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| << February02, 2004 - Starfish: Barney, Al Batt |
February03, 2004 - Starfish: Rent a Cop, Loren Moore >> |
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Greetings, Ripplemakers ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Finally I Understand: The Series Part VIII: The Haunting I had finally arrived. I was now in the program that I wanted to be in. It was an accomplishment; something to be proud of. This program was extremely difficult to get into. Every year about 150 hopefuls apply for the Counselling Psychology Program at McGill University in Montreal, but only 17 are accepted. On my second try, I became one of the 17. Hurray, I shouted in my head, I am here at last. However, it wasn't as easy as I thought it would be. Whereas in my undergraduate degree - the Bachelors of Arts in Psychology at Concordia I was always top in my class, here in my masters of Counselling Psychology at McGill University, everyone had been the top of their class. I was no longer smarter than everybody else because everyone was super intelligent. Actually I ranked about average. To be average when I used to be the smartest student was a real blow to my ego. I must admit I had trouble adjusting to it. It was not good enough for me to be among the best I wanted to be the best. A goal that never materialized I must add. I found myself trying so hard just to keep up with the program while others seemed to be sailing by without much of a problem at all. I had always been slower in preparing term papers and reports than most of my peers. Back in the undergraduate degree it didn't matter because I got the A's while the speedy people fell short. Now I was still as slow as ever and I was not getting all that many A's anymore! Yet the people that were speedy and sailing by without a problem were still getting them. Also, I was getting back almost every paper I had written filled with red slashes. I was continuously getting comments about how my writing was substandard. How could that be I wondered as I am a good writer? How all of a sudden could my writing become so bad? The pressure was mounting I was starting to lose it. As I was taken my courses, we revisited learning disabilities and it finally sunk in. I finally understood. Not only did I have a learning disability where math was concerned, I had had one in language arts as well; the very area that I excelled in. The writing disability only became apparent because at the masters level the demands on perfection were far more astringent. It was as if my work was dissected and seen through a microscope and these minute errors would stick out like a big blob. In fact it was at a point that I could not write anything without having a mistake in it. I tried so hard to correct my work but because of the learning disability I actually did not see my mistakes. To give you an example of what I am saying, let's say that I wanted to write the sentence the white house had many windows. I may actually write the white horse had many windows without spotting the error. With a learning disability it is as if your mind is playing tricks on you. What you see may not actually be written there. A mirage known as an optical illusion in a desert could also be another way of explaining how learning disabilities play tricks with your mind. Scientifically, what is happening is that somewhere along the process from the brain to the eye, the signals or messages get mixed up. I did finish my masters but I knew that I had reached my ceiling. To go on would be too frustrating for me. My decision not to go on was based on this learning disability and the fact that I was so tired of living on craft dinner or peanut butter sandwiches. I had to go out and work. Unfortunately, working was no better. I did not find work in my field. Just as before when I was looking for university programs I was not ready to relocate either. So I started working in telemarketing; the easiest job to get in Montreal. This job would at least put food on my table. As far as my disabilities were concerned, how could anything go wrong there? I was good at talking on the phone. I didn't have to use math skills which I had learned long ago presented a major problem for me and I didn't have to write anything which now was producing a problem for me as well. Once I was hired at my second telemarketing job, it turned out that I was so good at the job that I was promoted to quality control monitor in just 4 months. In this new position I just needed to listen to others on the phone and grade the quality of their work while providing helpful suggestions on how they could improve if need be. I just needed to do simple arithmetic; to add up the scores. Yet I failed again! Although I had graded hundreds of forms correctly, I made two errors. Since I was the only person ever in this position at this company to make an error, I lost my job. I was demoted. I was devastated. This learning disability will haunt me all the days of my life. Now I was certain. About me: I have a Masters in Counselling Psychology. I have written for several newsletter including this one. I run my own newsletter and I will soon be publishing my book - Picking Up the Pieces: A woman's Journey. If you would like to comment about this story feel free to contact me at: winterose @ videotron.ca ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ May you be blessed today Bob Johnston Editor / Publisher ~~~ *** ~~~ *** ~~~ *** ~~~ *** ~~~ *** ~~~ *** ~~~ *** ~~~ *** ~~~ *** If you like Starfish, please recommend it to your friends and help us grow. ~~~~~Important Information~~~~~ To subscribe to Starfish, visit our web site at www.ripplemaker.com, click on "Starfish" and then click on "Subscribe" **** **** **** To cancel your subscription, send a message to: starfish@ripplemaker.com with "Cancel Starfish" in the subject **** **** **** To contribute a story for starfish, send it to: Starfish@Ripplemaker.com **** **** **** To view archives (past issues), click on "Read Archived Stories" from the Starfish Page at www.ripplemaker.com **** **** **** If you encounter a problem, please send e-mail to me at Starfish@ Ripplemaker.com |
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| << February02, 2004 - Starfish: Barney, Al Batt |
February03, 2004 - Starfish: Rent a Cop, Loren Moore >> |
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