Crazy Corner...
Is Bigger Better?
During the Super Bowl, there was another football game of note between the big animals and the little animals. The big animals were crushing little animals and at half-time, the coach made a passionate speech to rally the little animals.
At the start of the second half the big animals had the ball. The first play, the elephant got stopped for no gain. The second play, the rhino was stopped for no gain. On third down, the hippo was thrown for a 5 yard loss.
The defense huddled around the coach and he asked excitedly, "Who stopped the elephant?"
"I did," said the centipede.
"Who stopped the rhino?"
"Uh, that was me too," said the centipede.
"And how about the hippo? Who hit him for a 5 yard loss?"
"Well, that was me as well," said the centipede.
"So where were you during the first half?" demanded the coach.
"Well," said the centipede, "I was having my ankles taped."
Top Row at the Super Bowl
Joe goes to the Super Bowl. He was sitting in the top row, barely able to see the field, but at least he's at the Super Bowl.
He starts looking around the stadium with his binoculars and sees a guy about 5 rows off the field on the 50 yard line with an empty seat beside him. This is driving Joe nuts, so at half time, he goes down and asks the guy why he has a vacant seat in such a choice location.
The guy says, "My wife and I bought these seats a long time ago. But unfortunately, she passed away."
"Oh, I'm really sorry to hear that", Joe says, "But why didn't you give the ticket to another relative or a friend?"
The guy replies: "They're all at the funeral."
Post Game Party
After the big Super Bowl party, Doug figured he better spend some quality time with his wife. He climbs upstairs, walks in the bedroom and crawls into bed.
"Alright honey," he says, "Give me a play you want me to run."
"How about foreplay?" his wife replies.
"What's the foreplay?" says Doug.
"You know," the wife says, "It happens before the two minute warning."
Super Bowl
Three Southerners and three Yankees are traveling by train to the Super Bowl. At the station, the three Northerners each buy a ticket and watch as the three Southerners buy just one ticket. "How are the three of you going to travel on only one ticket?" asks one of the Yankees. "Watch and learn," answers one of the men from the South. They all board the train. The three Yankee men take their respective seats but all three Southerners cram into a toilet together and close the door. Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the toilet door and says, "Ticket please." The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on. The Yankees see this happen and agree it was quite a clever idea,
so after the game, they decide to do the same thing on the return trip and save some money. When they get to the station, they buy a single ticket for the return trip, but see, to their astonishment, that the three Southerners don't buy any ticket at all. "How are you going to travel without a ticket?" says one perplexed Yankee. "Watch and learn," answers the men from the South. When they board the train the three Northerners cram themselves into a toilet and the three Southerners cram into another toilet just down the way. Shortly after the train is on its way, one of the Southerners leaves their toilet and walks over to the toilet in which the Yankees are hiding. The Southerner knocks on their door and says, "Ticket please".
A Young Hero
Two boys are playing hockey on a frozen pond in a St. Louis, Missouri park when one of the boys is suddenly attacked by a crazed Rottweiller.
Thinking quickly, the other boy takes his hockey stick, shoves it under the dog's collar, twists it, and breaks the dog's neck, saving his friend.
A reporter is strolling by, sees the incident, and rushes over to interview the boy. "Young Rams Fan Saves Friend From Vicious Animal," he starts writing in his notebook. "But I'm not a Rams fan," the little hero replies.
"Sorry, since we're in St. Louis, I just assumed you were," says the reporter and he starts writing again. "Blues Fan Rescues Friend From Horrific Attack" he writes in his notebook.
"I'm not a Blues fan either" the boy says."
Oh, I assumed everyone in St. Louis was either for the Rams or the Blues. What team do you root for?" the reporter asks.
"I'm an New England Patriots fan," the boy replies.
The reporter starts a new sheet in his notebook and writes:
"Little Bastard From New England Kills Beloved Family Pet".
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Your Favorites...Super Bowl Mania
MALE-BONDING BUFFALO WINGS
~Sent in by Jean, Syracuse, NY
(See web version of newsletter for
photo!)
