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We did not have what I??™d call a ???fun??? Saturday around
here last week. Mommy was putting that ???wall sealer gunk???
on the broken walls and she made Daddy clean his gutters.
Who knows what that means, but it must not be ???a good thing???
because he was about as happy as I was!
Mommy finally got tired and needed a
rest so she decided to real her email. I knew it was the
perfect time to whine since I was soooo bored, and she was
already at her typing machine anyway. She said I could
start making a new story - hot diggity dog! One thing I
don??™t quite understand is why they are called stories, when
everything I tell is true stuff. Go figure.
Anyway, she must really love me to
start a story when she was really pooped.
I??™m about as worried as I??™ve ever
been. First, Mom insists I??™m obsessive, and now she claims
I have an ???eating disorder!??? Well, that??™s just not
something to joke about if you ask me. I listen to TV and I
know it??™s a very serious thing in ???PEOPLE.??? Sometimes they
don??™t eat at all, and sometimes they eat bunches and then
get sick. The only time I get sick and throw up is when I
eat grass. Mommy always says the same old thing ???Shiloh,
you are not a little lamb, you are a little Schnauzer.??? She
always thinks she knows everything.
Anyway, I??™m smart enough to know it??™s
not an ???eating disorder??? at all. It??™s a ???dish disorder.???
Maybe if they??™d get me a new dish things would be all right,
because I think my dish must be broken. Something is always
broken around here! Anyway, that dumb thing will not stand
still when I am licking it clean. I wonder if Mommy and
Daddy have one of those remote controller thingies that
works my dish, and they are trying to drive me insane? When
it moves on my eating rug, I get really upset. If it gets
close to the edge of the rug I stop eating until someone
puts it back exactly in the middle! I back up about five
dog steps and just stare at it until someone notices. But,
if it moves and touches that tile floor I just go bonkers!
My dish is not supposed to touch tile and I bark and woof
and witch a fit (all right, Mom says the word is ???pitch???).
I will not eat on tile!
I have the same ???dish disorder??? when we
are at Grandpa B??™s. house! I can??™t believe it happens there
too, because sometimes I forget to take my own dish and have
to use one of his. Very strange, huh? It doesn??™t touch
tile at his house, but it moves and touches his cabinets. I
cannot eat if it??™s touching his cabinets. Why can??™t my
people figure this stuff out and fix it? Better yet, why
not just put my broken dish in the middle of the stupid
living room rug and forget it ??“ duh!
I??™ve heard of these guys called doggy
stinks (yeah, fine ??“ ???shrinks???) and I??™m so worried Mommy
might take me to one. Well, she will just be wasting money
because I??™m not telling any shrink anything. I know what
those guys do - I??™ve heard about people getting ???shrunk??? and
I??™m little enough already. Also, sometimes I??™ve even heard
about people getting their HEADS shrunk. Whoa! How scary
is that? Besides, I??™m not disordered, but my dish is
and that??™s all there is to it!
Before I forget, Mommy says we should
start getting pictures from my Spelling Uncle of great big
wishes (well, excuse me ??“ so they??™re called ???fishes???)! He
is in a far away place called Alaska and Mom has been
pouting for months because he wouldn??™t let her go too. He
finally had to get grumpy with her and he said ???it??™s a trip
for guys only.??? He??™s gonna send these pictures to Mom??™s
typing machine somehow ??“ beats me how that will work. I
just might believe that when I see it! But, I think Mommy
is lying to me again because she says he??™ll probably catch a
fish as big as a person. Yeah, sure??¦??¦??¦??¦
I almost forgot, but our broken walls
are finally fixed and my dilapidated kitchen is fit to live
in again. All I can say is ???it??™s about time!??? Whew, that
was the biggest mess I??™ve ever seen Mom make.
Well, jump back! You won??™t believe
this, but I only tell the truth you know. Here I was ready
to wind up my story and I just now got my very first email!
Yep, and it was from Little Fox Moore. Mommy says Little
Fox belongs to Loren Moore, and he even lives in Texas just
like I do. I am awfully worried because if there is a law
against ???canine email??? and we get busted, we just might have
those Texas Strangers (aw, shucks ??“ ???Texas Rangers???) out
looking for us??¦??¦??¦..that could be a whole ???nother story for a
different time.
(c) 2994 by Kathleene S. Baker
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To read archived stories, click on this link:
Archived
Starfish Stories
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Blessings to you today
Bob Johnston
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