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To: <!--$email--> ................................. I-Laugh - Your 'Working' Humor Discussion List --------------------------------------------- Moderated by : Eva Rosenberg mailto:eva@workinghumor.com Assisted By : Gunjan Saraf gunjan@workinghumor.com http://workinghumor.com ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 28th July 2004 # Issue 168 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ I don't think the intelligence reports are all that hot. Some days I get more out of the New York Times. ~ John F Kennedy More humorous quotes from JFK at - http://workinghumor.com/quotes/jf_kennedy.shtml ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ IN THIS DIGEST : Moderator's Comment ~ Gunjan _______________________ CONTINUING DISCUSSIONS Speaking Tip ~ from Tom Antion NEW DISCUSSIONS ~ Fact funnier than Fiction ? HISTORIC HUMOR TWISTED LESSONS Don't ever .... THIS WEEK'S HUMOR ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ---------------- SPONSOR MESSAGE ----------------- "Need Ink?... Don't pay retail!" Lot's of high quality solutions to Save You money... Come see how you can Save on your printing costs! Satisfaction IS Guaranteed at MaxPatch Ink! http://www.maxpatchink.com/?laugh ------------------------------------------------------------ Moderator's Comment ---------- Dear LaughMates, I've just got permission from Barry to include some of his articles and columns in I-Laugh ! What ... you don't know Barry ? Shucks ! Barry Smith is a neat humorist who runs www.irrelativity.com You can get a taste of his style in this very issue... So, without further ado, here's I-Laugh #168 ... ;) With best wishes Gunjan Many a true word is spoken in Jest -------------------------------------- Jest for Pun - pun-subscribe@topica.com Jest a Quote - quote-subscribe@topica.com Jest in Literature (A) - lit-subscribe@topica.com P.S - Please invite your friends to subscribe by sending an email to: 64841-subscribe@zinester.com Please, send any comments to: mailto:posts@workinghumor.com?Subject=Comments ----------------------------------------------------------- Guaranteed to coax a smile from the grumpiest of grumps, FURRY LOGIC is a charming little book with a big heart and sly humor. Exquisitely detailed watercolor paintings depicting animals caught up in the joy and drudgery of life are paired with old adages given a new spin for our times. http://snipurl.com/furry ------------------------------------------------------------ ===== CONTINUING DISCUSSIONS ======== ===> Speaking Tip Fake Facts and Statistics Stating falsehoods as if they are absolutely true is another fun way to play with the audience. However, you must make the statements obviously false by your words and your facial expressions. You don't want to leave any doubt in the audience's mind whether you are being funny or not. I was doing another Secretaries Day function and I told them that studies had been conducted indicating the only reason executives became executives was because they couldn't make it as secretaries. To build up your joke you should use official sounding sources for the information. A study done for the Alaskan Pipeline Workers Union indicated that 97.2 percent of Alaskan Pipeline Workers wear No Nonsense panty hose. When using this type of humor use exact numbers for comic emphasis. [From Tom Antion's ebook - Wake 'em Up Get your copy at http://snurl.com/wakeup] Tom Antion has a great newsletter called 'Great Speaking' To subscribe (free) why not use our affiliate link (given below) ] http://www.listpartners.com/cgi-local/subscribe?2606 Comments or if have you a tip to share - mailto:posts@workinghumor.com?Subject=speakertips ------------------------------------------------------------ Click: The Ultimate Guide to Electronic Marketing for Speakers, Authors, Coaches and Consultants...by Tom Antion http://snurl.com/click ------------------------------------------------------------ ============ NEW DISCUSSIONS =========== ====> Fact funnier than Fiction? Apart from a nasty run-in with a trampoline at age 8, for most of my life I have been cast and bandage free. A few weeks ago, however, an awkward lifting of something not really all that interesting (or heavy) resulted in a loud snapping sound in my wrist, followed by pain. When I got home I wrapped it in an ACE bandage. Since I'm now all bandaged up, at least a dozen times a day I get asked the obvious question: How'd you hurt your wrist? I reply: Bull riding. This is meant to be a witty reply. I would think