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| << April22, 2004 - I-Laugh #156 - The Spellbinder's Dozen |
May10, 2004 - I-Laugh #158 - Code Of Ethics For Subscribers >> |
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I-Laugh - Your 'Working' Humor Discussion List --------------------------------------------- Moderated by : Eva Rosenberg mailto:eva@workinghumor.com Assisted By : Gunjan Saraf gunjan@workinghumor.com http://workinghumor.com ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 27th April 2004 # Issue 157 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Those who lack courage will always find a philosophy to justify it. ~ Albert Camus More Camus quotes at : http://www.workinghumor.com/quotes/albert_camus.shtml ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ IN THIS DIGEST : Moderator's Comment ~ Gunjan The Other Moderator's Comment ~ Eva _______________________ CONTINUING DISCUSSIONS Politically Incorrect ~ Pravin ~ Moderator's 2c Speaking Tip ~ from Tom Antion NEW DISCUSSIONS Ethical Codes TWISTED LESSONS THIS WEEK'S HUMOR THIS WEEK'S STRESS RELIEVER ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ---------------- SPONSOR MESSAGE ----------------- "Need Ink?... Don't pay retail!" Lot's of high quality solutions to Save You money... Come see how you can Save on your printing costs! Satisfaction IS Guaranteed at MaxPatch Ink! http://www.maxpatchink.com/?laugh ------------------------------------------------------------ Moderator's Comment ---------- Dear LaughMates, It's been weeks since I got any message from any of you Laughmates out there, so when I saw Pravin's mail in my mailbox it brought a smile to my face. Then I opened it and started reading and a frown replaced the smile, but a millisecond later I was rolling on the floor with laughter. (I'm glad Pravin wasn't around looking at me or it might have irritated him aplenty) The cause for this merriment was that his letter reminded me of this family who had this wonderful bonnie baby. The baby looked absolutely normal (ten fingers, ten toes, 2 ears, ah, I'm sure you know the routine) but it wouldn't utter a sound. This had Dad and Mom pretty worried and they naturally rushed the little fellow to our dear Laughmate Dr. Stan Kegel. Dr. K checked the little fellow thoroughly and got all kinds of tests done. He even tried to induce a word out of the child by asking him a couple of punny riddles (cause the tests had shown nothing physically wrong) but the blighter just wouldn't utter a sound. Dr. K then recommended a couple of specialists and the parents visited each of them and carried out further tests only to confirm that there was no physical problem with the little fellow and no one could ascertain why he just wouldn't utter a sound. All the parents could do was to keep a close watch and keep hoping that sooner or later the child would utter a sound. A year passed and then another (or in Kipling's language - two times the rains came and went) and the child was becoming old enough to enter play school but he still hadn't uttered a sound. His mom, thinking about how the kid would cope in play school was pensively preparing dinner, and with her mental faculties so distracted, landed up putting salt instead of sugar in the dessert. Dinner was served and as usual was a quiet affair. The starters and the main dish were eaten without a sound. Then dessert was served. The little fellow put one spoon of the custard in his mouth, spat it out and growled - "This custard sucks!" The mother was in tears. She ran and hugged the boy and screamed in joy - "Ah Pierre (That was the little boy's name. I was wondering if you'd ever ask me his name) !!! YOU CAN TALK !!!!!!" ~ Nother Hug ~ "Why did you never say a word before ?" "But Ma," replied Pierre, "everything has been absolutely fine till now!" I don't know if the last issue was really unpalatable, but even if it was... I'm glad ;) Hope I don't have to keep messing up to hear from you ! ;) With best wishes Gunjan Many a true word is spoken in Jest -------------------------------------- Jest for Pun - pun-subscribe@topica.com Jest a Quote - quote-subscribe@topica.com Jest in Literature (A) - lit-subscribe@topica.com P.S - Please invite your friends to subscribe by sending an email to: 64841-subscribe@zinester.com Please, send any comments to: mailto:posts@workinghumor.com?Subject=Comments ---------- The Other Moderator's Comment ---------- Dear LaughMates, Looking at my spam today, sitting here, feeling behind, one subject line catches my eye - "Need Help?" Oh, if only they meant it! As long as I'm in there, let's see what yesterday's