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| << July14, 2004 - I-Laugh #166 - Answers by the dozen |
July30, 2004 - I-Laugh #168 - Truth or Hot Air >> |
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To: <!--$email--> .................................. I-Laugh - Your 'Working' Humor Discussion List --------------------------------------------- Moderated by : Eva Rosenberg mailto:eva@workinghumor.com Assisted By : Gunjan Saraf gunjan@workinghumor.com http://workinghumor.com ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 19th July 2004 # Issue 167 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ When your opponent's sittin' there holding all aces, there's only one thing left to do: Kick over the table. ~ Dean Martin More quotes from Dino at - http://workinghumor.com/quotes/dean_martin.shtml ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ IN THIS DIGEST : Moderator's Comment ~ Gunjan The Other Moderator's Comment ~ Eva _______________________ CONTINUING DISCUSSIONS Neat Printing Tip ~ from Inknews Speaking Tip ~ from Tom Antion HISTORIC HUMOR TWISTED LESSONS How far should you follow a Guru. THIS WEEK'S HUMOR ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ---------------- SPONSOR MESSAGE ----------------- "Need Ink?... Don't pay retail!" Lot's of high quality solutions to Save You money... Come see how you can Save on your printing costs! Satisfaction IS Guaranteed at MaxPatch Ink! http://www.maxpatchink.com/?laugh ------------------------------------------------------------ Moderator's Comment ---------- Dear LaughMates, This week I received a letter from someone asking for some tips on starting an ezine. It stated that the reason she wanted to start an ezine was... "because Gurus say it is The Most Important Thing" ...which (like most other things) reminded me of some passages from my Humor Guide to Life (Catch 22). Let's see if you agree with them too. Without further ado, here's I-Laugh #167 ... ;) With best wishes Gunjan Many a true word is spoken in Jest -------------------------------------- Jest for Pun - pun-subscribe@topica.com Jest a Quote - quote-subscribe@topica.com Jest in Literature (A) - lit-subscribe@topica.com P.S - Please invite your friends to subscribe by sending an email to: 64841-subscribe@zinester.com Please, send any comments to: mailto:posts@workinghumor.com?Subject=Comments ---------- The Other Moderator's Comment ---------- Hi All, Sometimes, humor doesn't work. Last week, working on an article that I expected would be controversial in relation to the President's campaign for re-election, I stumbled across some things I didn't expect. First of all, I couldn't find any legal flaws with what the campaign was doing - lots of moral ones, but they were just fine with the legality. http://snipurl.com/7tfs The next thing I found was disturbing. I thought IRS, our tax agency was doing some campaigning. So I ended the article with a humorous quip. It turns out I was completely wrong about who was engaging in the politicking. It caused problems I'd never anticipated. http://taxmama.blogspot.com/ Ah well....they say the only bad press is no press..... Have a great week. Your Comic Guide, Eva Rosenberg TaxMama.com irsexam.com ----------------------------------------------------------- Guaranteed to coax a smile from the grumpiest of grumps, FURRY LOGIC is a charming little book with a big heart and sly humor. Exquisitely detailed watercolor paintings depicting animals caught up in the joy and drudgery of life are paired with old adages given a new spin for our times. http://snipurl.com/furry ------------------------------------------------------------ ===== CONTINUING DISCUSSIONS ======== ===> Neat Printing Tip Printing Web Pages When you print out web pages, do you get annoyed at all the header and footer info that gets printed on each and every page? You know, the web address, title, etc? With Internet Explorer, you can get that taken right out of there, even customize it. Here's how: 1. In the menu bar click the File menu, choose Page Setup 2. Find the "Headers & Footers" area and remove all the funny looking characters in the respective fields. Hit OK and you're done. Now, that will keep the computer from printing all of your header and footer info, but what if you want some of it? Well, you can do that too, using the parameters below in the header and footer fields: &w Window title &u Page address (URL) &d Date in short format (as specified by Regional Settings in Control Panel) &D Date in long format (as specified by Regional Settings in Control Panel) &t Time in the format (as specified by Regional Settings in Control Panel) &T Time in 24-hour format &p Current page number &P Total number of pages && A single ampersand (&) &b The text immediately following these characters as centered. &b&b The text immediately following the first "&b" as centered, and the text following the second "&b" as right- justified. For example, if you want the header to have the window (page) title and the URL, you would type: &w &u If you wanted to make it so it also specified you were the