Welcome to our "Bridal & Girlie Things" ezine.

As it's St Valentine's Day this month we have articles on real-life proposals and how to keep your love alive once he has proposed!  If anyone has a surprise proposal this month - or proposes themselves to their man on the 29th!!! - then do write in and let us know!  For those of you brave enough to ask your man on the 29th, good luck!

For more details of the services offered by Affiniti Wedding Planning please see www.essexweddingplanning.co.uk  We welcome feedback, advertising requests, competition sponsorship or maybe details of your own weddings - so please contact us!

"Honeymoon Must Haves" by Claire of Pinky Accessories

I don??™t want to put any pressure on you, but after your stunning march down the aisle you still want to look glam on location at your exotic honeymoon destination.  Here are a few easy accessories that are perfect, sparkly and pretty jewels for your honeymoon holiday.

These sparkly hair jewels are ideal for pulling back beach-blown hair as you sip your cocktails by the pool.  Star Bursts Hair Jewels - bright colourful jewels for your hair??¦ simple, easy and they look fab!

Lime Green Star Clip and Red Stars Hair Clip

Particularly if you have a tan then sparkle away with bright colours, such as Emerald and Aqua Green Swarovski Crystal Flower Studs.

Casual beach wear can be glam too, brighten up your bikini ensemble with these lovely shell earrings And don??™t forget to take a little black dress for your romantic candle-lit dinners and then just add a beautiful matching set for some sparkle.

Lime and Olivine Crystal and Pearl Set, also available in other colours, including lovely pink shades too.

***To see the article complete with all the images click here

Dan had also been out and got some wine and steak and had cooked me a wonderful steak dinner. Yum Yum! Dan set the date at Christmas 2001 and said that it would be good to have the wedding two years from the day that he first went to the rugby club (14th August 2001) as that was the day we first met and 16th August was the closest Saturday.

With thanks to KellyJane for her engagement story.

"Love Keys: Keeping the Passion Alive" by Sandra Cameron, Clinical Psychologist, www.dionyssia.co.uk

Planning our wedding can be the most exciting event of our lives, but sometimes it can feel like the most stressful one too. All that organising to make sure that everything is just right, keeping families happy, a list as long as your arm of things to do, we sometimes wonder when we??™ll get a chance to just relax and be.  At this special time it??™s important not to lose sight of why we??™re doing it in the first place: our wedding is much more than the best day of our lives, it??™s also the beginning of what we hope is going to be a wonderful future with our beloved.

In the weeks and months before the big day, setting aside regular quality time just for the two of you is a must if you are going to stay relaxed, intimate, and loving. You are contemplating spending the rest of your lives together, perhaps more than ever before, so it is a good time to give some energy to your relationship, so that you can deepen and renew the bond of love, trust and passion between you. It is those couples who really work at strengthening their intimacy, love, and connection with each other, who have the happiest relationships and stay together in the long term. Working on our relationship shouldn??™t be left till we have problems, when it is often too late, but wants doing when the sense of joy, commitment and love for each other is still strong: learning the skills to enhance our relating saves us from running into problems in the first place. And the good news is that it doesn??™t have to be hard. We can grow together through pleasure and fun, and by making conscious time to do those things together that we already love.

In my work with couples over the years, I??™ve found that that there are key ways we can help to keep our relationships alive, loving and intimate. Good communication is essential, as is making regular quality time to be together, especially when we are confronted with many pressures in our daily lives. We must allow our relationships to stay fresh, which means recognising and breaking out of unhelpful habits, and remembering why we chose each other in the first place. Relationship exist on many levels, where we meet each other as friends, lovers, playmates, soulmates, caregivers and companions; and balance across these levels is crucial for the success of our relationships. We also need to remember that, besides being part of a couple, we are also separate beings. If we allow time for our own pursuits, and for quiet time alone, we can come back to our partners refreshed, and with something positive to share. The more we are fulfilled in ourselves, and in touch with our vitality, the more we can be fully present with our partner.

As a way of helping couples to get in touch with these keys to keeping the passion alive, I have been working with couples for many years and running residential couple retreats, called Growing in Love, with my own partner. For many couples, including those who are soon to be married, attending these weekend retreats is a way of giving themselves some quality time together. Alone in the countryside in a relaxing and beautiful place, they have a good time together and learn new ways to keep their love growing. It can feel a bit like being on honeymoon, or a good way of preparing for their honeymoon to come. What is more, they take their experiences back into their daily lives and feel empowered to keep nurturing their love themselves.

