CRITTER MANAGEMENT

There were a lot of things I had to get used to after we moved to South Carolina. I guess right at the top of the list were the unwelcome guests that crawled their way into our home, known as

lizards. I knew what roaches were; I didn??™t freak at snakes, I just stayed away from them, but the lizards made me want start walking right back up north! 

I was fortunate that when one did come calling I wasn??™t alone, and my hubby would pick it up and walk to the door, and bid it good day!  One time when our son was visiting he said ???Mom, you can actually pick them up and let them hang on your ear lobes,??? I wondered why he thought I wanted to hear that!

The other day I was at my computer in the living room and I looked over in front of where my hubby usually sits when he is home; I thought something seemed to be amiss. Was that a piece of ripped carpet? I couldn??™t figure out how that could have happened. So as I walked across the room, I saw it move. AND, then I knew we weren??™t talking about carpeting, there was a lizard in the house, and he had concealed his arrival by turning the same color as the carpet.

Now my Grandmother would have called this little guy a ???Chameleon.??? ???A a rose by any other name??™??¦and so on??¦ equal the same!  The phone started to ring at that moment and my husband was calling.

 ???I don??™t know what you are doing, but get home right now; we have a lizard in the living room.???

Was my voice shrieking a bit?

He didn??™t dare laugh. He told me to get the broomstick, and I expected him to add ???and fly away on it if you can??? but he calmly tried walking me through the way in which to capture the lizard.  I didn??™t want to capture it, I wanted to open the front door and show him out just like a guest who had overstayed his welcome. It didn??™t happen. He was still in the same spot!

My hubby tried explaining that this little guy was more afraid of me than I needed to be of him, and to just open a door and he would see the light and go towards it. It wasn??™t sunny out, and the door was at the other side of the room, miles away.  I begged my hubby to come home, and he asked me if I could go into the bedroom and just ignore it until after work. NO, that was something I couldn??™t do, because then I wouldn??™t know where it was. 

My husband called our son, and he called, and said ???Mom, I can??™t come over, but I??™m sending Joe, and Joe owns Critter Management.??? As it happened Joe was in the neighborhood and about 10 minutes away.

???Oh, thank you Lord???, I cried, ???You are sending help. 

I kept my vigil watching the lizard. He was a fairly well mannered guest, although he did crawl over my portable keyboard, and toss pillow that had fallen to the floor in my haste to evacuate the seat. This lizard didn??™t in anyway reassemble the one which has made a TV name for itself with the GEICO commercial! I almost wished he could talk!

When the Critter Management truck pulled up, Joe came to the door, he carefully removed his cowboy boots and asked where the lizard was; I pointed. Joe took the broom out of my hands and covered the lizard, and then picked him up and walked right out the front door with the lizard in one hand and his boots in the other! He was like an angel, a cowboy angel, who appeared and saved me from the lizard and went out of my life. I offered to pay him a million dollars, but he just shook his head and said ???Have a good day, Mam.???

What do people think Critter Management is for???? I asked my hubby that evening after sharing my daily dilemma and miracle man!

???Well, I think you'll find most folks call them to get an alligator out of their yard, a snake or raccoon. I don??™t believe lizards fall within their usual category.??? My husband stated.

 If I ever see that cowboy again from Critter Management I will happily buy him a cup of coffee. He made my day, and he didn??™t laugh at me either!

?© Diane Dean White 2005 

Diane is a former newspaper reporter and currently a freelance writer and author. Her work has appeared in a wide range of publications as well as websites online. She is married to Stephen and they are the parents of three grown children and two grand-gals. They make their home on the Carolina Coast. Diane is the author of Beach Walks and recently released Carolina in the Morning, a moving story set in present day near Charleston, SC introducing adventure, history and romance into the life of some exciting people. To read more, please visit Diane's website at http://www.dianedeanwhite.com/