Archives at Zinester: Starfish: Progress, by Cheri Lee Funk. Starfish:. Writing

We sat around the conference table. Our task at hand was to draw a picture of our families.

"I can't draw my daddy, he lives in Virginia now."

"Well Toby, draw your family now, without your daddy." That seemed to be the answer he needed because he reached for the crayons and began drawing.

"Do you have any pets?"

"Yes, I have 2 cats. Thelma and Louise."

"I used to have 2 dogs, but I don't have them anymore. We had to move and my dad kept them."

"Oh sweetie, I am so sorry. I had 2 doggies too but they died. I know how much that hurts."

"Yeah, my doggie died too."

"Carl, I am so sorry. Maybe you can draw a picture of when you all had the dogs."

"Okay, but I don't want to draw people. I just want to draw animals."

It is Wednesday and we are at the nurturing class that I am helping to facilitate. Our group consists of 5 facilitators, 3 volunteers and 9 children. All of the children are from families that have been affected
by domestic violence. We are here to help them with their coping skills and to keep the cycle of violence from repeating itself. Bits and pieces of conversations float by as we draw our pictures.

"We had 2 dogs but my dad didn't like them. He made us get rid of them. He got mad."

"My mom said we had to move and we couldn't take the dogs. We left them. I sure miss them."

As we sat around the table drawing and coloring, I tried to stay so very quiet. Maybe these precious little children would forget for a little bit all that had taken place in their troubled lives and they would feel safe and joyful for just a little bit of time. It had taken me 47 years to be able to talk about my own experiences and I would do whatever I could to keep these children from spending that many years locked up with their pain and sadness.

"Okay, how are your pictures going?"

"My picture is my worsest ever."

"I can't draw, I don't know how to make my family."

"I don't want to draw people. I just want to draw animals."

"Well Carl, draw an animal. Do you have any pets now?"

"No, my mom said we can't have anymore."

"Then why don't you draw the pet you would like to have if you could have any pet in the world."

"Okay."

We look at the schedule to see where we are. We were supposed to pick a name for our group and we are running low on time.

"Okay everyone, we need to have a group name. We are going to award stars to each group at the end of each session. We need to make a chart to put the stars on. Since we have 3 groups here
we each need to have our own name and chart. What are some suggestions for our name?"

Adam always the first to raise his hand shouts, "Rocket Power. Let's be the Rocket Power group."

Next is Toby, "Hey I was thinking of the name The Preachers."

"Okay Adam says Rocket Power and Toby says The Preachers."

We proceed around the table to Charity. "How about The Gold Stars."

"Oh that is wonderful. We are all trying to earn the gold stars so our name would remind us of that."

"Carl, do you have a suggestion?"

"Yes, I want to be the Dinosaurs."

"Okay everyone, the names we are going to vote on are Rocket Power, The Preachers, The Gold Stars or the Dinosaurs."

Charity raises her hand, "Well how about The Super Stars?"

"Okay, we will add that name as well. Now everyone gets one vote and if we tie than we will vote to break the tie."

We went around the table and counted everyone's vote. First time around it was a tie. One more time around the table and we ended with a tie again so the 3 facilitators voted and the group became
"The Super Stars."

It was time to collect the drawings. We were going to meet with the other two groups and the moms and everyone was going to guess who drew which picture. I came to Carl and looked at his picture.
He hadn't wanted to draw people but this sure looked like a person to me. I asked him to tell me about what he had drawn.

"That's me. I am sitting on a star way up in the sky. I am a super star."

Later that evening the facilitators got together to discuss our first night and how we felt everything had gone. As it came to my turn, I brought up our picture drawing and how I was surprised at the number of children that were grieving. Not so much grieving for the loss of their families but more so for the loss of their pets. Everyone of our group had a story to tell about a dog or a cat that had to be left behind. In some of these cases, I felt it was easier for these children to leave their fathers behind than it was to leave their beloved pets. I mentioned that one of the children Carl had not wanted to even draw people. He just wanted to draw animals.

"Well you know why that is don't you?"

"Sure. They have been hurt both physically and emotionally by the people in their lives. The animals loved them unconditionally and didn't hurt them."

"That's true but in Carl's case, he suffered the ultimate hurt. His father killed both of his dogs. He told Carl what he had done and that he better watch out 'cause it could happen to him too."

I was unable to say anything as the tears streamed down my face. I remember seeing the anger all over Carl's face when we talked about drawing our pictures. It was no wonder Carl didn't want to draw the
people in his family. I cannot imagine what would possess a grown man to torture his 7-year-old child that way. Then I remembered Carl had drawn a picture of a person. It was a picture of him sitting
on a star way up in the sky. Maybe we had made some progress after all. But we had so far to go. How much could we accomplish in 2 hours a week for sixteen weeks? How could we help these
children feel safe and loved and secure? How could we make sure the cycle of violence ended here?

Well maybe it was possible. After all, Carl drew a picture of himself sitting on a star and he told me he was a super star. That was a far cry from the child that didn't even want to draw a picture of people. I would just have to hold that picture up to him and show him what he was capable of achieving and that he could be safe. After all he was a Super Star.

We would meet again next week and I knew I had to come up with some idea to help these children. I would talk to the Program Coordinator and suggest we get these children some pets. Not the usual pet that barks or chew things up or make mommies and daddies mad. Pets that these precious little children can love and hold onto and take with them wherever they might have to go. Carl would have a dog. We will make sure of that. I think we will make some progress after all.

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Cheri lives in Southport, NC where she is still trying to figure out what she wants to be when she grows up. She loves walking along the ocean, creating pottery and producing a group of online e-zines called HeartTalk. Email her at HeartTalk@ec.rr.com or visit her website at:

http://www.angelfire.com/nc3/HeartTalk/

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Somewhere there's someone who dreams of your smile, and finds in your presence that life is worth while, so when you are lonely, remember this is true: Somebody, somewhere is thinking of You.
~Unknown
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(Cheri is the editor of: HeartTalk and HeartTalk for Poets
http://www.angelfire.com/nc3/HeartTalk

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