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Some time ago ABC aired a special that
certainly piqued my interest. The subject was, "Teens -
What Makes Them Tick." Its purpose was to help us
frustrated parents to better understand our teen-agers.
Bill and I sat down to watch and were
soon joined by our two teen-age daughters, ages 15 and 17,
at the time.
As parents we were looking to gain
insight while they were curious as to what their
generational counterparts would say.
A punkish young woman, whose flair for
the flamboyant was evident by the ornamental fixtures
hanging from her shocking pink hair, sat talking with the
host of the program.
When he asked why teens go to such
extremes for self expression she quickly reminded him that
his own coming of age came at a time when hippies, long
hair, and free love were 'in'.
I guess she had a point.
A part of the show dealt with how
parents can get along with their moody teens without being
shut out. The advice from teens to parents was to listen
without judging and talk without nagging. Fair enough, I
thought to myself, but what about the deaf ear we parents
get when teens put down our natural impulse to be involved
in their lives?
As you can probably tell, I was a
little critical of the message to walk on egg shells lest we
alienate our little darlings.
The teens consistently expressed that
they didn't appreciate their parent??™s interference in their
affairs. But, on the other hand, it's important to note
that that they also expected to have the security of parents
that are in control. "Well, you can??™t have it both ways", I
found myself defiantly responding to the onscreen teen with
the ring in her nose.
Research has shown that middle age
parents have lost the creativity and imagination for life,
while teens seem to thrive on it. And, spoken like a true
middle age parent, I addressed this issue with my daughters
by saying, "It's because we're too busy working to pay the
bills and guiding you safely into adulthood. Who has
any energy left for creativity or, for that matter, which
has the time to foster an imagination when you're too pooped
to pop?
My 17 year old gave her honest opinion
that maybe we old timers are a little bit jealous that our
once faded youth is a thing of the past. That's where the
generation gap widens as far as I'm concerned. I remember
that period of life and no, I wouldn't care to relive it,
thank you very much. Yes, our teens may acknowledge that we
too were teen-agers once upon a time, but to them those were
the days of dinosaurs and one phone line families.
If parents can make it through these
rough and tumble years, that roller coaster ride from 13 to
about 20, and still have a sense of humor, then they are
indeed far more creative than any teeny bopper donning pink
hair and a jewelry pierced tongue.
Maybe ABC should follow up with another
special; this one geared towards teens to help them better
understands the old folks. "Parents -- What makes them
Crazy?" Now there's a catchy title!
Teens could explore the questions that
baffle the generation famous for peace, love and rock and
roll. Maybe they could help us understand how it is that
teens that strive for independence don't see the relevance
in being employed. Or how it is that they think they've
cornered the music market on what's hip when Mom and Dad
once bopped to the exact same beats.
The teen years are definitely a self
discovering, rite of passage from childhood to adulthood,
and I really don't begrudge them their exuberance.
I just think the parent-teen
relationship should be treated as more of two way street.
Parenting is indeed a thankless job.
The only time we seem to get their attention is when
stomachs are empty and hampers are full.
Perhaps the only saving grace is
knowing that someday the care free 'me first' youth of today
will one day find themselves walking in our shoes!
Bio
Kathy Whirity lives in Chicago where
she shares her life and love with her husband of 28 years,
Bill, their two daughters, Jaime and Katie, and two Golden
Retrievers, Holly and Hannah.
Kathy is a family life columnist for
two area newspapers. For more of Kathy's writings, please
visit: KATHY WHIRITY'S MUSINGS FROM THE HEART
http://www.heartwarmers4u.com/members/kathyw
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