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There are some women who claim that the
rhythmic sound of their husband's snoring is like music to
their ears. They say it's comforting to lay beside their
mate, listening to the flowing sound, an assuring, vocal
reminder that all is well. I am not one of those women.
I like to think of Bill and I as soul
mates, a perfectly contented married couple except, of
course, for one thing. Bill can wake the dead with his
snoring.
Imagine an earthquake at 8.5 on the
Richter scale, and you've pretty much got the idea.
When we first got married I would lie
awake to the sounds of a buzz saw going off in my ear. I
would try to be patient as I tried, through clenched
teeth, to imagine this as music to my ears.
But, two minutes into this imagery I'd
go straight for the nose, as in grabbing his as tight as I
could.
This would, naturally, turn my mild
mannered husband into a maniac. I soon learned a wife could
get hurt doing that, or at the very least, pushed right off
the bed.
We tried everything to silence the
snoring. Tennis balls sewn into the back of p.j tops didn't
help - he'd just get use to them being there and lay on his
back anyway.
He even agreed to the drastic measure
of taping his mouth shut but that, too, proved ineffective.
Once, in the deafening silence of the
middle of the night I awoke to what sounded like a woman
crying out for help. Half asleep, I jumped out of bed and
ran to the bedroom window in terror. It sounded so close
but yet so far away. The words sounded muffled--
rape~rape! Was there
a poor soul out there in the dark, crying out for help?
Thankfully, it turned out, I was the
only victim, held hostage to Bill's new noise - a result of
a taped mouth that caused a whistling from his nose that
sounded eerily like someone's muffled cry for help.
The tape came off and, as a result,
Bill landed on the couch.
At last I could enjoy some well
deserved, uninterrupted sleep - that is, until the
aggravated whine of our daughter broke the silence. "MOM!",
she yelled from behind closed doors, "I can STILL hear him!"
One sleep study later we found that
Bill suffers from sleep apnea. Finally, hopefully,
something could be done to bring quiet to our nights.
Bill was outfitted with head gear and a
machine that would provide constant and even air flow, to
the back of his throat, all night long. Sure the machine
made noise of its own but that was easy to get use to. What
did take a little getting use to was lying in bed next to
someone who looked like a character from Sea Hunt.
Oh, were we excited! Gone would be the
days of sporting matching sets of bags under our eyes, mine
from his snoring serenades, and his from my constantly
nudging him awake to stop the unwelcome racket. It was a
vicious circle.
Bill has since had two surgeries in his
quest for quiet slumber. And for awhile you could hear a
pin drop as we drifted off to sleep. But, it didn't last
for long.
Every once in awhile the jackhammer
intensity that vibrates the dream filled hours of
darkness shake the house once again. But I've come to
accept what I cannot change.
For I've come to realize that, no
matter how much I love my husband, I will never get use to
that non-stop nasal sound of a freight train, no matter how
hard I try.
S is for snoring and for snoozing solo
at times, to ensure the sanity of a solid marriage.
?© 2004 Kathy Whirity
Kathy Whirity lives in Chicago where
she shares her life and love with her husband,Bill, of 28
years, their two daughters, Jaime and Katie, and two
rambunctious retrievers, Holly and Hannah.
Kathy is a family life columnist for
two area newspapers. For more of Kathy's writings you may
visit her web page: KATHY'S MUSINGS FROM THE HEART
http://www.heartwarmers4u.com/members?kathyw
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