that even the most casual glance in my direction would lead to the conclusion: "This guy is not a bull rider." So I figured "bull riding" would be the funniest thing I could say. So far no one has laughed, but I keep trying. Maybe I need to work on the delivery. "Bull ridin'." "Riding a bull." "BULL RIDING! YEEE HAAAWWW!" The truth is that the truth is quite boring. I was, as I said, lifting something. People lift things every day, so why go into details? I don't actually care to discuss it with anyone, but there it is, my beige badge of courage, just begging to be inquired about. And my attempts to take the attention off of my injury by saying "bull riding" consistently backfire, because when I say "bull riding" people reply, "Really?" Then I have to explain no, not really, I was trying to be funny, then they point out that I wasn't, and I say, yeah, I know, it never is, then they ask why I said "bull riding" if I knew already that it wasn't funny, and I say that I don't know, then they ask why I think I need to be funny all the time, and isn't that just a form of insecurity, and once again the discussion has taken a nasty turn. A few days ago I was sitting on a bench drinking some coffee and having a pleasant chat with a gentleman who had hobbled by. He was hobbling because his foot was in a cast. I didn't want to ask about it, because I knew he would probably say "bull riding." "Between your arm and my foot," he said, "we're a pretty sorry lot." He held his foot up towards me, displaying his gnarled toes. I managed to swallow my coffee despite this. It was obvious that he wanted to talk about it, so I took the bait. "What did you do?" "Well," he said, "I wish I could say that I hurt it climbing Everest, but the truth is I was gargling." I laughed hard, producing a fine latte mist. Gargling! Damnit, why didn't I think of that? Brilliant. So much more creative than bull riding. He continued: "I was gargling and I tipped my head too far back, lost my balance and fell. Broke three bones in my foot." Wait a minute. He wasn't kidding. He had really broken his foot gargling! He had a substantially funnier response than mine, but he wasn't even trying to be funny. He was being...what's that word? Oh yeah...sincere. Where's the justice? I quickly disguised my laughter as a coughing fit, as I certainly didn't want to be laughing at his fate. I wished him a speedy recovery and away he hobbled. Now, I'm ashamed to admit that gargling isn't part of my daily hygiene routine, it's really only something I do when I have a sore throat. But even then I've never gargled to the point of dizziness, much less injury. This makes me think that either this guy is hardcore about his gargling, or that I'm too wishy-washy about mine. Apparently, if you aren't on the verge of unconsciousness - if you aren't willing to take a trip to the ER - then you ain't gargling, punk. I sipped my coffee, pondering these new gargling discoveries until a friend walked up: "How'd you hurt your wrist?" I looked down the street, making sure the man with the broken foot was gone. "Gargling," I replied. "C'mon..." "No, I'm serious," I said. "Gargling. While bull riding." From Barry Smith's Irrelativity... www.irrelativity.com Comments - mailto:posts@workinghumor.com?Subject=bull ============= HISTORIC HUMOR ============== George Bernard Shaw wired Churchill in 1931, "Am reserving two tickets for you on opening night of my new play. Come bring a friend - if you have one." Churchill composed the return telegram. "Impossible for me to attend first performance. Would like to attend second night - if there is one." (From Wit and Wisdom of Winston Churchill http://snipurl.com/winwit) Comments - mailto:posts@workinghumor.com?Subject=HistoricHumor ----------------------------------------------------------- Oscar Wilde was the master of the studied insult. His jabs at hypocrisy, pretense, and boring conventionality still have a penetrating power. His snubs and put-downs became the talk of his time, no less by his targets than by Oscar Wilde himself. This collection features over 750 biting comments... http://snurl.com/impwit ------------------------------------------------------------ ============= Twisted Lessons ============== [ A L e s s o n l e a r n t d u r i n g t h i s w e e k ] A parish priest was being honored at a dinner on the twenty-fifth anniversary of his arrival in that parish. A leading local politician, who was a member of the congregation, was chosen to make the presentation and give a little speech at the dinner, but he was delayed