one who printed it, you could put something like: &w &u Printed by Phil on &d The only thing you need to keep an eye on is the spacing. To get a single space between items (like &w&u) you need to hit the space bar twice. Experiment and you'll get it! (From our sponsor Phil and Clara's newsletter - The InkNews http://www.maxpatchink.com/?laugh ) ===> Speaking Tip Stage fright Is Good and Makes You Better Looking Too! (Part 2) Strategies in advance of program Be extremely well prepared. Join or start a Toastmasters club for extra practice. Get individual or group presentation skills coaching. Listen to music. Read a poem. Anticipate hard and easy questions. Organize. Absolutely memorize your opening statement so you can recite it on autopilot if you have to. Practice, practice, practice. Especially practice bits so you can spit out a few minutes of your program no matter how nervous you are. Get in shape. I don't know why it helps stage fright, but it does. Strategies just before the program Remember Stage fright usually goes away after you start. The tricky time is before you start. Be in the room at least an hour early if possible to triple check everything. You can also schmooze with participants arriving early. Notice and think about things around you. Concentrate on searching for current and immediate things that are happening at the event that you can mention during your talk (especially in the opening). Get into conversation with people near you. Be very intent on what they are saying. Yawn to relax your throat. Doodle. Draw sketches of a new car you would like to have. Look at your notes. Put pictures of your kids/grandkids, dog, etc., in your notes. Build a cushion of time in the day so you are not rushed but not too much time. You don't want to have extra time to worry. If your legs are trembling, lean on a table, sit down, or shift your legs. Take a quick walk. Take quick drinks of tepid water. Double check your A/V equipment. Don't drink alcohol or coffee or tea with caffeine. Concentrate on your ideas. Hide notes around the stage area so you know you have a backup if you happen to draw a blank. Concentrate on your audience. Listen to music. Read a poem. Do isometrics that tighten and release muscles. Shake hands and smile with attendees before the program. Say something to someone to make sure your voice is ready to go. Go somewhere private and warm up your voice, muscles, etc. Use eye contact. Go to a mirror and check out how you look. Breathe deeply, evenly, and slowly for several minutes. Don't eat if you don't want to and never take tranquilizers or other such drugs. You may think you will do better, but you will probably do worse and not know it. Strategies when the program begins If legs are trembling, lean on lectern /table or shift legs or move. Try not to hold the microphone by hand in the first minute. Don't hold notes. The audience can see them shake. Use three-by-five cards instead. Take quick drinks of tepid water. Use eye contact. It will make you feel less isolated. Look at the friendliest faces in the audience. Joke about your nervousness. What's the right wine to go with fingernails? Remember nervousness doesn't show one-tenth as much as it feels. Before each presentation make a short list of the items you think will make you feel better. Don't be afraid to experiment with different combinations. You never know which ones will work best until you try. Rewrite them on a separate sheet and keep the sheet with you at all times so you can refer to it quickly when the need arises. Use these steps to control stage fright so it doesn't control you. [From Tom Antion's ebook - Wake 'em Up Get your copy at http://snurl.com/wakeup] Tom Antion has a great newsletter called 'Great Speaking' To subscribe (free) why not use our affiliate link (given below) ] http://www.listpartners.com/cgi-local/subscribe?2606 Comments or if have you a tip to share - mailto:posts@workinghumor.com?Subject=speakertips ------------------------------------------------------------ Click: The Ultimate Guide to Electronic Marketing for Speakers, Authors, Coaches and Consultants...by Tom Antion http://snurl.com/click ------------------------------------------------------------ ============= HISTORIC HUMOR ============== At a science fiction convention I (Isaac Asimov) was toastmastering, I introduced Willy (Willy Ley) as "the second-best science writer in science fiction." There was a snicker, of course, and a broad smile from Willy, who rose to say some words. When he was through, and before introducing the next speaker, I said, "Willy, I introduced you as the second-best science writer in science fiction, and on thinking that over, it seems to me that this was a conceited thing for me to do. I wish to apologize publicly, Willy, I'm sorry you're the second-best science writer in science fiction. (From Isaac Asimov's Treasury of Humor http://snipurl.com/treasury ) Comments - mailto:posts@workinghumor.com?Subject=HistoricHumor ----------------------------------------------------------- Oscar Wilde was the master of the studied insult. His jabs at hypocrisy, pretense, and boring conventionality still have a penetrating power. His snubs and put-downs became the talk of his time, no less by his targets than by Oscar Wilde himself. This collection features over 750 biting comments... http://snurl.com/impwit ------------------------------------------------------------ ============= Twisted Lessons ============== [ A L e s s o n I r e m e m b e r e d d u r i n g t h i s w e e k ] How far Should one follow a Guru... At the end of ten days, a new group of doctors came to Yossarian with bad news; he was in perfect health and had to get out. He was rescued in the nick of time by a patient across the aisle who began to see everything twice. Without warning, the patient sat up in bed and shouted. 