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Thursday, Jan 30, 2002
Self-Positivity! ezine
(HTML edition)
Your Self-Esteem ezine from Crystal Woods
http://www.self-positivity.com
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Contents
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Welcome
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Happy New Year!!! Hope all's going well for you so far this year - almost scary how fast they fly by, isn't it
(I'm SURE the last New Year party I had was 2000/01...) Susan still hasn't returned, so this is still going to
be a short & sweet edition, I'm afraid. But hey, you're probably way too busy to read something long with all
the resolutions you're living up to, right? ;-) |
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What's New from Crystal
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Article: Life wasn't meant to be easy
- or was it?
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Starting to think that sometimes Murphy is my guardian angel. Found someone to do the site for me, but then she
had to drop out to take up a much larger contract so I'm back to searching for a web designer again. Oh, well.
On the bright side, I've started using a program to manage my jobsearch activities, helps me write the resume &
app letter & everything - working wonderfully! Took me all of 4 days to get all my details in there (I've had
a LOT of jobs - I only went back as far as 96, too) but then on Tuesday I sent off a quick application to test
it out, and Wednesday morning got a call to come for interview next week! Today I put it through its paces &
I got SIX applications done - normally that'd take me all week. Feeling really positive I'll soon have a job again,
and even better I can see myself spending Monday on job applications from the Saturday paper, another day on following
up other leads, and having the whole rest of the week free!!! I can do things like visit my nephew, go swimming,
and generally get a life again! (knock on wood)
Aside from the heatwavves (which I don't cope well with) life's pretty good right now. I'm getting back in touch
or hearing from all the friends and family that Christmas scattered in all directions, I'm making progress on my
goals of getting the new website up (even if it is two steps forward, one back) and I'm STILL seeing that wonderful
guy I met nearly 7 months ago now. Oh, yes, new years resolutions! This year's theme for me is "Financially
Free 2003" since I'm sick of living hand to mouth on social security benefits, so it's full steam ahead on
the jobsearch front - hence getting hold of that software I'm so rapt about (Thanks Louise for helping me get it)
With a broad theme like that, it's relatively easy to do at least one thing each week towards it, usually more,
so yes, I'm keeping my resolutions. You??? |
Talking with a friend the other day, we were commenting on how easy kids these days seem to do things that us
poor adults struggle to even contemplate. If you've been with me a while, you'll remember I talked about something
similar in the scooter article a while back, wondering when fear (KIDS on scooters certainly dont seem to have
any!) takes such a hold of us that it tenses you up until you almost can't help falling over. It occurred to me
that something similar might be going on here - that maybe the need to struggle against circumstances and challenges
is just as unnecessary as that fear turned out to be.
We've all been guilty, I think - you see kids who can not only program VCR's these days - they can actually PROGRAM
them, along with the computer, the toaster, and everything else electronic that we used to think just needed buttons
to operate. Young Australian of the year award was on again over the long weekend - for years now I've almost felt
sick at how much some of these kids have accomplished before they even finish high school, and here I labour on
just trying to build my own future, let alone change the world! "They make it seem so easy!" was the
complaint my friend and I both agreed on. Then, after a night tossing & turning, I started wondering if maybe
it wasn't the other way around. Could it be that they DON'T make it look easy - WE make it seem hard?
A belief structure like that's a pretty powerful thing to uncover. No sooner did I start thinking this way than
I found millions (OK, I exaggerate) of examples of how even our language fixes this thoughtform into our society.
The biggest one is the title of this article. Whoever said "Life wasn't meant to be easy" probably was
pretty caught up in struggling against it. Maybe that's why it wasn't easy for him or her. The mind boggles. Listen
to your own language for the next week and see how many times YOU affirm the idea that life not only involves struggling,
but that nothing good comes without it. (I'd tell you how many times I caught myself, but I lost count!) Then have
a read of a few biographies of really successful, "comfortable" people - the ones for whom life IS easy.
Most of them talk about how success came easily by simply doing what they loved to do. Ie. they didn't struggle
against it, didn't feel the need to struggle against it, and let it happen.
Of course, there's those that argue these aren't the only kind of successful people - some people do claw and scrape
their way to the top. Listen to them talk, and you'll hear how life's a battle, you can't give up, and it's only
the people who keep on fighting that make it to the top. Does this prove the struggle is a necessary part of making
it to the top? No, I don't think so. Maybe it was a necessary part of what they felt they had to overcome to allow
themselves to be successful - back to where we started.
Just as a test, I'd like to throw down a challenge. For the next little while, whenever someone tells you "life
wasn't meant to be easy," "you can't have it all" or something along those lines - ask them "why
not?" If life was meant to be an exercise in adversity, surely someone out there knows why - and I'd seriously
LOVE to hear the reason, coz I certainly haven't been able to come up with one!