in traffic, so the priest decided to say his own few words while they waited. "You will understand," he said, "the seal of the confessional, can never be broken. However, I got my first impressions of the parish from the first confession I heard here. I can only hint vaguely about this, but when I came here twenty-five years ago I thought I had been assigned to a terrible place. The very first chap who entered my confessional told me how he had stolen a television set, and when stopped by the police, had almost murdered the officer. Further, he told me he had stolen money from his parents, embezzled money from his place of business, had an affair with his boss's wife, taken illegal drugs, and gave VD to his sister. I was appalled. But as the days went on I knew that my people were not all like that, and I had, indeed come to, a fine parish full of understanding and loving people." Just as the priest finished his talk, the politician arrived full of apologies at being late. He immediately began to make the presentation and give his talk. "I'll never forget the first day our parish priest arrived in this parish," said the politician. "In fact, I had the honor of being the first one to go to him in confession." Lesson: DON'T EVER BE LATE (Thanks Jo-Lene's Daily Humor... http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Daily-Humor/ ) =========== This week's Humor ============== Peeping into the diaries of ... The Dog: 8am - Oh Boy! Dog food! My favorite! 9am - Oh Boy! A car ride! My favorite! 10am - Oh Boy! A walk! My favorite! 11am - Oh Boy! A car ride! My favorite! Noon - Oh Boy! The kids! My favorite! 1pm - Oh Boy! The yard! My favorite! 3pm - Oh Boy! The kids! My favorite! 4pm - Oh Boy! Dog food! My favorite! 5pm - Oh Boy! Mom! My favorite! 7pm - Oh Boy! Playing ball! My favorite! 9pm - Oh Boy! Sleeping in master's bed! My favorite! The Cat: Day 183 of my captivity. My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another house plant. Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded -- must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair -- must try this on their bed. I decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in an attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was. Hmmm, not working according to plan. There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the food. More importantly I overheard that my confinement was due to MY power of "allergies." Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage. I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The bird on the other hand has got to be an informant, and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room, his safety is assured. But I can wait, it is only a matter of time. (Thanks tOM) Comments : mailto:posts@workinghumor.com?Subject=humor ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Grumpiness CAN be cured ! And with kids the faster you cure it the better. If the customer reviews on Amazon.com are to be believed here's a sure-fire cure... What Are YOU So Grumpy About? http://snipurl.com/grumpy ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ I-Laugh is edited by: Eva Rosenberg eva@workinghumor.com Information on how to advertise in I-Laugh : http://workinghumor.com/advertise.shtml Send suggestions and comments to gunjan@workinghumor.com FAQ, Information & Archives at our website, http://workinghumor.com Send your posts to: posts@workinghumor.com If you are posting for the first time please read our guidelines http://workinghumor.com/posting_rules.shtml ?© Copyright Gunjan Saraf and Eva Rosenberg YOU have permission to publish any part of I-Laugh electronically free of charge, under the following conditions: First: The author of the piece receives full credit, with all links to their e-mail address &/or site intact Second: The following byline is included. "This article is reproduced with permission from I-Laugh, Your Working Humor Discussion List. http://www.workinghumor.com ?© Copyright Gunjan Saraf and Eva Rosenberg " However, if you are getting paid for your publication (it is by paid subscription), please be good enough to contact us to arrange a payment to us for the material you are using. A courtesy copy of your publication would be appreciated.. Subscribe by sending a mail to: 64841-subscribe@zinester.com Unsubscribe by sending a mail to: 64841-unsubscribe@zinester.com |
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August05, 2004 - I-Laugh #169 - Selling Invites and other simple ideas >> |
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