Ingredients:
12 chicken wings (about 2 pounds)
2 tablespoons margarine or butter, melted
2 to 3 tablespoons bottled hot pepper sauce
1 teaspoon paprika
Salt (optional)
Pepper (optional)
1/2 cup dairy sour cream
1/2 cup mayonnaise or salad dressing
1/2 cup crumbled blue cheese
1 clove garlic, minced
1 tablespoon white wine vinegar or white vinegar
Crumbled blue cheese (optional)
Celery sticks
Directions:
1. Preheat broiler. Cut off and discard tips of chicken wings. Cut wings at joints to form 24 pieces. Place chicken pieces in a shallow nonmetal pan.
2. For sauce, in a small mixing bowl stir together melted margarine or butter, hot pepper sauce, and paprika. Pour mixture over chicken wings, stirring to coat. Cover chicken and let stand at room temperature for 30 minutes.
3. Drain chicken, reserving sauce. Place chicken pieces on the unheated rack of a broiler pan. Sprinkle chicken with salt and pepper, if desired. Brush with some of the reserved sauce.
4. Broil chicken 4 to 5 inches from the heat about 10 minutes or until light brown. Turn the chicken pieces; brush again with the reserved sauce. Broil for 10 to 15 minutes more or until the chicken is tender and cooked through.
5. Meanwhile, in a blender container or food processor bowl combine sour cream, mayonnaise or salad dressing, the 1/2 cup crumbled blue cheese, garlic, and vinegar. Cover and blend or process until smooth. If desired, top dip with additional crumbled blue cheese before serving. Serve with wings and celery sticks and dip. Makes 12 appetizer servings.
Make-Ahead Tip: Store dip, covered, in the refrigerator up to 2 weeks.
Nutritional facts per serving:
calories: 178, total fat: 17g, saturated fat: 4g, cholesterol: 39mg, sodium: 183mg, carbohydrate: 1g, fiber: 0g, protein: 6g, vitamin A: 0%, vitamin C: 0%, calcium: 4%, iron: 0%
SAUSAGE-STUFFED JALAPENO POPPERS
~Sent in by Maggie, TX
1 (12 ounce) package ground sausage
1 (8 ounce) package cream cheese, softened
15 jalapeno chile peppers
1/2 pound sliced bacon, each slice cut in half
Preheat oven to 375 degrees F (190 degrees C).
Place ground sausage in a large, deep skillet. Cook over medium high heat until evenly browned.
Drain sausage and place in a medium bowl. Mix with the cream cheese.
Cut jalapenos in half lengthwise. Remove the seeds. Stuff each jalapeno half with equal portions of the sausage and cream cheese mixture. Wrap with half slices of bacon. Secure bacon with toothpicks.
Arrange wrapped jalapenos in a large, shallow baking dish. Bake in the preheated oven 20 minutes, or until the bacon is evenly browned.
MARY'S MACARONI SALAD
~Sent in by Mary B., MI
1 1/2 cups macaroni
1/4 cup onions, chopped
1/4 cup celery, chopped
1 carrot, chopped
1 1/2 cups mayonnaise
1 1/2 tablespoons sugar
1 tablespoon lemon juice
1 teaspoon mustard
Boil the macaroni according to package directions, drain and cool. Mix together the Mayo with the sugar, lemon juice and mustard, adjust these ingredients to taste. Combine all ingredients and chill.
BOREKS
(Fried Beef Pastry Rolls)
~Sent in by Tena, MO
1 1/2 cups chopped onion
2 tablespoons unsalted butter plus 4 T, melted for phyllo
1 pound lean ground chuck
1/2 cup minced fresh parsley leaves
3/4 teaspoon salt, or to taste
1/2 teaspoon freshly ground pepper, or to taste
9 16x12??? sheets of phyllo, cut crosswise into 12x4??? strips, stacked between 2 sheets of wax paper, and covered with a dampened kitchen towel
vegetable oil for frying
Cook onion in 2 T of the butter over moderately low heat, stirring, until softened. Add the chuck and cook over moderately high heat, stirring and breaking up any large pieces, until it is no longer pink. Stir in the parsley, the salt, and the pepper and transfer mixture to a bowl. Put a strip of the phyllo on sork surface, brush with melted butter, and put 1 T of the meat mixture near a short end. Starting with the short end, roll the mixture up tightly in the phyllo to form a small roll and brush the roll with some of the remaining melted butter. Continue in the same manner for rest of phyllo and filling. In a skill, heat 1/4??? of the oil until it is hot but not smoking and in it fry the rolls in batches, turning them, until they are golden brown. Drain and keep warm until eating. Makes
about 36.
