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Memories Still Ring Bells The day begins without you here, yet
there is a fire started in a heart full of memories of all your
treasures as well as the broken bits of your life and the memories
cause you to live inside of this old heart of mine.
I was a witness to you. I knew you, probably better than you
would have imagined.
Your birthday is today and I still remember you Momma.
I expect the doorbell to chime as it has been doing off and on
these last few months ever since the Christmas holidays. I have come
to expect that no one will be there when I open the door. It is
usually one solitary ring, and sometimes it is two rings but the
result is the same when I answer the door. I know that there is
probably a very logical answer to the ringing bell, perhaps a new
battery is warranted but it brings a smile to my face to think that
it might be your spirit at the door, for I know how strong willed a
person you were, such a person could not help making an indomitable
spirit so I think if you wanted to and if you could find a way to be
here at my door that there is nothing or no one that would be able
to stop you, except of course, God.
…It is your special day and how shall I celebrate? Writing you a
reflection from memories out of love is the way you are honored
today.
Do you remember the wise advice you gave to me all through the
years? Advice that I still pull out on occasion and use to the
fullest advantage. Advice that I extend to the children and caution
them to heed as they walk along life’s busy and uncertain highway
with its twists and turns that might take them almost anywhere.
…Did I tell you that they listen even though sometimes they
pretend not to hear me and that I know that they’ve heard me when
the result has turned out predictably good in their favor? It is in
those moments that I remember you most keenly and a smile of thanks
crosses my face.
Do you recall that during the last phase of your life, you spoke
blessings to me each time I called you on the telephone? I am
ashamed to admit that I didn’t quite realize at the time what you
were doing or understood the impact or significance of such an
awesome gift.
…I now understand…and know the value. God was listening to you
Momma and he has seen fit to bless me again and again and again, ad
infinitum. I am a blessed woman, even if I never receive one better
thing in this life. I am blessed. And I know it.
…Thank you.
I remember the last lunch you and I had together? It was at the
restaurant on the corner. One block away from where you lived. You
took so long to eat the very little that you did manage to eat and I
was eager for you to finish because I had to leave return home to
the family because we had something to do, though I can’t remember
what seemed so important back them. Anyhow, I was careful not to
express how I felt and wise not to rush you and it turns out that I
have another treasured memory to behold of our time together. Thank
God, I didn’t rush you. God was watching and He made me patient for
a reason.
Momma, wherever you are, I miss you most definitely, considerably
and without end. You may ring the bell today and I will know you
heard my heart!
Your Daughter Always,
Maria
April 7, 2004, your birthday
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