We grow up feeling that love ought to be spontaneous, not something we have to work at creating or maintaining. Although in the beginning it can feel that love happens without trying, in the long term it is only by consciously nurturing the flames of our love, intimacy and passion, that they can keep on growing. In the words of Cathy (not her real name), one half of a couple we worked with:

"I wasn??™t sure about setting aside regular dates in my diary for meeting up with Paul (her partner) or actually going on a course to learn ???couple??™ skills, but now I??™ve done both it??™s been so worthwhile. Our relationship has always been good, but it??™s as though we??™ve found that extra dimension. When we spend time together, it feels deeper, more intimate and special, and when issues come up between us I can deal with them much more constructively that I could before.???

The Growing in Love workshops are run by Sandra Cameron, a clinical psychologist, with her partner, Nick Arrow. If you would like to know more about the Growing in Love workshops, or want to try out some fun games and exercises you can do with your partner, please visit www.dionyssia.co.uk, or contact Sandra at Sandra@dionyssia.co.uk.  The Spring dates for residential couples workshops include a Growing in Love taster weekend from 23 ??“ 25 April 2004 and Meeting Anew from 11 ??“ 13 June 2004. Book before 20 February 2004 and get the course tuition free for one person per couple.

?©Sandra Cameron, January 2004

"Raise Eyebrows?© by having the perfect brows" by Minnie

As well as being a health and beauty expert, I am a professional make-up artist trained by Jenny Jordan, celebrity make-up artist and leading eyebrow specialist. I??™m also author of Natural Beauty, the Natural Approach to Skin and Body Care (??5.99 from www.sidrashaukat.biz).

As the eyes are the window to the soul, it is extremely important to have beautiful eyebrows because they frame the entire face. Light catches the brow bone and is reflected in the eyes.

Eyebrow fashions change almost as rapidly as designer fashion. Hollywood in the 40??™s and 50??™s favoured perfect semi-circles that were very fine, 60??™ and 70??™s favoured more natural looks, 80??™s loved Brooke Shields natural ???bushy??™ look, with 90??™s and noughties emphasising the well-groomed, defined shape.

Your eyebrow shape should suit your face, the line of your jaw, suit your personality and ???lifestyle???. Thin eyebrows work best with full make-up so if you go for only minimal make-up, avoid thin brows. Also avoid fine brows on a round face. Think about proportion, as you're drawing light to your face, bringing attention to your eyes.

Try not to pluck from the top as it can make you look a bit down if it??™s not done properly. Be careful with plucking between the brows you can take too much from the centre making you look vacant. Never take the scissors to your eyebrows, and approach waxing with caution, because it can cause unruly regrowth.

Threading is a fashionable technique, especially amongst Asian women, but it's more painful than plucking, so only go to a skilled practitioner.

If you want to pluck your brows yourself, having the right tweezers is essential. Slanted ones such as Tweezerman's Slant Tip (??16; 01730 232566) are the professionals' favourite. Tame unruly brows with Vaseline or Browmousse from Tweezerman (??9.50; as before), a clear jelly applied like a mascara that doesn't flake. Brow pencils are good for filling in fine brows. Try BeneFit's Brow Zings (??16; 01245 347138), a very cute little shaping kit with a waxy tint (in four shades) and mini-tweezers.

?©Sidra Shaukat, 2004

• Make your resolutions realistic and something that you do really want to achieve. Make sure you're making them because you want to do them, not because you want to please others.
   
• Think of not what you are giving up, but what you??™ll gain by achieving your resolution. Write a list of all the positive reasons for sticking to your resolution and keep it where you can see it every day.
   
• Visualise what your life will be like when you have achieved your resolution and keep returning to that image whenever you feel your resolve weakening.
   
• Involve someone else in your resolution ??“ you??™re more likely to succeed if you have someone (such as a coach, partner or friend) to be accountable to.
   
• Make yourself a concrete action plan so that you have strategies for integrating your resolution into your life. As part of that action plan, give yourself times and dates.
   
• Don't give up at the first hurdle! If you break your resolution once, instead of seeing it as a failure and so give up, resist the urge to see things in black and white and carry on as best you can. Just because you had a chocolate/cigarette/drink/didn't exercise today, doesn't mean that you'll fail again tomorrow.
   
• If you would like to lose weight, it's perhaps more realistic to cut down on sweet foods than give them up completely. Likewise, giving anything up completely might be setting yourself up for failure. Instead, take things gradually.
   
• Remember that you can??™t change the habits of a lifetime overnight. These things take time and it??™s important to be realistic about what you can do.
   
• If you need help sticking to your resolutions why not try my "New Year, New You" package

?©Ruth Rosselson of You Can Life Coaching

From what most of my married friends say, no-one tells you what to expect when your beau, intended, mister, lover, best friend (your man should be your best friend, according to the wedding magazines) asks you that immortal question ??“ will you marry me?