SPICY LAYERED DIP
~Sent in by Maggie, TX
Source: McCormick?® & Company
2 (8 ounce) packages cream cheese, softened
2 tablespoons mayonnaise
1 tablespoon Old Bay?® Seasoning
1 cup diced tomatoes
1/4 cup sliced green onions
1 cup shredded Cheddar cheese
1/4 cup sliced black olives (about 2 ounces)
In a medium bowl, combine cream cheese, mayonnaise and Old Bay seasoning. Evenly spread cream cheese mixture in
a 9-inch pie pan.
Sprinkle tomatoes, green onions, shredded Cheddar and black olives in layers over cream cheese mixture. Serve with tortilla chips and assorted crackers.
SAUSAGE/CHEESE APPETIZERS
~Sent in by: Edna, Decatur, IL
1 pound grated sharp cheddar cheese
1 pound fresh sausage
2 1/2 - 3 cups of biscuit mix (Bisquick)
Allow sausage to come to room temperature (I find this is easier to mix all together). In a large bowl, mix the ingredients together until everything sticks together. Form small round balls...about the size of a walnut. Place these on a cookie sheet lightly sprayed with cooking spray. Bake at 375 for 10 min or until they brown. These are great to serve with just about any kind of salsa. Makes 50-60 depending on size of balls.
SAUSAGE AND PEPPER SUBS
~Sent in by Jean, Syracuse, NY
(See web version of newsletter for
photo!)
This sandwich uses thick slices of sausage instead of fussy meatballs. It's messy, so serve it with a knife and fork.
1 teaspoon olive oil
12 ounces sweet Italian turkey sausage, cut into 1/2-inch pieces
2 teaspoons bottled minced garlic
1/4 teaspoon fennel seeds, crushed
3 cups frozen bell pepper stir-fry, thawed (such as Bird's Eye)
1 (12-ounce) bottle marinara sauce
1 teaspoon balsamic vinegar
4 (2 1/2-ounce) hoagie rolls, split lengthwise
Heat the oil in a large nonstick skillet over medium-high heat. Add sausage, and cook for 7 minutes or until lightly browned, stirring occasionally. Add garlic and fennel to pan; cook 30 seconds, stirring constantly. Stir in bell pepper stir-fry and marinara sauce, and bring to a boil. Reduce heat, and simmer 5 minutes. Stir in vinegar.Spoon 1 cup sausage mixture into each hoagie roll.
Yield: 4 servings (serving size: 1 sandwich)
JALAPENO RELLENOS
~Sent in by Maggie, TX
(See web version of newsletter for
photo!)
Ingredients
??? 20 jalapeno peppers*
??? 3/4 cup shredded Monterey Jack cheese (3 ounces)
??? 1/2 of an 8-ounce tub cream cheese with chive and onion
??? 1/4 teaspoon ground cumin
??? 3/4 cup all-purpose flour
??? 1/4 cup cornmeal
??? 1/4 teaspoon baking powder
??? 1/4 teaspoon salt
??? 3/4 cup beer or milk
??? Cooking oil or shortening for deep-fat frying
??? Dairy sour cream (optional)
??? Snipped chives (optional)
Directions
1. Make a T-shape cut in the side of each pepper; remove seeds.
2. For filling, combine shredded cheese, cream cheese, and cumin until blended. Pack about 2 teaspoons of the filling into each pepper.
3. For batter, in a bowl combine flour, cornmeal, baking powder, and salt. Add beer or milk. Beat until smooth.
4. In a heavy saucepan or deep-fat fryer heat 2 inches cooking oil or melted shortening to 375 degrees F. Dip stuffed peppers into batter. Fry several peppers at a time in hot fat, about 2 minutes on each side or until golden brown. Drain; keep warm in a 300 degree F oven while frying remaining peppers. Serve with sour cream sprinkled with chives, if desired. Makes 20 servings.
*Note: Hot peppers contain oils that can burn eyes, lips, and sensitive skin, so wear plastic gloves while preparing them. Be sure to wash your hands thoroughly afterward.
Nutritional Information
Nutritional facts per serving:
Calories: 126, total fat: 10g, saturated fat: 3g, cholesterol: 9mg, sodium: 82mg, carbohydrate: 6g, fiber: 1g, protein: 2g, vitamin A: 0%, vitamin C: 10%, calcium: 4%, iron: 2%
SADIE GOLDMAN'S NUT GOODIES
~Sent in by Shirley, WA State
These are my Grandsons Jaymz's favorite!
