This morning at breakfast, Johnnie was griping about the high cost of groceries.  I give her $400 a month for grocery money and there are just the two of us for her to feed.  She said she spends $100 a week.

???Well, where is all the money going?  You??™re not spending all that much on my groceries.???

???Most of it is for you.  You know I??™m on a diet and don??™t eat much???

???Ok, lets see how much my breakfast cost.  How much is an eighteen egg carton of eggs????

She told me $2.29 a carton.

???That??™s roughly 13 cents an egg and I eat two eggs every morning.  Now, how much does the package of Wright??™s thick sliced bacon cost????

$6.95 a package, she informed me.

???I always cut the package in half to make the slices easier to cook.  So that makes 42 slices per package.  I always eat three slices with my two eggs.  The bacon cost 7 cents a slice, so my breakfast has cost 47 cents so far.  Now add in the cost of my milk and we will know how much you spend on me for breakfast.  How much does a gallon of milk cost????

???The kind of milk you drink cost $2.39 a gallon??? Johnnie answers as she picks up today??™s news paper.

???I drink a pint of milk with my breakfast each morning and a pint cost 30 cents so that makes a grand total of  77 cents cost for groceries for my breakfast.  Or if you figure by the week, that??™s $5.39.  How much does your breakfast cost by the week????

Johnnie doesn??™t answer me.  She??™s all wrapped up in the paper.  So I ask her for the cash register receipts so I can see where all the grocery money goes.

???Ha ha ha ha,??? she says as she reads the funnies in the paper.

I get up and look through the drawers in the kitchen cabinet until I find her last weeks receipt.  Then I go off into my office to see what she has bought with her $100.

 I sit down at my desk and pick up a pen.  I intend to put a check mark by any thing Johnnie shouldn??™t be buying with grocery money.

As I look down the list I see VCR tape.

Check

Next I see book.

Check

Snicker candy bars.

Check

Johnnie told me she was on a diet, and besides I haven??™t seen any Snicker bars.

One dozen red roses

Check

One package of 12 rolls of toilet paper

???Ok so that??™s not something to eat, I??™ll allow it.???

Two rolls of paper towels

???I??™ll allow these also.???

Peanut butter and club crackers

???Now I know these are for me, so I won??™t say anything about the

Diet cokes and Seven-Ups

???Ok, that??™s a trade off.  Johnnie drinks diet Cokes and I drink Seven-Ups.???

When I get through checking off the items that Johnnie should not have spent money on, I take the receipt back into the kitchen to show her.  She??™s not there.  There is a note on the table that says she has gone to the grocery store.

I can hardly wait for her to come home.  This time, I??™ll go over the cash register receipt with her as she puts the groceries away.  But I??™m back in the office on the computer when she comes back and I don??™t hear her come in.  She has the groceries put up and goes out in the back yard to work in her flower beds when I check to see if she has come home yet.

I go to the patio door and tell her I would like to talk to her about what she is spending the grocery money on and what she told me is a whole ???nother story for a different time.

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?© copyright 2004
Loren Moore