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I stop at the caf?© for breakfast.
A crowd
gathers, baffled by my presence.
I eat most
of my initial meals of the day in the friendly confines of
my kitchen.
The crowd
and I are not unfamiliar with one another.
We know
grandparents.? We know strengths and weaknesses. We know who
owns the yellow dog.
We could
dine, but we choose to eat.
The food
smells so good that we could eat it without opening our
mouths.
We eat until
we could bounce a coin on our stomachs.
We share
facets of our lives.? We tell of rough childhoods.? One
relates the fact that when he was born, the doctor advised
him of his rights.
We bring up
the cost of gas.
I disclose
the fact that my car has a rotating gas tank.? It??™s always
on the wrong side when I pull up to the gas pump.
There was
mention of newspaper articles that said that gasoline was
one of the cheaper liquids we buy.
Bottled
water is more expensive per gallon than is our gasoline of
choice.
Milk is
twice as expensive as gas.? While this is true, I think that
I??™m going to stick with milk on my raisin bran.
Per gallon
prices for some products were indicated as follows: toilet
cleaner $11.65, dandruff shampoo 168.98, chicken broth
12.00, Tide laundry detergent 12.29, Kraft Ranch Dressing
31.00, Drano 15.20, Nyquil 97.92, Starbucks Espresso 112.00
and Chanel No. 5 Perfume $33,280.
I??™m glad my
Pontiac doesn??™t run on perfume.
The
difference is how long a product lasts, of course.
A gallon of
dandruff shampoo should last a few more months than a gallon
of gas.
If you??™re
using 20 gallons of dandruff shampoo a week, you have a real
problem.? You might want to consult a physician and contact
the Guinness Book of World Records people. And keep a snow
shovel handy.
On the other
hand, if you buy a gallon of Hartland??™s Holy Cow Hot Sauce,
it should last your lifetime, plus the lifetimes of your
great-grandchildren.?
You can??™t
talk about gas without talking about vehicles.
And you
can??™t talk about vehicles without talking about driving
them.
Any
discussion of driving leads to tales of marathon driving,
usually while on a vacation.
The horror
stories are told.? Finding the smelly fish under the seat
three weeks after you caught it.? The youngster who would
become victim of motion sickness just by seeing a car.? The
highway patrolman who for some reason ignored all of the
real speeders to give a citation to the only driver in the
state who was obeying the posted speed limit.?
One of the
crowd states unequivocally that he is need of a vacation.?
He needs a week without a fence around it, but he frets
about leaving his job for any period of time. He wonders how
the business would manage without him.
Our
collective wisdom tells him to take the vacation and to not
worry about the job.? This seemed like reasonable advice as
the people back at his place of employment wouldn??™t be
worrying about him.
It doesn??™t
make sense to spend your vacation worrying about the job
that you need a vacation from.
They are
getting along fine without you.? They might be prospering in
your absence.
You may be
invaluable, but you are not irreplaceable.
After we
told him that, he began to worry about his job security.?
Our efforts to be supportive backfired.
He realized
that he is expendable.
We tell him
that at least he would be able to enjoy a guilt-free
vacation thanks to the knowledge that none of his co-workers
are going to call him on his vacation to see if he is
getting along without them.
One of the
wisest of our group (he??™s the chief butterer at the annual
lutefisk feed) tells about his vacations. He says that every
time they left on a vacation, his wife would wait until they
were 100 miles down the road before saying, ???Oh, no, I think
I left the iron on!???
They would
have to turn around and drive back home to find that the
iron was never still on.
One year,
they had reached the point where they were about 100 miles
away from home on their way to another vacation.
His wife
said she was sure that she had left the iron on.
He pulled
the car over to the shoulder of the road, opened the trunk
and handed her the iron.
He says that
the first thing he packs each year is that iron.?
?©Al Batt
2004
71622 325 St.
Hartland, MN 56042
SnoEowl @ aol.com
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To read archived stories, click on this link:?
http://archives.zinester.com/9516/2004?
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Blessings to you today
Bob Johnston
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