If, like me, you were raised on Cinderella and Sleeping Beauty, we??™re all waiting for that one moment of true romance.  Will your man invite you to a smart restaurant for a slap-up meal costing an arm and a leg, have music serenade you both when he pulls out the ring, get on bended knee, and puts his life in your hands when he asks you: ???Will you marry you???? Or will it much more pragmatic as in ???Well darling, let??™s get married as we aren??™t getting any younger, but not the Saturday of the FA Cup Final/Test Match Special/3.40 at Kempton/whatever sporting event??? you prefer.

I think it depends on the age of the couple themselves.  Some of my younger friends will no doubt go for that romantic venue, or find a creative alternative and the man will do himself justice.  Some of my older friends were also able to find that sought-after romantic touch: one of my former work colleagues had the privilege of being taken half-way across the world to New Zealand where her now husband fulfilled her (and his) fantasy of being all that lady wants is a hunky man from the SAS (cue her intended jumping from a helicopter on low-level snow capped peaks down under), complete with engagement ring and wedding proposal.

To be honest, I don??™t know a woman who wouldn??™t be bowled over with that kind of proposal. It??™s the stuff of dreams and Mills & Boon's novels. But over the years, I (and I suspect many women have done this) had put away those child-like romantic dreams. The men I??™ve dated prior to my present beau have had little concept of romance when the subject of marriage arose: one previous boyfriend asked me to ask my parents to see if they would give us their blessing.  If you could??™ve seen my parents??™ faces ??“ are you crazy?  Another thought he was ???above??? asking my parents for consent.  I know it might seem old-fashioned, but lots of parents do like to be asked ??“ especially the father.  He went right down in my estimation??¦ Hence the reason why I haven??™t married ??“ yet.

The proposal is a hard thing for a man to do - I can see that.  But certainly when sweetie proposed, I was so shocked I was blown away??¦  it was a little while ago now but he collected me from my office for lunch, had a little drive around Pimlico, found ourselves a little Turkish restaurant, ordered lunch and proceeded to catch up.

I was telling him about my then holiday plans to Barbados and mid-way, he calmly said: ???When you??™re done flirting with the back home boys on the beach, perhaps you can go look for some property??¦???  

Yes, I felt that ???butterflies in the stomach??? feeling ??“ that can??™t have been the proposal?  The feeling stayed with me all afternoon ??“ it was bad, like having a shot of pure caffeine??¦ I couldn??™t concentrate on my work for thinking if he had proposed. I canvassed male friends to check. They confirmed it: he had ??“ he was just being practical??¦

Practical?  I didn??™t want practical.  As a career-orientated, independent-minded woman who likes the company of men on most occasions, I don??™t have too many romantic moments.  The proposal, according to the magazines, was a guaranteed moment to remember.  I wanted the romantic moment, the serenade, the music, and a ???proper??? proposal ??“ the bended knee, the ring, the whole works.  Compared to my former colleague, I??™d been cheated??¦  My man had no intention of doing a SAS act-a-like by jumping out of a helicopter attached with an engagement ring for me??¦ no music, no roses, just practicality??¦

Imagine the disappointment ??“ I can??™t even begin to describe it: to say I was gutted is an understatement.  The one moment where the man in my life (as opposed to the life in my man according to Mae West!) had proposed and I had actually agreed, and nothing except this weird surge of adrenaline.  Perhaps my mister failed to realise the importance of a little romance??¦ especially at a time like this!

I??™ve since discovered my mister??™s a man of a few words ??“ for him, intellectual talks are something he does for my amusement but when he??™s not in London, he??™s often at his most romantic ??“ by sending art e-cards, a few words and his love.  But I still hope that when he finally meets my parents to ask for my hand, he??™ll do it properly!

?© 2004 Caroline Lashley, The Editor??™s Office, London.  All rights reserved.

It dawns on me that, as unlikely as it may sound, I actually have something in common with Hollywood??™s most famous megastar Tom Cruise. I agree with him - wholeheartedly in fact ??“ that in the romance stakes at least, it??™s the little things that count. (Try telling that to Nicole on the other hand and you??™d probably get short shrift. She moved on to bigger and better things, and we don??™t just mean than Tom.)

Yes, the recipe for romance, according to twice-divorced but ever hopeful Tom, is the ???little things???: ???I know you??™re tired, so I??™m gonna run a bath for you,??? or ???I??™m gonna write you this note.??? Aww bless!!

So multi-squillionaire Tom isn??™t into extravagant gifts then? I hear you ask disappointedly as your illusions shatter around you into tiny mirror-shards of cruel betrayal and disappointment. No, well the man couldn??™t be perfect could he? I say with the merest hint of amused exasperation.

