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In this issue:
• welcome
• life lessons
• letter to the editor
• quote for success
• resources
last
week's poll...
"Okay, so
you've forgiven, and forgotten. You've let the one who has
wronged you know that you've moved on and that the bitterness of
unforgiveness no longer has the power to control your life.
Or maybe you haven't made any such grand gesture. You've
just let it go and it's visible in your interaction with the party who
has wronged you.
Said party now feels comfortable enough to
resume phone calls, emails,
and meetings.
Should you allow them to waltz back in?
What say you?
Yes = 0% (0 votes)
No = 100% (2 votes)
My vote is included with
voter no. 1's. Unless clear parameters are set, said party should not
be allowed into your sphere of wellbeing. True we are called
to love everyone, even those who hurt us, but that loving can be done
from a distance.
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WELCOME
Hello and welcome to another issue of
Dee411, the newsletter that informs, converses and entertains.
A special welcome to the newcomers amongst
us, and a down home welcome to our regulars.
As the Memorial Day Weekend comes to a close
I'm mindful of those who've fought the good fight on our behalf and my
respects go out to their families and friends.
Speaking of battles. I also took a
moment to make memories with my daughter today. We celebrated another
mommy and me day. She may be twenty, but she still enjoys
spending time with her mom--to my great joy.
We took in Xmen 3, and contrary to the
critic's opinion, we quite enjoyed it. I only screamed twice
and shed only a small tear or two--to which my daughter
laughingly commented, "Crying at Xmen? I can't take you
anywhere!"
I've
always enjoyed the cartoon, and the subsequent cinema editions because
I've always been one to root for the underdog and I love a good action
feature.
However,
aside from that, I hope that as viewers view the action, they'll also
take away the underlying message of tolerance and the need for
education not extinction when faced with the unknown.
Peace,
Dee
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RECOMMENDED
READING
Good-Bye to Guilt : Releasing Fear Through
Forgiveness
By Gerald Jampolsky
Love is where there
is no fear. Fear is where there is no love. In our age of anxieties,
most of us live by complex expectations about what we should achieve,
how we should act, and how others should treat us. As a result, we are
victimized by guilt and fear--guilt because our standards haven't been
met in the past, fear that they won't be met in the future. Inevitably,
these negative emotions wreak havoc on our personal relationships, self
-esteem, and peace of mind. But what if we let go of our fear and
guilt? The transformation can be miraculous, says world famous
psychiatrist and author Gerald G. Jampolsky.
The secret lies in
healthy perception of yourself. Dr. Jampolsky points
the way through fourteen lessons that can change
your life. These lessons show: How to quiet the
ego-self that creates fear and guilt. How to accept
genuine love and give it away. How to stop judging
others, thereby to stop judging yourself. How to
listen to your inner voice to receive support and
guidance.
How to forgive
others so that loneliness and separation become
illusions of the past. And much more. Here is a book
for everyone who seeks the key to life's most
satisfying reward.
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LIFE LESSONS:- LOVE: INTRODUCTION
 In a
nutshell: I'm a Christian. I
haven't always understood what that really meant,
but as I grow older I'm beginning to get a handle on what being a
Christian means.
I've
learned and now understand
that God loves me! An
important point, because if there's one thing in this world we can all
agree one, it is the need we all have to love and be loved.
However, it is also important to point out that as much as we all want
and need love, the message of love gets skewed time and time
again--through circumstances beyond our control or the mores of the
society in which we live. As a result of this:
-
We have women who believe that
abuse is a demonstration of love;
-
Teenagers who have learned
(erroneously) that indiscriminate sex is an expression of love;
-
Children who have experienced
incest, starvation, beatings, enforced pornography, prostitution and a
host of other unmentionable acts at the hands of people who love
them.
It's
important to know that God is
love, because the more we realize that God loves us unconditionally,
the more we realize that we are worthy of love. Not the kind
we've experienced heretofore, but love that is patient, kind,
longsuffering, slow to anger, always ready to make up, holds no grudges
and never ends.
My
part in all of this? To share
what I've learned about God, to share what He's done to and for me, and
to celebrate the fact that at forty, I'm still here!
Why
do I celebrate being alive at
forty? So glad you asked. I celebrate the fact that despite
suicidal tendencies which began around fourteen with the onset of bipolar disorder and
several traumatic experiences, God saw fit that I
should still be here. Maybe because He knew that someone else
who is wallowing in the guilt and torment of being a Christian
struggling with thoughts of suicide would need to read this post and
feel His total love.
Maybe
you're not suicidal but a
friend or family member is touching you inappropriately or saying
things
that make you feel uncomfortable?
Maybe
you're dating someone who
gives you an occasional slap but is apologetic right afterwards?
Maybe
you and your date or
boyfriend were alone and things got out of hand? You said stop but he
kept on going? Now you blame yourself because his argument is
that he loves you so much he couldn't stop? That's not love.
That's date or acquaintance rape and needs to be reported.
If
you're dealing with any of the
above situations, please be assured that going through hardships
doesn't negate your faith, it just means that you might need a bit of
assistance to work out your situation, or get out of it altogether.
Take
it from a bipolar, incest
survivor, date-rape survivor, prescription drug addiction survivor and
ex-pornography addict. I know that life is not going to be
easy, but I've learned to love the me
God says I am, and
I'm confident in the knowledge that I have the tools
to make it through:
- Faith in God to move my mountains.
