long linen sheet is believed by some to be the cloth in which Jesus was wrapped after being taken down from the cross. It has been dismissed by others as an elaborate hoax.

The back of the shroud has rarely been seen as it was hidden beneath a piece of cloth sewn on by nuns in 1534, after it was damaged by fire. But the back surface was exposed during a restoration project in 2002.

A professor at Italy's Padua University, Giulio Fanti, thought he saw a "faint image" in the photographs from this project and decided to investigate it further.

"Though the image is very faint, features such as nose, eyes, hair, beard and moustaches are clearly visible," he said.

"There are some slight differences with the known face. For example, the nose on the reverse side shows the same extension of both nostrils, unlike the front side, in which the right nostril is less evident."

Professor Fanti has dismissed claims that the image on the back confirms that the shroud is a fake - with paint soaking from the front to the back.

"This is not the case of the shroud. On both sides, the face image is superficial, involving only the outermost linen fibres," he said.

"It is extremely difficult to make a fake with these features."

These findings are just the latest in the controversy which has dogged the cloth since it was first photographed more than 100 years ago. Carbon-dating tests carried out in 1979 and then again in 1988 suggested the shroud was a fake.

In the 1988 study, scientists from three universities concluded that the cloth dated from some time between 1260 and 1390, and that it was not the burial cloth wrapped around the body of Christ.

That led to the humiliating spectacle of the then Cardinal of Turin, Anastasio Alberto Ballestrero, admitting the garment was a hoax. But since then, some doubt has been cast on the carbon-dating techniques.

In 1997, a Swiss archaeologist who spent 16 years studying the shroud said new tests had proved its authenticity "beyond all reasonable doubt".

Source: BBC
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/europe/3621931.stm

- CONSPIRACY THEATER DEPARTMENT -

Ears on a Beatle
by Mark St. Germain
Reviewed by Peter Bernard

It isn't too often a night of live theater specially geared toward "Conspiracy Journal" readers comes along, but "Ears on a Beatle," showing now in New York's Greenwich Village, is most definitely such an event.

Set in the New York of the 1970s, the play follows two fictional undercover operatives: gruff, cynical, older veteran Howard Ballantine (played to perfection by Dan Lauria, the dad from "The Wonder Years") and young Daniel McClure (humorously brought to life by Bill Dawes).

McClure is the son of a general having the time of his life pretending to be a hippie and getting to hang with Abbie Hoffman, Jerry Rubin, and the "subject" they were hired to spy on; "John Lennon, former member of the Beatles rock group." Once the rumor spreads that Lennon is thinking about performing a concert to disrupt the Republican National Convention in 1972, the government secretly upgrades the genius musician's security status to "radical revolutionary," which is their highest threat level. Yes, they feared "the Smart Beatle" as much as they feared Fidel Castro-- go figure. After that, any and all means are used to spy on and discourage the political activities of John and Yoko.

Young Daniel actually starts dating, then living with, his female connection to Lennon, and doesn't tell her he's really an FBI agent till after she's born him two children! How well do you really know your friends and lovers, the play asks us indirectly. The FBI's harassment leads to John and Yoko splitting up, then Lennon's "retirement" to try to raise his son Sean in peace.

We all know where this subject leads, to the night of December 8, 1980 outside the Dakota. What's surprising is the emotional impact the ending brings when written by St. Germain and performed by these two men. You walk out of the play wondering about the real hows and whys of Lennon's assassination and are confronted by the actual FBI documents the play is based on in the theatre's lobby. They are mounted on the wall and presented in a black binder for you to leaf through.

I'd already read the entire file on the internet, so I stood back and watched the surprised looks on the faces of the other audience members as they read through the pages and pages of mostly censored documents and learned how the government tried to deport Lennon, frame Lennon, intimidate Lennon, and who knows what else (as certain options for dealing with "the subject" remain blocked out and unreadable). Learn how many people that Lennon thought were his friends were actually undercover spooks and hippies being paid by the government to spy on him!

