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Let me say from
the outset, ladies (and gents!) ?? I??m not married. And yes, I??d like to
be. And since my man has already put me on notice that we are going to
get married (no date set yet), I do have those sneak peeks at wedding
magazines when it all gets too much for me running The Editor??s Office??¦.
At 40-plus, I??ve
given up that fantasy of wearing white for something more sophisticated
and grown-up but a chance conversation with someone I hadn??t seen in a
while reminded me the one thing about weddings from which no couple can
escape??¦.
Compiling the
wedding guest list ?? ah yes, that diplomatic exercise in family
relations. From the way my married friends tell it, couples need to be
diplomats from the get-go. How many are we catering ?? sorry, paying ?? for?
Oh, your parents have got to be there??¦ But I don??t get on with Mum/Dad??¦
What about Aunty So-so? But I can??t stand her husband??¦ Should we invite ??
don??t you even think about inviting that person to my wedding??¦. Your
wedding ?? what about me? Yeah ?? what about you??¦.?
From the
conversations I??ve had with my married friends, devising that wedding list
come with its own set of challenges. Apparently, from the moment you??ve
announced the date to both sets of parents, they want to tell all their
friends (you haven??t been considered yet) the good news about their
son/daughter and start compiling that list for you. And of course, their
friends like nothing better than a good party to eat, drink and be merry
at your expense??¦ Naturally, you won??t hear that line quite as blunt as
I??ve put it but be honest - a wedding is the ultimate excuse to have the
biggest party of your life.
With the average
wedding costing at least ??14,000 before that immortal ???I do??? in front of a
packed audience at the church, registry office or somewhere with the legal
right to conduct weddings, compiling that guest list is fraught with
danger... It??s the ultimate test about how few people you can get away
with offending (never mind upset) that you??re not putting them on the
guest list.
And isn??t it
weird that people you haven??t seen in years suddenly start appearing from
nowhere? People offering you congratulations (especially when you haven??t
seen them since leaving school/college/university/wherever and more
frighteningly, you haven??t told them either??¦) with that tone in their
voice ?? you know the one: ???I know I haven??t kept in touch with you and
everything but I still want to be invited to your wedding??? tone??¦ Galling
when you haven??t seen that person for the best part of ten/fifteen/twenty
years and you??ve certainly moved on from where you last saw them??¦
And don??t forget
that other guest list minefield: friends. Especially girlfriends. If
you??ve been best (or close) friends for years and you??re not invited,
guaranteed that friendship isn??t going to be the same after the wedding ??
well, if your best friend can??t invite you to the wedding, no matter which
way it??s sliced, you can??t help feeling you??ve been ???dissed???. If you
don??t make the list, there??s no excuse for you to blow some serious money
for an outfit to dress up in and have a good time??¦ and you don??t need to
hear from anyone, especially your mum, the dreaded question: ???You??re not
going to so-so??s wedding? How comes ?? I thought you two were good
friends??¦???
Yes ?? I??ve heard
rumours about people getting married and didn??t have confirmation until
years down the road and have encountered them by chance. Invariably, it
comes down to numbers ?? weddings are expensive. But there was one
instance I didn??t know I was not even considered to be on the guest list ??
despite being a good, long-standing friend, being a god-mother to one of
her children and being a proxy to her other three, and seeing her through
her roller-coaster life ?? until she let slip that she got hitched with her
then husband on the quiet. Too late ?? the mistake had been made and our
friendship was never quite the same after that. The shock on my face said
it all.
???We got married
over the holidays??¦ it was just a small wedding ?? just family and close
friends and not too much fuss??¦??? she said, trying to get past her
embarrassment. But she wasn??t so embarrassed to tell me when I finally
get married, her daughter ?? my god-daughter- has got to be bridesmaid and
of course, she??s coming??¦ with the rest of her family. Of all the
arrogance??¦ To say I was wounded ?? well, I??m not going to lie about it. I
think it was at that point I realised how one-sided our friendship was,
although it took me a while longer to cut her off completely.
Friends try their
best not to hurt you if it??s at all possible, especially if they??re
getting married. Sometimes it can??t be helped ?? but you might get invited
to the hen night and that??s okay; we all have our paths and journeys on
which to travel. Some of us get married early, some of us later but if
truth be told, if our friends are getting married, we like to be invited.
No-one wants to find out that you were never going to be a wedding guest
through a slip of the tongue??¦
When me and
sweetie finally sit down and compile that list, it??s going to be hard
selecting people we know we want at our wedding. In that respect, I??m no
different from any other bride because I??m older. Lord knows I have a
list of people as long as my arm that I??d like to invite (money
permitting) and those I probably have to invite ?? and ditto my sweetie.
Some people will be upset ?? there??s no getting away from that.
Likewise, some of the intended guests coming to the wedding are those
you and your intended sooner not have.
Yep, it??s tricky
?? because you??re trying to please all parties but it??s the couple these
days who??re footing the bill (with help where possible). Weddings are
beautiful occasions but the level of diplomacy required for them to be
happy occasions too ?? any chance of a top-level, high-paying job with the
Diplomatic Corps afterwards?
?© 2004 Caroline Lashley, The Editor??s
Office, London. All rights reserved. |
