AVAILABLE NOW -

SECRETS AND KISSES - The secret lives of classmates and kissing lessons??¦find out how Skylar Knight deals with it all during her final week of school.

DANCE JAM PRODUCTIONS - A local dance contest, a twisted scheme, and a long buried secret. Does Mataya Black Hawk and Jarek Thanos have what it takes to be regulars on the hottest teen dance show in Phoenix?

To order online, and read excerpts,go to: Gemini Mojo Press Books

Order two or more copies and receive a free gift!

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Halloween was a little different this year (Read: we didn??™t do anything). On Saturday night (Oct 30th), me, Steven and a few of his friends went to a costume contest out at Fort McDowell Casino. 1st prize was $2500, 2nd prize was $1500 and 3rd prize was $1000. Not too bad. You??™d think a bunch of guys in authentic-looking Star Wars costumes would??™ve gotten into the top 10, right? Possibly even won some money, right? Nope. To both questions. In some alternate universe known as Bad Judging, Darth Maul, Darth Vader, Boba Fett, a Biker Scout and a Storm Trooper---and Niobe---were beat out by a troop of Gargoyles (3rd prize---which wasn??™t so bad because we were cheering for them), a crappy Jack Sparrow from ???Pirates of the Caribbean??? (2nd prize---with a curly black wig, no less. Apparently dread locks and curly black hair are one in the same) and a man on stilts wearing a weeping willow tree costume (1st prize). Needless to say, the guys were disappointed.

On Halloween, Steven and I opted to stay in, but the rest of the guys were vindicated when they won a contest while walking Mill Avenue in Tempe. I??™m not sure what I??™ll be next year.. Steven will be Darth Maul for the next five years (grin), but putting my hair up in the ???Jada Pinkett-Smith ???do??? is kinda hard to sleep on, so I might try something different. A couple of years ago, I was Storm from X-men and Steven has been talking about updating that outfit.. To see pics of me as Niobe and to get an idea of what Steven does as a member of the 501st Dune Sea Garrison, go to Steven??™s Website and click on "Events/Various Photos."



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Steven, talented man that he is, has been playing around with the Flash feature and decided to use my website as the guinea pig. To see the results of his labor, click on the Gemini Mojo Press link above and check out the new intro.

Teens: Friends with Benefits
by Vicki Louk Balint

It was a story that had me riveted on a Sunday morning in late May as I settled in with the New York Times Magazine. In ???Friends, Friends with Benefits, and the Benefits of the Local Mall,??? writer Benoit Denizet-Lewis explored the decline of the date, the end of romance and the casual trends in teen sexuality.

By talking with teens firsthand, he uncovered a teenage ???hook up??? culture, where teens summon each other by cell phone or instant messenger for sexual encounters with no strings attached. Some meet with a friend to have sex before playing video games or watching a movie. Chance meetings with others in public places, the most common being the local mall, lead to an exchange of phone numbers or screen names for future hook ups that are simply about sex ??“ anything from heavy petting or oral sex to intercourse. Some teens say they don??™t even like ???hanging out??? with their hookup partner. An encounter??™s goal is simply to partner for physical gratification. No emotional ties. No ???baggage.???

How long has this been going on? Patty Jo Angelini of the Arizona Coalition of Adolescent Pregnancy and Parenting has known about it for a couple of years.

???It has been a concern in the teen pregnancy field,??? she says. ???Parents may think this kind of thing goes on in college, but you are now having this in high school ??“ and it is becoming more prevalent. ???Friends with benefits??™ is not on the radar screens of most parents.???

Aside from the risks of pregnancy and the transmission of sexually transmitted diseases, Angelini says there are potential long-term implications to having sex with no emotional involvement.

???It is really hard to have sex without emotions,??? she says. And when teens reach adulthood, they may find it hard to deal with feelings that are part of a more serious involvement. They may break up a relationship before it has time to develop and blossom or ???they may find themselves attracted to others who only want to have casual sex.???

Some teens are more likely than others to seek out a friend with benefits or an opportunity to hook up solely for sex, according to Angelini. Here??™s what parents should know.