The audience the night I saw the play filed out stunned and silent, an effect most historical fiction doesn't have on people. This is because the clear implication of the play is that this is not an incident frozen in time. The Bush administration is far to the right of the Nixon administration that harassed Lennon. Former Nixon sideman John Dean has written a new book, "Worse Than Watergate," describing the current presidency as more secretive and paranoid than Nixon's.

I've done video projects with local musicians for the last 8 years in Manhattan and when I tell the bands which people on the scene I think are working for the feds, they tend to laugh at me and call me "paranoid." In this day of cutbacks, how crazy am I to think the government would have money to spend to spy on musicians! I'm writing a movie about it right now that Timothy Green Beckley is set to appear in. It's FICTION, of course. Just like this Lennon play.

Ears on a Beatle
by Mark St. Germain
DR2 Theatre
103 East 15th St., NYC
212-239-6200

- SOMETHING IS UP THERE DEPARTMENT -

The Forgotten Churbakov UFO Incident

Ironically one country where military pilots have considerably more latitude to talk openly of UFO's encounters is in Russia. Here a new wave of open-mindedness and genuine fascination with the UFO phenomenon has thrown up a wealth of extraordinary encounters.

The sort of encounter that elsewhere might be subject to intense secrecy that might forever bury them from public scrutiny. Undoubtedly the most sensational of these Russian encounters concerns a former Soviet pilot Maxim Churbakov. His story is fascinating for two separate reasons. For not only was he subject to one of the most remarkable UFO incidents on record, he was also forced to convince the dreaded KGB that he was telling the truth.

Dazed and confused Churbakov spoke vaguely of following lights - a plane that suddenly spun out of control. The KGB who believed nothing of the sort charged Churbakov with insubordination and sabotage, and put him on trial for his life. With the spectre of the firing squad a distinct possibility, Churbakov now began the daunting task of establishing the truth.

The undisputed fact is that before August 1991 Churbakov was considered the cream of Russia's fighter pilots. Then suddenly within the space of three weeks his life was turned on end. Early in the month a plane he was flying was twice plagued with mysterious faults. On the second occasion the plane spun out of control and Churbakov was forced to eject.

This was alarming enough, but then on the 20 th of August came an even more terrifying incident. On that day Churbakov had already flown two sorties with his commander and then went up alone. It was still broad daylight when at 3900 metres he encountered a glowing orange ball of light 20 degrees to the right of his plane. The object then closed in on the plane and maneuvered itself around it.

Unable to communicate with his base Churbakov described how he was filled with an unexplainable sense of fear. The back of his head felt intensely hot. He was aware that the plane was still under control, but sensed it was a control exerted by someone other than himself. Suddenly the aircraft's generator failed, there was a fire, and the cockpit filled with smoke. Regaining radio contact he was ordered to eject, but refused to do so until the plane was safely away from a nearby residential area.

For several seconds Churbakov bravely wrestled the plane out of a nose dive before steering it over open country. Only then did he finally eject from the plane which exploded in mid air just four seconds later.

Once safely on the ground Churbakov was picked up by a military helicopter and taken to hospital. Later he was subjected to a rigorous interrogation over the course of three days. Churbakov's superiors found it too much of a coincidence that this young pilot should have been involved in three major incidents so close to each other. In an atmosphere of hostility and outright suspicion they accused Churbakov of deliberately engineering all three incidents and charged him with sabotage over the loss of two aircraft.

Meanwhile the KGB became involved in the case and threatened Churbakov with imminent execution. In their usually thorough way they looked into every area of Churbakov's life but could find no reason why this bright young pilot should deliberately destroy two aircraft. The case remained a mystery, Churbakov insisting time after time that he was at the mercy of events beyond his control.

When finally the court delivered its verdict Churbakov was blamed for the loss of the aircraft but escaped severe punishment. Incredibly the Chief Prosecutor Anatoly Musinenko was forced to admit that Churbakov may indeed have been telling the truth. As part of the investigation he had spoken to Churbakov's instructors, and colleagues, and even taken the trouble to interview his family and friends. He concluded that Churbakov was a sound individual whose integrity was beyond reproach. Despite initial doubts he had come to feel certain that Churbakov had indeed encountered a UFO.