'I see everything twice!' A nurse screamed and an orderly fainted. Doctors came running up from every direction with needles, lights, tubes, rubber mallets and oscillating metal tines. They rolled up complicated instruments on wheels. There was not enough of the patient to go around, and specialists pushed forward in line with raw tempers and snapped at their colleagues in front to hurry up and give somebody else a chance. <snip> In the end, the doctors were all in accord. They agreed they had no idea what was wrong with the soldier who saw everything twice, and they rolled him away into a room in the corridor and quarantined everyone else in the ward for fourteen days. <snip> ...he was still in good health when the quarantine period was over, and they told him again that he had to get out and go to war. Yossarian sat up in bed when he heard the bad news and shouted. 'I see everything twice!' <snip> They rolled Yossarian away on a stretcher into the room with the soldier who saw everything twice and quarantined everyone else in the ward for another fourteen days. 'I see everything twice!' the soldier who saw everything twice shouted when they rolled Yossarian in. 'I see everything twice!' Yossarian shouted back at him just as loudly, with a secret wink. 'The walls! The walls!' the other soldier cried. 'Move back the walls.' 'The walls! The walls!' Yossarian cried. 'Move back the walls.' One the doctors pretended to shove the wall back. 'Is that far enough?' The soldier who saw everything twice nodded weakly and sank back on his bed. Yossarian nodded weakly too, eyeing his talented roommate with great humility and admiration. He knew he was in the presence of a master. His talented roommate was obviously a person to be studied and emulated. During the night, his talented roommate died, and Yossarian decided that he had followed him far enough. 'I see everything once!' he cried quickly. (from Joseph Heller's - Catch 22 http://snipurl.com/catch22) =========== This week's Humor ============== From: <http://www.rinkworks.com/bookaminute/b/asimov.shtml>; The Collected Work of Isaac Asimov Ultra-Condensed by David J. Parker Stock Asimov Character #1 "I'm a suave, witty, brilliant, good-looking scientist. I am everything Asimov thought he was." Stock Asimov Character #2 "I am the same, except the opposite sex." Stock Asimov Character #1 "Great! Let's do some science stuff, save the world, and make out." They do. THE END (Thanks Dr. Stan Kegel's Groaner's Digest... http://www.otherwhen.com/mailman/listinfo/groaners) Comments : mailto:posts@workinghumor.com?Subject=humor ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Grumpiness CAN be cured ! And with kids the faster you cure it the better. If the customer reviews on Amazon.com are to be believed here's a sure-fire cure... What Are YOU So Grumpy About? http://snipurl.com/grumpy ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ I-Laugh is edited by: Eva Rosenberg eva@workinghumor.com Information on how to advertise in I-Laugh : http://workinghumor.com/advertise.shtml Send suggestions and comments to gunjan@workinghumor.com FAQ, Information & Archives at our website, http://workinghumor.com Send your posts to: posts@workinghumor.com If you are posting for the first time please read our guidelines http://workinghumor.com/posting_rules.shtml ?© Copyright Gunjan Saraf and Eva Rosenberg YOU have permission to publish any part of I-Laugh electronically free of charge, under the following conditions: First: The author of the piece receives full credit, with all links to their e-mail address &/or site intact Second: The following byline is included. "This article is reproduced with permission from I-Laugh, Your Working Humor Discussion List. http://www.workinghumor.com ?© Copyright Gunjan Saraf and Eva Rosenberg " However, if you are getting paid for your publication (it is by paid subscription), please be good enough to contact us to arrange a payment to us for the material you are using. A courtesy copy of your publication would be appreciated.. Subscribe by sending a mail to: 64841-subscribe@zinester.com Unsubscribe by sending a mail to: 64841-unsubscribe@zinester.com |
| << July14, 2004 - I-Laugh #166 - Answers by the dozen |
July30, 2004 - I-Laugh #168 - Truth or Hot Air >> |
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