http://subs.zinester.com/44098 AIRING MY DIRTY LAUNDRY delves deep into the laundry basket of life, exposing everything from a spouse's sexual silliness to a teenager's text message tantrums. Dive in and discover a hamper full of hilarity! en http://archives.zinester.com/44098/108483.html?rss=1                                 [laundrylog]

             JackiePapandrew.com (http://www.jackiepapandrew.com/)

                              Of Mice and Martha

Every October, I harvest a new crop of hope that s been watered by an abundance
of denial. (It s the closest to gardening I ever get.) In October, I envision a
holiday season infused with peace, saturated with a spirit of thankfulness and
goodwill. There will be no chaos this year, no crush of time bearing down on us
like a frenetic freight train. Order will prevail in my world of good things
and gracious living. Martha Stewart will be proud of me.

We ll be giddy with gratitude at Thanksgiving, goes my fantasy. We ll gather
before a table tastefully turned out and groaning with good food, and I will
... ]]> 108483 Sat, 30 Sep 2006 16:47:07 MSD http://archives.zinester.com/44098/106673.html?rss=1                                 [160213_lau]

                             The Potty Predicament

Whoever is out of patience is out of possession of his soul   Sir Francis Bacon

I bought a potty for my son before he turned a year old. It was one of those
colorful, deluxe models with removable parts, a front- loading plastic bowl and
sure-grip sides. I d been having glorious visions almost since I left the
delivery room of my brilliant progeny fully trained and diaper-free by 18
months... heck, make that 15 months.

We d be the envy of all my friends, whose deficient toddlers remained untrained
at age two. I kept the commode in the closet for a few weeks, not wanting to
place unrealistic expectations on my son. When I finally placed it, with much
... ]]> 106673 Thu, 14 Sep 2006 03:25:17 MSD http://archives.zinester.com/44098/105946.html?rss=1                                     [cid]

JackiePapandrew.com (http://www.jackiepapandrew.com)

Gums, Gams and Games

The midlife crisis is now an equal opportunity occurrence. It s no longer just
the prerogative of paunchy men using sex and speed (via trophy wives and sports
cars) to drive off the deep end. Now women, once too busy bringing home the
bacon and frying it up in a pan, are jumping into the proverbial fire with
their own midlife meltdowns. We re springing for botox and dreaming of
beefcake. And we re just as desperate as the guys to stave off the ravages of
old age.My midlife crisis was triggered by a pocket probe and some nearly
carnal compression. I was already suffering from emotional malaise brought on
by yet another birthday and inflamed by a comment from my teenage son.
... ]]> 105946 Thu, 07 Sep 2006 19:27:18 MSD http://archives.zinester.com/44098/105837.html?rss=1 [158648_lau]

                              Blackberry or Bust

When I say  camping,  I mean, of course, camping in the civilized way practiced
by middle-aged city dwellers with tender backsides and uncompromising hygiene
standards. That s how my family camped recently, renting an RV and heading out
across Colorado, stopping in the shadow of Pike s Peak.

This mighty mountain, named after the explorer Zebulon Pike, was one of the
first landmarks seen by settlers as they made their way across the prairie.
Many of them painted  Pike s Peak or Bust  on their canvas wagons. We set out
with a similar sense of adventure in our modern-day covered wagon. And while
early pioneers had to contend with problems like hunger and disease, we faced
our own challenges on the very first day.
... ]]> 105837 Wed, 06 Sep 2006 16:45:10 MSD http://archives.zinester.com/44098/105650.html?rss=1 The man who never in his lifeHas washed the dishes with his wife

Or polished up the silver plate -

He still is largely celibate.

~Christopher Morley, Washing the Dishes

The Desperate Dad s Guide to Getting Some



Modern moms, it seems, are just not in the mood. The media tells us there is an
 epidemic of sex-starved marriages. Pummeled by children and chores, exhausted
 by careers and carpools, once hot mammas are now too whupped for whoopee, too
... ]]> 105650 Mon, 04 Sep 2006 20:13:10 MSD http://archives.zinester.com/44098/103769.html?rss=1                                    laundry

Delve into the laundry basket of life with award-winning writer Jackie
Papandrew! You can subscribe to Jackie's FREE humor newsletter at
JackiePapandrew.com (jackiepapandrew.com)

                             Dude, Where s My Son?

My son recently turned 13, and the last traces of that sweet little boy who
thought I hung the moon seem to have vanished. In his place is a strange,
slouching creature with a pencil-thin mustache and adolescent angst oozing from
every pore. This extraterrestrial I once called flesh and blood, whose mood
swings dwarf the Grand Canyon, seems intent on bungee jumping from that rickety
bridge connecting a child with adulthood. And I think he plans on dragging his
rapidly aging mother along for the ride.
... ]]> 103769 Fri, 18 Aug 2006 19:39:36 MSD