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Before I tell you about these dreaded Trash Trucks, I gotta fill you in
on my Spelling Uncle??™s trip to Alaska. But, I??™ve been
thinking about this a lot - Schnauzers do think all the time
you know. I watch that Outdoor Channel show and I sure hope
this stuff isn??™t fraud or something! Yikes, what if my
Uncle ends up in the slammer.
Well, he did catch a fish
as big as a person when he was in Alaska!! In fact, it was
as big as my Mommy, and those pictures really did come on
the typing machine. How weird is that? When I saw that
monster fish my eyebrows flew straight up in the air, and I
don??™t think they??™ve come back down yet. It was something
called a balibutt (here we go again ??“ Mom says the word is
???HALIBUT???). Anyway, my Uncle had typed numbers at the
bottom and I can??™t read numbers, but I memorized them for
when I made my next story. They were 134 lbs. ??“ whatever
that means. All I know is it was big, big, big. He sent
lots of other pictures too. There was one of a 50 lb. ugly
fish, and I mean ugly with a capital U! Mom said it??™s
called a Ling Cod, but it I??™m telling you it should be
called an Ugly Fish! They had its mouth propped open, and
it needs to see a dentist in a really bad way. It??™s just a
jagged-toothed nasty looking thing and that??™s all there is
to it. But, if you think Mommy was pouting before (because
she didn??™t get to go on that trip) you should see her now!
She looks at all those fish pictures and moans and groans
and carries on. If you ask me, she??™s just a spoiled brat.
Speaking of being a brat, my Uncle always tells my Daddy
that she was a really bratty kid. Then, Daddy always says,
???Well, she hasn??™t changed much.??? Hhhmmm??¦??¦??¦they must know
something I don??™t, because I always thought she was a pretty
good Mommy.
One picture still has me
confused. It was a huge pile of rocks with some big
critters all over it. Mommy says they are called sea lions,
but I think she??™s telling me another lie. Lions do not hang
out by the ocean ??“ and that??™s a fact! She must think I??™m a
bolt (fine, fine, so it??™s ???dolt???). I watch the Animal
Planet show too, and lions hang out in a place called Africa
that doesn??™t have much water at all. She always thinks she
knows everything, but this time I know I finally caught
her. And, now I know how my Dad feels and he??™s had to live
with her like forever! When we watch Animal Planet, Mom
always says, ???Shiloh - see, lions.??? Or she??™ll say, ???Shiloh
- see, monkeys.??? Now she tries to tell me sea lions are in
Alaska by the ocean. Get outta here! Well, whatever they
were, they were big and fat and I think most of them were
taking naps.
Now about those trucks! Well, you know
how working people really hate to see Monday coming. I??™m
here to tell you no one hates it more than I do whether they
work or not! Where we live Monday is ???TRASH TRUCK??? day and
I spend most of that day under the bed. Mommy always says
???Shiloh, you are a big baby,??? but I just can??™t help it. If
those stupid guys would just drive down the alley once it
might not be so bad. But, they go up and down, and up and
down and make terrible crashing, banging, and smashing
sounds with that giant truck. About the time I think they
are gone for the good, here they come again. I think they
are just billing time (well, excuse me, - ???killing time???)
trying to get big paychecks. Or, they are a bunch of
half-wits and can??™t remember that they??™ve already been down
our alley a bunch of times. Mommy says they come once for
regular trash, once for recycled trash, and once for yard
stuff. Now get this - then they do it all over again for
the people on the OTHER side of the alley! Well, duh, why
not stop once and get it all. Even a Schnauzer can figure
that one out. I may need to call the City Manager and file
a complaint, because my nerves have just about had it!
And, if that City Manager guy gives me
much trouble I might just call the Health Department and
file a lawsuit, because Mondays are not good for my
bladder. Mommy waits until there are no trash trucks around
and then lets me outside to go ???potty.??? Just about the time
I decide it??™s safe and I get in my ???squat??? position, one of
those trucks comes flying out of nowhere. Yep, it happens
almost every time and Mom says I levitate (whatever that
is). All I know is I??™m at my backdoor before I have time to
blink, and I??™m serious ??“ this is almost more than I can
handle.
Now get this - I got another email this
week, but I??™m really getting worried because this time it
was from a squirrel! Yep, I said squirrel. His name is
Chatterbox Sims and he lives in Kansas. How weird is that?
That??™s where my Grandpa B. lives with his sump hole. Well,
the ones around here terrorize me something terrible so I??™m
not so sure they are really nice guys! Plus, they make me
chase them back and forth as fast as I can go, but they
always stay on TOP of the fence. They don??™t even play fair
and that really ticks me off! Then they chatter at me and I
don??™t have a clue what they??™re trying to say. And, just how
did any squirrel get in a house and know how to run a typing
machine anyway? I know one thing, if this squirrel turns
out to be a spammer guy I??™m in deep ??“ uh, I??™m in big
trouble, because Mommy really gets upset when those spammer
guys get in her typing machine??¦??¦??¦??¦??¦??¦
Kathleene S. Baker
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Blessings to you today
Bob Johnston
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