Churbakov's testimony was further reinforced by evidence taken under hypnosis which amazingly was witnessed by a US intelligence officer. He described the session as showing a remarkable transformation in Churbakov's character. Prior to the hypnosis the young pilot was still traumatised by his experience, but as soon as he was placed under an hypnotic trance, the mood changed. Churbakov became a pilot once again, cool and calm, and able to describe his UFO encounter factually, and with great precision.

Although Churbakov was eventually exonerated of all blame in the incident his pilots licence was never restored - a fact which upset him dearly. Today he still dreams of flying again and ruefully remembers one summers day when his life was turned on end by a strange object that literally descended from a clear blue sky.

Source: Para-normal.com
http://www.para-normal.com/nuke/html/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=2093

- BEEN A PAIN IN THE NECK DEPARTMENT -

Village Puts Vampire to Rest

From a Sunday Times (London) correspondent in Bucharest

IN THE windswept lowlands of Romania the villagers of Marotinul de Sus know better than to skirt the cemetery after nightfall. After all, one of the wooden crosses shifting in the wind may lie over the grave of a bloodthirsty vampire.

"For centuries we have had to protect ourselves against these creatures by finding the graves of the undead and risking our lives by ripping out their hearts," said 68-year-old local farmer Tita Musca.

The village of the vampire slayers has become the focus of a police investigation that has highlighted not only local fears of the undead but a startling willingness to act on them.

The saga began when Petre Toma, 76, was buried at the New Year. His nephew's family fell ill with an unexplained sickness and a few days later a witness claimed to have seen Toma leaving their house before sunrise as a flock of crows flew portentously overhead.

"He sucked the life from us so that he could live," said Mirela Marinescu. "We were all dying, my husband and my child, and we all saw him come to us in the same dream."

Armed with hammers and chisels, and fortified with home-made schnapps, four men led by Gheorghe Marinescu, the supposed vampire's brother-in-law, set out for the cemetery.

"When we lifted the coffin lid his arms were not on his chest as we had left them but at his sides," said Marinescu. "His head was turned to the side and his lips were stained with dried blood."

After the corpse's chest had been opened with a wooden stake the heart was removed. "It was full of fresh blood," said Marinescu. "His body relaxed and we heard him sigh."

The heart was burnt over the embers of a fire and the ashes stirred into a bottle of water from the village well to make a potion. The vampire's "victims" recovered after drinking it but Toma's daughter called the police.

Investigators soon discovered evidence of up to 20 vampire slayings in the past few years. At the regional police station, the commissioner, Gheorghe Sandu, said: "I'd like to be able to say this village is unique, but unfortunately I can't because I know just how strong belief in vampires is here."

Source: The Australian
http://www.news.com.au/common/story_page/0,4057,9255296%255E13762,00.html

- STRANGE CREEPY-CRAWLIES DEPARTMENT -

Bigfoot's Smaller but Cuter Japanese Friend

Every decent country needs some weird mystery in order to ooh and awe the young and attract feeble-minded tourists. Thus in America we have Bigfoot, or a sasquatch, or the Shaq or whatever you wish to call it.

Nepal, then, has those abominable Yeti, Scotland has the world's most elusive lake serpent, and England and France are chock-full of cobwebbed old castles, deep in the cellar of any one of which might rest the Holy Grail. The big puzzle down under, meanwhile, is just who really does eat Vegemite.

Japan, being a decent country, needs some similar intrigue to increase its quirk quotient among the competitive nations of the world, something beyond generic UFO hysteria, which by all rights can be claimed by any land with an access to sky.

Fortunately -- although largely unknown to visitors -- Japan does have its very own quixotic creature, one that creeps eerily about the national forests up and down the archipelago. If you're out to catch it, just remember one thing: Keep your eyes on your feet.

For Japan's answer to the unicorn is none other than a slithery, slippery snake.

"No, not a snake!" claims a pith-helmeted friend, a cryptozoologist hereafter called "The Hunter." "It's a 'tsuchinoko!' "

What's the difference? According to The Hunter, plenty.

