It was the week before Christmas, 1981, and it was the first Christmas we would spend as a new family with my wonderful husband.  A big and gentle man, Louie had taken this battered divorcee and my three little girls into his life and given us a home and all his love.

My youngest daughter, Helen, who was six years old, had proposed to him, and Jenny, my nine year old, had given him instructions on what he needed to do to win her Mommy's heart.  I barely knew him when the girls started their little schemes.  I was certain that their enthusiasm and my reluctance would send him running away.  How wrong I was!

Louie's gentleness and strength, and his incredible love for my little girls and me completely won me over.  For the first time in my life, I was head over heels in love!  Six months after we met, we became a family.  That December we were planning for our very first Christmas.

We decorated the entire house with garlands, tinsel, and gold and silver balls.  It was so joyous, we were nearly hysterical!  When I look at the pictures we took of that time, it's like a journey into the deepest part of my heart!  We even have pictures of the girls feeding a wild squirrel that they had tamed and lured into the house.  They went through four bags of walnuts!

That first Christmas all things were possible.  There are so many memories that crowd into my heart, but the most vivid is the memory of the search for the perfect tree.  I had never searched for such a tree before.  I'd always had to make do, scraping together every penny, and hoping for that markdown price.  I couldn't imagine such a tree.

Something was different in Florida that Christmas in 1981.  It was cold.  Frosty cold!  Floridians were mobbing the Christmas tree lots and gazing up at the sky, hoping the leaden clouds whispered promises of snow.  We piled into my little red hatchback, filled with excitement, bringing along our hairy, black dog.  My giant-sized husband squeezed behind my tiny steering wheel, and we headed for the very best Christmas tree lot.

Louie negotiated my dime sized car into the lot, and we rolled out like clowns from a circus car, startling everyone.  We tore through the lot dragging the dog behind us.  We fell in love with every tree!  Then I saw it!  The perfect tree!  It was huge!  It was full!  It was mine!  Then I saw the price.  Fifty bucks.

My heart nearly stopped!  I couldn't pay that much for a tree.  The year before, I had been drowning in an abusive marriage.  I had to fight for every penny, and I often went hungry to feed my kids!  Fifty dollars was a fortune!  For a tree??!! 

 "I don't think so!"  I said, "Not this tree!" 

I watched everyone's face fall, including the face of the biggest kid of all, my new husband.  I insisted on looking at other trees; something smaller, and less expensive.  In gloomy silence we marched along, while I considered every price tag.  My husband was particularly silent, with a look of intense concentration on his face.  Finally he gave a great sigh, and he pulled me aside.

"Look Jaye, I love and respect you," he said.  "I understand that life was hard for you and the girls, living in poverty all those years."

"But there are people starving in the world!" I exclaimed.  "And there are people, right here in Jacksonville who can't afford to have a Christmas, much less a tree!"  I burst into tears.

Louie looked long into my eyes, then softly he said, "But that's not us.  We can afford to get any tree we want...and we can make certain that others have a Merry Christmas, too!    Believe that God has delivered you.  My Lord!  Believe that God has delivered all of us, and let's put a smile on the faces of those little girls!" 

Tears spilled from my eyes, as I looked up into the face of the man I loved.  I came to a decision.  I leaped over the abyss of poverty, and I said, "Yes!"  The girls started jumping up and down, cheering!  We headed back, and we bought that tree!

How we got that ten foot tree into a tiny hatchback with all of us squeezed together, along with an oversized pooch, I'll never know, but we did it!  We drove through town like a wayward Christmas float, all of us singing carols at the top of our lungs.  I'll never forget the beauty of that perfect tree set up in our living room and decorated with lights and ornaments.  It was breathtaking!

My most precious memory of that Christmas however was not about the tree nor tinsel nor even a leap of faith.  My best memory is of the promise my husband kept.  On the way home with the tree Louie pulled the car over to the curb, and he emptied his pockets of dollar bills of every denomination.  With a smile he encouraged me to place the money into the Salvation Army kettle.  I don't know how much it was.  I don't think he knew.  I just knew that another family in Jacksonville had a Merry Christmas, too.  Finally, my heart was at peace. 

?© Jaye Lewis, 2004

Jaye Lewis is a writer and poet, who lives with her family in the Appalachian Mountains of southwestern Virginia. This story will be included in Jaye's soon to be released book, entitled Entertaining Angels. Jaye can be emailed at jlewis@smyth.net