batch of 3354 pieces of spam contains, shall we? Aside from the thousand or so with the weird foreign characters (why do they think I read Chinese or Korean?), there are about 124 pieces containing virus attachments. Of course there are several dozen from servers that think I sent them viruses or suspect mail. (Not a chance - I don't use Outlook and don't have an address book for a virus to tap into.) Of course, there must be at least 100 that have the little red symbols warning me of hot content. Hundreds and hundreds, with various subject lines trying to enhance the size of my non-existent body part - or harden it; or increase the size of my already well-endowed attributes. Drugs - goodness, I can buy anything online. I love the ones offering me ridiculously low rates of interest - that are probably good for about 15 minutes, if I pay them thousands in fees. then watch those adjustable rates skyrocket beyond any reputable loan. But my favorite are those hundreds of e-mails, all in caps, screaming at me, in a most polite, refined voice, offering me my share of millions of dollars to help bring their money out of every corner of Africa there is. And "Adventure Awaits" because "Turn Your TV into a 150 INCH Big Screen" using the "Overnight Advance of up to 5OO Bucks" and the "Income From Home - Promote [my] Own Adu1t Website". And I can use that to watch tapes to learn to "be better lover" with the "Somebody Wants To Date You" - and I would, but I've just been told that my "Card Cancelled", so I'll just "Start saving now" I realized that I'm "overpaying on your car insurance bill" so much that I can't even afford to get "Autoshield Protection. World's Best Car Polish" . That's so distressing because I "Don't [want to] be left out". So, I'm going to "disneyland contour wine grantor salesian burgeon babysat igor" ....(OK, I give up - what is that nonsense all about? Why even bother sending mail like?) Well, that was fun. I've had my spam quota for the month. Signing off - hoping your not too hard on yourself. Your Comic Guide, Eva Rosenberg TaxMama.com P.S. AffiliateForce2004 has been re-scheduled to August 19th to accommodate all the people on the cruise. So join us. http://iafma.org/members/?aid=1082 And I'll be practicing Dr. Mike's speaking tips, below. ----------------------------------------------------------- Does your Cat speak any French ? Isn't it high time you taught him some ? Who better to help you teach him than Henri de la Barbe (Henry Beard) ? Check out ... French for Cats http://snipurl.com/catfrench ------------------------------------------------------------ ===== CONTINUING DISCUSSIONS ======== ===> Politically Incorrect Hi Gunjan, Have been a fan of your postings / e-mails as well as jokes. But the last one in this edition (On suicide bombers in the Middle East) is in terrible taste. The Middle East may be no paradise and as an Indian living in India which has suffered the worst terrorist attacks probably originating there I know what all this is. But, what you have indulged in is just plainly subscribing to the standard images and clich?©d approach. Stereotypical at worst. And of course it is in terribly bad taste apart from being politically highly incorrect. Thanks, Pravin. Comments - mailto:posts@workinghumor.com?Subject=politicallyincorrect ===> Politically Incorrect Hi Pravin, I'm sure you're absolutely right about that piece being politically incorrect. As to whether it is in bad taste depends on whether you take it with a pinch of salt or a pinch of sand. I know if my dear friend Sunil had seen it he would have made me swallow it with more than a pinch of sand and I'd have had a muffled laugh instead of the throaty one that I enjoyed when I read that piece. (Have I make any jokes about the sand yet?) As far as political correctness is concerned I was going to agree with you & reply with one of my favorite quote from Catch - 22 ... "Racial prejudice is a terrible thing, Yossarian. It really is. It's a terrible thing to treat a decent, loyal Indian like a nigger, kike, wop or spic." ... but in a strange coincidence, my dear friend Kramer (remember the chap with the hilarious signatures ...) had something to say on the subject that very same day that I received Pravin's mail.... Hey giggle snorters, train porters, money shorters, baby aborters, Alamo forters, homecoming courters, mail sorters, male sorters, toad worters, pocket mortars, and law torters! I bought a used book in the library the other day for 70 cents. I had to buy it, it was too funny. It was called... "The Official Politically Correct Dictionary and Handbook" Here are some excerpts