1 lb. white almond bark
4 c. Rice Krispies cereal
4 c. mini marshmallows (color is fine)
2 c. smooth peanut butter
4 c. spanish peanuts
Melt the white almond bark in a large bowl over hot water till melted. Mix in the rest of the ingredients mixing well. Drop on wax paper to dry by tablespoon or small ice cream scoop.
72 MARKET STREET CHILI
~Sent in by Larry Holmes, Ontario, Canada
8 ounces thick-sliced bacon, diced
2 large onions, chopped fine
2 tablespoons minced garlic
2 tablespoons vegetable oil
4 pounds beef chuck, diced (1/2 inch)
2 pounds boneless pork butt or shoulder, diced (1/2 inch)
2 cans (29 or 32 ounces each) pur?©ed tomatoes
2 cans (12 ounces each) ale or beer
1 can water
?? cup plus 2 tablespoons chili powder
?? cup ground cumin
2 tablespoons ground red pepper
1 tablespoon salt
3 jalape?±o peppers, seeded and minced
?? cup fresh lime juice
grated Cheddar cheese, chopped onion and sour cream for garnish
Cook bacon in large skillet over medium-high heat until crisp. Add onions and garlic; cook until translucent, about 5 minutes. Transfer to large Dutch oven.
Heat oil in same skillet over medium-high heat. Add meat in batches and brown. Transfer to Dutch oven. Add remaining ingredients except lime juice to Dutch oven and stir well. Bring to boil. reduce heat and simmer uncovered until meat is tender, 1 ?? to 2 hours. Stir in lime juice. Serve hot with cheese, onion and sour cream.
Makes 20 cups.
Per serving:
Calories: 540
Protein: 26 g
Fat: 42 g
Carbs: 16 g
Sodium: 882 mg
Cholesterol: 107 mg
SIMPLE FUDGE TARTS
~Sent in by Maggie, TX
(See web version of newsletter for
photo!)
Source: Better Homes and Gardens
Ingredients
??? Nonstick cooking spray
??? 1/2 of an 18-ounce roll refrigerated peanut butter cookie dough
??? 1/2 cup semisweet chocolate pieces
??? 1/4 cup sweetened condensed milk
Directions
1. Lightly coat twenty-four 1-3/4-inch muffin cups with nonstick cooking spray or line with paper or foil bake cups; set aside.
2. For tart shells, cut cookie dough into 6 equal pieces. Cut each piece into 4 equal slices. Place each slice of dough in a prepared cup.
3. Bake in a 350 degree F oven for 9 minutes or until edges are light brown and dough is slightly firm but not set. Remove tart shells from oven. Gently press a shallow indentation in each tart shell with the back of a round 1/2 teaspoon measuring spoon. Bake 2 minutes more or until the edges of tart shells are firm and light golden brown. Let tart shells cool in cups on a wire rack for 15 minutes. Carefully remove tart shells from cups. Cool completely on wire racks.
4. For filling, in a small saucepan combine chocolate pieces and sweetened condensed milk. Cook and stir over medium heat until chocolate is melted. Spoon a slightly rounded teaspoon of filling into each cooled tart shell. (Or, if desired, spoon the slightly cooled melted chocolate mixture into a small self-sealing plastic bag. Cut off one corner of the bag and pipe fudge mixture into each tart shell.) Cool completely, allowing filling to set. Store in a tightly covered container at room temperature for up to 3 days or in the freezer for up to 1 month. Makes 24 tarts.
JOHNNY APPLESEED MEATBALLS
~Sent in by Ingrid, Coos Bay, OR
The apples in this recipe gives a slight taste like sweet 'n sour meatballs but crunchier.
1 pound ground beef
1/2 cup peeled and chopped apple
1/4 cup dried bread crumbs
1 egg
1 tsp onion salt
2 tbsp vegetable oil
1 cup water
1 tbsp brown sugar
1 (1 ounce) envelope brown gravy mix
In a large bowl, combine ground beef with chopped
apple, bread crumbs, egg and onion salt. Divide into
18-20 meatballs. Roll each one between your hands
to shape into a ball.
Heat a large skillet and add oil. Saute' the meatballs
until browned; pour off fat. Stir in water, brown sugar
and gravy mix. Cover and simmer for 15 minutes.