Set boundaries

If parents simply hide in the sand and do not talk to their children as pre-teens, they are far more likely to experiment with casual sex as teens. Some parents have no idea that sexual experiences take place outside of the parameters of dating and courtship, Angelini says. Others may be uncomfortable with the topic of sex because no one ever talked to them when they were growing up. And parents are just catching up to the fact that the age for a first sexual encounter among teens has dropped since their own high school years. But the reality is during puberty children have sexual feelings. It is the responsibility of parents to initiate conversations about sex.

Chris (not his real name), 19, says his first sexual encounter was ???totally random ??¦ and weird.??? It happened at a high school party, where in his words, ?????¦ more than 50 percent of the guys are looking to hook up??? or, at the very least, ???exchange phone numbers for later.??? Boys often are more likely to have sex, according to Chris, because of what he calls ???bragging rights.???

???Other guys flaunt it,??? he says. ???They come back and say, ???I just hooked up with this girl!??™ And when you see that, it makes you want to do it too ??¦ bad.???

Girls may feel pressure to engage in some kind of sexual encounter, says Angelini, but in reality, two thirds of girls who have had sex wish they had waited. ???Freshman and sophomore years, kids want to fit in, they want to have friends,??? she says, which adds to the pressure.

Ask your children if they have heard about friends with benefits, or hooking up, says Angelini, and then deliver your ???value statement.??? Tell them that sex is something better experienced when a person is ???older, mature and responsible.??? Set the pattern early on like you would with anything else so that boundaries are clear before risk taking occurs. What do you want to make sure they know before they decide to have sex? Be serious about your expectations. Studies show that when kids hear from their parents about waiting, they listen.

Talk about entertainment

Entertainment for today??™s teen is very different from what parents grew up watching on TV and at the movies.

???People are being saturated with sexual messages,??? says Angelini. ???We didn??™t have MTV, the graphic pornography on the web. It is just different, it is a different time, so we have to respond differently because it is new.???

Pop stars like Britney Spears and Christina Aguilera, who count pre-teens among their audiences, have influenced today??™s sexual mores as well. A quick Internet search for ???Britney Spears??? locates not only her official website but several others unrelated to her music ??¦ including ???Britney??™s Breasts.??? A search for Aguilera produces, among the first four sites, an address promising ???naked Christina pics.??? The objectification of women through media messages rings loud and clear. It is important for parents to talk with their kids about the media diet they consume and especially the portrayal of women and sexuality.

David (not his real name), 18, says that before his parents divorced, ???the way my dad treated my mom was totally disrespectful.??? He says he??™s noticed that how boys are raised to treat women has a huge effect on how likely they are to expect quick, emotion-free sexual encounters.

Danielle (not her real name), 18, says she doesn??™t like to categorize the sexes and seek out gender differences. But she insists that when girls are sexually active, they are still viewed differently than boys within their teen circles.

???Girls are scorned and criticized for being involved with guys; guys get away with it,??? she says. ???It is a very hypocritical situation.???

Puberty is happening earlier

Just because teens are physically developed it does not mean they have the emotional ability to handle the ramifications of becoming sexually active, Angelini says. New studies show that judgment centers in the brain do not fully mature until the early 20s. But the body becomes physiologically ready to reproduce long before that. There is evidence that the age of puberty is younger, closer to between 9 and 11 years for girls and 9½ and 13 for boys, which is earlier than onset just a generation ago. So it is no wonder that when presented with an opportunity to engage in sex, ???one part of your brain just goes out the window,??? says Chris, ???and some other part takes over.???

It is critical that parents understand that teens who look and act physically mature are often a long way from realizing the consequences of their actions. The words that made a difference in David??™s life, he said, came from his mom.

???She would say, ???You need to learn how to be safe ??¦ and not put yourself at risk for anything to harm you ??“ emotionally or physically.??™??? Rak

Vicki Louk Balint, of Phoenix, is the mother of Cory, 21, Frankie, 17, Robert, 13, and Emily Anne, 12. Reach her at vicki@raisingarizonakids.com.com.Reprinted with permission of Raising Arizona Kids Magazine from the October 2004 issue.

For more information:

talkingwithkids.org

teenpregnancy.org

azteenpregnancy.org

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