from the book... Bald-headed = hair disadvantaged Flowers = botanical companions dead = terminally inconvenienced drunk = sobriety-deprived fail = achieve a deficiency fat = possessing an alternative body image girl = prewoman old = chronologically gifted (My favorite!!!) girl watching = street harassment prisoner = client of the correctional system stupid = cerebrally challenged white = melanin impoverished wife = domestic incarceration survivor Don't you think those were better than listening to a Barry Manilow CD? Some semi-random thoughts to leave you thinking... What if... What if all the Muslim men in the world turn themselves into suicide bombers? Would that spell the beginning of the end of Islam? Think about it! Yes it could. Could it not? No males left to procreate and continue the religion. Like the dinosaurs, they would become extinct. Hmmmmmmmm. I wonder if they ever thought of that? Kramer http://www.StephenKramer.com http://www.FansGoWild.com I guess I'll have to try and bum that book from Kramer, soon. Till then, you'll have to pardon my ignorance. With best wishes, Gunjan Comments - mailto:posts@workinghumor.com?Subject=politicallyincorrect ===> Speaking Tip Last Minute Practice by Tom Antion If you happen to be staying in a hotel in a room next to mine, it is very likely you would hear parts of my upcoming speech bellowing through the walls. Even after the enormous number of presentations I've done I still practice my stories and various bits of material the night before my event. I heard Zig Ziglar saying that he does the same thing. Unless you are speaking every day, it is almost impossible to stay razor sharp with your delivery. Being a keynote / large event speaker, I may go 90 - 120 days between times when I tell certain stories on stage. The last thing I want to do is flub up a line or bumble through a piece of material because I hadn't thought about it for a couple months. Don't get cockey! Practice your material several times right before you do your speech and you'll have a much greater chance that each word will come out perfectly. [from Tom Antion's 'Great Speaking' newsletter. To subscribe why not use our affiliate link (given below) ] http://www.listpartners.com/cgi-local/subscribe?2606 Comments or if have you a tip to share - mailto:posts@workinghumor.com?Subject=speakertips ------------------------------------------------------------ Click: The Ultimate Guide to Electronic Marketing for Speakers, Authors, Coaches and Consultants...by Tom Antion http://snurl.com/click ------------------------------------------------------------ ========= NEW DISCUSSIONS ============= ===> Ethical Codes Hi Laughmates, Look what I found recently in Dr. Stan's Groaners Digest... A Code Of Ethical Behavior For Patients 1. DO NOT EXPECT YOUR DOCTOR TO SHARE YOUR DISCOMFORT Involvement with the patient's suffering might cause him to lose valuable scientific objectivity. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 2. BE CHEERFUL AT ALL TIMES Your doctor leads a busy and trying life and requires all the gentleness and reassurance he can get. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 3. TRY TO SUFFER FROM THE DISEASE FOR WHICH YOU ARE BEING TREATED Remember that your doctor has a professional reputation to uphold. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 4. DO NOT COMPLAIN IF THE TREATMENT FAILS TO BRING RELIEF You must believe that your doctor has achieved a deep insight into the true nature of your illness, which transcends any mere permanent disability you may have experienced. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 5. NEVER ASK YOUR DOCTOR TO EXPLAIN WHAT HE IS DOING OR WHY It is presumptuous to assume that such profound matters could be explained in terms that you would understand. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 6. SUBMIT TO NOVEL EXPERIMENTAL TREATMENT READILY Though the surgery may not benefit you directly, the resulting research paper will surely be of widespread interest. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 7. PAY YOUR MEDICAL BILLS PROMPTLY AND WILLINGLY You should consider it a privilege to contribute, however modestly, to the well-being of physicians and other humanitarians. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 8. DO NOT SUFFER FROM AILMENTS THAT YOU CANNOT AFFORD It is sheer arrogance to contract illnesses that are beyond your means. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 9. NEVER REVEAL ANY OF THE SHORTCOMINGS THAT HAVE COME TO LIGHT IN THE COURSE OF TREATMENT BY YOUR DOCTOR The patient-doctor relationship is a privileged one, and you have a sacred duty to protect him from exposure. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 10. NEVER DIE WHILE IN YOUR DOCTOR'S PRESENCE OR UNDER HIS DIRECT CARE This will only cause him needless inconvenience and embarrassment. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Now isn't that brilliant. I think all professionals (in whatever field of work they are) need to formulate such code of conduct for their clients. I'm starting to work on... A Code Of Ethical Behavior For Laughmates. Rule no. 1 will naturally be to write in regularly. Rule no 2 will have something to say about complaining about politically incorrect jokes. ;) Of course, I've just started to work on the codes and at present your suggestions are welcome. Also if you do formulate a code for clients in your own line of work DO share it with us. ~ Gunjan Comments - mailto:posts@workinghumor.com?Subject=ethics =========== Twisted Lessons ============== [ W h a t I L e a r n e d d u r i n g t h i s w e e k ] "It could be worse !" My Teacher : - LETTER TO A MOTHER A mother enters her daughter's bedroom and sees a letter over the bed. With the worst premonition, she reads it, with trembling hands: Mom, It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm telling you that I eloped with my new boyfriend. I found real passion and he is so nice, with all his piercings and tattoos and his big motorcycle. But it is not only that mom, I'm pregnant and Ahmed said that we will be very happy in his trailer in the woods. He wants to have many more children with me and that's one of my dreams. I've learned that marijuana doesn't hurt anyone and we'll be growing it for us and his friends, who are providing us with all the cocaine and Ecstasy we may want. In the meantime, we'll pray for science to find the AIDS cure, for Ahmed to get better, he deserves it. Don't worry Mom, I'm 15 years old now and I know how to take care of myself. Some day I'll visit, so you can know your grandchildren. Your daughter, Judith PS.: Mom, it's not true. I'm at the neighbor's house. I just wanted to show you that there are worse things in life than the school's report card that's in my desk drawer. (Thanks to Dr. Stan Kegel http://www.otherwhen.com/mailman/listinfo/groaners ) Comments - mailto:posts@workinghumor.com?Subject=TwistedLesson =========== This week's Humor ============== Revenue Collectors Theme Song Tax his cow, Tax his goat; Tax his pants, Tax his coat; Tax his crop, Tax his work; Tax his ties, Tax his shirt; Tax his chew, Tax his smoke Teach him taxing is no joke. Tax his tractor, Tax his mule; Tell him, Taxing is the rule. Tax his oil, Tax his gas Tax his notes, Tax his cash Tax him good and let him know, That after taxes, he has no dough. If he hollers, Tax him more; Tax him till he's good and sore. Tax his coffin, Tax his grave, Tax his sod in which he's laid. Put these words upon his tomb, "Taxes drove him to his doom." After he's gone, we won't relax. We'll still collect inheritance tax. (Thanks Dianne) Comments : mailto:posts@workinghumor.com?Subject=humor ========= This week's Stress Reliever? ======== http://www.my-tgif.com/evening_courses_for_men.htm (Thanks Dianne) Comments or Submissions of your own favorites: mailto:posts@workinghumor.com?Subject=lolurl ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ I-Laugh is edited by: Eva Rosenberg eva@workinghumor.com Information on how to advertise in I-Laugh : http://workinghumor.com/advertise.shtml Send suggestions and comments to gunjan@workinghumor.com FAQ, Information & Archives at our website, http://workinghumor.com Send your posts to: posts@workinghumor.com If you are posting for the first time please read our guidelines http://workinghumor.com/posting_rules.shtml ?© Copyright Gunjan Saraf and Eva Rosenberg YOU have permission to publish any part of I-Laugh electronically free of charge, under the following conditions: First: The author of the piece receives full credit, with all links to their e-mail address &/or site intact Second: The following byline is included. "This article is reproduced with permission from I-Laugh, Your Working Humor Discussion List. http://www.workinghumor.com ?© Copyright Gunjan Saraf and Eva Rosenberg " However, if you are getting paid for your publication (it is by paid subscription), please be good enough to contact us to arrange a payment to us for the material you are using. A courtesy copy of your publication would be appreciated.. Subscribe by sending a mail to: 64841-subscribe@zinester.com Unsubscribe by sending a mail to: 64841-unsubscribe@zinester.com |
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