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My father softened, when did
this happen? Why did this happen?? Was it my Dad who
softened, or was it I?? In the scheme of life, does it
matter, who when or why?? The important element is
that it has happened.? My father and I have found one
another.? It is perhaps the greatest joy since
???birthin??™ my babies.???
From
the time I was a child, I always hoped that my father
would notice me,
to give me credit for being me.?
He
shudders when I tell him, "Dad, we're so much
alike".... yet we are.?
I have his strength, his character and his game face!?
Often times we appear to be tough cookies simply
because we must keep up a front for those we Love, as
well as for ourselves.? If we crumble, what will
happen to them?? So we walk through life believing we
are in control of our emotions; believing that one way
or the other we will make everything work out for
those we Love.
It isn??™t easy coming home at any age, no less, after a
failed marriage, failed business; children who were
sorely disappointed that their parents were no longer
together.?
What
choice did I have, other than to live on the streets
of
Dallas?
I was moving home with my parents.
What choice did my parents have?
After all of their years of hard work and effort
raising and supporting children to have their child
come home as a failure.? This must have been very
difficult for them.
How would they explain me to their friends?? The stock
market was falling, their retirement money was at
jeopardy and their daughter was home, with nothing.?
Life was on edge for the first couple of months I was
home.? We were all walking on eggshells.? The three of
us were doing the best we could to make the most of a
difficult situation.? Days were spent seeking
employment; evenings were spent working on Hearts With
Soul.?
As I see it, our first momentous moment was in March
after Mom and Dad returned from a ski trip in Santa
Fe.? My heart was warmed as I watched as Mom helped
guide Dad in the RV back into its parking spot.? Mom
and I then unpacked the RV while Dad took care of its
maintenance.? Dad called me over to my car, ???Teri,
your tire is low, let me show you how to put air in
it.???? The dialog between my father and I opened as he
taught me how to check my oil, water and tire air
pressure.?
Dad
shared his concerns for my future and me as he taught
me the basic mechanics of car care. This began a new
pattern of shared time and effort, a new beginning in
our communication with each other. He was able to
teach and I was able to appreciate and learn from him.
One month later I left for a road trip to Mexico.?
Knowing my parents as I do, their work ethic, their
commitment to responsibility, I knew this was not a
trip that would meet their approval, yet, neither said
anything about my choice. A week later, I returned to
an empty house. I began working on Hearts With Soul and several hours later
I heard my father??™s voice, ???Teri????
I
walked out of my office into the hallway to be greeted
by my father??™s open arms.?
???Welcome home, we missed you.???
My Dad and I stood in a warm and Loving embrace.? My
father missed me, and was open to the opportunity to
tell me so.? My father held me in his strong and
Loving arms; he was happy that I was home.? Later that
evening he strongly suggested that I look into the
schools in Tyler.? Education was my background and I
had always been very successful.? I took his advice
and the next morning I was on the telephone with an
interview the following afternoon.? I was finally
employed, I would write curriculum for a private
preschool.
Three months after I began working I had come to the
decision
I
could no longer continue with Hearts With Soul and
hold a full time position.?
My work ethics, learned from my father, had me giving more
time to my job than was expected. Along with Hearts
With Soul it was simply too much!
One Thursday morning before my mother was up I walked
into the computer room to speak to my father.? Taking
a deep breath, generating the courage I needed to say
this without crying, I approached the computer room
door.
"Dad, I am giving up Hearts With Soul. I can't do
both."
With Love in his warm, blue eyes my father wrapped his
strong arms around me.? ???Teri, I am so proud of you.?
You??™ve made a difference for many people and you??™ve
given more than most could have or would have given.????
My father looked me in the eyes and pulled me back
into him, ???I am too old to cry sweetie.????
He knew giving up my dream was a difficult decision
for me.? I believe my choice hurt my father as much,
and perhaps more, than it hurt me. Yet, we both gained
a new element to our relationship, a new level of
Love, trust and understanding.
There are many special moments that Dad and I have
shared over the past year and a half, one just as
special and unique as the other.? Slowly, cautiously
Dad and I have come to know each other.? Dad and I
have certainly gained a new appreciate and Love for
each other.? We??™ve had many tender moments trying as
best we could to bridge a gap that I believe we have
both yearned to close.
Thank you for Loving me Dad??¦. I Love you so very much!
?©
2004 Teri Wilbur |
