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For some reason that is completely beyond me, representatives from
a local business college have asked me to be their commencement speaker. I?m
assuming President Bush was busy. And Vice President Cheney. And Paris
Hilton. And . . . just about everyone else.
Except me.
So because I have no life I get to stand in front of 150 graduates and
their friends and families and tell them . . . what? I don?t have any unique
political insights to offer. I can?t give them any tips about finding
success in the business world. I?m not a philosopher or a comedian or a
poet. Heck, I?m not even a college graduate, so the way I see it, they?ve
already accomplished something that I didn?t accomplish ? so why should they
bother to listen to me?
As far as I can see, the only thing I?ve done that they haven?t done is
aged. A lot. I?ve lived two or three decades longer than most of the
graduates. Maybe there are a few things that I?ve learned through the years
that will be worth 15 minutes of their time on graduation evening.
For example, I?ve learned that "fair" only exists for prize hogs and
Disney princesses. For the rest of us "fair" is, at best, a theoretical
concept. It would be nice to think that fairness and equity dictate that we
will at least receive equal portions of good stuff and bad stuff ?
eventually. But it doesn?t work that way with referees in the NBA playoffs,
and it doesn?t work that way in life. While all of us are going to
experience difficulty now and then, some of us are going to have more than
our share of disaster and disappointment. That?s just that way it is.
Thankfully, life isn?t a sprint ? it?s a steeplechase. It isn?t about
racing unimpeded from beginning to end. It?s about facing obstacles and
overcoming them. Sometimes we clear the hurdle cleanly and efficiently.
Sometimes we stumble and fall face first in the water. The key to success in
the steeplechase ? and in life ? is not in never falling, but in getting up
quickly and getting back in the race. What happens to you isn?t as important
as how you choose to respond to what happens to you. That will make all the
difference.
Another thing I?ve learned through the years is that karma is real. What
goes around comes around. You reap what you sow. Just ask Tony Soprano.
At its heart, life is a series of choices. Am I going to get up on time?
Am I going to shower this morning? Am I going to have Cocoa Krispies for
breakfast? Am I going to break the speed limit on the way to work? Am I
going to pull over to help that stranded motorist? You make choices, and you
accept the consequences of those choices. Sometimes the consequences are
immediate and natural: anxiety, indigestion, a speeding ticket. Sometimes
they are more ethereal, like how good things seem to happen to you after
you?ve done something good for somebody else. At the very least, you feel
good about yourself and the world in which you live.
And that?s good karma to have working for you ? especially if life isn?t
fair (see above).
Of course, there are other things I?ve learned through the years ? mostly
"don?ts": don?t double dip your chip at a party, don?t hurry when shaving
with a new blade, don?t forget to change your oil, don?t invade a Middle
Eastern country without having an exit strategy firmly in place. But I don?t
plan to spend much time on those during my commencement address. Instead
I?ll wrap up with the biggest "do" of all: do be meticulously honest. Right
from the start. Don?t tell that first little lie. Don?t steal that first
ream of paper. Don?t fib one half-hour on your time sheet. If you don?t do
it the first time, there won?t be a next time. Or a next. Or that final
stupid dishonesty that will ruin your life and your reputation forever.
Even if that means that you don?t have an excuse ? real or fabricated ?
when someone asks you to give a speech.
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