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Last fall
during a hometown football game my 11 year old son was
challenged to a fight by a much bigger boy. My 18 yr. old
son, Preston happened to be within ear shot and promptly
stepped in. When Preston questioned the 'Bully' he stated he
wanted to fight Tommy because he felt like it.
Along
comes basketball season and as fate would have it Tommy and
the Bully are on the same team.
The Bully
is almost two years older then Tommy but they are both in
the 6th. Grade.
'Bully' is
a real challenge to the coaches as he wants to do things HIS
way and most of the time refuses to listen but wow, can this
kid play ball!
I've been
through many, many seasons with my children and I believe
that this boy is one of the most talented players I've seen.
Yes, he is older then most of the other players but he has
the ability of being a SUPERSTAR by the time High School
rolls around.
The coach
knows his talent too. The coach also knows other kids on the
team suffer because of his attitude. They don't receive the
playing time they deserve as 'Bully' doesn't like to share
the ball and wants to be the only one scoring. But 'Bully'
is the best player
on the
team. Do you sacrifice the team for a win? Do you bench your
talent?
Tommy has
mentioned that if he acted like 'Bully' the coach would
never tolerate that kind of disrespect from him yet it is
looked over when it's 'Bully'. I never understood why the
coach would allow this domineering boy to get away with the
things he does. That is until last night.
At
practice, the Bully of course wasn't following the coaches'
commands and was doing things HIS way. He believes he is a
one man team. The coach gives the 'No I in Team' talk but it
doesn't do any good. The coach finally tells him to sit on
the bench. 'Bully' gives the coach a 'look' and walked past
me, got his coat and left. The coaches thought he was
getting a drink of water. It wasn't the first time he left
when things didn't go his way.
I
mentioned to another parent that I have never seen a child
with so much attitude.
That's
when I was told about 'Bully'. His parents were into drugs
and Bully's father is now in prison. His mother decided to
move in with her boyfriend and since the boyfriend has three
kids of his own she decided she didn't want the burden of a
fourth child so she tossed the 'Bully' away.
In a
little over a year 'Bully' has been in numerous Foster
homes.
Because
'Bully' refused to listen to the driver of the school bus he
is no longer permitted to ride the bus. His Foster parents
refuse to drive him to school so he walks about 3 ?? miles
from their home to the school! I am sure they are trying to
teach him a lesson but
anyone
that knows Ohio knows that the weather can go from rain to
freezing rain to snow within hours. Our winters can be
bitterly cold, as is the case this year. Bully walks the
elements everyday.
On our way
home from practice I talked to Tommy about 'Bully'. It
surprised me that he already knew. I then explained to Tommy
that sometimes when children have a bad home life they take
it out on the world. I told him that I thought 'Bully' was
plum full of anger.
Maybe
'Bully' thinks the only thing he is really good at is
basketball and he feels the court gives him his turn to
shine. Tommy wouldn't hear of it. In Tommy's mind 'Bully' is
just plain bad. Tommy even said that everyone on the team
believes if they acted
like him
the coach wouldn't let them play. We talked until Tommy
became furious and said, "You feel sorry for everyone!"
This
became a no-win situation. Tommy was right. There is no
doubt in my mind that Tommy wouldn't be playing. As a parent
I wouldn't permit him to play and I believe with that kind
of attitude the coach would set him on the bench. I guess
it's a no win situation for the coach too. Most likely it's
also a no-win situation for his foster parents too.
At home,
Preston agreed with Tommy, I am a softy for a hard luck
story.
But this
is a CHILD. Children are a gift! I was heartbroken over this
boy and as I talked with Preston I came to realize that he
hit the nail on the head when he told me I was feeling
guilty because I didn't like the Bully and now I felt sorry
for him.
When a
child walks with a chip on his shoulder how can they
overcome the reputation they have created for themselves?
Preston,
ever the wise one, said, "You either deal with the
circumstances or you rebel." But what happens after the
rebellion? According to Preston you grow up.
I
distinctly remember the "Bully" in my school when I was in
3rd. grade. I can even remember her name! She was bigger
then all of us and she was a tyrant! I think most of the
student body was scared to death of her. I think I still am!
I guess
Tommy will remember this boy when he's in his 40's and he'll
most likely tell his children about him as he tries to help
his own children understand another bully's attitude.
I think
the cards have been stacked against 'Bully'. He just needs
to learn to reshuffle the deck and hopefully as an adult
he'll be dealt a Royal Flush.
I pray for
'Bully' and I ask that God forgives me for judging a child.
Debi
Bartow copyright 2004
debralee77 @ neo. rr. com
Debi lives
in Norwalk, Ohio and has written for 2TheHeart for the past
several years! Some of her previous stories are "A Miracle
for my Little Angel", "My Father's Star", and
"Qualifications". |