Best Wishes
Crystal |
| Question & Answer |
I have a topic, "disability" and a question, "How to apply positivity, when disabled, in an abled-world?"
... My self-image is very low, when all I compare with are abled. With Multiple Sclerosis, things change almost
daily for me, includin' energy levels. I have had it for 23 diagnosed years now. My husband and I are gonna celebrate
our 22nd anniversary in March ... I cope with depression and PTSD from bein' a Nam viet (RN in the army durin'
the war). Keepin' goin' and motivated on a daily basis, gets harder every year (59 years old). - CougarCrone
Positivity, in a nutshell, is about looking for that silver lining. Some of us have to deal with darker clouds
than others, which makes it that much harder to find, but once you get in the hang of hunting it down you'll find
even the most difficult circumstances shouldn't throw you for long. Of course, if there's something medical keeping
you down then you really should see someone, but except for that situation, it generally works.. Your situation,
CougarCrone (love the nic, by the way), is complicated in that you've got several clouds running together, so to
speak. One at a time is always easier to deal with, so I'm going to cheat & do that here.
First off, comparing yourself with others is misleading. Sure, a lot of people dont have the obvious issues to
deal with that you face, but there are a whole lot of problems that dont show on the surface. "Disabilities"
aside, there are a whole lot of people I know whose attitude, beliefs and circumstances past & present are
as big or bigger issues to them than a lot of "disability" situations are to the people who live them!
I've got distorted vision myself, now, and when I have my contacts in nobody picks me from a bar of soap (only
when I wear my coke-bottle glasses :-/) Is that good or bad? Well, if I was looking for consideration that I've
got difficulties with simple things like crossing the road, it wouldn't be so good, but lets face it - not many
people out there give you the consideration you want anyway! Best bet is just to get on with doing as much as you
can without them.
Bottom line, CougarCrone, your value doesn't lie in your body and appearance, your true value lies in YOU, as a
whole person. That person has been shaped through some pretty incredible experiences - Nam, MS and the like - and
you must have an incredible perspective on life as a result. You've got at least one person in your life who recognises
how special you are - to stay together 22 years is amazing, these days - now you just need to let yourself believe
it. A suggestion - next time you encounter prejudice against you because of your "disability" start turning
it around. Bring to mind the way YOU like to treat people. If you had a choice who you'd prefer as a friend - someone
like you or someone like them - who would you value more???
Now for the issue of motivation. I've gotta admit, I don't know a lot about MS, aside from the public information
campaigns, and doing the MS Read-a-thon every year while I was in school, so I'm not going to touch that - you're
better off asking someone who does know if there's things can be done about how it affects you. Medical conditions
aside, though, I do know motivation. In fact, I've struggled with this one myself at times. The key to it seems
to be that people are primarily motivated in one of two ways - either towards something (reward) or away
from something (punishment). Of course, most of us will combine the two, but like with right/left handedness
there's usually one that has a stronger effect that the other. Knowing which it is gives you the first step to
controlling your motivation.
Second step is to have a goal or purpose. Something you're working to achieve, or something you want to avoid which
will happen if you don't get going. (Bedsores spring to mind). This is one of the reasons people get so
passionate about causes, because in doing that, you tend to forget about yourself & your own problems. Try
putting both carrot & stick to work - think of something you'd like to work towards, and work out the
worst case scenario for you if you let the apathy win. Put affirmations and llittle reminders (mementos around
where you'll keep seeing them - and move them occasionally so you don't tune them out. They dont have to be words,
I have some lovely pictures that I use to remind me of things I'm working to achieve & nobody thinks they're
more than decoration) For the days when you dont have the energy to get out of bed, keep a project, a notepad,
or even a phone to remake arrangements by the phone - that way there are still things you can do to get that sense
of accomplishment that you need to keep the juices flowing.
Finally, put the resources into place that will mean you're not doing it alone. Ask your husband to help, check
out local community, counselling or common interest groups, get people around you who will not only know if you
slide backwards (an effective stick in itself) but will care enough to call you on it, and give you a helping hand
when you need it. Human beings are social creatures. We're not designed to cope on our own - isolation is one of
the most stressful things there is. The more you get involved in other people, groups & the various communities
you belong to, the less you'll find yourself dwelling on your own situation and comparing yourself with others.
If you know what you can realistically do, and you're making a real effort regardless of how much or little it
is compared to what others can do, you'll have a wonderful reason to hold your head up high. Eventually you won't
even care what others think of you, because it just wont mean anything until they've got to know the real YOU,
inside and out. |
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