Top 15 Signs You've Chosen the Wrong Date for Valentine's Day
15. Her eyes say 'Yes' but her probation officer says 'No.'
14. When sober, he looks like Beavis. When drunk, he looks like Butthead.
13. Sure, the Mapplethorpe exhibit was provocative, but now you're stuck with those tickets for 'Wrestlemania VI.'
12. The big lug knows how to hang onto a girl, but clinging to the roof of the Empire State Building isn't your idea of a romantic evening.
11. He's hired three naked kids with little bows and arrows to 'set the mood.'
10. Upon closer inspection, that label reads, 'Victoria's Secretions.'
9. 'Would you like some more wine, Mom?'
8. Any combination of the words 'Susan' and 'Powter' on her driver's license.
7. She tells the *waiter* that she isn't wearing any underwear.
6. He keeps hitting you up for a $33.5 million loan.
5. His 10 words-per-minute typing means you spend most of the night staring at your monitor.
4. The 'hit' by the Giancomo Family was traumatic enough, but NOW you're stuck with the check.
3. Instead of 'saying it with flowers,' he says it with squash.
2. C'mon, webmaster AND part-time model? She's got to be making this stuff up.
And the Number 1 Sign You've Chosen the Wrong Date for Valentine's Day...
1. Every time he pulls you close on the dance floor, his Siamese twin cops a feel.
Progress
Shared by Linda, CA
The success of the "Wonder Bra" for under-endowed women, has encouraged the designers to come out with a bra for over-endowed women.
It's called the "Sheep Dog Bra"... It rounds them up and points them in the right direction.
VW vs. Rolls
Shared by Julie, TX
A man from Texas, driving a Volkswagen Beetle, pulls up next to a guy in a Rolls Royce at a stop sign.
Their windows are open and he yells at the guy in the Rolls, "Hey, you got a telephone in that Rolls?"
The guy in the Rolls says, "Yes, of course I do."
"I got one too... see?" the Texan says.
"Uh, huh, yes, that's very nice."
"You got a fax machine?" asks the Texan.
"Why, actually, yes, I do."
"I do too! See? It's right here!" brags the Texan.
The light is just about to turn green and the guy in the Volkswagen says! ,"So, do you have a double bed in back there?"
The guy in the Rolls replies, "NO! Do you?"
"Yep, got my double bed right in back here," the Texan replies. The light turns and the man in the Volkswagen takes off.
Well, the guy in the Rolls is not about to be one-upped, so he immediately goes to a customizing shop and orders them to put a double bed in back of his car.
About two weeks later, the job is finally done. He picks up his car and drives all over town looking for the Volkswagen beetle with the Texas plates. Finally, he finds it parked alongside the road, so he pulls his Rolls up next to it.
The windows on the Volkswagen are all fogged up and he feels somewhat awkward about it, but he gets out of his newly modified Rolls and taps on the foggy window of the Volkswagen.
The man in the Volkswagen finally opens the window a crack and peeks out.
The guy with the Rolls says, "Hey, remember me?"
"Yeah, yeah, I remember you," replies the Texan, "What's up?"
"Check this out... I got a double bed installed in my Rolls."
The Texan exclaims, "YOU GOT ME OUT OF THE SHOWER TO TELL ME THAT?!"