- Wisdom to know that prayer changes things.
- Spirit of Praise that illuminates my blessings.
- Obedience that will ensure that I receive my
blessings.
- Pen and voice to show and tell exactly how good God
is, by personal experience.
It's a proven fact
that we act upon our beliefs. Begin believing that
you are worthy
of love. Then act upon your belief -- get help. -------
D.S.
White is the author of Age is Just a Number (AIJAN). The
second edition of AIJAN will be available June 1,
2006. Pre-orders are available at Amazon, ATWC Books, Barnes and Noble, or The Book ClubHouse (utilize the
discount code housecode
at checkout to receive an additional 10% off until May 31, 2006.)
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QUOTE FOR SUCCESS
Of all the needs (there are none imaginary)
a lonely child has, the one that must be satisfied, if there is going
to be hope and a hope of wholeness, is the unshaken need for an
unshakeable God.
--Maya Angelou, 1970
CONTACT
US
Please
feel free to forward this issue in its entirety to friends and
associates.
Anyone
can subscribe for free by utilizing this
link and checking
the box next to "Dee411 Newsletter"
To
unsubscribe from this list see unsubscribe link below.
Via
Mail:
D.S.
White
P.O. Box 145
Whitehall, PA 18052-0145
Via email:
dee@deeswhite.com
SHARE
YOUR VIEWS
Why do you think we as men and women today
find it so hard to:
- Wait for true love?
- Believe we deserve
love? Or
- Discern the
difference between love and lust?
RELATED
LINKS
NEWSLETTER
SAMPLES
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LETTER TO THE EDITOR
Tuesday, May 16, 2006:
Hello,
In
answer to your poll, last May 7th I found my husband with
another woman, after 42 years together and 33 of them being married. As
you can imagine I was devastated. My whole world fell apart.
Anyway to cut a long story short I have forgiven him but as for
forgetting, I cannot, it is with me 24-7, the pain is deep and the
wound is raw.
God
bless,
Norah.
Hi
Norah, (Apologizing in advance for my lengthy response)
Thanks
for your response. As I read your simple paragraph, my eyes
filled with tears and I stopped to say a prayer for you, for myself and
for others who have been disappointed and wounded deeply to the core.
I
just want to reach out and wrap my arms around you as we rock each
other and say, "There, There. I know, I understand.
He's not worth it. Girl, he's not worth it!"
After
fourteen years together, and six months away from our wedding, my ex
impregnated another woman. (God was calling at the time and I
was convicted to stop intercourse until marriage ... I thought fourteen
years of unswerving loyalty was worth more than six months.)
He
even had the nerve to call me on his wedding day, like I should have
said don't do it or something!
Now
he has a two-year-old, they're just about divorced and he thinks,
(since I still interact with him) he thinks that with a little
persuasion, we're getting back together.
I know that pain is
pain and can't be measured one against another, but if I at times,
still feel such devastation after fourteen years, I can only
imagine your hurt after 42 years.
As one with bipolar
disorder, I literally lost my mind for a bit, but God used that time
period to begin cutting away the ill effects of that
relationship. I was angry at God at the time, because I felt
that had I not listened to Him and ceased intercourse, my ex would have
had no cause to stray.
That was
2001. Now five years later, I've come to realize that God had
been whispering in my ear all along that this man, was not the man for
me, but I was hard headed and my vision was clouded by the sex, so He
had to forcibly remove him so that I could become who I was meant to be.
Since
our breakup, I've done so much more than I ever would have, had we
still been together. In fact, I believe God's biggest gripe
with my ex was that I'd but him firmly in God's spot as
problem solver, provider, etc.
Please
know that there will come a time when you wake up in the morning and
it's not the first thing that flashes across your mind.
I
don't know your faith basis, but after I got over my anger, examined
myself and looked back at the relationship honestly, without the sex
clouding things, I was able to take responsibility for my actions and
leave what responsibilities lay at my ex's feet firmly there.
During my ministerial training as I learned more about God I learned
more about me and latched onto the following scriptures that helped me:
(IN
OTHER WORDS: See our adversity as an opportunity to fine tune your
character. We are more than conquerors.)
"The
LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those
who are crushed in spirit" ~Psalm
34:18
I
am now thankful for that experience--wouldn't want to go there again,
mind you but I'm glad it happened because it pointed me towards the
ultimate source of my disarray:
Out
of the ashes of a family wracked with incest and spousal
abuse, my mother left for America when I was six years old. I
married the first person who showed me marked attention, looking for
love. After that marriage broke up due to us both being needy
and too young and his cheating, I got a makeover and began dating
frantically. This frantic dating was curtailed by a date rape
incident. By the time I got to my ex--the messages firmly
ingrained in me was that people I loved never stayed, so
perhaps I was not worthy of love? Maybe it
was me and if just reinvented myself or never said no they
would like me more (no need to love me--I'd settle for like), just
maybe then--they would stay?
Although I might
regress from time to time, I now know my worth and use what I've
experienced and learned to speak to women and teens, via my
blogs, newsletters, my book(s) and sermons.
Again, sorry for the
long dissertation, I'm not trying to make this an about me moment, I
just wanted to establish my background before I assured you that you
will get through it.
If the folks around
you are tired of hearing about it (and they will get tired) ... give me
a holler ... I'll listen, cry, *itch and moan right along with you ...
then I'll push and pummel you to the next level.
I don't know you ...
but I love you ... hang in there!
Dee
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