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I just spent some time doing a monthly chore. Well, chore
might not be the correct word for it. Let's say it is
something that I have put on my list of 'things to do' at
least once a month. So I guess you can define it real
loosely as a chore. This started about two years ago and so
far, I am happy to say, I do it faithfully.
When my best friend Barb unexpectedly passed away it had a
tremendous impact on my life in many ways. Barb was this
kind of person that no matter what time of the day or night
it was, the coffee pot was always on, she always had a
shoulder to lean on or an ear to listen. She also had a
wicked sense of humor! I could
say anything to her and not be afraid of her reaction. But
if it was something funny, I better prepare myself to roll
around on the floor laughing my head off! I can still see
the big smile on her face as if it were yesterday.
I have this habit of collecting greeting cards. I can't
pass a greeting card stand without having a look-see! I am
one of those people that would never send a greeting card
unless I mean every word of it! None of those hearts and
flowers things, just because that is all they have to offer!
If I don't mean it, I do not buy it!
If you are an idiot then I want a card that says exactly
that and expresses it with so much feeling you know what I
am talking about! I spend hours looking at cards and if I
don't find the one I want I wait to buy it until another
time.
Barb knew how I felt about cards and she felt the same way!
She and I would take turns finding some really outrageous
greeting cards and sending them to each other. A lot of the
fun would happen after the card was mailed. Anticipating
and wondering if she had gotten the card. I could be found
walking around giggling because I just knew how she would
react and I could hear her laughter.
At times I would be out buying a card for some occasion and
I would see a card that would remind me of Barb. I would
start laughing and in the back of my mind, I would say,
"Barb would love that!" or "oh my, Barb would roll on the
floor if she read that one." Then, I would put the card back
down and I would go back to searching for the card I needed.
All of that changed when Barb passed. I walked by a
greeting card store and I couldn't walk in. I stood at the
door thinking, "I can't do it...."
Now, I know everyone walking up and down the mall must have
thought I was losing it! Here I am standing in front of the
local card shop having a conversation with no one. If you
listen real close to the words, you will hear that it is not
the "normal" 'talking to yourself kind of conversation'.
You know which one is the "normal" conversation. You stand
there and say, "I need this card, and Aunt Sally has a
birthday and gosh, I better get a card for Uncle Harry." No!
That is not the conversation I am having. I am saying, 'but
I can't go in there......yes you can.......No, I can't!, not
anymore!" And let me
tell you, that is not the type of conversation to have with
yourself if you don't want people to start getting
frightened of you.
I started to realize what I must look like and that I better
get moving before someone calls Mall Security. I took a deep
breath, put on my brave face and made myself go through the
door. I walk to the back and sort of wander around for
awhile not exactly sure what to do with myself. I see cards
everywhere and then there are the categories, 'Missing You',
'Friendship', 'Thank You' and all of a sudden the tears
start flowing. I cried for all the cards that I picked up
and read that made me think of Barb....I cried for all the
cards I should have bought and mailed to her.....I cried for
all the little goofy things the cards said that caused me to
laugh out loud and hoot and holler but I couldn't pass on to
her now. I just stood there and I cried.
Out of the corner of my eye and through the tears I glimpsed
something the color of midnight blue with silver glinting in
the light. It was a beautiful card. I picked it up. There
were stars and moons and planets all over and the words
talked about someone missing someone else. And as I wiped
the tears from my eyes, I thought what a wonderful card for
Barb. I might not be able to send it to Barb, but I could do
something else almost as special. I will send it to her Mom.
I grabbed that card, wiped my nose on my sleeve and went up
to the checkout counter. I handed the clerk my card,
apologized for the way I was blubbering all over the place
and paid.
I took the card home. I sat down and I cried some more.
Then, I pulled out the card and I wrote Barb's Mom a note
and I told her how this card reminded me of things I wanted
to say and do for Barb but I couldn't any longer. I told her
then I had done the next best thing, I bought the card and
sent it to her.
That day I made myself a promise, from now on I would always
send those cards. Even if it was just to say 'Hello' or
'Miss You'...there would be no more missed opportunities or
unsent greeting cards. Every month I spend at least one day
going through my stacks and stacks of cards (I have a drawer
filled up and add to it every time I shop). I read each one
very carefully and decide who it will go to and then I
lovingly address the envelope add a few stickers and send it
off to one of my friends, my children or my grandchildren.
There is no more wishing I had sent that card that would
make Barb giggle her head off. Today, I sent them to the
other people in my life.
Cheri Lee Funk
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Cheri lives in
Southport,
NC
where she is still trying to figure out what she wants to be
when she grows up. She enjoys the ocean and producing a
group of online e-zines called HeartTalk. Email her at
cher_428@hotmail.com or visit http://www.angelfire.com/nc3/HeartTalk/ |
