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Love of My
Life Snatched Away
On a cold
day in December 1964, the doors of paradise opened and
welcomed my mom.? My twenty-year example and love of my life
were snatched away from me with the closing of her eyes.?
Drowning in tears, I saw her peaceful face.? She wore this
newfound peace well as she sped into God??™s arms.
I stood as
stone.? Other girl??™s moms were supposed to die, not my mom.?
Fed by watching her wane to skin and bone and hollow temples
across her face, I should have been happy her suffering days
were over, but fear crept up my backbone.? The hair danced
on my arms.? But still, I wanted her alive.? What would I do
now?? How would I go on?
I pondered
now, as her daughter, now I patterned my life after hers.? I
watched her live and react to her trials and experiences.? I
mapped her character and endurance as I watched her buoy
courage to allow my life to be better than hers.? She went
beyond the limit to provide everything I needed.? I was
honored to be her daughter.
During the
intersection of my loss and pain, I realized my pattern was
gone.? She had cared and nurtured me in this daily habitat
as the pattern of life for me had been established.? It was
secure and stable.? But now, I was on my own.
Death had
decreased half my family??™s parents.? She would never see me
walk down the aisle.? She would never hold my children in
her arms.? We would all miss this joy.? Coping was
difficult.? It was like a dull toothache.? ???What now?? Not
me.??? ? I sobbed.
Life moved
along as life does.? Then I passed her age of death.? The
person who loved me unconditionally, this seamstress left me
for the second time.? Now, I was really on my own.? I had to
learn to handle life like an uncharted voyage, a dress
without a form.? I became a dress designer of sorts.
Jane
Johnson, veteran RN at Roswell, New Mexico??™s Hospice Center
said ???The burden of grief is the same for all motherless
daughters.? But it??™s doubled when you live beyond your
mother??™s age of death.? Your mom is your role model.? Your
comparison guide is gone, and now you are on your own???.
There were
not enough marshmallows in the world to stop-up or patch-up
the hole in my heart.? She was my mother. She wasn??™t
supposed to die.? I wasn??™t ready to hem this dress. I would
have worn it tattered.
But I was
lucky in love.? My husband is so much like my mom.? It
hurts: their gestures, their sense of humor, their loves for
life, their care for others and others??™ feelings, even their
birthdays are just three days apart on July??™s calendar.? I
was not ready to close this book, but he opened a new
chapter for me.? We write in it daily.? My misfortune turned
into a future with pinking shears. God cut me a windfall
when He positioned Pat Meeks into my world.? My clothes are
designer clothes that would not be worn by anyone else.? ?
In Hope
Edelman??™s Motherless Daughters, she states, ???My mother??™s
death completely rocked my world.? Mothers are immortal.
Mothers don??™t die young.? Mothers never leave the children
they love.???? She also knows mothers aren??™t the permanent
glue we always thought they were.
Hardships
of being a motherless daughter have made me a stronger
person.? I know that God does not put more on us than we can
handle.? I know that I??™ve had the greatest mom, and I know I
have the greatest spouse.? I tire wondering where her
fashion would have led me.? I don??™t know how different I
would be with her still alive, but I??™m learning to be
content with where I am and when the pain won??™t stop, I ask
Pat Meeks for a hug.? And he hugs me just like she did
before she was snatched away.
Thanks
Bob...........for all your support.
Carol Dee
Meeks
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