Our darling Tom does however wear his heart on his sleeve.  ???I like doing romantic things for her, bringing her flowers,??? he says of his current leading lady Penelope Cruz in a recent interview for Marie Claire magazine. ???I surprise her with different things. She??™ll come home and I??™ll have her favourite food made or have a bath ready. I like doing stuff like that. She likes my food, so I cook for her.???

Well, we can??™t all have a Mr Cruise in our lives (frankly he??™s ever so slightly on the wee side for me too, so there I have something in common with you now as well Ms Kidman), but boy, there are plenty of other little things??¦. And sometimes we girls need to take them into our own hands (ahem)! Remember gestures don??™t have to be BIG, an evening in at home can be as much fun as a weekend away, as these ladies will tell you! 

???Last year, when my boyfriend Stephen came home from work there was a nice surprise waiting for him!??? recalls Sarah, 29, Leeds. ???I greeted him on the stairs in stockings and suspenders, took his hand without a word and led him upstairs for a Valentine??™s Day he??™d never forget.  ???It must have left an impression, because four months later he proposed!???

???Our Valentine??™s Days seem to always have a food-related theme,??? says Rachel, 31.  ???Last year, I invited my boyfriend Joe round for a Valentine??™s Supper ??“ everything I cooked was heart-shaped, finishing off with a heart-shaped cake!  This year??¦ I think I will invite him round to my flat, and leave a trail of love letters (you know the sweets you bought at school!) for him leading to the bedroom.???

Well, enjoy!
Lots of love, Sam xx

PS. Of course none of the above applies when it comes to other occasions - largely, ring-shopping of course. Biggest is always best when it comes to diamonds!

Courtesy of "The Otter Bindery" we have this beautiful hand-crafted wedding guest album to give away.  The guest album is bound in the material of the photo album, shown behind the guest album.  

Based in Surrey, The Otter Bindery was established 10 years ago.  Experts in binding, whether in leather or cloth and with titles embossed in gold on the front cover they also offer workshops where you can learn to restore books or bind your own albums. 

For more details contact otter_bindery@lineone.net or browse the website at www.otterbindery.co.uk

To win just e-mail jo@essexweddingplanning.co.uk with your details before 29 February 2004. UK residents only please.

To win just send an e-mail to jo@essexweddingplanning.co.uk before 29 February with the word "Minnie" in the subject heading. 

If you wish to purchase the book, priced at £5.99, and also have your copy signed by Minnie, please contact jo@essexweddingplanning.co.uk

At Waistcoats Direct you can invest in the lasting value of a Bellamonte designer silk waistcoat. They come in many original fabrics. Handmade British craftsmanship with extreme attention to detail. You can cut out the middlemen and reward your Internet search with a real bargain. The stylish Bellamonte Collection is only available exclusively here direct on the internet.

We want to bring you exceptional designer menswear at amazing discount prices. From the convenience of your home or office, we want you to avoid the hassles of malls and department stores. 24 hours a day, 7 days a week convenience shopping.

Check out Waistcoats Direct at www.waistcoatsdirect.co.uk/index.htm

Give your loved one something different this Valentine's Day...

For more details email David Speakman or browse Starscapes UK

We are looking for brides who would like their wedding diary profiled online at Affiniti...
If you are getting married next summer and would like to share your thoughts on the run up to your wedding then we would like to hear from you.  Tell us about what you're choosing and how, any major successes - perhaps tracking down your perfect dress in the very first shop you tried! - or how you managed to overt any potential disasters!  And if you can supply photos at any stage then we would love to see those too!  E-mail info@essexweddingplanning.co.uk with your details.

• a prize from Lola-B, the online retail store for fashion jewellery, trendy handbags and funky accessories
• "Sexpert Sam" - more from Sam's new column, where she will be bringing you advice, tips and frank confessions
• more freebies from Mary Kay skin care and cosmetics
• the latest articles from Claire, Caroline and Minnie
• get in shape for your wedding - with tips from your personal fitness trainer - and win FREE monthly subscriptions

See us at The Five Lakes Resort's Wedding Fayre in Tolleshunt Knights, near Maldon, Essex on Sunday 18 January.

Tel: 01621 868888 for details.

15th February, 11.00am - 4.00pm 
London East Wedding Show, Woodford Bridge, Essex.
Tel: 020 8504 7606

Saturday 21 & Sunday 22 February, 10.00am to 5.00pm
The Essex FM Wedding Fayre, The Brentwood Centre, Doddinghurst Road, Brentwood, Essex
For further information please telephone 01702 323282

7th March, 11.00am - 4.00pm 
Havering Wedding Show, Palms Hotel, Southend Arterial Road, Hornchurch, Essex.
Tel: 020 8504 7606

We welcome feedback, articles for submission, advertising requests and website recommendations.

Copyright ?© 2004 The "Bridal & Girlie Things" Ezine. All rights reserved.