And I’m not just saying that because I’m his father. You can ask
anybody who knows him – even his 9th grade math teacher,
who probably remembers him as sort of a slacker, but a good kid
nonetheless.
But even a good kid can have a bad week.
And for Jon, last week was a bad week.
It started out pretty well. He has a part in his high school’s
production of "Les Miserables," and last week was the start of
performances. It was all fun and exciting until he found out that
the girl he was going to ask to the junior prom had already been
asked.
And that was OK. I mean, stuff like that happens. No big deal,
right?
But then a series of bad choices started complicating his life.
Not horrific choices. Nothing life-altering or overwhelmingly
devastating in and of itself. Just a series of dumb teenage
decisions. For example, he’s had a communication problem with his
parents – he doesn’t tell us where he’s going and what he’s doing
and who he’s doing it with – and that sort of came to a head last
week. I won’t go into detail. Let’s just say he is pretty much
grounded for the rest of the year and let it go at that, shall we?
Then we let him take the car to do some church service
(ostensibly) and he ended up somewhere other than where he was
supposed to be (see communication problem, above) and pulling out in
front of a car that had the right of way. Thankfully, no one was
injured in the accident. But now he has a citation to pay for and
damages to two cars with which to deal. And now he is grounded for
the rest of the decade.
Then yesterday his mother went to the video store and found out
that Jon had rented some video games (not a problem) and had
incurred late fees totaling $50 (a SERIOUS problem). So in the space
of four days Jon has lost his prom date, his freedom, his driving
privileges and all the money he will earn for the next three years.
And he’s grounded through the rest of the century, or until the Cubs
win the World Series. Whichever comes first.
The thing is, Jon really is a good kid. You can’t help but pull
for him and want good things to happen for him. And they probably
will – eventually. But Jon is learning the hard way that even good
people can make bad choices. And when they do, they have to face the
consequences of those choices.
Of course, as Jon’s father I want what’s best for my child. But
sometimes I forget that what’s best for him isn’t always comfortable
or pleasant. I have a tendency to want to make his life easier, even
when he is experiencing the consequences of bad choices – even when
I myself have imposed those consequences. I’m notorious for
grounding him for life, then feeling bad for him and letting him go
out with friends that night – which lately has led to more bad
choices.
So actually I’m not really helping him when I do that, am I? The
fact is, I’m probably hurting him by interfering with the lessons
life is trying so hard to teach him. And I’m crippling him against
the time when I’m not around any more, or I can’t make the bad stuff
go away.
So today, rather than trying to fix things for him, I’m just
sitting here watching while Jon works his way through the
consequences of this rough past week. It isn’t easy – for him or for
me. I find myself wishing that I could take away some of the
frustration and the embarrassment. But I take comfort in knowing
that he’ll learn from this, and it will help him grow into a
stronger and, consequently, better adult.
Which is really saying something, because he’s already a good
kid.
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