When a snake moves, it undulates from side to side; a tsuchinoko, however, will wiggle its way straight ahead, rippling its spine up and down. Snakes tend to be slender; tsuchinoko can be as plump as bowling pins. Snakes merely hiss; tsuchinoko will chirp and snore. Snakes are proponents of gravity; tsuchinoko have been known to coil themselves together and spring through the air several meters at a time.

"Is that all?" I ask. "I mean, don't they have, like, razor-sharp fangs or scales that sizzle with fire or tails that can rattle the tune to "Bad to the Bone"?

It would seem not. Beer-bottle brown in color, tsuchinoko have often been described as having a wide head with Hello Kitty eyes and a mouth curled up in a veritable "Nice to meet you" grin. The "C" word haunts their every description.

"Cute? A tsuchinoko?" The Hunter is aghast. He reminds me the name "tsuchinoko" comes from an old word for "mallet" -- a "tsuchi" -- with nothing cute about it.

"Why, these are wild, vicious creatures! If I were to encounter one head on in the woods, I wouldn't know what to do!"

And neither would anyone else. For, you see, no one has ever encountered a tsuchinoko in the woods or elsewhere, though talk of their existence has dappled Japanese folklore for ages. In that respect, they can be grouped with bowl-headed "kappa" water sprites, blue-and-red ogres, a fully restored, booming economy, and all other Japanese myths.

The Hunter seethes at my lack of belief. For our world, he says, is full of incredible discoveries.

"People used to think the coelacanth was extinct, until one was caught off the coast of South Africa. Then look at the Annamite Mountains in eastern Indochina. With years of war slipping into the past, scientists have now found types of deer, birds and rabbits that before were just thought to be legends. Who is to say that somewhere in the Japanese mountains is not an odd species of snake that has yet to make its public debut?"

Japan, I hesitate to tell him, is a bit better traveled than the remote Annamite wilderness. And one would think -- with the Japanese passion for details -- that someone, somewhere, at some time, would have logged some tangible proof of a tsuchinoko. But there are no bones, no discarded skins and -- highly notable in shutterbug Japan -- no photographs.

"But," he smiles smugly, "there are eyewitnesses."

Uh-huh, just like there are eyewitnesses for Bigfoot, Nessie and Elvis. In fact, accounts of tsuchinoko "incidents" are all suspiciously similar. The observers were all old, near-sighted, and spied it from afar.

This, he snaps in return, does not account for the fact that in some communities -- in rural Wakayama or Okayama, for example -- fair numbers of folk even now claim to see tsuchinoko.

No, I admit, but mass hysteria does. Furthermore, scientists who keep up with reptiles note that a snake having just gorged itself on a frog or a mouse might indeed appear short, fat and subsequently waddle about in an odd manner -- not unlike, perhaps, a bumbling human stuffed with pizza -- and very close to the traditional depiction of a you-know-what.

But The Hunter then wields one more argument against my lack of belief: money.

For in an effort to draw visitors and their related travel business, some small communities have offered enormous rewards for the capture of a tsuchinoko within their borders. We are talking in the range of millions and millions of yen.

"So what?" I say. "It's like offering a reward for a mermaid. You can be fairly assured that you'll never have to pay."

"But," he smiles, "doesn't it make you want to hunt?"

Yeah. It does. So -- and don't tell anyone, please -- I did take part in a tsuchinoko camp a few springs back. After all, spring is the season of hope.

It is also the season when snakes yawn out of hibernation, and anyone out looking for reward money should be well forewarned. Much more likely than a tsuchinoko, they are apt to meet a snake -- and some snakes in the Japanese forests are poisonous.

"So what happened?" The Hunter asks. "Did you find it?"

"Yes, I did. I saw a tsuchinoko and a Bigfoot trading sips from the Holy Grail. But only from afar."

"Too bad!" he says.

And then he ends with the motto of all such wild hunts everywhere . . .

"Better luck next time."

Source: The Japan Times
http://www.japantimes.co.jp/cgi-bin/getarticle.pl5?fl20040410td.htm